The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own. This Story is rated M.
THE WERES’ CURSE—Curse the Moon Part Deux Chapter 6
“Tru dat,” O.I. said with a nod of his head. “My big mans, that crew in there did the world a very big favor that evenin’ in Paris. Put down some of the mangiest, lower than Were shit beings that has ever walked this planet. They was filled with evil and evil intent. Demon is one or two of them, encouraging the other evil to follow along. Mo’ fo’n lower than Were shitheads!”
“We sits with the righteous,” Lafayette high-fived O.I.
“Indeeds,” the small dragon replied as he settled about Lafayette’s neck.
In the distance, above the trees, there was no mistaking the brilliant, fiery, glow that was suspended about twenty feet from ground level. As it came closer, Lafayette could see it begin to diminish in size and change shape as it approached and a shift of some sort continued, from something with wings to something with legs and a purple shield.
“Who is that?” Lafayette asked. “Don’t’s know that the shield she is carryin’ will stop anythin. Looks to be a crown sittin’ on tops of her head.”
O.I.’s grin split his face. “’Tis her beautiful self, come to visit,” he sighed as he shifted from dragon to an old, venerated, warrior Viking.
“Poppa,” she called out and then she was in his arms. “I have missed you,” she smiled up at him and then placed kisses all over his face.
“Hello my Uncle La La,” she grinned at him, looking past her father. “I have heard all the First Age stories about you and you are my inspiration and my hero. I wish my heart could always be as true and trustworthy as yours. I am honored to stand in your presence. I am your niece, Jerusalem,” she said with a smile and a bow of her head.
“That is some powerful hair you has got theres girl child,” he sighed as he stood to hug her.
“Uncle La La,” she replied, wrapping herself around him and searching the soul that lived in his eyes, “I pattern my hair after yours. You would cut a curl before every battle and leave it with Grandmama for her to bless and to keep until you returned. I do the same.”
Drawing back his face, he carefully regarded the bruises on her body. With a shake of his head, her grin got bigger. “Your Poppa tolds me all about you and your leaving the dragon and embracen’ the human ass kickin’ ways. I can sees why he worries. Who’d you make your bones with?” he asked her as his finger lightly traced the bruise on her face.
“Darragh,” she replied. “An old and ancient enemy. The one that ended your life,” she replied.
O.I. hissed “Thoughts that mo fo’r had already descended into The Pit.”
“He had,” she nodded, looking at her father. “Those in Hell are pushing out, trying to get past The Veil. Throwing all kinds of harpy shit and thinking they can just push on through what God has erected to contain them.
I thought they were just a bit too close and since they were calling Father God all sorts of foul names accompanied by equally foul acts, I just thought I would step on across and point out that their nasty assed mouths could just swallow my sword. And since I was wearing the human,” she laughed, “why, several thought they could rush me…damn, that was just fun.”
Both men heaved out heavy, soul rendering, sighs.
“But Poppa,” she kissed Lafayette on the cheek and took a step back, her smile was quiet and her words were soft when she said, “I am fine. Moving on,” she said with a slight bow of her head.
“You need to know I am here on a mission.”
“I sees the crown, baby girl…” his voice faltered. “And the shield. Looks to be your Grandmama’s.”
“’Tis,” she nodded. “After battling in Hell, I stopped off to see Momma and she kissed all my owies and made them just fine. Then she sent me to see Grandmama, because Momma said that even in the lower ends of Heaven she had heard that you once more were able to look upon His La La Fineness and that you had not brought him home so M.R.S. could once more love on her boy. And Momma says Grandmama knows her boys are to be lookin’ after the family, but she is sorely longing to see His La La Fineness and embrace his kind and loving ways one more time before she passes into The Light. Waited she has, she says, knowing God’s timing is perfect. But,” her voice was pointed, “she wants to see her boy.”
O.I. let out a deep shuddering sigh along with a “I am lower than Harpy shit.”
Jerusalem kissed her father on the cheek and then nodded her head in agreement.
Watching her, more tears formed in his eyes. “This,” he sobbed, “this is my beautiful baby girl. She is of the no bullshit persuasion. Just like her Momma,” and his tears cascaded down his cheeks.
“Poppa, wouldn’t you want to see me if I was gone from you for an age upon age upon age?”
Purple tears continued to flow down his face. “My hearts is breakin’ at that thought, my precious child.”
“Poppa,” she wiped away his tears, “we all know you have been busy here with the family doin’ good and righteous works. I mean, your brothers blessed Satan with The Living Shits. That is all over Heaven and Hell and the hootin’ and hollarin’ is just the best.
And Mr. Eric and his crew is here and all will be fineness until you return to them. So you are not to worry. M.R.S. says she has this with her dragon eyes and the alarm will be sounded if evil comes sniffing around.”
Jerusalem’s manner shifted, along with her tone of voice. “M.R.S. put me in her crown and gave me her shield and said I was her emissary,” she stressed. “That she does not do this lightly but you had to know how important this is to her. So my mission is to tell her son that it was past time to be bringing her other boy on home so that she could toast him and baptize him with fire and The Death’s.”
M.E., M.R. and S.I. magically appeared on the porch. “Truly,” M.E. whispered, his hand over his upper heart. “Momma is breakin’ out The Death’s?”
Jerusalem nodded yes. “The cask she said her La La helped her to put up. She has been savin’ it for his return.”
“Lordy,” all four brothers dropped their heads and offered up a prayer: *”There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever,” they said reverently.
“We are truly approaching the end of time,” they whispered. “Momma’s Own,” was heard on the wind as they clutched their claws to their upper body heart and fluttered in a reverent state with their eyes still closed.
Jerusalem smiled despite, herself. There on the breeze fluttered four boys that loved their momma. But the hour was getting short and the need to be gone was getting long. “Needs to be sayn’ our hey-de-hos and see you soonest to those inside,” Jerusalem smiled. “We are going to be gone a bit and a bit, or until Grandmama has had enough lovin’ on her boy.”
“Just a sec,” Lafayette said and walking over to the door, he stuck his head in. “I has gots to go and meets my Momma from the First Age. She has set aside some Death’s that I helped her to puts up and now that I has returned to her, tis time to break open the cask. So I might be gones a bit and a bit. Don’t worry none, thoughs, I’ll be with my brothers and Momma has her dragon eyes on yous. So all will be fineness until the family returns.”
“Can’t wait to hear the stories,” Gran called out. “Tell your Momma you are just the best of the best and dearly loved by your family. That her gene pool has provided us with a hero whose heart knows what it means to love.”
“Thanks Gran,” Lafayette blew them kisses. “Good thang I am wearin’ my Miss Dorothy reds. His La La Fineness is goin’ over the rainbow!”
“Don’t drop a house on anyone,” Sookie called out and grinned at him.
“No promises,” Lafayette threw out more kisses. “I am of the mind-set that skanks need to be movin’ on and livin’ in Hell. And I am more than happy to help with that!”
His grin got bigger as he reached for someone. “And this here fine lady, this is O.I.’s daughter, Jerusalem, my niece,” his grin split his face as another head peeked in. “This is what my hair looked like durin’ the First Age. I am wonderin’s what I needs to do to make that happen, again. Maybe Momma knows.
Now, Miss Adele, I sees you lookin’ all dismayed at Jerusalem. Don’t worry nones for the ways she looks. She just battles evil in the humans. She’s dragon, but she just had a go round with the mo fo’er in her human with a sword who killed me in the First Age and that low life who is presently residing in Hell, tried to rush her. Along with some mo’ fo’n other sorry asses,” he said in disgust. “That is some unrighteous bullshits,” he said rolling his eyes. “Our girl took care of bidness, though,” he grinned. “And that is my Momma’s crown she is wearin’. Momma sent her along to bring me home. She could not very well ask my brothers to be doin’ that since she sent them here to look after the family. And she has heard the stories of my brothers being busy baking cookies and lookin’ through pie recipes and other temptin’ tasty morsels that they sends along to her to sample.
And I knows she is mighty proud of my brothers givin’ Satan the Living Shits. Cause I knows just how tickled I am about that. So we is gonna celebrate and get our parrrr-taaaa-y on!” He batted his eye lashes. “So we’ll be backs in a bit and a bit. Don’t worry and don’t wait up!”
Four small dragon heads peeked in, blew more kisses, and then poof, they were gone.
A long, low, whistle came from Cedric. “The Death from Above that was put up in The First Age,” his voice dropped off into a mere whisper. “What that must be like…” his eyes grew round.
“We have certainly embarrassed ourselves enough with what O.I. has made and poured into a glass for us,” Ian was thoughtful, lost in past memories. “Just what must this be like and I’d give everything I have for just a drop on my tongue.”
“It has got to be smooth,” Gran sighed then grinned as she looked around the room at the sublime pleasure on the faces she saw there. “And easy going down. Lordy,” she smiled, “it is good to have a righteous family.” Picking up her glass, she finished off The Deaths that was left in it and sighed. “Lafayette will return to us with amusing tales, I am sure, and hopefully, a small glass of something to share,” she added wistfully as everyone nodded in agreement.
“I very much like your family, Eric,” her eyes held his. “You young men come with all types of amusing tales.”
“Eric,” Sookie looked up at him, “have you a favorite Paris story?” she asked. “Perhaps one full of daring do and not so much of sex?”
“Well, yes,” he grinned. “I do. The year was 1964. The month was February and it was snowy and cold, unnaturally so. The Beatleswere in town and performed for 18 days at the Paris’ Olympia Theatre. There were multiple engagements through-out the day and evening. And since I was everyone’s favorite roadie during those times, I was there every night back stage helping them to tune their instruments.
To back fill this, you need to know that Doozy had set this up as an all-out extravaganza to prove that he had not lost his charm and his know how of how to make money. Many on the continent thought that he could not keep up with the times,” Eric snorted. “What they did not understand was the Doozy was before anyone’s time,” he laughed. “When it comes to the entertainment industry, he can see into the future and he has always a hand and a say in it. And I must say, cable and the internet has made him a fortune.”
All the other vamps snorted in mirth. “We also invested in those things,” Cedric laughed, “but we made our real money betting that cable would take off when others said it would not.”
“A lot of bloody money was made,” Ian grinned.
The boys were having a moment, it was obvious from the smirks on their faces.
“The concert made money,” Samuel continued on, “by human standards. But it was the side betting where the big money was really made. Because there were those who thought Doozy had become a cliché. That he just needed to remove himself from Paris, sale to the lowest bidder his water front property and retire to the country…or just die. Because, after all, there was television now and FM stereo and movies. Why, there was even movies in Technicolor. All manner of delightful ways to be entertained. No one wanted the macabre and the odd and the strange.”
“Ahh-h-h-h-h,” Sookie interrupted Samuel, “humans always want those things.”
“That is correct,” he said with a bow of his head to her. “But the Supernaturals wanted something grander and since Eric had taken himself to the New World, grander, they all thought, was not to be seen on Doozy’s stage.”
“And this is where my charming tale, begins,” Eric began. “It was a snowy night in Paris. There was already a foot of snow on the ground and it was still white-out conditions. The child was in residence with me, so you know there is going to be madness and mayhem.”
“Hear! Hear!” was echoed through the ranks, “Glorious madness and and shrill screaming mayhem, courtesy of The Child!” was laughed out in glee as Eric just shook his head.
“Tis truth,” he nodded. “We all know it, and if you meet Pamela, you will experience this for yourself.” Eric shook himself, righted his shoulders and began in a conversational voice while several could have perhaps heard him mumble, “The Child…just what the fuck was I thinking?
I have been working the Beatle concerts,” he began, “which was far different from working with the Stones, so it was no big secret that I was in town. Now, if I had cleared myself with Mitchell, the self-proclaimed Monarch of Montmarte, things may have gone differently, but probably not,” he chuckled. “Because many will tell you that Trouble is my first, last and middle name. And perhaps I get my chuckles out of pissing folks off. And perhaps I called Mitchell the Mayor of Mounted-mare-shit”
“Perhaps?” Ian snorted.
Eric frowned at him and continued. “I knew the area called Montmarte, owned a home, there. I still do. I have watched it retain its village charm over the centuries. Now it is expensive apartments and night clubs. But back in the day of its roots, it was a true working-class village. No overt poverty or wealth. Just good people earning their daily bread and being good neighbors. It is a lovely are in the northern part of the city on the Right Bank. And because I found it so charming, I helped to fund the Basilica of the Sacré-Cœurand the Montmartre Abbey. Which will come into play a little later on in the story.”
Sookie was watching him intently. “Just how many homes do you own?” she asked.
“In which country?” Eric replied.
“Woof,” came out of her mouth and was also the expression she had on her face.
“Sookie,” he placed his hand under her chin so that he could see into those beautiful blue eyes. “Those mean nothing. Companionship means everything. Family means everything. Sitting here in this room is my family. We all have places around the world and those are not to brag about, but to offer shelter if someone is on the run. And we have all been on the run. Perhaps, myself more than the others, but from time-to-time, you must have a secure place to shelter and there are days you just do not know where you are going to wake up.
And besides,” he grinned at her, the serious side gone, “you have wealth from the First Age. You could buy out all of us. Well, except maybe for Samuel.”
“I am working through that,” she crossed her eyes. “Those Ranger cookies the boys make daily really helps…” she replied closing her eyes and shaking her head, “…with me working through that. That I no longer have to wait tables…” she brushed the tears back from her eyes…sat up straighter and watched the fire for a moment. “And watched as Satan was blessed with the Living Shits…”
Eric thought maybe the panic was gone and there was the beginning of a smile. Even he had to admit that Satan having the Living Shits was funny.
“How,” she hesitated, looking up at him, “how was working a Beatles concert different from working the Stones?”
His smile became larger. “With The Beatles, the ladies would just stand there and scream and scream some more. Some would even faint. Pure hysteria.
But with the Stones, there could be undies thrown up on stage as well as nudity. Lots of nudity.
The Beatles were perceived with boyish charm and British accents and the Stones were…well…perhaps edgier.”
“Did you have a Beatles haircut?” she asked.
“I was the one that inspired it,” he laughed. “I was an artist in London at the time working in an area called Shoreditch. I would go to the clubs all over British Isle. My bohemian style spoke to the fellows and sometimes they would invite me in to play the harmonica with them.”
“Seriously,” Sookie eyed him, “you can play the harmonica?”
“Yes,” he nodded. “See,” he blew air out of his mouth and then whistled Bohemian Rhapsody, “no vampire here, Miss Stackhouse,” he grinned at her. “Just human.”
“Well just damn,” Sookie laughed. “You have skills.”
“Thank you,” he smiled at her. “It is good to know I can make a living as a musician if all else fails.”
“Can all vampires do that? Because I know not all humans can.”
Eric grinned. “That would be correct. If you were not a whistler in the human, you will not be one in the undead life. And perhaps my grandmother’s magic helps me along with this.”
Sookie looked around the room. The other vamps were blowing raspberries at Eric.
“So-o-o-o-o, non-whistlers, huh,” she grinned.
“Yes,” Samuel grumped. “The island boys can air-guitar, I can sing the Psalms, and the poor Child cannot rhyme, sing or tap dance. She has no stage presence whatsoever except for her shoes. And that sums up our musical expertise.”
“Just one more of me boy’os many talents,” Cedric sighed. “You should have him whistle Ride of the Valkyries for you, Miss Sookie and Miss Adele. It is awe inspiring. Makes us all want to gear up for war.”
“And I thank you for that,” Eric smiled at him with a bow of his head. “I got word from Doozy that he had secured The Beatles and there seemed to be rumblings of a smallish skirmish in the making. Apparently Mitchell wanted to be more than just the self-proclaimed Mayor of Mounted-mare-shit and was looking to expand his claim on the region and start a small war.
And I know most folks do not believe this, but I truly do like to live in peace. And quiet. And have an orderly way about my city. I like happy humans who enjoy strolling the boulevards in the evening whenever vampires come out to stroll about as well.
And I speak from experience no one,” he stressed, “likes dead bodies raining down on them from above.”
“And after all,” Sookie nodded, “this is Paris. You have marked this town as your own.”
“Touché, Miss Sookie,” Samuel smiled at her. “There are some that think they were only turned vampire to take on The Viking.”
“Ouch,” she grinned.
“Indeed,” Samuel smiled back. “And Mitchell just happened to be one of them.
And perhaps it is not an equal playing field when you have friends running interference for you. Especially if one of those friends happens to be O.I. who can and has been known to shape-shift into an Eric look-alike.”
Sookie cut her eyes to Eric who was sitting there nonchalantly with his eyes partially closed.
“That is a heavy-lidded look you are wearing there, Northman,” she laughed as she elbowed him in the ribs. “Just how do you live with yourself?”
“It’s a gift,” the smile lit up his face.
“So you are workin’ the concerts and…and what?” she mused out loud. “You said you helped to build those two churches. Were you singing Vespers in them?”
“Well,” he nodded, “maybe I was but this was Samuel’s idea. After all, the evening prayer was ahh-h-h-h-h, I believe borrowed from the ancient Jews.”
“If it were not for the fact they were praising our Creator,” Samuel raised an eyebrow, “I would say stolen. But, yes, I thought it would be perfect if Eric could be at two places at once. And O.I’s voice,” he sighed, “it sounds like the stars singing.”
Once upon a time, I archived my stories on FP. That site still exists, but no longer as fan fiction stories.
Please welcome your old Auntie Carroll to the 21st century. I am attempting to learn how to post stories with chapters that actually follow in sequential order on this site. You may be receiving alerts and possibly more than one or two or three daily, as I learn the “how to’s…” wish I could quote Maverick here, but sadly, as I read through the directions, “it is not looking good so far…”…woof…so, just a heads up….I had 60 “stories” on fictionpad. Very possibly you will be getting multiple notifications daily, if I get the hang of this, or more than one or two or three or four…. of my on going insanity.
I have one or two more Paris stories….but Bill has undergone knee replacement surgery and my time is somewhat not my own at the moment. He is doing fine…lololololol…..I could use some sleep.
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own. This Story is rated M.
THE WERES’ CURSE—Curse the Moon Part Deux Chapter 5
“Do we know,” Lafayette asked, “who the lady was that was so blessed by his blondness?”
“Mm-m-m-m,” O.I. nodded. “It was Queen Henriette-Maria, youngest daughter of Henry IV of France; the wife of Charles the First of England. The English had no love for her staunch Catholic ways and she apologized to no one for her beliefs. As in, do you see all these heirs for the crown that I have pushed from my body! From time-to-time she would get homesick and not just for her native land or tongue,” O.I. added with a wiggle of his eyebrows.
“Because,” he wiggled his eyebrows, again, “as a young lady she would go to Doozy’s and partake of the fun and frolic. T’was not her first time enjoying the company of The Viking.”
“Seriously? His La La Fineness says just step on up to the plate and pitch with the dirts, my little mans. Thoughts royalty females was checked and re-checked for that virgin status before it got down to the biz of getting down to the biz?”
“There are wise-women ways,” O.I. nodded. “And, of course, there is Eric’s ways…all he would have to do would be to prick his finger and put a little of his blood up there and instant virgin for the up-tenth time. And, there are many who think and perhaps heard the screaming that made them believe that he helped her leave her virginity in some tower overlooking the ocean. Perhaps more than once. Rumor had it that she enjoyed it so much the first time, well…” the small dragon nodded sagely, “it became a first-class game the two of them liked to play. And they both loves the ocean and the sound of those pounding waves.”
“Woof,” Lafayette grinned. “Has perhaps played that innocent once or twice, myself. My handsome come-with-me…well,” his voice trailed off and he looked thoughtful. “Ah-h-h-h, hates to ask but is gonna ‘cause those tell-all shows just would not have the balls to ask. Just how many royals do you think he has deflowered?”
“Best guess,” O.I. did some calculating on his claws, “over the past thousand years, three out of five of the ladies of the royal households had a very good time their first time. Spoiled them for everyone else.”
“No foolin’,” there was surprise in Lafayette’s voice. “That many?”
“I might’s be short a bit. I lost track of him for a while when he was living in Austria-Hungry in the late 1600’s early 17’s. He was making the ballroom rounds and I was fishin’ down in the Gulf.”
“Gulf of the Old Mexico? Fishin’? Really?”
“Yeppers, puts on the human, goes out in a boat and pits my wits against those evil things that live in the deep. I was huntin’ Jumper Crackin’ at the time. Was a nasty piece of business, he was, takin’ down boats and eatin’ up the fish and leavin’ good folks hungry, those that he did not devour. Cause no matter how fast you rowed, he let you think you were safe once you got to land and then he would reach out with one of his tentacles and grab you up and pull you in and under. Nasty bit of business.”
“You knows that beastie?”
“Indeeds, mortal enemies, we was,” he chuckled. “To the deaths!,” he shouted. “We swore that at each other every time we crossed paths. What an evil mo’ fo’er he was. Took me a hundred and a bit of years of wearin’ fishin’ man every day but I finally got my bragign’ rights. When I pulled his ass up out of the water on my anchor sized hook, him laughin’ and singin’ his sea chanty songs and askin’ me if I was a tasty treat?
I thinks this counts, I told him, as snaggin’ your mangy ass,” I sang. “You just gave me a forever of braggin’ rights.
His last words were, O.I., is that you? Why you sneaky bastard…
And my big mans’, I wear the title with pride. Sneaky bastard…that is me,” he grinned, placing a claw on the top of his head and tap dancing in circles.
“Just looks at yous mighty fine Irish cloggin’ selfs. You fill me with pride. I am pleased and proud to say I know you, His La La Fineness says. You deserve a pie for every day of the week. You lets me knows your favorites and I’ll be all over that.”
O.I. smiled, grinned and then maybe blushed. “Can’t really be takin’ all the credit for that,” he said, looking embarrassed. “I perhaps had some helps. Some beautiful and righteous helps. With a singin’ voice that rivals the stars that shine through the Northern Lights and makes the mo’ fo’n snowflakes tremble. She may have helped me pull in nets and sang each day we was out. The beauty of her voice pullin’ in all that were near and far,” he sighed as a tear rolled down his cheek.
“Who?” Lafayette asked.
“My daughter, Jerusalem,” he sighed again. “Looks just like her momma. Same-same, everythin’. Her momma refused to wear the dragon when she went to war, so does my baby girl. She is all fierce-ness and finesse with her strength and her sword. A beautiful sight to behold. ‘Course when she gets all bruised and battle weary, I fuss at her to put her dragon on and just flame those mo foers’, but she just laughs and says Poppa, where is the fun in that? That baby girl is just like her momma,” he sighed, another tear spilling out and falling from his eye. “And just maybe,” he sighed again, placing a hand over his heart, “a tiny bit like her poppa.”
“You married?” Lafayette asked gently.
“T’was, and still ams” he sighed. “A female dragon can give birth to male dragons until the end of time. You know, cause we is just guys, no finesse or finesse to us. We is all abouts gouged eyes, broken teeth and braggin’ rights. So does not draw much of the female dragon-ess to egg up and make another male. Female gives birth to only males, she just has to keep herself alive and you just goes on until yous is called home by The Light. Take my momma for instance. Only boys and you has met the better of all of us,” he chuckled. “Cause I gots a couple of brothers that Momma keeps at the house just so she can whack on them, cause they is deservin’ of nothin’ but being whacked, on. Felix,” he sighed, “what a mo’ fo’n pain in the ass. Glad Momma keeps him to home. I has flamed his ass more than once for tresspassin’ in good folks gardens. He apparently can not abides brussels sprouts and feels the needs and acts on the urges to eradicate them. Mo’ fo’n,” his voice held all the exasperation of the moment. “It’s a vege-e-table…pretty shade of green…eats like cabbage….” he sighed with a roll of his eyes. “I uses them to help flavors The Deaths…mo’ fo’n dumb ass brother.
However, if you wants a baby girl, that is a bit different,” he sighed again. “The momma imparts all of herself to the egg. When the baby girl hatches, a countdown is started on the momma’s life. About five hundred years, earth time is all that she has left to raise her daughter or daughters and teach her the ins and outs, ‘cause there is sure enough a lot more to being a female dragon then there is a male. You know, we is just all bad boy-romancin’ and lookin’ for a fight. Takes the female to keep law and order and you know, momma everyone along. Cause that is why God gave us mommas.”
Lafayette chuckled and he and O.I. both said, “So she could momma everyone along.”
“”You know that’s right,” they both said at the same time, again and high-fived.
“So tells yous La La about this fineness baby girl of yours,” he said gently.
“My bride,” he smiled as more tears rolled down his cheeks. “She says to me one day, our Jerusalem, her time has come.”
“All I coulds do was be in noddin agreement, cause I knew this to be truths. Our baby girl had things that must be done and only she could do them. So we cherished each second and enjoyed all and when my Camelot slipped away, we were there to kiss her one last time and wish her the best of journeys into The Light.”
Lafayette was crying. “Yous is so brave and so lovin’ and yous heart is bigger than the moon,” he sobbed. “Sacrificin’ your love so that evil can burn and know the misery they has inflicted.”
“Oh, my big mans,” O.I. wiped his own tears away. “Woulds love to be that brave, but I still see my Camelot in the fjords located in the lower end of Heaven. We stills talk and laugh and find joy…”
“But it is not the same as havin’ her here with you,” Lafayette sobbed as he wiped at his eyes.
“No,” O.I. managed a smile. “But I knows better days are comin’. A forever of better days are comin’. My lady, she did her parts so that our Jerusalem is here rightin’ wrongs that The Light has set her, too. That is good and that is joyful ‘cause our baby girl is fightin’ fucked up mo’ foers’ that Evil said could never be done. Mo’ fo’n ignorant, lower than harpy shit, God is dead ‘cause I says so, so bows down and worship me, evil mo fo’er,” he said rolling his eyes. “Evil thought that my Camelot would never lay down her life so that Jerusalem could step up and pitch,” he snorted. “That ignorant slut does not knows me and mine. When time rolls to an end, here, on Earth, our baby girl,” he said with pride, “it is her flame that starts the Lake of Fire to burin’. So you can sees why evil believes our Jerusalem is not gonna be. Good times,” he hooted. “Satan. What a mo’ fo’n ignorant harpy shit-head,” he laughed, then became somber. “Can nots just be sayin’ how much I ams lookin’ forward to watchin’ her burn in the impossible fire that she swore was to never be. Bet her fine self and all her minions that they woulds gladly welcome those flames and do head dives into that lake that would never be,” he laughed, slapping his leg.
“Do not ever’s,” O.I. chuckled, “be tellin’ God the this and that and how all this is just gonna’ roll around to your will. ‘Cause lordy’s, He has a way of workin’ things out. So yes, my bride does not exist on this plane of existence. Does not mean we cannot sits down and laughs and plays cards and hold hands as we watch the dragons doin’ loop-tee-loops over-head in the fjords at the lower end. ‘Cause we can and we does,” he said with a big grin and a wiggle of his eyebrows.
“So La La is just gonna say it. We really does get the happily ever after.”
“Rightly so, my big mans. Rightly so.”
Eric cleared his throat, it was a very fine-looking crowd, he had sitting in here with him tonight. In the center ring, was the dead-ringer for his grandmama. There sat the love of his life, the mother of his children. Sitting next to her was her grandmother…a very fine and capable woman…in attendance was….
“Stalling, still,” he heard hooted. “Just start with the story about you on the spinning wheel of death,” Ian laughed. “Oh Eric, don’t bother. You could not see what was going on, but we of the audience certainly could.”
“Hear hear,” Cedric was laughing and clapping, “let us be lettin’ me boyo with the proper English accent tell the story of the impalement arts.”
“Really?” Sookie asked. “Knife throwing is called that? Impalement?”
“Aye, Miss Sookie,” Cedric nodded.
“Eric please,” Ian said standing, “if you would take a seat next to the lovely Miss Sookie. That way she will be close enough to see you blush. Seriously, Cedric is correct. There is no way you could properly tell this story because you and the lovely you were attached to on the spinning wheel of death could not see.
It was a warm spring evening and it was ladies night,” he said with a grand bow and a flutter of his hand. “And volunteers were called for.”
“Wait one,” Eric interjected. “No, I never did a spinning wheel of death with a lady. That was…” he stopped and Sookie actually saw the red stain his cheeks.
“That was what?” she elbowed him. “Come on, fess up,” she chided him.
“That was plug the hole in the dike,” he coughed a bit and sat up straighter.
“That’s right,” Ian said with a snap of his fingers. “The wheel was rocking back and forth, a bit, but not enough to make the lady puke.”
“Imagine pin the tale on the donkey with me, naked, butt facing the audience with a lovely who was also naked, in front of me. And of course she came with a friend that was blindfolded and naked and she stood with a phallus, normally made of wood, in her hand, and while we went moving from left to right.
Let’s call the lovely beneath me, Angelic, and she is offering advice to her friend on where to put the phallus. And because we are moving, the directions are constantly changing. The ladies are very charming and o’ such good friends and Angelic wants desperately for Lily to put something in my hole,” Eric said slowly, “so that it pushes me forward and causes me to put something in Angelic’s hole.”
“And believe me,” Cedric hooted, “Angelic does so want somethin’ that belongs to me boyo’ pushin’ into and out of her hole.”
Eric shot laser death beams at The Irish that just caused Cedric’s grin to get bigger.
“So,” Sookie was counting things off in the air with her finger. “You had to what, be there at her entrance?”
“That would be correct,” he replied, matter-of-fact.
“And there is no penetration, unless her friend penetrates you?”
“That would be correct,” he nodded.
“So, Angelic is wiggling around or just lying there still?”
“Lots of wiggling,” Cedric hooted.
“Desperate wiggling and pleading,” Ian added. “And Eric o’ so stoic,” he laughed. “Because there was even some bucking and cursing and calling of take me you well hung stud, names, along with the wiggling.”
“Lots of wiggling,” Eric nodded in agreement, messaging his forehead with his fingers.
“So,” Sookie was thoughtful, “Angelic was whimperin’ and cryin’ and beggin’ and pleadin’ for her friend to make contact,” she finished with a thoughtful look. “Because the friend wants a turn?”
“Yes,” Eric replied, nodding his head slowly. “Both ladies. Both get a turn and…and…maybe I will bless them with a kiss.”
“Yes,” Cedric wiggled his eyebrows. “They all wanted Eric’s kiss.”
Sookie was reading the room. The boys were all making a face that said it was not the lips on her mouth that would be the recipient of such a fine deep-tongue kiss.
“And, and,” Sookie was thoughtful, “because you were rockin’, if Lily made contact, you could only thrust your pelvis to the time of her thrustin’ her stick.”
“Yes,” his voice was a whisper.
“So…so how long could this take to…you know…both of you get off?”
“Sometimes a couple of hours, sometimes longer. Sometimes, they came back the next night because it became a horizon event and there was no orgasm for the lady.”
“And she wanted one,” Cedric added. “Desperately. The way she was whimpering and thrusting against Eric…”
Eric glared at his friend and then focused once more on Sookie.
“That’s just nasty,” she chuckled.
“So I can see where pin the tale on the donkey could be appropriate, but maybe it is more like a pinata party. The stick makes contact and after whacking with it a couple of times, all the goodies fall out.”
“Something like that,” Eric sighed.
“And the spinning wheel of death?” she asked.
“Sometimes I would throw the knife or knives blindfolded at the subject on the wheel, and sometimes I was on the wheel and someone would throw the knife or knives at me.”
“Nude?” Sookie asked..
“Yes,” he nodded. “And I was not taking any chances. Doozy always threw the knives at me. And I do not need to be able to see to split a fly in half with a knife at a thousand feet. So there was never a question of being hurt.”
“Well,” Cedric laughed, “there was the time the ladies were paying Doozy in kisses out on the floor to see how close he could come to Lefty and Righty.”
“Lefty and Righty?” Sookie arched an eyebrow. “Your left and right leg? Arms? Ears?’
“No-o-o-o-o,” Eric said slowly shaking his head. “As in the boon companions of King Eric,” he replied in a quiet, stilted voice.
“King Eric?” she asked, softly.
“Yes,” Eric nodded. “He speaks and has crowned himself on numerous occasions. He is also handy with a knife. I have his special made and he carried them in a bandolier. He would love a revolver, a Walther, he says he would prefer, but so far I have famously put my foot, down.”
“Indeed he has,” came a voice from Eric’s crotch. “I have gutted more than one in my time and saved his sorry Viking ass on more than one occasion. With a very fine Walther and a magazine or two, I could take down an entire army of mangy curs. That night in Paris,” Sookie heard with a hiss. “Those Weres were high on vamp blood,” was said with outrage. “Brother Samuel, myself and you finally brought them all to heel. It was my idea to stack the bodies into the shape of the Eifel Tower. That was a true photo op moment. Sadly, there was no photographer to be found at three in the morning,” was followed by a heavy sigh. “Paris,” he said with disdain. “You really are not all that.”
Eric said nothing, just sat staring off into space.
“You penis talks and his name is King Eric,” Sookie said with a nod of her head. “So Lefty and Righty would be…would be your scrotum?”
“Correct,” Eric replied.
“So-o-o-o Doozy was throwing knives…”
“That is correct,” Eric nodded. “Just below my scrotum.”
“He was danger close,” King Eric chimed in. “Shaved off several hairs that night. L & R said it cleaned up the forest that is down there. More of their handsome selves could be seen and admired. But still a bit much…even for our fearless boys. And we have seen and done ugly. There was one dark that this thing with…”
“Do not,” Eric hissed.
“Rightly so. Not polite talk in front of ladies. Miss Sookie, just so you know, they pulled themselves up and in as tightly as they could and still walk with along with this stupid ass.”
“So how did the Weres’ come to have vamp blood?” Sookie asked politely changing the subject.
“You are such a lady,” Eric sighed. “Thank you for stepping in,” Eric smiled at her and lifted her hand to his lips for a kiss. Tucking that hand into his he picked up his drink and saluted his brother. “Well, perhaps Samuel should start that story. It was after all, his celebration and then it was not,” Eric said with a sad shake of his head.
Samuel was silently shaking his head. “We were in town in 1889. The Eifel Tower was to be a temporary structure for the world’s fair that year,” Samuel rolled his eyes. “The Parisians all saw it as an eye sore. A smokestack in their beautiful city. How would they ever recover from the vulgar monstrosity that now loomed in their skyline?”
“Not Samuel though,” British Isle smiled. “He saw it as a charm that should be worn as a necklace around a lady’s neck. Or buttons,” Ian chuckled. “He was very much taken with the structure.”
“My father was an architect,” the small vampire’s face held a soft glow. “He would have been fascinated by the engineering.
So to celebrate this marvel, I invited friends over. Pamela had just joined the family and there was a circus in town…” Samuel’s grin got bigger as Eric slumped lower into the couch.
“Pamela has met Doozy and is enchanted. As is he with her. She wants to be a lion tamer and he wants her to be one, under his big top, of course. So, as any good child would do, she has secured a circus wagon with five lions in attendance.”
Eric finds out and tells her to return them to the circus. The Child goes into a pout and decides to have her own parade through Paris as she returns the wagon to its rightful owners.
But first, she has to bring them to my home to help me celebrate my birthday.”
“Was it your birthday?” Sookie asked.
“No,” Samuel sadly shook his head. “I was entertaining royalty from across the continent as a thank you for entrusting my banks with their money. It was very festive. There were balloon rides, dragon boat races on the river, food, drink, fire breathers, Shakespeare in the park, and now lions roaming about the gardens.”
Eric was sadly shaking his head. And with his eyes closed, he began. “There were a thousand total, humans and supes present as Samuel’s guests. When the first roar floated through the grounds, with shouts of the lions are loose! There were screams, panic and mayhem. And if you knew my child, from the chaos that was picking up speed, along with the thundering feet, shots being fired at shadows and did I mention the non- stop screaming, you would know she was somewhere on the grounds.
I have by this time figured out what has happened and my dear brother walks up to me and says, What lions?”
“I have to ask,” Sookie chuckled. “Were you naked in the bushes? And was she naked in the bushes?”
“They were playing spin the bottle,” Samuel was shaking his head. “There were eight lovelies in attendance with Eric at that particular moment. All of them were naked.
We left Pamela in charge of rounding up the lions as we watched the humans leave and the vampires, Weres and others came out to play.”
“What?” Sookie asked.
Samuel smiled at her. “Vampire politics is a rough and tumble game. Apparently, my soirée was to be a coup. Happily, the lions worked out for the best and removed the humans from the scene. The vampire Duchess of Lower Saxony wanted very much to be the Princess of the Danube Valley who was not willing to give up her position. So, Saxony brought with her Weres that she had fed her blood and that she thought she could control. To out maneuverer her, Danube gave them some of her blood, as well.”
“There were fifty in all,” Eric shuddered at the remembering. “They tore through Paris that evening. Killing, maiming, robbing, burning, looting. We did not have a problem tracking them. We caught up with them while they were climbing the Eifel Tower. They had hostages, all sizes and ages. They wanted to know if an infant fell faster than a child or an adult.”
Sookie squeezed his hand. “You did what was right,” she said. “They were evil and you did what was right.”
“Were they really evil? Or was that simply the vampire blood influencing them?” Eric’s voice was stoic.
“Your blood does what?” Sookie asked. “I have heard rumors. Makes you faster, stronger?”
“Yes,” Eric answered.
“So, does it alter your personality?”
“I mean, if we were married and if I were to have some of your blood, would I turn into some evil being, wanting to destroy everything and everyone?”
“No,” he answered her thoughtfully. “If we were married and if she were to have some of my blood!” echoed around in his brain and he felt joy race through him. Laughing out loud, he brought her hand up for another kiss. “No, of course not,” bliss spilled from him. “Never.”
“So they were just evil to start with.”
“Tru dat,” O.I. said with a nod of his head. “My big mans, that crew in there did the world a very big favor that evenin’. Put down some of the mangiest, lower than Were shit beings that has ever walked this planet.”
“We sits with the righteous,” Lafayette high-fived O.I.
“Indeeds,” the small dragon replied as he settled about Lafayette’s neck.
So-o-o-o-o-o, it was cloudy when I went out to take a photo of the planet and moon alignment. This is what I got, instead. Some folks got the “Star of Bethlehem”, so I have heard it called. I got the cross. On to the holy days and holidays.
(Author’s Note: I have had one or two requests to post what my “craft projects” look like. Hmmm, I really don’t think you want to see that….but I gave it some thought and decided this was the best way to introduce a new character. I will be working on her crown after Christmas as well as her wardrobe. She will have some “killer” outfits. You will be seeing a bit more of her, perhaps, in this story. Drum roll, please….
Greetings o’ fair and distant wanderers. My name is Jerusalem. It is my pleasure and honor to be included in my father’s world.
Mo’ fo’n….sigh… yes, ’tis really dragon speak and that purple in my hair should help to identify me. The charming rascal, O.I., I proudly call Poppa. And like my Poppa, I am a dragon slayer extraordinaire. Evil, (snorts through nose and rolls eyes) saddle your stupid self up and bring it…with sword in hand, your ass is mine.
Battered, bruised, victorious! Damn…my skin tones match my hair! I can rock it on all levels! Just comes with this gene pool. Poppa prefers that I destroy evil in my dragon persona. Mo’ fo’n….where is the fun in that? Bodies bruise but they heal…’tis part of the human experience and it gives you certain bragging rights to look back at that scar and think, “Seriously, that was your best shot? I kicked your fucking ass all the way to Hell. Good times.
O’ yes, Hell. Needs to be said. I work for The Light. In God I trust…all others I monitor.”
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own. This Story is rated M.
THE WERES’ CURSE—Curse the Moon Part Deux
The vampires all watched as the front door opened.
Gran was very pleased as Eric held the door open for Sookie. When she stepped inside he closed the door and then knocked. Sookie turned back around and opened it. With questions in her eyes he began softly and slowly. “Please,” his voice hesitated, “please I would very much like for you to invite me in.”
“Eric?” she took his hand, questions in her voice.
“And at any time, if these stories offend you, please, just rebuke my invitation. Miss Stackhouse, you have to understand that these are not moments in my life I am particularly proud of. All things in retrospect and hindsight I have had finer moments. However, when it comes to a dare or a bet, or just a giggle, I am known for leaving sound judgments other places at times.”
“We all make mistakes,” she smiled at him.
“Yes,” he nodded, “but as a rule, not intentionally.”
“Granted,” she nodded back at him. “But sometimes I too, get tired of being an adult. Just once, I would like to kick back and say to hell with it, someone else can take care of this, I am taking the day off.”
“Have you ever done that?” he eyed her.
“Well, no,” she slowly shook her head. “I have not. But more than once I have wanted, too.”
“Well, more than once, I have. And Doozy’s, I am perhaps famous there.”
“I am under that impression,” she replied nodding her head. “Eric, please come in, get comfortable and just start. The guys all seem to think I will get a chuckle out of this…on the flip side of that, I am gleaning these are not bedtime stories you tell kiddos, so you are not ever to tell these stories to our children, if that is where this relationship is headed.”
“Got that,” he said with a sigh of relief. “You are indeed, a lady,” he said raising her hand to his lips and placing a kiss there, “and far too good for the likes of this imbecile.
Please,” he bowed to her, “take a seat. I shall take center stage in front of the fire.”
Surveying the room, he saw the small cask of The Death sitting on the coffee table. “Miss Adele, just be advised that if any of The Death spills onto your furniture, it will take the varnish off. That being said, I hope everyone has a libation, something to snack on and are prepared to listen to a few bawdy highlights of my life.”
“Can we do popcorn?” Gran asked. “Is that rude, to have popcorn while you are story telling?”
“Not at all, Miss Adele. I shall gird my loins, while you prepare whatever it is you wish to enjoy with my storytelling. I will just have a couple of shots of liquid courage.”
There was a flurry of activity! The dragons scurried off to the kitchen and within minutes the smell of popcorn was wafting on the air.
Shot glasses were filled and the vampires all drank a toast of The Death to Eric while he drank several to himself.
When the dragons and the humans had a bowl of the well buttered popcorn, the vampires refilled their glasses and everyone settle in.
Eric eyed the crowd. Before his sat his boon companions. The brother of his heart and his soul. The two lads off the continent, that owned a piece of his heart as well, whose maker he had been most happy to destroy. O.I. and his brothers…there were stories there to be told but no way did he want Momma M.R.S. hearing those tales and coming looking for him!
So, with a slight bow and a graceful gesture with his hand, he began.
“Once upon a time, a long time ago,
There lived a man, a monster man and
A man who was a by-blow.
The man that lived was straight and true,
The monster man known by me and you
The by-blow was the king’s oldest son,
Now where o’ where do you hide when you are on the run?”
“Paris!” was shouted from the crowd, “in plain sight!”
“And so it begins,” he said with another flourish and bow. “Paris it is and the year is 1637. The Yule season is upon us and it is a cold and snowy month. The Were’s Curse is going to rise at the end of the month and that is when things get interesting.
Now, let me introduce you to The Emporium of Doozer’s Fine and Ancient Artifacts Circus, also just know as Doozy’s Circus or Doozy’s.
Now Bowzer Doozy is a dwarf. As in a dwarf, one that mines for gold and can do small magics. He is about four foot nothing but that does not slow him down, because he has a pretty good arsenal of small magics and he knows how to please the ladies. Small packages have big and pleasing surprises, he would often say.”
“Can we ask questions?” Sookie asked raising her hand.
“Yes, of course,” Eric answered. “No, no need to raise your hand. Just a shout-out of Eric, works,” he said, eyeing the rest of the crowd.
Nodding, Sookie regarded him. “So, so there really are dwarfs? And not just some human gene pool gone wrong?”
“That is correct,” Eric nodded. “Just add to that list all your favorite fairy tale characters. Trolls; witches, which you have experienced first-hand; something you would reference as an elf…”
“Fairies, are there fairies?” she breathed out.
“We believe so,” Eric glanced over at the fellows.
“Very possibly,” Ian nodded. “We got into a drinking contest one night with some wee niblets and they drank us under the table, took all our gold and our shoes. Fortunately, codpieces were out of style by then or I am of the opinion they would have taken those as well.”
“Yes,” Cedric snorted, “who would have thought that those tiny bodies could take on The Death and not caught in the fire as they hovered about those open flames.”
There was plenty of snorting going on, on the front porch. “Tru dat,” O.I. chuckled. “Twas there that night…the smallish and immune to The Deaths. Those wee ones could rock’nroll. Had never seen anythin’ like it before or since.”
Lafayette patted his shoulder and O.I. sat down there. “My little mans, we can hear mighty fine out here on the swing. Do we need to go inside to hear the in’s and out’s?”
“We coulds just abides right here,” O.I. nodded and settled in. “This way we can smokes a bits, drinks a bits, comments rudely, and rolls our eyes when we feels the needs. And when we is no longer all snugly warm, we can venture insides.”
“I smell popcorn,” Lafayette said, his head turning towards the door. “And the sweet smell of hot chocolate and maybe vodka floatin’ on the air. And,” he took a big whiff, “somethin’ that is heavy with cinnamon.”
“Have a drink of the magic elixir that is The Death’s and then hand the bottle to me,” O.I. grinned. “We cans have it all, my big man. The night is long and the alcohol flows like a sweet, cool, spring on the hottest of summer days. And Mr. Eric, he is tellin’ his ins and outs…hopefully, not literally,” was choked back with a gaff.
“Front row seats,” Lafayette grinned. “Is Miss Sooks really gonna’ be passin’ time with The Big Blond?” he asked as he took a great and good gulp and then passed the bottle to the king of the dragons.
“I suspects, so,” he nodded as he took a drink, sighed then finished off the bottle.
“There gonna’ be little baby Northmans’ toddlin’ around and flashin’ their fangs? His La La Fineness needs to know.”
“I suspects, so,” he belched and sighed.
“So I’m gonna be Uncle La-La.”
“I woulds just counts on that, my big mans,” he grinned.
“The Big Blond, he really does defy all the rules,” Lafayette smiled. “Sorta like His La La Fineness.”
“Yes,” O.I. nodded in agreement, “you boths really are all that. But, you have and use your common sense. Can not always be saying that about the big blond. He is long on brains, legs, manly parts, and not always lookin’ before steppin’ his shit outside the box.”
“Makes for an interestin’ and side-steppin’ life,” Lafayette replied.
“Indeed,” O.I. snorted. “And he yet still lives. Dragon charmed and grandma blessed. That boy’s shit does not stink.”
They could hear inside the house; there was the hub-bub of drinks being fixed and food being served and just happy chatter in general. The party was in full swing, Lafayette noted as he saw the Jack smiling at him that was perched on the steps of the porch. “We needs to be takin’ that jack o’ the lantern on out to the woods for the critters to be snackin’, on.”
“After story times,” O.I.nodded. “We shall makes that happens. Now let us be takin’ another snort of…”
They both heard the wailing sound at the same time. “Moon is a bit short in the tooth for the Were’s to be hallin’ ass,” O.I. said as the door opened and the vampires stepped out.
“What the fuck?” Eric said as he turned towards the direction of the noise. “That Were Moon is past full.”
“Maybe they are just out for a fun run,” Ian said, tracking the noise. “But those cries sound desperate…”
“They are sure enough tearin’ up some underbrush,” Cedric sniffed the air. “Movin’ at a high rate of speed.”
“You smell that?” Samuel’s fangs dropped. “That is fear. And that stench…”
“Witches,” the vampires all said together.
“Mo’ fo’n,” O.I. hissed. “Just what is that unholiness doin’ this far South? They reek of snow and pine and…and…fish piss.”
“What?” Sookie said sticking her head out the door.
“There goes another howl,” Gran said coming to the door. “Should we help them?”
“Saddle up,” Eric’s voice was low and urgent. “They are chasing a pregnant Were. Can’t you hear the witches’ chatter? They want the baby.”
“Flame on,” O.I. snarled to his brothers and was airborne. The vampires followed.
Gran, Sookie and Lafayette stood looking at each other.
“Let’s,” Gran hesitated, “let’s set a spell out here on the porch. Lafayette, I am going to sit here and recite the 23rd Psalm, if you would do the honors of leading Sookie in a round of Amazing Grace, I think we would all just feel a bit better.”
“Fifteen minutes has passed,” Lafayette said looking at his watch.
“It is very quiet,” Sookie replied, “have not hear any more howling for a bit.”
“Those last howls sounded a bit different,” Gran nodded. “More human, less animal.”
When a larger than life O.I. and his brothers came screaming in at Mach 10 and landed with a thud in the front yard, all three humans breathed a sigh of relief.
“Others are right behind us,” he said as he grew smaller and fluttered over to Lafayette.
“My little mans’ His La La Fineness says you are a great and righteous one when you takes to the sky to dispense justice. Your mighty fine brothers are the best of the best!”
“Thank-ee, my big mans,” he sighed as he settled into Lafayette’s out stretched hands. “Just doin’ our part to put evil back in the pit.”
At that time the four vampires came streaming back in, settled into a walk and came up on the front porch.
“Same witches that were at the Sam’s?” Sookie asked Eric.
“Yes,” he nodded. “They forced the truck off the road. The female Were climbed out and took off running. Fortunately, she was talking to her boss, who just happens to be the packmaster of this area.
We took care of the witches and stayed until Herveaux showed up along with several others.”
“So she’s okay?” Sookie asked.
“More than okay,” Eric nodded and reaching out his hand to her, she offered him his. “Her pack has her and will see to her needs.”
“And the witches are?” Gran asked.
“Not okay,” Samuel replied.
“As is permanently not okay,” Eric stressed. “O.I., you royal bad ass,” Eric grinned, “flame on! O’ king of the dragons, I could use a drink. As in a cask of drinks. Name your price for I wish to toast your entire dragon clan, which is mostly represented here tonight and did a fine job of reducing to ash all those bodies.”
“It is a good and righteous evenin’,” the now jewelry size dragon grinned, “it would be my pleasure to provide tonight’s libations. Brothers dear,” he wiggled his eyebrows at them. “I think more corn of the pop and some other tasty delights are in order while we settle in and listen to Mr. Eric’s nights in Paris.”
“Seriously,” Eric made a face. “I am sure the family would rather hear about how we defeated the skanks on the brooms.”
“I am sure that is a good tellin’ story,” Sookie smiled at him. “And we will listen politely and cheer you on in the right places, and applaud you for savin’ that family. But I have never been to Paris and I can’t wait to hear all about it.”
As the family went inside, Samuel stopped Eric before he went in the door. “Those witches were looking specifically for you on the night of the Weres’ moon. Are they looking for you still?” he asked.
“Probably,” Eric replied.
Samuel lovingly place a hand on his arm, lifting an eyebrow.
“Yes, my guess would be yes. I can think of no other reason they would be in Area Five.”
“Is it just the coven looking for you or do you think they are employed by someone? Your magic normally gives you a vibe for that sort of thing.”
“Yes it does and nothing is pinging. So I have no answer for that. And whatever this was, I hope it died with them.”
“Yes,” Samuel nodded. “Anytime someone needs innocence and purity to perform their evil deeds…” and that thought took on a life of its own as Samuel morphed into something not quite vampire, and was exceptionally tall, and was just the scariest fucking thing Eric had ever seen.
“We shall be ever-vigilant,” Eric responded.
“And rightly so,” the being melted back into the small vampire and smiled back at his brother. “Now, let us tell Miss Sookie all about Paris. Let us start with the Knife Thrower at Doozy’s.”
Eric’s Point of View
There are times when you just know when you are fucked. Royally and completely and neatly. You have no one to blame but yourself and your raging ego. No need to stand in line to find out, no need for anyone to point it out to you or to run their Rune bag and shake their head and pat you on the hand. No need to have it tattooed on our forehead…after all, I do not reflect in mirrors, or photograph, nor are vampire voices heard on recording devices….he said laughing his ass off. (I make up good and useful tools for living the vampire life and all my vampish brothers and sisters join in and spread it as gospel.)
And perhaps more than once in my long life, I have gladly and with a great sense of humor, fucked myself over just because I could. My sense of humor is large and varied and sometimes I even have enough pocket change to rock the world of those standing around me, be they human, supernatural, animal or other. (Please note: other does exists. After a boys’ night out of drinking The Death, I might see double but I still do see. And I just perhaps, have sexed up double of just what the fuck are you? While seeing double of just what the fuck are you? But you do not ever ask your date for that tryst that type of question of just what the fuck are you? I am, after all, a gentleman.
The nice thing about phone cameras, is that if you hit record before you make a fool of yourself, you can watch yourself be a mega-asshole the next new dark because you are not going to believe your friends when they laughingly put it all out there about how you did what to whom.
Yes, I am that guy…ego driven and my self-esteem, me thinks, is getting ready to take a serious hit. My bride, the woman that was promised to me, the mother of my children, is just on the other side of that door.
How can you be sure, you may ask yourself?
Because that little tiny bit of woman looks exactly like my grandmother, except grandmother was a strawberry blonde. And I do mean a dead ringer for her. As in, clone…as in shut-the-fucking-front-door, there goes my Grandmama.
So, do you think I am perhaps just a bit out of my mind with do not fucking fuck this up Northman? You have better believe I am. This cool, calm and collected persona is the biggest fucking front; bestow upon him the best actor award for keeping his shit together under pressure; please do not look cross-eyed at me or I just might bawl…or puke, or….well, that list goes on and on…but cry…I have been known too and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Because I know in my undead no longer beating heart I could be walking away from a forever of lonely for nights of love filled forever.
Yes, scared. Because here I am knowing I could have it all and Sookie just might not think I really am all that. I can think of two words right now that describe me…fucking moron….I knew this day was coming…maybe I did not believe it would arrive just a little. Seriously, grandmother was never wrong but I had not one clue that Sookie would really be all that I desired.
I am scared….and nothing scares me…except the thought of that woman, just beyond that door, not finding me to be worthy….not worthy of being a friend, of being her husband or the father to her children. And at this moment I would be the very first one to tell her, please do not attach that shimmering light that surrounds you to my dark, damp soul. Because I am not worthy.
I would give all that I have to be her once-in-a-lifetime love. To live only to see to her needs and to die, protecting her from harm. But truthfully, I am one fucked up piece of Were shit. And I am not worthy.
Please do not call this a pity party. I speak only truth, here, and I never lie to myself. So here I go. Flip the preverbal coin because me thinks this could go either way.
“Please,” he said as he entered, “shall we start with the witches?”
“Nah-h-h-h,” Sookie shook her head. “The guys told us it was our heroes to the rescue! Save the momma and her unborn, death to evil, flame on and on home to us,” she grinned. “Paris, please.”
“Damn straight,” Eric thought to himself. “There she sits, my woman, wanting to know all about me. The good, the bad, the nights as Doozy’s. Well just fuck, here goes.”
With a twirl of his hand, Eric began. “Bowzer Doozer is the owner of The Emporium of Doozer’s Fine and Ancient Artifacts Circus. He is a dwarf, smart, educated and old. He has a finesse and a liveliness about him that attracts all types of individuals. And all types find their way to him and he makes them feel welcome.
The structure itself was something of a museum. And to wander and look at his oddities, came at a price as well. But he had truly, ancient artifacts. Some only recognizable to those that were, ages old. It was a fascinating building that he had layered with museum quality strange. He even had a vampire skull that he claimed was ten thousand years old that he had found buried under a mountain when he was just a lad.” Eric shrugged. “I have no reason to doubt that. Also, there was the skull of a Were-wolf. As a rule, when a Were dies, they revert back to human.
So you paid your extra pennies and you toured his museum of the odd. Because on his shelves of wonder were cursed artifacts; knives that seeped blood; tankards that would flip themselves upside down then right themselves; and talking oil paintings, the portrait begging to be released from the curse that held it fast to the canvas.
The humans were charmed and would squeal in delight. The Supernaturals gave Doozy all the respect we thought he was due. Because no one wanted to end up being added value entertainment for the dwarf to perhaps piss upon and to provide money to add to his coffers.
At the time, he owned a building that sat on the river. The river allowed for all manner of individuals to come and go unnoticed. Princes of the realm and wanted criminals. Most wore masks. But all of this mattered not once you were inside the grand arena.
The inside strongly resembled a circus tent of today with flowing silks from the ceiling and bright colored cloth hanging above your head. The big tops of today all had their beginning with Doozer. Inside were indeed, three rings, all surrounded by a very gauzy curtain. You paid accordingly for the seat. What would be called a G rating was in one ring, was the least amount of money and that curtain the sheerest to see through. R, was another and to sit there, was a bit more money and the curtain was a bit less transparent. And the third ring, well, X might not be explicit enough. Because things got very explicit. It was expensive. And some nights, more expensive than others, depending on the entertainment. And the curtain that blocked that entertainment from view was just a bit thicker. The other seats could see the shadows and movement, and hear, but that was all. Because, some nights, the ladies that attended were of the nobility and very much wanted to be part of the floor show. And so they were.”
Eyebrows were raised around the room.
“They all wanted to do the big blond?” Lafayette whispered to O.I.
“Tru dat,” the king of the dragons responded.
“Just between us, His La La Fineness wants to know…”
“Mm-m-m-m-m hm-m-m-m-m,” O.I. answered with a sure nod of his head. “More than once, he was the main event. And he was delicious.
One night, he is standing in the center of the ring and these big studs, they carry out this woman who was sitting daintily on a fainting couch. She sees him standing there and he is wearin’ a blue velvet long jacket with the buttons on his skin tight white shirt undone and some mo’ fo’n tight suede pants and thigh-high riding boots.
Keeps in mind, he is just standin’ there.
She started out biting her lower lip as she looks him over, his manly middle being of a major lookee-loo and then she gets up to his face. The entire tent is quiet and you can hear her gasp.
His eyes locked onto hers and out comes little whimperin’ sounds. The gaze gets to be more and she is gasping for air and her breasts are strainin’ against her bodice and then her nipples just pushes on out and they is heavy with want. You cans just tell by the dark color and they is round, long and pointy hard, just like parts of him. His eyes was all he was usin’ to seduce her and she started whimperin, with sob’s of I want you and pleadin’ for him to mount her and his stare just intensified and she started moanin’ and squirmin’ and pinchin’ her nipples and then one hand finds it way to her pleasure spot and she starts rubbin’ and he smiles at her.
That is when she pulled her feet up next to her ass and she starts some serious rubbin’ and cryin’ and all he does is smile.
There is this low, throaty animal sound comin’ from her and then it is high pitched and howling and she is soundin’ like a big cat in heat. He takes one step toward her and this low moan is ways down in her woman parts and you can hear it buildin’ up and out came the screamin’ finish me, and then thrustin’ and the shudderin’ of her hips as she lays back and just screams yes! Yes! Yes! Her eyes on his the entire time.
He nods his head at her and says, “Rest now.”
There are years of great big sobs comin’ out of her and even bigger tears. Thank you, she keeps cryin’.
Those big studs comes and picks up the chair and carries her out and Eric is left standin’ there, takin’ bows while they throws money and flowers.
I am heres to tell you my big mans, there was no vampish ways or his grandmama’s magic involved there. That was all Eric. That boy is sex on a stick and knows how to give a woman what she needs.”
“Did Miss Sooks ever have a chance?” he asked.
“He will be respectful, but I am thinkin’ she is gonna want a chance and a half.”
I know, it has been a while. And this short….
My excuse is pretty good, though. I got a doll house kit for my birthday. So I have been doing home construction, painting, no real interior work done yet, and working that venue because, in the sub-basement of this house is a vampire’s lair. And not just any vampire. Which means I have also been looking at kits to build a Viking longboat. Actually, this sub-basement is the reason for the house. Seriously, you have to have a backstory.
I also found a dragon pattern on Etsy so I am thinking O.I. will be making an appearance on the roof. Oh, and I have, for the past 40 years been carrying around this most charming little cask. The sub-b will also be home to one of O.I.’s places he stashes The Death. Oh the stories in my head that abound…
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own. This Story is rated M.
THE WERES’ CURSE—Curse the Moon Part Deux
Eric stuck his head into Samuel’s room. “Did I hear you talking to someone?” he asked.
“Mother stopped in,” he grinned at him.
“Everything all right?” his voice held concern as he came in.
“Yes, everything is just fine. She just confirmed what I thought I already knew.”
“What, that you are her baby boy?” Eric grinned at him.
“Yes,” he nodded looking very pleased. “And also that she is the one that turned me.”
“What?” Eric did a double take.
“I have heard the other child/maker stories. The boys in the band tell some of the best ones. And with you and Godric, it was a non-event for you as well.”
Eric nodded. “Pretty much. I woke up, we dug out and welcome to vampire.”
Samuel was looking thoughtful. “The odd thing was, I knew it was her. The sameness,” he paused. “It was odd. As that small child, I knew it was an angel that had carried us. An angel that was prepared for war. Her armor was…was…” Samuel reached out with his hands. “It flowed with her movement. It was not rigid and harsh as I clung to her. Its texture was like that of velvet. She was so strong…and righteous…you could feel that as it flowed out of her, and yet so gentle.”
Laughing, he wiped the tears from his eyes. “She carried us as if we were nothing. Her stride sure. Her eyes focused on me whenever I would ask her a question. I could hear her giving words of comfort to my mother and telling her not to worry. And she never looked back. It was if Pharaoh’s army was of no concern to her.” His laughter increased. “And…and…” he chuckled. “It really was of no concern to her.
I knew that no other man or woman was capable of that strength. The way she held me in her arms as we crossed across the sea bed. That was the exact same way she held me while she turned me.
And she smelled of…of…” Samuel grinned. “To this day, I have never encountered that smell, for all the places I have been.”
“Maybe she smelled like home,” Eric was thoughtful. “However the two of you define that.”
A softness embraced Samuel. His entire being glowed and peace radiated out form him.
“Yes,” he nodded, as he brushed away the tears. “Yes, home.
She was not there with me when I woke. But her presence was everywhere and I knew that I had been turned for a greater purpose. And that I was loved and cherished.
I would catch glimpses of her before I would go to my rest and even feel her presence before I would truly wake. But It did not make the following days, months, years, millennia any easier. I knew my purpose was to save my people. And if being held captive had taught me anything, even as a young child, it was whoever had the money had the power to make things happen or deny you and your loved ones, their life.
I sometimes wonder what I would be like if my father had lived. Would I have become that priest to my people?”
“Samuel,” Eric said gently, “but you have become a priest to your people. You may not be the kind that is found in a synagogue or available for counseling by phone. By your carry that goodness and rightness within you and you see to it that the tribe of Israel is well funded. That those that are in need are well funded.”
“Well, you can thank Ramses the Second for putting me on that track. He had been dead for fifty years and his tomb just completed and filled with the treasures of his kingdom when I went back to Egypt to do a little tomb-raiding and become the financier that I am, today.
That is also when I met O.I. sorting through the gold to add to his horde. And things became much clearer and yet more obscure.”
“Mo’ fo’n,” they both chuckled.
“And you had quite the evening, yourself,” Samuel grinned at him. “Miss Stackhouse: she is blonde, petite and telepath.”
“Mo’ fo’n,” Eric sighed. “That went much better than I thought it would because it could have most decidedly been much worse.”
“She is charming, Eric,” Samuel stepped in and hugged his brother. “And delightful.”
“She is so much more than I deserve,” Eric sighed and pulled Samuel in that much closer. “But I have to thank Clifford for getting that name thing out of the way.”
Samuel pulled back so he could see Eric’s face.
“Truly my brother, what was up with that? Vikings are fierce. Clan Chieftains even fiercer.”
Eric was shaking his head then ran his hands through his hair. Smiling at his brother, he said, “It does indeed take a certain kind of balls to do that. Because a clan chieftain really is all that. This tale begins with a chieftain; his wife gives birth to three boys. The two oldest were a couple of Were shit heads and the baby brother, whom we shall call Sugar Tit did not stand a chance. They would torment him….like unto death, or so the story goes. So the little guy gets hurt and goes crying to his mother who sits down and nurses him.
So the years roll by and the two older brothers continue to torment him, only now on a much grander scale. The lad is ten, on his way to being a man and his mother will still let him nurse when his brothers beat the hell out of him, literally.
Time passes. The war cry is sounded and off go the oldest brothers and they do not return, because on the battle field, there are bigger and meaner than them and if you call your enemy a sugar tit, you are guaranteed an ugly death. Eventually, the father dies and Sugar Tit is declared clan chieftain. By this time he has married and has children and he still likes to nurse. His wife was a Shield Maiden and would go to war with him, just so, you know, he could suckle at her breast before the battle.”
“Did he live to a ripe old age?” Samuel asked.
“So goes the story,” Eric replied.
“And do you know this for fact?” Samuel grinned at him.
“Sugar Tit was my father’s grandfather,” he replied with a grin.
“Daylight is getting ready to be a horizon event,” Samuel smiled. “Rest well this day, my brother.”
“And you as well,” Eric kissed him on the forehead and left.
At the Stackhouse farmhouse, it was mid-morning and still quiet. The humans were stirring a bit and the dragons were playing cards at the breakfast table and cooking. They had eaten all the pie in the early hours after the vamps had left and now they were contemplating their good and righteous futures.
And it looked mighty good and very righteous!
M.R. made another pot of coffee while S.I. pulled the cinnamon rolls out of the oven and was fussing about how there was no more pumpkin spice creamer for his coffee.
“Never in all my days,” M.R. placed his hand over his heart, “did I thinks our oldest brother would walk through the shadow of the valley of death…”
“And making a proud moment of it,” M.E rolled his eyes. “Brother dear even autographed that photo in the middle of that wall of shame and is wanting to sell copies so he has bragging rights about the most tips made in the bar. And lordy, he does look like a serial killer in that gear. That orange is so not his color.”
“Not for real sure how selling that photo can count as tip money,” S.I. replied as he eyed the oatmeal box, showed it to his brothers and they all nodded yes.
“Has a cookie recipe right on the box,” he wiggled his eyebrows. “Cookies are breakfast food, right?
“Best breakfast, ever,” M.R. nodded in agreement. “Any coconut and nuts and maybe some white chocolate to go in those cookies? I have had a Ranger Cookie. Made with oatmeal and all things good for you.”
The brothers nodded in agreement as they went back to eyeing the cookie recipe.
“That boy should never wear orange and O.I. always has a plan when it comes to laying it all down.” M.E. was looking delighted as he went through the cabinets and pulled out the ingredients for the cookies “Just look at how he took what would be an embarrassing negative for the rest of us and turned it into a positive. I mean, he is front and center there on the wall of shame at The Cog & Wheel…I mean, when you walk in, it is the first thing your eyes go to and his eyes in that photo just follow you around the whole time you are there. I sat myself around a wall in a back corner and I could still see his eyes peeking around the corner at me.”
“Powerful stuff is the legend of our oldest brother,” S.I. nodded.
“M-m-m h-m-m. The Overlord of the TrashTruck said his happy ass will be working there as waiter extraordinary, today, as well. Apparently, he bet her that he would be straight and stalwart the whole time he was on the job with her. Sometimes he does not think before he speaks because that was all Gabriel needed to own his ass.”
“You got the particulars on that?” S.I. asked. “I do not need to be making the same mistake. Especially if we are living here and can be baking some goodness every day.”
“You know I do,” he chuckled. “So, they goes driving through Washington D.C., and they are admiring the sights and commenting on this and that and watching Death as he was out cleaning the streets with one of those new-fangled drive’m around street cleaners.”
“Heard that. So it is not a rumor,” S.I. was giving that some serious thought. “Mo’ fo’n, he is so gorgeous, The Light had to step in and put him behind a windshield to keep the ladies from wanting to date him. Heard one or two threw their undies at him.”
“Truth, for sure,” the brothers all nodded.
“So,” M.E. continued on, “duo of the trashtruck’m wave and stop and chat with Death and talk a little biz and move on down the big road with the windows down and working for and crusading for righteousness, all buddy-buddy and high-fiving and brother dear is talkin’ trash. Mo’ fo’n this and hell bound, that…”
“I can see it,” M.R. snickered. “When he starts to high-fiving, he owns the world. He thinks he has got her and the Mistress of the Melodious Hell Bound Skanks knows she has got him.”
M.E. wiggled his eyebrows and continued on. “As they go past the Smithsonian they are admiring the fine architecture and then the Capitol is dead ahead. Miss Round’em Up and Drop Them Off said that there was not one politician abiding in the Capitol building that was going to Hell.”
“Mo’ fo’n,” M.R. giggled.
“Exactly,” M.E. wiggled his eyebrows and snorted so loudly he blew out flame.
“Brother dearest, he lost it…the giggles started in earnest, then him laughing and slapping his leg and blowing smoke and flames, fire so hot he busted out her windshield. Now his happy ass is working the bar.
Then Momma found out about his attempting to walk that mighty fine line of doing right and getting one past the Mistress of Mega TrashHauling. So Momma volunteered him for another day to the pleased and happy Collector of Wrongdoing, INC. And Momma says that the Lady of Bad Ass does not have to pay her oldest boy so he is riding with Gabriel after he finishes his shift at the bar.”
All the brothers high-fived and started on the cookies. Happy sounds coming from their mouths as they discussed what else needed to be fixed for breakfast.
“What about something chocolate?” M.R. asked.
“Oh yes,” the other two nodded. “Let’s do muffins and maybe one of those chocolate dump cakes. You know, the kind with the runny centers.”
“We need ice cream with that?” S.I. asked.
“Supposed to have milk with breakfast, so yes,” M.E. replied. “Milk builds strong bones in humans.”
“I’ll check the freezer,” S.I. opened the door and stuck his head in. “Oh good,” he said making his way to the back. “Gots vanilla frozenness and looks to be bacon.”
“Lordy,” all the brothers rolled their eyes. “Hit that with a small amount of flame to defrost and let’s get that in the pan.”
After breakfast, Sookie was sitting out on the porch swing drinking her coffee and enjoying the cookie hot from the oven.
During breakfast, she had been bedecked and bejeweled and the sunlight that was peeking through the clouds lit her up like a million diamonds reflecting off a crystal, clear stream.
Gran came out and sat down beside her.
“What cha’ thinking, granddaughter?” she asked softly.
There were tears in her eyes as she turned to face her. “I have been tryin’ to sort this out. Brother Samuel says we are rich. He will purchase the jewelry from us. Millions of dollars after the fact, we are even richer because he will invest our money.
We have dragons in the kitchen cookin’ and poppin’ out to here and there to get the ingredients they need to bake with, and Lafayette’s twin dragon brother is out ridin’ shotgun with the Archangel Gabriel and pickin’ up the hell bound trash of this world.
Actually saw Satan last night…and she,” Sookie stressed, “really is just as stupid and ignorant as they come. I mean…seriously…just stupid…” she said, her voice a bit mystified.
Taking another drink of coffee, she took Gran’s hand. “Then of course, there is Eric. Eric Northman, who is going to come callin’ on me, as in a gentleman caller; along with his brothers and I am going to be privileged to hear some of the most embarrassin’ moments of his life.
Did I just fall down a rabbit hole? And this cookie is one of the best things I have ever tasted!”
“No,” Gran smiled at her. “You did not.
And yes, those cookies, woof,” she rolled her eyes. “Best thing that has passed these lips I think, ever.
And just look at you. You are all sparkley and divine looking in your jewels,” Gran raised her hand and kissed it.
The tears began to roll down Sookie’s face. “What just happened Gran?” she managed to get out. “This cannot be real.”
“Sookie my darling,” Gran smiled at her, “everyone gets a turn. And yours is a doozy.”
Eric was drinking a bagged blood when Samuel came in, raised an eyebrow and chuckled, “it must be love.”
Eric said nothing as he opened another blood and downed that one as well.
“You are going to tell her about Doozy, correct?” The oldest living vampire grinned.
“Might as well just start with that,” Eric tossed the empty into the waste basket that was across the room.
Cedric stuck his head in, assessed the situation and grinned. “Must be love me boy’o is a feelin’. Mr. Clifford apprised me that you were not even requestion’ room temp. Just right out of the fridge.”
“And just where is British Isle?” Eric growled, making a scary vampire face.
“He is a havin’ his way with his meal. You have got me boy’o in a tail-spin….as in,” he wiggled his eyebrows, “a tail-spin. Our boy is adventurin’ out and past his regular way of pleasin’ the ladies and is goin’ with somethin’ he calls A Tail Spin.”
“I know when I am being mocked,” Eric growled.
“Good,” Cedric laughed out loud. “I want Miss Sookie to be hearin’ about you on the spinnin’ tail-spin of death at Doozy’s.”
“That,” Ian stuck his head in, “is what you get for having such a great ass, if I might quote the ladies. They all want to see it and maybe have their turn at sticking something in it.”
“Or,” Cedric was hooting, “watchin’ someone else stick somethin’ in it.”
“Gawd,” Eric drawled out, “I fucking hate Paris. Especially in the winter time.”
“Paris, December, 1637 it is then,” Samuel grinned. “Pierre Corneille’s play Le Cid, had just opened,” his voice took on that of a sports announcer.
” Crowds were aghast that a tragedy could have a happily ever after. And that low morals were to be shamed…unless you had enough money to pay off the clergy and judge. And just like now, it all revolved around the struggle concerning obligation and true love.”
“You guys suck,” Eric said, his eyes shooting sparks.
“Right,” Ian grinned, “like we have all not heard that before.”
“Let’s get there,” Samuel grinned. “I am most charmed by my future grandmother-in-law.”
A low, throaty growl escaped Eric’s throat.
“To our Miss Sookie,” Ian called out as they all cheered and clapped and vamp speed, they were away.
“Fuck,” Eric sighed. “The Emporium of Doozer’s Fine and Ancient Artifacts Circus is now open for business.”
“Master Eric?” Clifford asked grinning at him. “Do you require something more?”
“What the fuck!” he hissed looking around when reality hit that he was still standing here and not at Sookie’s. “No one is going to be running interference for me except me. What a bunch of posers I have for brothers! O-o-o-o, great,” he felt his heart beat. “Now I am quoting The Child! I am in way over my head on this one and I am quoting Pamela. How can this possibly end well? And I have to tell the mother of my children about Paris! And why am I still standing here?” he berated himself as a smirking Clifford held the door open and he was gone.
Sookie was sitting outside on the front steps. The other vamps had arrived and were inside entreating Gran and the dragons. “And the dragons…” she felt the hysterical laughter well up inside of her. It had been a night and a day… “should have stayed away from those cookies,” she brought herself back under control. “This is a sugar high and then some.”
Samuel had clasped her hands to his when he stopped before her and wished her welcome to the new dark. “It is a lot to take in,” he had told her. “What do you want to do?”
“Is he coming?” she had asked timidly.
“Yes,” he smiled at her. “He is,” he said raising her hands to his lips and placed a kiss there. He had told her Eric would be along shortly.
She had nodded and taken herself outside to wait for him. Grabbing the quilt off the back of the couch, she had pulled a blanket around herself and was trying not to get too lost or too scared in her own thoughts.
Looking over her shoulder she could see O.I. and Lafayette sitting on the porch swing smoking those nasty little cigarillos and doing tequila shots. Apparently Gabriel had put his royal bad ass through his paces because Momma dragon was still having words with her oldest…
There had been said more than once “…and my mo’ fo’n un-rightness ass belongs to the Collector of the Damned until Momma says otherwise, and rightfully so,” he had sniffled and wiped away the tears as Lafayette poured them both another shot and His La La Fineness could only say, “Mommas, if they ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy…just say’n…”
“This is a good time and place,” she kept repeating to herself. “The very best that the world has to offer me is right at this moment, because I am not promised the next second.”
Her brain would not settle as she kept hopping from one thought to another. Listening to the two on the swing, she wished they would just toss her the bottle so she could get drunk and call this fucker, done.
“I am not a coward,” she fussed at herself. “I am a survivor. Not some poor lost pity-me quitter who just gives up when the sky falls.”
The darkness was no longer that of blackness and darker and deeper shadows. Something so void you could get lost in it and not return. In the realm of the pit of darkness, there was a light. She could see him in the distance. She knew it was Eric. There was a glow that was the shape of a man coming towards her through the obscurity of the trees. The pace was steady and measured and with purpose. And as he approached, she could see him. The color of his hair, his clothes, the flowers he was carrying. Purple lilacs and tulips. The sweetness of the aroma made her lean out towards him in anticipation of she knew not what.
When he stood before her, she reached out a hand and touched where his heart used to beat. “You glow,” was all she had in a way of greeting.
“My grandmother said that I did,” he replied as he raised her hand for a kiss. “And that my wife and children would be able to see it as well. She told me that my family would always be able to recognize me. And that no matter what happened to me, in this life or the next, this glow would validate to them who I was. I cannot see it but I never doubted her words.
I know,” he began softly, “you have had a day and that I have not been available to sit with you and discuss any of this.”
The tears began streaming down her cheeks. “I…I…”
“You do not have to do or say anything,” he smiled at her as he sat down on the porch step and pulled her down next to him. “You have options, Sookie Stackhouse. And I do not have to be one of them. Momma M.R.S. has seen to this. You are independently wealthy and will be the rest of your days, that do not have to include me,” he stressed.
“Cookies that are made by dragons are the best thing I have ever tasted,” she managed to get out.
“A most excellent place to start,” he bent his face down to hers. “How was your day with the bad-boys of the flame throwers?”
“They are funny and kind and generous and they cheat at cards,” she wiped away the tears and smiled. “Sometimes, not very well. We also played Yahtzee. That game was new to them and it was funny to watch them…you could see them staring at the dice trying to glamour them. I don’t think they have found a way to cheat at Yahtzee yet, but they are working on that.
And….and I played dress-up with millions of dollar’s worth of jewelry. Things that date back to the First Age, whenever that was.”
“Antiquity so old that only Samuel’s God and O.I. remember,” he chuckled at her as he raised her hand to his lips for a kiss.
“How do you do this?” she asked him, her voice full of…well it was not fear he heard there, but deep concern.
“Miss Stackhouse,” he began, carefully. “I was and am a Viking. So I was a bit bigger than life when I started this journey. On my last battle field as human, I had a sucking chest wound but yet lived which surprised even me. My friends had stacked the wood that had been doused with oil in preparation of my passing and then I insisted they place me upon it. I lay on my own funeral pyre, still alive, chatting up my friends about sex and the afterlife, defying the gods as I was dying.”
“I should not be smiling about that,” she chuckled, “but larger than life, I can see that.”
With a smile, he nodded. “I have had over a thousand years of being vampire. Those first five hundred years, I pushed the limits. Fortunately, I had my brother Samuel, guarding my back. And O.I. would occasionally flutter through and on a dare and shot of The Death from Above, I was just one scary, tragic, accident waiting to happen. I still am,” he added with a smile, “I am just a bit smarter about it.
The most valuable lesson to take from this, as taught to me by my brother Samuel, and I speak from experience,” he stressed, “is do not flash your wealth. Continue to live your life. Purchase needful and nice things, but nothing that would cause the tax man, or your neighbors to go what the fuck and what am I missing?”
Nodding in agreement she blurted out, “Sam is dead,” she sobbed, the tears starting again. “He knowingly endangered my life and cheated me out of my tips…money that we needed to survive. We could not always afford Gran’s medicine so she went without. He knew that. Why would he do that?” she was crying, her heart breaking.
“Because he could,” Eric replied stoically. “Sookie, I have watched humans, supes, animals, dwelling places, even the forests and some places in the ocean and rivers. Sometimes the spirit that abides within,” he said with a shake of his head, “is just evil.
For humans and animals, circumstances influence things, of course. But I have seen lots of good folks abide horrific circumstances, survive, and continue on to do good.
If there are angels that walk among us, and perhaps whisper in your ear, do you not think that demons do as well?”
Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Looking up at him, she was thoughtful. “You give me things to think about that I had not considered, before. This world, right now, is strange and new to me.”
“Like waking up that first dark, vampire,” he replied. “Learn from my mistakes, Miss Stackhouse,” his voice was serious and very quiet. “I should have met the true death a thousand times over.” Taking her hand and placing it between both of his, he stared off into the dark. “With vampire, came money. At times, a lot of money for that given time and place. At this point in my life, it was not the glamour of the vampire that would get me into trouble, but the power of the money…not only the influence it has on you but on those people that surround you. Eventually, someone is going to feel that they are entitled to what you have. Let us call this person Wolfgang. And if Wolfgang promises enough wealth to his associates for doing a daring deed, there will be those who will be willing to back him in that endeavor. Even if that endeavor is going into a vampire’s lair during the last rays of the setting sun.”
O.I. kissed Lafayette on the nose and said, “I has to take this,” and came fluttering over and sat on Eric’s shoulder. Wrapping his tail around him, he pushed his head into Eric’s.
“Thank you,” he whispered to the dragon.
“From the Esplanade, that would be ground zero under the Eiffel Tower to the second floor, there are 674 steps,” he ran his hand across his face and kept staring into the dark. “It was built in 1887, started January of that year.
But let us step back in time. If I might quote my brother Samuel, here. Paris, December, 1637. Pierre Corneille’s play Le Cid, had just opened. Crowds were aghast that a tragedy could have a happily ever after. And that low morals were to be shamed…unless you had enough money to pay off the clergy and judge. And just like now, it all revolved around the struggle concerning obligation and true love.
We were in town for the opening of the play and to have a bit of fun and laughter. And besides, it is December and it is a Weres’ Curse kind of month. As much as we bitch about those months of the two full moons, we are enamored of them. And there is nothing like Paris when the Were’s get to howl twice a month in that city.
I have a home in the city. We all did at the time. But I also had a home outside the city. We all did at the time. And lots of hidey-holes and farms, graveyards and caves where you could just vamp out in general and not be found by any Supernatural.
Godric, that was my maker, had a farm about ten miles outside the city. He was coming into town the first of January and insisted that I stay at his home until he arrived. He gave me the codes, so to speak, how to navigate about his lair. I was to make myself at home but not to fuck around with his shit. Believe me, I would not have even if invited to do so.
I was honored to be invited to stay and frightened not to do so.”
“What does that mean?” Sookie asked.
“A vampire does not share his lair with another. You may offer a sleep chamber to a qualified known, but we do not rest in the same room.
There are of course, exceptions,” he smiled, as he stopped to listen to the stories being told inside the house, “but I would not have offered Godric the keys to my castle.”
“Really? Why not?” she asked.
“Because of the entourage he can send on ahead.”
“You mean like day walkers?”
“No, I mean like other vampires.”
Sookie’s eyes got round.
“Yes, you are very astute Miss Stackhouse,” he said raising an eyebrow and looking lost in the past. “So did I want to stay there, no. If I did not, would my maker take retribution on me? Perhaps,” he shrugged.
“O-o-o-o-o-oh,” she breathed out.
“Indeed,” he looked at her and nodded. “You saw the other night just how odd and strange things can become. Having this request from Godric was indeed even odder and stranger. So much so, that when I arrived, I sent out the call into the universe for the king of the dragons to bring himself on back around and a letter to Samuel.
When I arrived, O.I. was waiting for me there.”
“You called O.I. like you did the other night?” she chuckled.
“Something like that,” he grinned in return. “Because dragon speak is based on musical notes, O.I. can hum something that acts like ground penetrating radar and find hidden chambers, caves, tunnels, all manner of cavities that just might happen to be lurking beneath the friendly soil of planet Earth. Filled with who knows what…” he added with a shrug.
“He is a useful guy to know,” she nodded.
“Indeed, he is,” Eric agreed with her.
“And did he find something useful?” she asked.
“Indeed he did,” Eric nodded, his face set. “One chamber held armor and all manner of fighting paraphernalia. Anything you would need to start a war. Another held gold. Another was a sleep chamber for several hundred vampires. And another sleep chamber for several hundred vampires. And another…in fact, there were spaces for 674 vampires to find their rest during the day. And there was a chamber full of battle plans and maps of the city along with the sewer systems, which upset Samuel terribly because he paid to have them installed.”
“Six hundred and seventy-four,” Sookie repeated. “The exact same number of steps in the Eiffel Tower…” her voice trailed off. “That is not a coincidence, is it?”
“No,” he shook his head. “It is not. Paris was the largest city in the Old World. Perhaps about 600,000 humans at that time.”
“Could,” Sookie began slowly, “could that many vampires enslave or…or destroy that population in one night?” and in her voice there was a tremor.
“Yes, Miss Stackhouse, you are very astute,” he nodded and in his voice was steel. “Those they could not enslave, they were going to burn out,” his voice held a hardness and a coldness that made her shiver.
“Christopher, who was Godric’s oldest child, and his band of sixty arrived first. Now, I did not know I had an older brother but there was no mistaking Godric’s smell. So when he pushed past me and into the house, called for villagers for his friends and a blow job, to be performed by me, well, my grandmother’s magic and my berserker rage took exception to that. I killed them all and O.I. did a controlled burn and we both decided that was just way too easy and too much fun.
So, over the following darks, more siblings would appear with their fellow vampire warriors. They would make their demands and smirk, motioning for me to undo their pants, or motion for me to undo mine, then they would meet the true death.
It was a cold and snowy December. But busy, in a very good way. On the last night of the month, Godric appears. And it is the second full moon of the Weres’ Curse. He has humans with him. And I can tell by their smell before they even get out of the carriage door, they are wealthy humans. And that they do very bad things in regards to other humans. They are cannibals. And they like their meat fresh and young. Clearly they are warded with something, because the smell wafting from them is searching, penetrating, and vulgar. Like tentacles, snaking its way out and moving things aside as it tried to push its influence off onto you and into you. And interestingly enough, my maker is warded with the same something.
The day before, a courier arrives,” he chuckled. “Actually, it was Samuel and he has brought a chest of blessed salt which we have liberally scattered around the driveway and the front door.
It was the oddest thing. Godric is reviling in his role as the grand and all-embracing host. He is actually trying to impress these humans. No vampire tries to impress humans. As they unload from the carriage and once their feet step down onto the salt, it is like they are in stuck in quicksand. They are struggling and then they are not…” his voice hesitated. “Samuel knows about the bond between the maker and the child. Godric is now cursing has turned to speak to me and Samuel steps out and removes his head. Then O.I. comes screaming in and flames all of them.
That night, we go into the city, to Godric’s villa that overlooks the river. We dismiss his staff and those Weres who do not leave and wish a fight, we accommodate.
We take measurements and then we return to the farmhouse where Samuel’s people are waiting for us. He hands the measurements over and they depart.
The next night when we rise, we go back to Paris and listen to the Supernatural gossip at The Emporium of Doozer’s Fine and Ancient Artifacts Circus , also just know as Doozy’s Circus or Doozy’s.There is much speculation about how vampires have gone missing. And for the next month, upon rising, we return there and the stories and long, sideways looks take on a life of their own. Apparently, it is Godric’s children that have gone missing along with their friends and would you just look at that, there sits Godric’s youngest.
On 1 February, we walk up to the villa and you can see the stone masons’ work. They had laid 674 steps leading up from the river to the portico.
I move in and entertain quietly for the rest of the month as the tales get taller with the telling at Doozy’s and everyone notes how there are about 674 vampires missing and how I have added 674 steps to the front of Godric’s villa, which now appears to be my villa.
In every crowd there is a bully. And Wolfgang, a vampire out of what is now Austria, liked to think on himself as a bad ass. And apparently all the gossip in Paris said I was not only the newest bad ass, but also perhaps the richest bad ass. And because Wolfgang is so old and I am so young, I should still be sleeping on top of Godric’s wealth when he and his merry band of renegades come calling at dusk.”
“Of course you are not,” Sookie smiled. “And O.I., I am sure, is guarding you during the day.”
“You are not just a pretty face, Miss Stackhouse,” he grinned at her and brought her hand up to his lips for a kiss. “My Grandmother’s magic woke me and because Samuel is so old, he was up and about.
I was waiting for them with my sword sharpened. Of course, Samuel and O.I. was waiting for them as well and we had to do rock, paper, scissors, to see who got to deliver the first blow.
“The luck of The Viking,” O.I. chuckled. “Powerful stuff.”
“We made our way out of the sleep chamber and posted ourselves along the ceiling in the outside hall. What morons. You could hear them coming. I dropped from the ceiling and killed Wolfgang, Samuel took out the rear flank and O.I. flamed the rest. We toasted ourselves with The Death and I wore O.I. as a torque and we went to Doozy’s to celebrate our newest victory.”
“And to add to your bad ass reputation,” she smiled at him.
“Well, there was that,” he grinned. “There was all manner of respect and calculating looks when we came in and Wolfgang was never seen again.
So as a constant reminder to the vampire population at large, in Paris there is always something that has 674 steps built into it. Just keeps everyone honest and perhaps looking over their shoulder.”
“You saved Paris,” her voice was quiet as she watched his eyes as they changed color. He was lost somewhere in his memories and she could hear O.I. trilling a calming tune to him.
There was a long moment before he spoke. “But I have also burned down London,” he sighed. “And have destroyed a complete vampire dynasty. My maker’s dynasty,” she could barely hear him whisper, “my family’s dynasty.”
Her hand tightened on his.
Pushing his head into O.I.’s the dragon’s tail came around and stroked his face. For long moments, no one spoke. Sookie took the blanket from around her shoulders and wrapped it around Eric. “You do what has to be done,” she sighed. When she sat back down next to him, he looked over at her.
“My grandmother would tell me the same thing,” his eyes filled with tears as he brought her hand to his lips for another kiss.
“You do what needs to be done,” she said softly.
“Thank you,” he wiped his eyes and smiled at her. “Come Miss Stackhouse,” he said standing, “let us inside. I am not always so noble or valiant. My brothers-in-arms will be more than happy to tell you the most embarrassing moments of my life,” he said as he wrapped her back in the blanket and opened the door for her.
“Mo’ fo’n,” O.I. laughed as he fluttered over to Lafayette. “And they are some good ones.”
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own. This Story is rated M.
The Weres’ Curse—Curse the Moon: Part Deux
“Mr. Clifford,” Gran extended her hand to the gentleman, “that sounds very delightful. And I have not had cognac since a bottle my late husband purchased one for me for my 35th birthday. Please, let us retire to the house. There we can take our ease and comfort.
Eric, Samuel, Ian, and Cedric, won’t you please come in.
And O.I.,” she smiled sweetly at him, “please, my family would be honored if you would join us as well. And, welcome to the family,” she smiled at him. “Lafayette is a special soul. Kind, loving, forgiving. I can see his brother is the same. Please come in and join us.”
Wiping his eyes, he fluttered over to her and picking up her hand, placed lavish kisses there. “O’ Honored Gran,” he began, and then the tears started again. “The kindness of your words has given my pour old wretchedness hope. I long to sit and bask in your kindness and the goodness that pours out of you like a river receiving the good and clean headwaters of its existence. But I have heaped shame and misery upon me and my family by exchanging words with The Viking that was not meant for ladies’ ears. I has gots to rights this before I can accepts your gracious invitation from such a loving heart.” Wiping his eyes one last time he bowed his way out of her presence and disappeared.
“My,” she smiled with a bit of wonder on her face, “that was not odd at all. You know, having a dragon drop in. It is just like it happens every day.”
“Just wait,” Eric chuckled, “it can and will happen every day. Dragons have a sweet tooth. I speak from experience. They can be hired for a donut with sprinkles.
And in the South, bakers, abound. And there is always at least one in the house who can still bake a pie. And if I am not mistaken, I smell pecan pie and something with chocolate.”
“Well yes,” she took a long look at Eric. “You speak as if you know our ways.”
“Yes, Miss Adele. I have been in the South for centuries. And during my time here, every household could boast its own pecan pie recipe. I may float about the world from time-to-time, but I always come back here, to what is today, northern Louisiana.”
“Your first time here? Did you come by boat along the East Coast to the Mississippi?” she asked.
“Indeed, I did,” he nodded.
“You do that as human or vampire?” she asked, intrigued.
“Both,” he replied. “A longboat the first time. Other variations on that theme since.”
“Mr. Northman,” she patted his hand with respect in her voice. “I am somewhat of a historian. I would be thrilled to hear your stories, and perhaps ask you some questions if you would not mind.”
“I am madame,” he bowed his head, “at your command.”
The ladies went inside and Eric stood holding the screen door open, glaring at his friends, inspecting each one carefully before they went in. “Wipe your feet,” he scowled at each one.
“And you, wipe the mud off the knees of your trousers,” he hissed at Cedric.
“Of course,” he nodded his head, “thank you. You know how I am about embarrassin’ meself. Thank you, me boy’o,” he was vamp speed on the job then looking at Eric, the big blond nodded in approval.
“Now ask politely, Irish, where you may wash your hands.”
With several quick nods of his head, Cedric was in the door and inquiring where he might please wash up.
“Clifford,” Eric began as the man came up to the door carrying his backpack, his voice low and beseeching, “What will it take…just name your price…”
“Oh Mr. Eric,” he smiled wickedly, “sir, you know in my heart that I love you…and I say this for your own good…you are so fucked…” he laughed as he entered.
They both heard Miss Adele say, “Now please, sit down. Sookie and I will be fine right here. Please make yourself comfortable on the couch.”
“Oh no, no, no…” was being stated by all the men in frantic voices. “Oh no, O’ honored one, we could not. Please, we are fine, here on the floor.”
“No,” Gran’s voice was stern. “This is my home and you are my quests.”
“We could not take your place of comfort, o’ honored one,” Samuel said. “As lady of the house, we will of course, abide by your wishes, but not in this matter. This is not who we were raised to be. O.I. is presently being chastised for his behavior. And we have met his momma, M.R.S.,” he said, round eyed. “She treats us as if we were one of her own. This keeps us polishing our manners.”
Sighing, she shook her head and then smiled. “At least take the chairs from the dining room table.”
“Yes ma’am,” and Eric heard feet scurrying about.
And so it was going to begin.
Embarrassment that would last a life time. Absolutely.
Eric looked out at the stars, just wondering what O.I. was about and how this was going to end, for him. “Maybe this will not be so bad,” he mused to himself as he watched a star go shooting by. “Maybe that is a sign, a good sign.
Or maybe not,” as he heard O.I.’s voice inside the house, sobbing and apologizing for his bad manners and please to except this small token of his never-ending adoration for the good hearts that lived here.
There was the clanking of metal hitting the floor as shrieks of wonder now filled and drowned out the sounds of the quiet Louisiana night. Glancing inside, around the feet of those in attendance, the floor was filling with what could only be jewelry from The First Age.
“Fuck me running,” Eric breathed out. “That fucking O.I. will be in full time residence here. Oh, how charming, look, he is begging and pleading for his dragon brothers to be in attendance upon the family as well.”
Gran, Sookie and Lafayette were weeping about the gifts that were at their feet as O. I. cried and sobbed about how this could not even begin to right the wrongs he had committed towards them and he was ready to promise himself and his brothers to them.
Clifford quietly assessed the situation. Yes, O.I. and his merry band o’ brothers would be here residing. There was indeed, pie wafting on the air currents. Mr. Samuel would not be far from where the happy couple was going to abide, especially once the baby was born.
“A family to do for,” he smiled to himself. And someday there would be small ones to collect kisses, from. His heart leapt within him!
Time to step up and step in and secure his position in the household. “Now Miss Adele, as Mr. Samuel’s Majordomo, it is my job to see to your needs. Just put your perfect selves into my tender care. And if you would be so kind as to point me in the direction of the kitchen, we shall have ourselves a small feast.”
And that is when it started out in the yard! Compton and Merlotte screaming and agonizing!
“My word,” Gran jumped up. “Whatever is happening to those two?” she asked as everyone came out onto the porch.
“A little dragon justice,” O.I. said proudly, “from the looks of things. I stopped off and told Momma what I had done,” he shuddered all over. “Took my licks and appears she has sent along my brothers, M.E. and M.R. and S.I.”
“What are they doin’ to them? They got something that can hurt a ghost?” Gran asked.
“Indeeds, mighty fine Miss Adele. Those mo’ fo’rs are experiencing a bit of dragon justice. Not the Livin’ Death, but my brothers are mixin’ their poisons together and they will give those two The Livin’ Shits. Now, this is not to be confused with those of the Once Every 100 Year Shitter Clan. No ma’am. This is pure dragon. Powerful stuff, this is. Their ecto-plasma will keep re-circulatin’ through their body, searching for an outlet, but will not be finding one. So the spasm will take them and shake them in their sphincter to their teeth, and it will be an agonizing hot, burnin’ dragon fire liquid release,down their leg, then back up their body, and into their throat just to cause it to course through their body and spasm, again. For all of forever or until Father God says differently.
Right now, they is just getting’ the blow-by-blow of what is about to happen to them before the family Triad actually gets to the down and dirty.”
“And they are that scared just hearing about it?” Sookie said in wonder.
“Yes, ‘cause they is also givin’ them the preview of Hell while they is at it. And just how much tastier and desired they are gonna be once they arrive there.”
“I do not mean to be a’doubtn you me boy’o,” Cedric’s voice was low and hushed. “But seriously, anythin’ basted in…in excrement makes it tastier?”
“Energy is energy,” O.I. nodded wisely. “and food is food. Those is Hell, those mo’ fo’rs are no longer tied to The Light. Gets desperate and unforgiven if one has a more somethin’ somethin’ than the other abidin’ next to them.”
“History and Hell,” Gran smiled, “all in one evening. Who would have thought that possible?”
“Tis a good and righteous end to the evenin’, Miss Adele,” O.I. nodded. “And Momma says that I am to do for you whatever you desire. My brothers bein’ here, that just speaks to the rightness of the situation. I has been above and beyond, rude, R.U.D.E., Momma says and she raised me to know better. So here we is, and if you would have us, here we will stay.”
“I…” she began.
And looking back at her were the most beautiful purple crystalline eyes she had ever seen. The expression on his face, one of sorrow and hope.
“Well, we will have us a little discussion about that. I cannot imagine you not having someplace more important to be.”
“You gives me hope for redeemin’ myself, o’ grand and forgivin’ lady,” he sighed and raised her hand to his lips for a kiss.
“You are a charming rascal,” Adele smiled at him. “Now,” she looked out toward the hellish noise coming from her yard. “M.E. and M.R. and S.I.,” Gran called out, “when you three have finished up there, you just come on to the house.
Turns out I made a couple of pies, today. We will save each of you a slice.
Now,” she motioned for everyone to return inside. “Eric, just how did you end up at Merlotte’s?”
The family trooped back inside and settled in. It was story hour!
“We are all interested in hearing that story, Master Eric,” Clifford came out carrying a tray with a bottle of cognac and low and behold, a beautifully decanted bottle of The Death from Above.
Eric eyed the bottle. So, was it going to be that, evening?” Only one way to find out.
“Just go ahead and say it, Clifford,” Eric mumbled under his breath. “And put me out of my misery.”
“And did I hear O.I. call you Erikr Sookiehawk? I thought your Viking name was Erikr Sykurbrjósthaukr.”
Clifford began pouring into the brandy snifters. “And is it not interesting that they both have Sookie in their name. Just how do you think that came to be? And what can Sookie possible mean?”
“So fucked…” Eric whispered and settled into himself. Because it really was going to be that evening.
“Well,” Eric pushed the jewelry out of his way with his feet as he walked over to the fireplace to stand. “What do you want first? How I ended up with Sookie saving my life, or how we both share an Old Norse root word for our name?”
“She saved your life?” Gran gasped out.
“I believe so,” he nodded. “The witches knew I was in Merlotte’s. And if she had not told me where they were located so they could be destroyed, with the rising of the sun, they would have torched the place if Sam and Compton had not beaten them to it. I have a sleep chamber there, but the fire would have destroyed the safe guards and possibly left Pamela and I exposed if not to the elements, at least to the fire department.
And we have just slipped past midnight. So good-bye to All Hallow’s Eve and welcome All Saint’s Day. May all that is unholy no longer haunt this year and return to its grave rot,” he said out loud.
All eyes were on him.
“My grandmother charged me with that task. It was to be said with the ending of all the equinox’s. As humans evolved and invoked evil, I evolved also and include that blessing whenever I feel it is appropriate.”
“My brother really is more than just a pretty face,” Samuel smiled at him. “He thinks on himself as a bad-ass, and he is, mind you, but he also stands against evil.”
“You are someone worth knowing,” Gran nodded her head. “You are all someone worth knowing. Please, I would like to hear about this evening’s activities. Then, about the name.
And seriously, O.I.,” she gasped as she tuned over what could only by a breastplate fashioned with diamonds, “this is too much. Just to have your company, is enough.”
“No m’,” he shook his head, “yous and yours was wronged. Gots more where that came from. Momma said to make this right and to take care of my family which is now our family. Since his departure into The Light, she speaks with her heart of her other son Lafayette with love and tenderness. She is mighty happy he is back with us,” and another tear rolled down his cheek. “We is all mighty happy…” he sobbed and then he sighed.
“Eric,” he smiled at him, showing some fang. “We loves to hear the stories of our family and how we defeats the mo’ fo’ers that think to do wrong. Please, let the risin’ of our spirits and the honor found in our hearts, begin with your words of valor.”
Eric smiled at O.I. and blew him a kiss. “Thank you for the introduction, o’ brother of mine….”as Eric settled into himself and recounted the events of the evening.
The three humans listened with rapt intention as the story was told.
“Were Wolves,” Gran was shaking her head.
“And they killed each other outside your club because…?” Sookie was watching him as Eric just shrugged. “And…and…witches were not enough for one evenin’?
Honest Gran, they were ridin’ those brooms. I could feel them up there in the air. Just defying gravity and…and…screechin’ down evil. Wanting to thank their dark lord for the joy they were havin and wantin’ to sacrifice me so they could enter and kill Eric.”
“Speaking of screeching,” the lady of the house looked toward the front door and smiled. “Sounds like things have changed up a bit, outside. That was even more horrific….oh, things have gone quiet…” her voice trailed off and looked at O.I.
The small dragon nodded. “The regurgitan’ of their evil ways has commenced. Their mouths are full of the nasty that they has done in their lives as it passes back though their evil selves and passin’ through and out and back into their mouths. They has been blessed with The Livin’ Shits. This is now theirs to embrace and endure. When this fine evenin’ is over, we’ll be droppin’ their nasty asses off in Hell.”
“Mr. Clifford,” Gran smiled at him, “this cognac is very nice. And this brie with the topping, I have certainly eaten my fair share. But just what exactly is it you are pouring out for the boys? That is a gorgeous purple color with what looks to be stars swirling through it. And might I please have some of that before we move on to our next story.”
“Oh our Honored Gran, The Death from Above it is. It is O.I.’s very own special distilled tonic for what ails you. And since it is not from our world, so to speak, your male guests may partake, until they can no longer stand or have good sense. One of those actions does not necessarily follow or cancel out the other.”
Gran chuckled and then took the glass Clifford her.
“If you woulds then please, Mr. Clifford, pour some up for his La La Fineness. There are things I am hearin’ and witnessin’ tonights that I was not expectin. Might as add one more to that list.”
“Just do not sit too close to an open flame,” Eric cautioned.
“Are we speaking from experience?” Sookie asked.
“Oh yes,” his friends chimed in and raised their glasses in a salute.
Clifford handed Eric the decanter he was pouring from.
Taking in from him, Eric put it to his lips and drank until it was empty.
Taking a bow among the shouts for “More! More!” And “Bravo,” he began.
“At this point, and I thank you Clifford for your no-hold-barred approach,” he said addressing the man and handing him back the decanter, “I believe it needs to be said, before this evening of non-stop embarrassing moments begins, that I am not one to beat my own drum, but in my defense I think this needs to be said. O’ wait one,” he held up a finger and smiled. “I said that already.
Drum roll please,” he bowed to his friends. From the vampires, came a fierce and steady singing of the 1812 Overture. Complete with sound effects! Boom!
“Thank you for that rousing beginning,” Eric smiled at them and motioned for them to be quiet.
“Please,” he bowed, “let us not forget that I shall endure with quiet aplomb this shame that is going to be heaped upon me so I am going to just put this out there:
I did discover America. I do not mean Greenland. But I put in on the shores of what would now be Maine and I do believe I am the first white face the Indians in what would now be Manhattan, saw.
That I also brokered the peace putting an end to The War of the Roses.
That I inspired Guttenberg to print the Bible. Because I told him, to be able to read the words of your god, and study and decide for yourself what your spiritual path should be, should be a fundamental right.
I invested heavily in the American War for Independence. I did not give loans to Washington, but handed him the gold by the coach full.
I was also knighted by the Crown of England, for helping to destroy Hitler’s war machine. So yes, I am indeed Sir Eric Northman of Hilding Dale.
That I sat with Jack and Bobby during the Cuban Missile Crises stressing a cool head.
And years later, I was there, helping in the dismantling of the Berlin Wall.
How is all this possible, you may ask? Well, that is because my education speaks to the fine mind my parents and grandmother insisted that I use. I could speak and read five different languages before I was ten. I can speak, read and write forty different languages. Fluently.
I am a Rhodes scholar and I gave the money to John Harvard to establish Harvard. I have several law degrees and have taught at Oxford.
I am a warrior. And a politician. And a friend. And a brother. And a bad-ass. I love where I love and destroy anything that looks to harm my family.
Of course, my brothers could say the same thing, but since I am the one telling the stories, tonight, I said it first.”
There were a lot of raspberries being blown from his audience along with some other rude noises!
Folks were sitting on the edge of their seats because what was now looking back at them was beginning to take on the appearance of a dragon. Maybe it was the pointy-ness on the end of his ears, or the purple shine that now glowed from his eyes. Or just maybe, it was the tiny puff of smoke that appeared with each word that he said.
“Clifford,” he said stretching out a hand and into it was placed another decanter filled with The Death.
“Here is to us,” he shouted, “my boon companions.
And to,” his voice lowered, “the lovely ladies and their righteous male kin that sits here with us tonight.
Family,” he wiped the tears from his eyes. “They are what is important.”
“Hear! Hear!” was shouted by all in return as they raised their glass to the toast.
“I know I stand in honored company, here this dark…” he began.
“Stalling…stallllllllllling….stall-liiiiiinnnngggg!” was hooted.
With a grin, he shrugged his shoulders and gave them a little boy, innocent smile. After dealing with his brothers, he looked at Sookie to gauge her response to his theatrics and then looked again. “Is that…is that M.E. and M.R. sitting on your shoulders?” he asked. “And S.I…” he took a step back, “Keeping Gran company?”
“Yes,” she nodded, “they joined us in time for the 1812 Overture.”
“Missed that,” his smile got bigger “and I am not yet seeing things, even better,” his smile now spread across his face.
“Does that happen?” Sookie asked.
“Has been known to once or twice,” he sighed. “The Death can give you glimpses of the future or maybe just short circuits your brain.
But, on more than one occasion, I would see you sitting in a glen with your feet in the water, with our son and daughter splashing in the small pool, pushing their dragon boats along and…and…picking you water lilies that they would lay on your pregnant tummy,” the words spilled out of him as he wiped away the tears.
Clearing his throat, he took in a deep breath and then let it out. “There, I said it…and you are still sitting there,” he smiled and then his face crumpled, again.
“Please do not vanish into the mists with the rising of the sun,” his eyes filled with tears.
“I will not, not ever,” she smiled at him and reaching out a hand for him, she patted the space beside her. “You just abide here next to me. Can you tell me how it is our names are the same?”
“Of course,” his voice was earnest. “Whatever you wish…or want…or desire…I will paint the night sky with the stars, spelling out your name.”
“That’s okay,” she looked up at him. “That would off-put a lot of folks and upset the natural order. Just sit here next to me and it is goin’ be just fine.”
Taking her hand, he sat next to her and brought it up for a kiss. “Thank you,” he sighed.
“Can he be doin’ that?” Lafayette asked leaning into Samuel. “Re-arrangin’ the stars?”
“Oh yes,” Samuel nodded. “He would be the one to upset the natural order.”
“No foolin?” There was no doubt In Lafayette’s voice and maybe all kinds of respect.
Samuel chuckled and raised his glass in a salute to his brother that was sitting next to and holding the hand of the woman that his grandmother had promised him. He had seen Eric do many outrageous, magical things in the past and helped him to move forward from some equally gross mistakes. But this…what now flowed from his brother. There was no mistaking this. This was love.
“No foolin’,” Samuel replied with love in his voice. “That is my brother. Larger than life and undeath and anything else that rolls around.”
“Eric, before you begin, what is that smell?” Sookie asked, takin a sniff and then making a face. “What a stench…” her voice trailed off as she wiped at her nose with the back of her hand.
“This is a month of The Weres’ Curse,” Ian was shaking his head. “Could be anything dead.”
“Not just anything,” O.I. and Samuel said, together. “Knows that stench…”
“Clifford,” the small vampire looked at where his Majordomo had been standing, just to see him striding back with sword belts clanging on the floor.
“Packing heat, are we Clifford,” Ian smiled as the vampires stood and caught the to-their-age-specific-swords that was being tossed to them.
“Always, sir,” he grinned. “Whenever you four get together, be prepared for anything and for always the absolute worst. I pride myself on that.”
“Going to be that kind of dark,” Eric smiled, strapping his on. “This month does contain the Weres’ Curse.”
“What?” Sookie asked.
“What you would call a blue moon,” Samuel smiled at her as he balanced his blade on the end of his pointer finger. “Because there are two full moons in a month and you are cursed with the Weres shifting twice in that month. A month filled with twice the amount of Were poo.”
“Therefore and forthwith,” Cedric continued, “Any month that has two full moons is known as The Weres’ Curse. And we have done some mighty fine killin’ and rightin’ of majestic and over-the-top wrongs. One or two comes to mind. There was that dark in December in 1536…:
“And 1599…” Samuel was thoughtful.
“And 1618,” Ian grew pensive. “Paris…” his voice trailed off.
“And that stench is getting worse,” Samuel growled. “O.I., what say you?”
“Reminds me of that unrighteous piece of lower-than-the-shit-in-the-Pit-of-Hell skank that was waitin’ outside that Parisian hospice door down from St. Germain.”
“There to collect the unrighteous dead, that bitch had the audacity to snarl at us,” Eric’s eyes now glowed purple. “When in actuality, she needed energy to spread her lies to start the Thirty Years War.”
All of them growled, low, deep, throaty, menacing, deadly.
“But…” Gran began. “Humans can be evil and needs to be dealt with…what are we missing?”
“This here door,” O.I. had grown bigger, he was now about the size of a Mastiff. “This is where they brought the babies for doctorin’ or dyin’. No evil there. She was just hopin’ to push her influence off onto a cryin’, hysterical momma and persuade her to let her suckle on innocence.”
“Oh gag,” Sookie whispered.
“Indeed Miss Sooks,” Lafayette nodded in agreement. “Has gots the visual and now feelin’ a bit puke-ish and pissed.”
“Evil,” Ian nodded. “We have defeated it before,” he said nodding toward the door. “We will again.”
“You know oldest brother,” S.I. grinned. “She is coming for those two in the yard.”
“Let her nasty ass just be comin’,” O.I. grinned in return. “Family, you just come on out. She cannot see the goodness that lives here. Nor will she know your name. So you just abides and see how The Light has a plan.”
“And works His plan,” Samuel chuckled. “Because we are vampire, she can see us and there shall be all types of banter between us and her evil self. But please, bring your drink and watch how Father God uses even the undead to work His plan.”
“Who…” Sookie said, stepping out onto the porch. “Who is this? The Grim Reaper? Or do you call her Death?”
“The Grim Reaper is not Death,” Samuel answered. “Two very distinct folks and mission statements. And with that stench, that can only be the one who eats the shit off the floors of Hell. Satan, herself.”
“What?” the humans gasped.
“Do not worry,” Samuel smiled at them as they came outside onto the porch. “You are righteous souls and she cannot see or hear you. Although, since you have been drinking The Death, you will be able to see and hear, her. It will be very entertaining. Because she really is that stupid. It starts with believing she could overthrow God and then proceeds on down to cannot add, subtract, or conjugate a verb.
Oy vey,” Samuel fanned in front of his nose. “The smell is getting stronger so she is getting closer.…makes you want to puke.
Let us go and stand guard over our newest treasures. After all, she would be suspect if we did not go down without a fight. She is such the cliché,” he said while rolling his eyes.
“You cannot keep me from what is mine,” they all heard bellowed.
“Oh joy,” Ian wiggled his eyebrows. “Paris, 1618 all over again. Now there were some good times.
She thought for sure she had that wicked priest that was gasping out his last.”
“Yes,” Eric grinned, “she was a bit quick on that one. She was so overjoyed at claiming that asshole that I gave him just the tiniest lick of my blood. She left in a pout, I pulled his head off and O.I. took him on in to Hell. Those were some good times.”
“Really, His La La Fineness wants to know, you makes a game out of denyin’ the devil?”
“Oh yes,” the vampires and the dragons all laughed.
“What?” was screeched. “I can hear you laughing! You nasty assed dragons, are you here? I am your mother, I demand that you appear before me.”
“Heres we go,” O.I. gagged. “Most sorrowful ‘bout the languges, Gran. But, this needs to be said. Serpent and dragon, not even in the same mo’ fo’n gene pool. Like sayin’ a Fallen is the same as a pile of steamin’ Were shit. The Were shit is more righteous. Or sayin’ that a serpent is related to the kind and beneficial snake. Not even close. Serpent is below Were shit.
But, good times,” he laughed.
Together they raised their swords until they touched the tips. Pulling back, and then striking, with the clashing of the steel, they stepped down off the porch as one and went to face the oldest evil known to man. Or anyone…
“Can you see?” Gran asked. “I am finding that my eyesight is most excellent.”
“Thinks it is The Deaths,” Lafayette nodded in agreement. “And that black hole in the moonlight, that is standing out in the road, in front of the drive’m up. No light to that unholy bitch, just say’n,” Lafayette nodded his head.
“Would you just look at our guys how they sparkle and glow, the closer they get to her,” Sookie grinned. “And you know, I can’t hear Sam and Compton with my human ears, but lordy…”
“You knows that is rights,” Lafayette nodded. “I cans hear them in my spirit. All they can do is scream.”
“They know what is coming,” Gran nodded. “And somehow, Sookie, for what Sam did to you and for what Compton wanted to do; what is coming for them, I just do not think it is bad, or desperate, enough.”
“Well just mo’ fo’n,” O.I. chuckled as he approached the end of the driveway. “I is sadly disappointed. It is not my momma.
But just looks who it is, my brothers-in-arms. Her first lie to us has just been tolds. And just what is the bringer of evil tidings doin’ so far from the shit-hole that she must now abide in and call home?”
From the darkness came malevolent laughter then a voice that was full of anger. “It was with great joy, you little worm, that I watched your kind destroyed in The First Age.”
“Yes,” he said with a bow of his head. “My kin, they have and did return to The Light. Which is somethin’ your sorry ass will not be lookin’ upon until the end of the end,” he chuckled, “as it passes you by.
And my brothers and sisters from The First Age,” he laughed out loud and slapped his thigh, “you will be a’seein’’ them again when they flames your mo’ fo’n ass in that last battle.
And I continues to see them when I stop in for a hey-de-ho in the lowers parts of Home.”
There was a scream as she took a step forward and then hopped back.
“That is correct,” Samuel smiled at her. “Father God, through His son, has forbidden you to step onto the land of the righteous.
Bummer,” he chuckled.
“Fucking Jew,” she spit out.
“There now,” Samuel’s smile got bigger, “is the response I am always waiting to hear. We would not want anyone listening in to think you had anything that resembled manners.”
“There is no one else there with you,” she smirked. “You lying fucking Jew. I would know. I know all. And I see all. And you are just like him. He could not stand to abide with me in all my glory and so I left him to brood and sorrow for the lack of my presence.
Hello,” she called out sweetly. “Hello, can you hear me? I can hear you. Do you want to know your future? About your past lives? Do you want me to tell you how much you are loved and treasured by me. I can speak prophesies about you and assure you that they can all come true for I have seen the face of him.
Do you see that?” she laughed gently. “That is literally the coins of this world falling from the sky, to help you along…
I know you are lovely and true. I can make you even lovelier, your words sweet and your breath like honeycomb.
If you would just come to me, I will give you everything you wish for and a life you could not imagine.”
“Wow,” Sookie whispered, “would you just listen to her sweet talk. And that voice, like someone’s well-loved Gran.”
“Why will you not come forward? Do these sinners hold you back? Do they restrain you? Have they hurt you? Have you been badly abused by them? I will met out justice to them if they have hurt you. Did they hurt you?” There were questions in her voice. Concern for their well-being.
“You know,” Satan’s voice became stern, “you know there are those that fall short of the glory of him. That they are not deserving of him. And to keep these sinners that stand out here with me, away from the throne, you would be doing him a great service.”
“Him,” Gran snorted. “What? Can’t say God? Wait for it,” Gran whispered.
“If,” and there was great delight when the oldest liar said the word…
“The bitch does not disappoint,” Gran nodded.
“If only,” Satan simpered, “you would just step up and put a stake through this evil, wicked, vampire’s, heart. This Jew…I can be so grateful.”
*“The Lord is my shepherd,” Samuel began. *“I shall not want.”
“No,” she bellowed. “No you fucking Jew,” she spit out! “This is my time and these are my souls and I am ravenous. Starving for the mouth-watering wickedness that they carry within them. Their strength shall give me strength and my reign of terror will begin right here.”
*“He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul,” Samuel continued on.
“No,” she screamed. “No he does not. He is just another fucking dead Jew in a destroyed nation of fucking dead Jews! While I rule all!”
“Rule all,” Eric snorted. “That is just magnificent and so-o-o-o you,” he smiled and bowed. “And you so overwhelming busy. Please, no need to bother yourself with the clean-up of those two on aisle six. O.I. told me earlier that he would be delighted to drop them off in their new zip code.”
“Viking,” the word slithered out of her mouth. “You are not worthy to be my meal. I would leave you here to traverse this cast-off world by yourself, forever,” she hissed. “Loneliness eating you until you were nothing left but a screaming husk. I would deny you to be anyone’s meal. I would grant you no pleasure in giving one of mine pleasure. You are not worthy for me to wipe my feet or ass, upon.
You have denied me before. I just do not see that happening this time. I know their names, which means they belong to me.”
“Really? Sounds like another lie. Let’s hear you say them,” Eric countered.
“One Sam Merlotte and a William T. Compton. See, I know them, so that makes them mine.”
“But I had promised O.I. he could deliver them,” Eric replied. “After all, I was the one that ended them. The kills are mine. In this time and place, that means something.”
“No one cares,” she sneered, “who did the deed, protocols must be followed.”
“Who says?” was Eric’s come back. “And what protocols? You are a liar. The mother of all liars. You do not speak the truth, any version of it.”
“You listen to me,” she took a step forward. “Your turn is coming.”
“And I know it is,” Eric grinned. “But seriously, you would not want me in your domain. There would be a new king of Hell and your open, run-at-the-mouth, mouth, would be the toilet hole in The Pit.”
All ears turned toward the main road. They could hear the trash truck’s squealing brakes and then it rumbling down Hummingbird Lane.
“Mo fo’n,” O.I. raised his eyebrows. “We is gonna’ have us some righteous company. My brothers,” he looked a mite bit embarrassed, “maybe we did step in it a wee tiny bit.”
“Damn straight you did,” Satan lashed back.
When the bright orange trash truck stopped, out popped a female dressed in orange.
“Problem here?” she asked, approaching.
“Sister,” Satan began, “they deny me what is mine.”
“Fallen,” Gabriel responded, “you are nothing like me and I am nothing like you so let us get past the good times and fall-de-rah bullshit.
O.I.,” she addressed him. “I see you are once more keeping company with the biggest trouble makers of this age,” she said with a bow of her head to the vampires. “And you have included the family this time,” she saluted the three dragon brothers.
“What seems to be amiss?”
“Not following protocols,” Satan hissed. “These two are mine. I know their names and I want them. As of right now. O.I. does not get to deliver them to my home and you do not either. I am here, they are mine and their names are Sam Merlotte and William T. Compton.
I am the one following the rules, here. I am on this side of the light, abiding by the rules. Those…those birthed vermin,” she gagged, “they would deny me. I want what is rightfully mine.”
“And how do you propose to transport them to Hell?” Gabriel asked.
“What?” Satan sputtered.
“You know you cannot carry anyone back to Hell, correct?”
“Well of course I do, you stupid slut. I am going to eat them and they are going to ride in my gullet. There is enough wrong doing there to keep my active here on earth for a time and a while,” she snickered. “Promoting myself and becoming god on my terms and starting a few wars and just having a good time.”
Gabriel turned and faced them. What Satan could not see, but they could was her rolling her eyes.
“Gentlemen,” Gabriel’s voice was quiet. “She is correct and this is doable. Stand down.”
“Mo’ fo’n,” O.I grumped. “But I has marked them as mine. Me and my brothers, marked them as dragon meat to be delivered into The Pit.”
“O.I., are we going to have a problem, you and I?” the angel asked.
“Of course not, o’ fair and wonderous bad-ass to The Light and Singer with the Stars. I abide by the rules, does not means I likes it.”
“Damn straight,” Satan hissed. “No one cares if you like it or not. And that shall make the meat all that much sweater, because you thought it was yours. Ha!” she laughed.
“Excellent, looks like we are in agreement,” Gabriel said as she approached the car. Peeling the two blubbering souls off the auto, she walked them over to the end of the driveway.
“These belong to you,” she said tossing them to Satan.
The darkness that defined that existence grew bigger and a great, empty mouth with teeth could be defined by Gabriel’s light.
You could hear the screams of agony as Compton and Merlotte made contact and yummy, slurping, chewing, then swallowing noises were made. There was a grunt and a moan of satisfaction that sounded a whole lot like the world’s oldest and biggest harlot had an orgasm.
“Abide until the end,” Satan smiled at Gabriel and then the dark hole vanished.
That is when the whoops of laughter started. The vampires, the dragons, even the humans sitting on the porch were holding their sides and snorting with mirth.
“What did I miss?” she asked as she approached the porch with her entourage.
“O, madam of the stars and the only mo’ fo’n person I knows that looks good in that color orange,” O.I. was snorting.
M.E., M.R. and S.I. were rolling on the ground, and beating their fists as they wailed their gaffs of merriment!
“My younger brothers,” O.I. pulled himself together and fluttered over to be face-to-face with the angelic as she walked toward them. “They is livin’ forever in the annals and the anus of history.”
“What?” she queried.
“I was speakin’ great truths when I said they was marked as dragon meat.”
“Can you Living Death a spook?” Gabriel asked.
“Don’t knows,” he snorted. “But my youngers, they sure ‘nuff gave them The Livin’ Shits.”
From the angel, the laughter started out as just a small chuckle. Then grew a bit louder and there were snorting sounding being made. Then great whoops of laughter as she sat down on the ground and beat her fists against it until all the stars above them were laughing along with her in the Key of C.
“I am so far off schedule,” she managed to choke out as she stood, “that I am buying everyone riding with me on my route this week a beer. But damn, this calls for a drink! O.I., you have any Death with you?”
“Been imbibing just a bits and a taste,” he wiggled his eyebrows as they made the porch steps.
“Mr. Clifford, if you would please, a taste for everyone!” she sang for those on the porch.
“On that!” he called back.
When they were all gathered together, O.I. made the introductions.
“Very pleased to meet you,” angelic and humans both said as they shook hands.
“O’ Clifford, excellent,” she grinned as he opened the door and stepped out. “Thank you for serving this fine elixir . And O.I. thank you for making this fine elixir. And to M.E., S.I. and M.R. thank you for the blessing you have bestowed upon Satan. Truly, a right and proper gift for one that runs at the mouth. And Gran, thank you for blessing us with the use of your home.
Miss Sookie, your light shines around you and His La La Fineness, dude, you rock it on all levels.
To my present cohorts and brothers-in-arms, I salute you,” as she raised her glass in a toast to them and then drank.
“Now a toast to the business of the day!”
Hands were raised in the air and glasses clinked together.
“To the Livin’ Shits,” Gabriel called out.
“Hear, hear!” was called back.
“To the Death from Above,” she said.
“Hear, hear!” was called back.
“To life everlasting!” she smiled and this time downed her drink.
“Hear, hear!” was shouted and everyone else drained theirs as well.
“Gran,” the angelic turned to her. “You have a beautiful family. Those boys,” she nodded her head towards them, “are the biggest, the baddest, and the best this world presently has to offer. They will drive you to an early grave or to drink. Or maybe both,” she grinned.
“Now, I have to be going,” she sighed. “And am running late, as usual. Thanks for the drink! Samuel, if you would walk with me out to the truck, please.”
Blowing them all a kiss, she and Samuel were down the steps and across the yard. Those from the porch watched as words were exchanged between the two.
“What’s up with that? Or can His La La Fineness even be askin’?”
“He calls her mother and she calls him son,” Eric replied. “My brother was there when Moses parted the sea. Samuel’s mother was in labor and Gabriel carried Samuel, his little sister, and his mother across the sea bed. Samuel and his sister tucked into one side, his mother on the other.”
“Merciful God,” Gran got out.
“Yes,” Cedric whispered. “He is.”
“Samuel says he remembers Gabriel handing off his mother to the waiting women and then as the waves came lapping up to the shore line, she sat with them in her lap and all three of them put their feet in the water.”
“Lordy, His La La Fineness says. Pharaoh’s idol worshipin’ army was drowning and she is washing those babies’ feet in their ungodliness. Those that had oppressed them were now their bathin’ waters. Just lordy…that is some old school, real wrath of God mettin’ out justice way of doin’.”
“Make no mistake,” Eric nodded in agreement. “That is who Samuel is as well. Very old school. My brother is righteousness itself, and always seeking to do his God’s will, but do not piss him off. Like his God, he plays the long game, always. You might not see he wrath at the moment, but eventually, you are going to know you have been had, by the Da’vid.
And he learned from his mother at a very young age.”
“What?” Lafayette asked, looking puzzled.
“Once in a while, Gabriel wears the human, completely. Tonight there is the angelic that still clings to her so you cannot see it. But Mother and son, yes. Same eyes, same hair, same slight accent. There is a reason Samuel is a devout Jew. So is his mother.”
They all watched as the angel placed a kiss on Samuel’s forehead, and he was back vamp speed.
With the releasing of the emergency break, she was gone.
“Not the first time you boys have encountered her,” Gran nodded toward the rumbling truck, “is it?” she asked as she pushed her glass toward Clifford for a refill.
“No-o-o-o,” they all shook their heads back-and-forth. “No,” was said again just for emphasis.
“That is something to think on,” Gran nodded to herself. “This has been a day. A good day. And this Death from Above is a good drink. A drink to be cherished. Now, I have to ask, O.I., what is in The Death from Above?”
The dragons on the porch became somber and placed their hands over their hearts.
O.I. did likewise.
“The Deaths,” he began, his voice quiet and respectful. “Tis my own recipe and what I has learned and can be distilled from my life and this life of all good things that surrounds me.
It is the singin’ of the stars and the joyfulness of colors and the dancin’ of the crowds of the Mardi Gras and all that abides there. Not the scoundrals and the mo’ fo’ers, but those with rightness and joy residin’ within them. And ‘cause it is Mardi Gras, it comes with the same somber religious experience of why we is celebratin’. That would be the life, the death and the resurrection all rolled into one.
The Death’s burns away the old and brings forth the shiny new. Sees what is lackin’ and gives you the strengths and moral courage to say what is right and to correct what is wrong. It is liquid valor and darin’ do and the tears of angels when they sees all the sorrows here on earth. It is the joys’ tears when one angelic gets its wings and is assigned guardianship of someone or something here on Earth. It tastes of the beginning of forever and keeps you company when no one else finds you worthy. It is a promise that is kept and never broken.”
“Is this what Heaven tastes like?” she asked, wiping away her tears.
“As close as I knows how to makes it,” he answered and saluted her.
“So Satan really is dumber than Were shit and angles really do walk the earth,” Sookie sighed out. “This has been some day. And maybe, just maybe, I will find out what Sookie means. I thought I knew. But now here sits an expert who can yea or nay Mrs. Bowhunt. She was an older lady who used to work in the library when I was little. She was Tunica and spoke their language and she said Sookie was an Indian word and meant something sweet that satisfies. No wait, satisfies was not the word she used…pacifies. That is what she said.
Is that correct?” she asked Eric.
“A good translation of the word that I brought here,” he replied. “The locals, they asked me my name. I told them it was Sykurbrjosthaukr. Sykurbr means sweet and brjóst means breast. Haukr means hawk.
Sweetbreastedhawk is my family name.”
Clifford cleared his throat.
“I am getting there,” he cut his eyes to the man that was smiling at him. “There are ladies present and…and I do not want Momma M.R.S. to come looking for me. So, having thought this through…well…here goes. Just really no polite way to do this and ladies I am apologizing in advance.”
He nodded his head in agreement with himself and began. “What I told the Natives, that is the polite version.
Sugar-tit would be the true translation. Something sweet, like a piece of honey-comb or beet sugar wrapped in a cloth that would have been given to a child to pacify them and keep then quiet.
So, I am Erikr Sugar-tit hawk. I like to think it was adopted because the family tries to pacify those who seek war, but all knows that the hawk always lurks in the background, ready to strike.
Or maybe,” Eric looked over at Clifford, “it was because the head of the clan when the name came to be, liked sugar tits, which could also be slang for just milk filled breasts. And he was mocked because he still suckled at the breast and would war because he was mocked for still sucking at the breast. Probably in public, and very often, for the name to stick. The end.
How did I do? And just what shade of red am I? I can feel my cheeks burning.”
“You got the story told, sir. To which I say bravo,” Clifford handed him another decanter.
“So,” Sookie was staring at Eric’s cleft chin. “I…I am a sugar tit.” Her eyes went up to his.
“Yes,” he nodded.
“And…and your family name says your people liked sugar tits…” her voice trailed off.
“That is correct,” Eric nodded.
“And…and…when you say my name…”
“That is correct,” Eric nodded. “I think your name in my native tongue first, which is Sugar Tit and then translate it to English.”
”So…so…” Sookie was watching him, “you look at me and think Sugar Tit.”
“Yes,” Eric nodded. “The male in my finds this most pleasing. I will not deny that. Nor am I proud of it. It just is. I am a guy and I like what I like.”
“So, I am a milk filled breast that pacifies you,” she said smiling at him. “Or maybe, just a sweet that brings you peace,” you could hear the merriment in her voice as she brought his hand to her lips for a kiss.
“This is not nearly as awkward as I thought it was going to be,” and in his voice was relief. “You are such a lady,” he said with a sigh. “I am grateful for that.
Gran, what a wonderful woman that abides with you here.”
“Thank you, Clifford,” Sookie smiled at him. “I am of the opinion he would not have told me on his own.”
“You are welcome, madame,” he smiled in return.
“I didn’t know that,” Samuel looked shocked. “How did Clifford know?”
“Do not ever get into a Death from Above drinking game with Clifford. Because of the magic he was dosed with, it does not phase him. And he will end up knowing all your secrets.”
“Sadly, so,” the Majordomo grinned. “And I was not brought into this happy mix until the beginning of the Revolutionary War. But I have one or two Paris stories. Now who wants to start?
Oh, well drat. There is the timer. Mr. Eric, you have been offered a reprieve. Sunlight will be a horizon event in two hours. Gentlemen, it is time to start thinking about ending the old dark.”
Somewhere on Earth…
“Now,” Satan gloated, “just where on this forsaken shithole do I start? I know I still have worshipers here and one or two who love me. And why is it that all of these humans,” she gagged on the word, “do not…obey…o’ o’ o’ she wailed!
“Oh…,” escaped her lips, followed on by “oh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h no-o-o-o-o-o-o,” that went screeching past her lips as the spasm shook her and a righteous burning wanted to push past her hips but could not be forced out of her so instead just ran down her leg and back up the other side. It was in her mouth, being pushed down her throat as she attempted to scream at the horror and the pain that now engulfed, her.
Old Growth Forest, over-looking The Fjords in the lower ends of Heaven.
“Hey Boss-Man,” Gabriel looked over at the tall blond that was approaching her.
“What is up?” he asked. “It is difficult to get you away from your trash truck these days.”
“Interesting experience today,” she smiled at him as he sat down next to her in the wild flower field. “The boys were giving Satan a push and a shove and politely telling her to fuck off.
When she demanded that protocols be followed, I tossed her Compton and Merlotte and she opened really wide and in they went.”
“So Eric, Samuel, Ian, Cedric, and O.I. saved you a trip,” Jesse grinned. “I understand you owe your entire crew beer. And some more than one. And here you sit, that beer tab just getting bigger with each passing minute.”
“Yes, that is truth. But it was not just O.I. But S.I., M.E. and M.R. were in attendance as well. And we all know who their best friend happens to be.”
“You know,” he began, “how charmed Jerusalem is by the dragons. And she adores O.I. and his brothers. They have been here hooting and hollering and just carrying on in general for the past several days. The dogs howling and baying right along with them. She said it was a surprise they were planning for me. I take it something has come to fruition.”
“You know The Living Death?”
“Yes,” he nodded. “A specialty that belongs to the King of the Dragons or his proxy.”
“Well, S.I., M.R. and M.E. have come up with and are sharing something they call The Living Shits.”
“O’ do tell,” Jesse’s smile got bigger.
“They passed this to Compton and Merlotte, and then baited Satan into wanting them. And she wanted them in a most desperate way.”
“She could never share,” he laughed. “So diarrhea at the mouth now really has diarrhea at the mouth. I like it.”
“M-m-m,” she nodded. “Yes, shit-for-brains now has it on an endless cycle coursing through her body.
Now this is where it gets interesting. I would think it would take someone who has worn a human body to fully understand how diarrhea truly works. It not only sucks the nutrients out of your body, but the fluids as well, leaving you to die from dehydration,” she said quietly, her eyes not leaving the man that was sitting next to her.
Yes, crucifixion was horrific, but it was the trauma that it caused to the other parts of the human that caused the body to perish.
“And that type of particular human physiology, that is not what a dragon would embrace. They may shift to human from time-to-time but they never take on the frailties. Not that I am pointing fingers, but your bride…she has a most delightful sense of humor and remind me to never piss her off.”
“Yes she does and no one wants to piss off Jerusalem. She really is her father’s daughter. Now,” he raised an eyebrow at her, “what is really going on?”
“I love Samuel,” she began.
“Yes?” he responded, questions in his eyes.
“And I want to tell him,” she added.
“Okay,” he nodded.
“But what happens to our non-interference policy when it comes to family?”
“Are you interfering with him spiritually?”
“No,” she shook her head.
“Are you interfering with his job, who he has for friends, how he spends his time?”
“No,” she was watching him intently. “I want to explain to him our relationship,” she said slowly.
“I think he already has that figured out. He calls you mother and you call him son.” Jesse shrugged.
“But I want to tell him why he is vampire,” she continued on.
“Okay,” he replied. “Gabr, what is troubling you?” he asked gently.
“What if I explain it all to him and he does not want me to see him again?”
“What if you explain it all to him and he does?” he countered.
“Gabr-iel, Guardian to The Throne. As we get closer to the end, their world, along with their jobs, is going to get to be more hectic and undefined. Boundaries and boarders will get fuzzy and smudged. The *normalization of deviance is alive and well on planet earth.
Satan pushes that. The whispers that evil is not really that evil and look, over here is something far worse. Now that is evil.”
“But not with this crew,” she smiled at him.
“No,” he chuckled. “Not with this crew. They will hold true until the end.
Gabr, chat with your son. He knows that God loves him but he is going to need to know in his heart, that without a doubt, his mother has his back.
No time like the present,” he smiled at her. “Your Wednesday crew is filling in for you. I have heard that they grow tired of beer, being the bet. Something about a cask of The Death from Above is what you are going to end up owing them.”
Her eyes squinted. “O.I. is playing the long shots. That little…”
Jesse grinned at her and shook his finger. “Now, now…”
“I will chat with Samuel and then get back to it. If O.I. thinks for one minute I am going to owe him a favor,” she rolled her eyes. “He is sadly mistaken.”
Samuel’s Sleep Chamber, Shreveport
“Mother,” he smiled as he turned around from brushing his teeth.
“Son,” she lingered on the word, “You always know when I pop in,” she smiled in return.
“Always,” he replied. “Is there something I may do for you?” he asked as he rinsed his mouth and leaving his bathing area, pulled over a chair for her in front of the fireplace.
“I need to explain to you who you are and how you came to be.”
“I am the son of Joshua and Miriam. My father was an architect that…that worked on Pharaoh’s projects until he was locked into a pyramid as a sacrifice.
You rescued my mother, my sister and myself from the sea as we were running from Pharaoh’s army.”
“Yes,” she nodded. “All true. And then you grew to be a fine man and was made vampire.”
“Yes,” he nodded.
“By me,” she continued on.
“Yes,” his voice was soft and low as he reached for her hand, “I know.”
“You,” the tears formed in her eyes. “You know?”
“A son knows his mother. That night when you held me and turned me. I was overwhelmed at the love that I felt from you. The caring, the longing, the sorrow at what had to be done so that there would be the greater good.
There is no mistaking that feeling of when I am with you. I feel the love that radiates out of you for me. There could be no other reason for that than I am your son. The son of your heart, the son of your spirit.
What else do I need to know?” he smiled at her.
“You are so remarkable and I love you so much,” she stood and held out her arms.
When he was nestled up next to her, he sighed. “You know, the first time that you held me while we walked across the floor of the sea. I would from time-to-time look back and see Pharaohs’ army chasing us and the people around us calling out to hurry as they went running by. And all I could think of, when I saw all that fear and chaos was that my momma was going to get them. All of them. And,” he drew back from her, his eyes holding hers, “get them you did.
While we sat in played in the water, all I could think was I wanted to be able to do that. Save my people. Be strong and brave and fight for them. Destroy my enemies. Stand with those that love my God.”
“I am so proud of you,” she whispered as she placed a kiss on his forehead and her hands wandered to his hair.
“Of course you are my mother,” he chided her. ‘Seriously, that curl that I have was bred out of the human gene pool thousands of years, ago. And yet, your hair looks just like mine. And, it also helps that you have the same eye color as I do. And that slight accent you have…that is my slight accent.
Mother and son. They should tremble at the thought of the two of us together.”
“Oh my son,” she sighed, her heart content. “They do and they will.”
O.I. sat up and looked around. Someone was wrapping on his spirit and calling his name. Getting up, he went to the front door and fluttered out onto the porch.
“O’ defender of this galazy, o’ singer….”
“O king of the dragons,” Gabr-iel said as they stood nose-to-nose. “This is for you. The house is asleep and you are on duty.”
“What?” he said as he took the parcel from her and untied the string. “Mo’ fo’n,” he sighed. “I looks awful in this orange.”
“Gear up,” she smiled at him. “There will be no riding into Hell with your hot breath sizzling those down below and stirring their ashes with you breaking from doing the speed of light. It will just be you throttling back the back door of the trash truck. Not glamorous, not particularly note-worthy, and I certainly will not be needing a cask of The Death. You do, however need an orange jump suit.”
Smiling at her, he sighed and raising her hand to his lips placed a kiss, there. “I knows better than to bet against a lady,” he sighed. “But sometimes, I just cannot be helpin’ myself.
Momma knows?” he asked, worry in his voice.
“You bet she does,” she laughed. “Gave me a cask just because,” she chuckled.
“Let’s get this mo’ fo’m mo’ fo’er done,” he nodded unzipping the one-piece and stepping into it. “Do I really has to pose for the photo op?” he asked sweetly.
“Do not have to pose, but the photo, that would be the point and I get some of my best shots on the job. Bet against the Handmaiden of the Almighty and live forever on Gabriel’s Wall of Shame in the bar.
And I figure before the trash route is over, this fine day, I will have several very excellent ones to pick from.”
“Oh come on,” was being muttered throughout the bar. “Seriously, she got O.I.,” her crew mumbled and looked crestfallen. “So not only is there no Death from Above, she no longer owes us drinks….like until time ends,” was being fussed about. “And O.I. is wearing orange. Dude, have you ever? What a horrible color on him.”
Front and center, on the wall above the bar, was a photo of O.I. with his tongue out, two of his fingers pushing his snout up into the air and his eyes crossed. His jump suit was zipped all the way up his neck and he was wearing the matching cold weather gear hat, with cut outs for his ears and horns.
“Woof,” everyone would point at the photo and chuckle. “Looks like a serial killer,” they would all hoot and holler and then chip in and purchase Gabriel another round.
And this was not the cheap stuff, it took all of them throwing in their vouchers for a taste to purchase a full glass.
Nope…Gabriel, Guardian to The Throne, was sitting in a booth with her feet up, her sword on the table while her waiter brought her a drink. “Keep the change,” she smiled and winked at him.
“Mo’ fo’n,” the bar’s newest distiller, barkeep and waiter replied. “Never, ever, bets against a lady. Had no idea of the work load that drivin’ that trash route entails. I ams draggin’ my old ass on the ground and now gots to work off my debt of gigglin’ today at all the wrong moments. Just like she said I would…
Oh lordy,” he said looking up at the vibration that was incoming. “Word has spread. Here comes Momma. I ams in some deep Were shit. Just say’n.”
*A term coined by sociologist Diane Vaughan during the investigation of the NASA Challenger explosion.