Epilogue: Chapter 17
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own. This Story is rated M.
Epilogue: The Curse of the Eclipsing Blood Moon
Bill kept looking at his phone. It would light up from time to time with the Judge’s name as the who was calling. It had been that kind of night. The phone calls had stared with this new dark and just seemed to keep coming! “I am just wondering how fucked I am?”
He did not have Sophie-Anne in his possession. He did not have any of her information in his possession. What few codes he had known, she had changed them once the fire had started. So that is where she had disappeared too. Just fuck the luck! Obviously, she did not worry about scorching her own skin, oh no, not her! She was more concerned with her money than getting her own people out! What kind of queen was she! Selfish bitch! That is what she was! It really was all about her!
So here he was…he had taken every precaution he could think of…actually dug a hole in the ground in a cemetery so it was concentrated ground and covered himself up. He might still be awake but you would not bleed if you were buried in your own dirt. That is why he had high-tailed it home. Went over to the grave yard that was a bit on their property line and hunkered down, waiting for what he did not know. But if it was Armageddon, he was not going to be the sacrifice that made it happen.
And every time his phone would ring, it would sound like tasty snack, tasty snack, tasty snack…
When Bill had ignored the call for the 5thtime he closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. He was a vampire, he should be sleeping, not answering a phone! Of course, that did not explain the phone calls he had ignored since the new dark.
“Momma,” he cried out in anguish, “Momma, please talk to Jesus. Please tell him I was kidding when I told that foul creature he could have my soul in exchange for glory and gold here on earth! Momma you know I am your good boy,” he sobbed, “please Momma, I need you to be speakin’ to the angles and tell them I was only foolin.” His tears mingled with the dirt, making a mess all over his face and his shirt. It was time to rest. Sleep! The blessed relief was taking over, as he shut off his phone and slipped away to the sound of baying hounds.
It was still morning, a quiet time here on Earth. The sun just cresting the horizon, the birds waking up and singing, evil thinking it could walk one more day.
Gabriel slowed down the truck on Hummingbird Lane and called out to the Hell Hounds. “Hey good boys,” she grinned and tossed them both a snack. “I have some digging I need you to do for me.”
The both sat and wagged their tails so hard they began to lift up off the ground.
“I just got us some work! One William T. Compton has asked his Momma to talk to the Boss Man. And you know what she did?”
“Ooo-o-o-o-OOOOO!” they both laughed.
“That is correct,” Gabriel tossed all six heads another snack. “She told Him that she has been watching that no good son of hers and to take his ass straight to Hell. Fortunately, Boss Man feels the same way. So let’s dig him up and haul his ass out into the light and into the back of my trash truck. Judas would love to have the company.
You should be able to smell Bill’s blood from here. And we don’t want him to burn in the light, so you know, dog slobber all over him and then haul his ass out. We want him upright and walking on his own two feet so you chase him into the back of hm-h-h-h-h…what was it Judas used to call the back of my trash truck? Oh, that’s right, Sanctuary,” she chuckled as she watched six noses go up into the air, the baying started and the search was on!
Bill could hear them…the hounds of hell howling in the distance! Somehow, he knew they were coming for him! Fear gripped him when a howl went off over his grave and then he heard the pawing…someone or thing was removing the dirt at a high rate of speed with a lot of growling and low rumbling from deep with the pits of hell fire!
Frantically, he was trying to dig deeper when the first paw hit him and he screamed when a head appeared, then another, then another! All three mouths grabbed him and pulled him up onto the top of the dirt, shredding his clothes in the process until he had on nothing!
Then they began to vomit…great vast quantities of regurgitated yuck covered him!
The smell was over whelming as the slime crawled over him and into every crease, crack and crevasse! He began to wretch himself! Blood spewing out and covering his body and the ground! The gore was horrifying! That surely had not all come out of him!
That just seemed to excite the dog even more as he was pulled out by his hair and into the light….and then the terror and the shakes set in, there was another one! Two hell hounds! This was a nightmare! He was surely in his down time, somewhere lost between the two worlds of fear and anxiety that was eating away at his brain! He was here in the sun and not burning! This had to be a nightmare because this could not be real.
“Seriously,” he heard the female’s voice, “you are not good or righteous and not even worthy of being the boys’ meal. They just want to play with you…you know remove a few limbs for all of eternity so that you will always be easy prey and a meal for those that are feeble but faster than you.”
“What?” he tried to rise but a paw was placed on his chest and he was once more anchored in the bloody mulch that had once been him!
“Hell bound you are, Billy Boy. When you deal yourself into the Fallen’s network, well, there are serious consequences to pay. Especially when you try to take down an innocent. Handing Miss Sookie over to Leroy…bad mistake. Thinking you would have bragging rights for killing The Viking was just wrong on so many levels. So it will not be the Hallelujah chorus that will be welcoming you, just screams of pain. The loudest will be your own.”
“You cannot judge me,” Bill yelled. “I have rights. My momma had me baptized in Back Creek. Preacher came especially that Sunday just for me. We had fried chicken and sweetened rhubarb with our cornbread and a lemon meringue pie to celebrate the occasion. I am sanctified in the eyes of God.”
“Not my God,” she smiled at him as the hound removed the paw from his chest and Gabriel grabbed him by the legs and began pulling him along the ground.
As he bumped along, he screamed every obscenity he knew, demanding to be heard by someone other than a lackey!
“And,” he managed to get out. “I am still alive. You cannot cast me to anywhere while I yet live.”
Gabriel stopped and turned to look at him. “You met the true death when you vomited out your insides.”
“What?” he looked up at her.
“Yes,” she nodded. “The pups thought they could have a little fun with you but you got so scared you vomited out all of your blood and that ended your sad and disgusting life.”
“What?” he gasped out.
“Judgement day, Mr. Compton, has arrived. I am merely the currier. You will accompany me to your final destination.”
“Well, there are a few who live in the back of my trash truck where the glory of God shines on them nonstop. They prefer this to Hell. I cannot imagine why.”
“That is what I want,” he yelled at her and shook his fist. “That it was I deserve! The glory of God. Cast me into hell I think not. A trash truck was nowhere in my Sunday School lesson so I think that is just all made up. But I know the glory of God is real. So take me,” he snarked, “to my reward. For I am deserving.”
“Will do,” she smiled.
As they approached the back of the truck, Bill could hear the cursing and screams of agony!
“They must be unworthy to be in the presence of all that glory,” Bill chuckled. “I shall ride there until she stops in Heaven and I will get out there.”
The back opened and the smell was worse than that of the dogs came spilling out.
“Fresh meat,” she yelled as she picked him up and tossed him in.
Bill felt the claws and teeth of something not quite human rip into him and a burning that seared him!
Screaming, The Light penetrated every part of him. His cells exploded with pain! Even the cells that made up the hair on his body, his toe nails and finger nails! There was no place The Light did not penetrate.
“What is it that consumes me?” he screamed as he was being feasted upon.
“The glory of God,” he heard whispered in his ear before it was eaten, off. Judas could not keep his mouth shut even filled with this fresh meat, he must, talk. It was an addiction! He must always speak and spread the gospel of Judas. “Feasting on you makes me even more ravenous, friend. If I flip you over, thusly, I see there are no scorch marks on your ass yet! Excellent. You really are fresh! Let’s see if you taste any better in a bit of a more awkward position. Because your front tastes like the floor of this trash truck. And friend, the slime that resides there is from the beginning of time. You would think it would ferment and become wine. Why, I remember at a wedding when I changed water into wine. And I keep working this venue, but it still just taste like thousands of years rotting corpses.”
And thusly ended William T. Compton. Riding in the back of a trash truck that made the rounds on earth and dropped the damned in Hell. This is where the unholy would catch a ride but never loiter. They preferred the tortures of Hell to the insanity that lingered in the back of that truck! The Light that baked them was bad enough, but the bullshit that flowed from Judas and Bill was enough to make you want to get off in the worst part of Hell! It was not unusual for Gabriel to hear pounding on the back with screams of “Please, get me the fuck out of here! Just pull over anywhere! These two are just fucking nuts! And I thought I was fucking nuts! I am sane compared to these two! Sane enough to know that the fiery furnace and every demon in Hell chewing on me is preferred to their company!”
It was quiet at the club. The humans were sleeping for a couple of hours after the noon time repast. And it had been a feast!
“Are we going to open for business, tonight?” Pam asked. “I need to know what to tell folks that are going to be clocking in.”
“Tell them to stay home. We will pay their hourly wage but we are having a special event, tonight.
Put that out on our social-media feed as well. Fantasiais closed. We will be back in the biz on Wednesday night.”
“Will do,” Pam nodded and took out her phone and began spreading the word about not coming to work.
“They are still out there, close,” Ian remarked.
“Yes, they are,” Eric nodded. “I wonder just what it is they are waiting for?”
“Are you sure you gave the pizza delivery guy this address?” Cacius whined. “I am starving! And I want food. And I want pizza and beer!”
“I told you, they are on their way. And I don’t this gas station is going to let us sit out here and drink beer, even if we did purchase it from them. We are going to have to go someplace else. They have other customers to think about. Like soccer moms with their kids and the neighbors’ kids and the kids on the team.
Sitting out here and drinking, that is called public intoxication and they will put us in cuffs, place us in the back of a cruiser and haul us off to be processed.
Okay, there is the pizza car. You stay here! I will pay and we will be on our way. We will find a place to park close to the club and we will eat.”
“Damn I have the munchies,” Cacius groused. “And I want ice cream! A whole cow’s worth. And something salty! And…and…fries with a cherry coke, whatever the fuck that is. But this body had it once when it was younger and delighted in it so, he refused to ever have it again, it was such a temptation! I say, lets us be tempted! Let us tempt everyone! For it is better to rule with me in the darkness than to live in the light without catsup! And secret sauce! And I do not know what chocolate is, but I want all of it!”
Leroy got back in the car with two boxes of pizza.
“What is chocolate?” Cacius asked as he opened the top box, inhaled deeply and then picked up a piece and began to eat.
“Wait one,” Leroy nodded and went back into the Quickie Mart.
The bag he was carrying back out was bumping against his leg. Cacius started laughing. The Judge was humping a plastic sack!
“This,” Leroy got in and dug around in the bag and held up a plastic container with a pop-open top, “is chocolate. You can put it in milk, or on ice cream, or just pop open the top, put it to your lips and suck.”
“Oh-h-h-h-h,” Cacius sighed as his lips attached and the nectar flowed. “Better than momma’s milk,” he said smacking his lips and began to suckle, again.
“That should keep him quiet,” Leroy smiled to himself. “Let me just get to Fangtasia,park, eat something, then get on with my soon to be kingdom.”
“Pass me a piece of pizza…” he said reaching over and lifted the top off. “What the fuck! You ate one entire pizza by yourself? Seriously! You pig!”
“Whatever…” Cacius said taking his mouth away from the syrupy goodness. Licking his lips, he unscrewed the top and guzzled the liquid. “Better than eating between a woman’s legs,” he sighed as it ran down his chin and dripped onto his robe.
“Pig,” Leroy said with disdain. “And this is my car. You are going to pay to have it detailed.”
“I will be their god,” he smiled and licked his lips, then pulling up the cloth he suckled on the chocolate there, as well. “You can have whatever the fuck you want.
Is there another bottle?” he asked rooting around in the bag.
“Damn, you finish that one?”
“Well yes, that was just very fine. So is there another?”
“Yes,” Leroy rolled his eyes. “Down there in the bottom someplace. And be careful with the potato chips. Kettle cooked are my favorite. And we have to get going. I want to park behind those trees that we spotted in their back forty. Get the lay of the land and then storm the castle. All the vamps should be down. Any humans and I will just shoot them.
You are sure you are capable of finding where the vamps bed down?”
“Yes, of course, the magic dust and this ice cream just enhances my super natural powers. I feel like I could star walk in this body! Fu-u-u-u-k what a feeling! Power running down my legs and out into the universe!”
“That is piss you moron! You just pissed in my car!”
“You will be king and I will be your god and you can have whatever the fuck you want,” he grinned. “I am going to have that tattooed onto your forehead so that every time you look in a mirror,” Cacius threw a spoon of ice cream at him, “you will see it!” he yelled. “Stop criticizing me! I am a god! I can do whatever the fuck I want!
“You shit in my car,” Leroy growled, “and I am hauling your ass down into the river and weighing you down with rocks.”
“You ungrateful maggot,” he began to weep. “I am just learning to abide in this body and all you do is rebuke me.”
“Justifiably so,” he replied.
Cacius sobbed for a bit and then they drove along in silence, for which Leroy was grateful. Here came the club. Leroy did a careful look over of Fangtasia’s front parking lot and smiled when he saw it was empty. Then he drove around to the back, took note of his surroundings and then continued on down the road to the trees. Parking, he shut off the engine.
“All is quiet and I am feeling a lot better about this. Now hand over the bag of goodies. And those kettle chips had better be unopened.”
Cacius handed him the sack and Leroy picked up the chip bag that was still on top.
“Fuck,” he hissed as he looked in the bag. “You ate those during that time you had stopped talking, didn’t you! That was why you were so fucking quiet! I should have known. You cannot fucking stop running at the mouth and then you go quiet. I just fucking should have known.”
“I was hungry and you were driving,” was his curt reply. “You are very concerned about your auto. I am just helping you keep it neat and tidy.”
“You little fucker…” Leroy yelled and threw the empty bag at him.
“No need to be mean. It is not my fault that I am not amply endowed.”
“What?” Leroy eyed him. “Then, oh-h-h-h, left them wanting did you?”
“Left me wanting more,” Cacius grinned. “Now, what else is in the bag?”
“What the fuck?” Pam asked as she looked up from the monitor. “I mean, just what the fuck? They have sat out there for an hour!”
“They have the munchies,” Lafayette replied. “I suspects they has been high rollin’ in some unrighteous poisons. Can you zooms in?” he asked.
“Of course,” she eyed Lafayette as she moved her finger across the screen on her phone.
“Covered in the magical and mystical shits that is white. Do nots be knowin’ which powder that is for sure, but it cannot be good.”
“When do you think they are coming inside?” Gran asked.
“Cannot for sure be sayin’,” Lafayette shrugged his shoulders.
“I am thinking that when it gets dark they are going to know that they need either the same plan or a new plan,” Eric was watching them inside the car. “Cacius is filthy,” he shook his head in disgust. “Looks like maybe he has blood in his hair and something covering the front of his body. I don’t want him walking in here like that. I think it is time for some rain.”
“You can do that?” Sookie eyed him. “Wait one, of course you can,” she grinned. “My man is not without his own brand of magic.”
“Damn straight,” he winked at her, licked his lower lip and mouthed “straight and hard.”
Rubbing his hands together he began by stirring the winds and swirling around the humidity.
“I can feel the pressure dropping,” Ian nodded.
“Get ready,” Eric grinned, “for tropical storm you are so fucked. But clean before you come into my place of business.
Lover, are you ready?” he looked over at Sookie.
“Get the rain started and then bring them in.”
“Where did this storm come from?” Leroy asked as the lightning sparked the rain showing each drop and thunder shook the leaves off the trees.
“I did this,” Cacius snarked, “just to show you what I am capable of. So do not ever mock me, again.”
“Well damn, can you make it slow down for a moment?”
“No,” he smiled. “Now, drive us around to the front of the building and park under the portico.”
“Have you lost your mind?” the judge scowled. “No. We get in and get out. I am sure they have security cameras and probably store that on the cloud. My license plate is not coming up on a police blotter. Now get your ass in gear. We are going to make a run for the back door.”
Cacius made a sound of disgust. “So you don’t think they don’t have a camera back here?”
“Oh, I am sure they do. So keep your head down and run.”
“You do not look that strong to me,” Cacius quipped, “have you magic after all to open that door?”
Leroy laughed as he reached under his seat and took out a very large pistol. “Magic, you bet, in the form of this Desert Eagle. I call him Dirty Harry,” he said patting the pistol fondly. “As a judge I just never know when I am going to need to protect myself from the underbelly of humanity,” he laughed out loud. “Actually, this storm is perfect,” he winked at Cacius. “I am blasting my way through the back door. And if any human is in unfortunate enough to be there, Dirty Harry will persuade them to direct us to the vamps and then those vamp lovers are dead as well.
So get ready to run,” he said opening his car door. “It is time to rule the world!”
“He has gots him some serious fire powers,” Lafayette said.
“Our back door is going to take a serious hit,” Pam frowned. “Can these fuckers just come to the front door and knock? It would sure make things easier. That door cost a fortune.”
“And what is he going to do,” Eric chuckled, “when he finds out he cannot blast through?”
“No,” Pam shook her head. “Just no!”
“Paris all over again, aye, me boy’o,” Cedric laughed.
“Looks like,” Eric sighed. “Damn but oh well…” Eric shrugged as they heard the gun blast hit the door lock. “Door is done, anyway. Cannot very well have the health inspector seeing bullet holes in the back door.”
“What the fuck?” Leroy began cursing. “This gun can take down an elephant! What is this lock made out of?”
“Step back, and let a god do this, you nitwit. Sometimes you need a bigger brute force. We shall use the power of nature! Stand back and take cover.”
“How far back?”
“Shrapnel will probably be present, so maybe off to the side.”
“Well, I cannot possible get anymore more soaked then I am already, so let her rip.”
“Sookie you are on,” Eric bowed to her.
“Okay, I am watchin’ this asshole’s hands. Here he goes, he is raisin’ them and ka-pow!” she threw her hands out and on the monitor they all saw the lightning strike as the door blew inward.
“Fuck,” Pam hissed and stomped her foot. “Wall damage as well, not to mention the rain blowing in.”
“Once they step inside we shall dispense with the downpour,” Eric said as the two pushed aside what remained of the metal and walked into the hall. “Now,” Eric breathed out. “We could use just a gentle rain. Still some thunder and lightning, but not the hurricane force winds.
Better,” he grinned as he heard the wind subside. “Now, places everyone, the show is about to start.”
Carefully they stepped into the building.
“Did you see that?” Cacius crowed! “I mean did you see it! Smell that ozone! Look at the door hinge. That metal is still glowing it is so hot! I have it! I really have the power! No one is going to stand in our way. I am going to be a god,” he laughed and then wept. “A god, finally. After all this time, my diligence and perseverance and believing in myself has finally paid off. I am going to rule and the first thing I am going to do is…is…well, have all that lovely cocaine brought to me and I am going to bathe in it!”
“Carnal delights,” Leroy sadly shook his head. “You know, I learned that back in the day. Somethings are better than getting your dick sucked.”
“Really?” Cacius turned and looked at him. “And what would that be?”
“Being the one in charge. Writing the rules and making the laws. Taking what you want when you want it. Power. I mean absolute and forever.”
“Spoken like a broken man,” Cacius sniffed and shook all over and wiped at his hair. “Longing for something you have always wanted and been denied. From the very beginning, you were lacking and yet I allowed you to continue.”
“Do not tell me what my early years were like on earth. I lived those. Every fucking one of them in that village with that self-righteous little blonde shit and her warrior king! I want to feast on them when you get your god powers up and running! Pull them out of Valhalla or where ever the fuck they went.”
“Oh, so now you want specific things,” Cacius laughed.
“Do not smirk at me, while you rested up in the stars, by body has been slammed back onto earth at your whim. Well, oh clueless one and sex and drug addict, find out for yourself what living here is like. You now own that body so I would be very good to it. And you look fucking ridiculous soaked to the skin in that white robe. Just shows how little you have and where.”
“Be careful I do not unleash the lightning on you,” he hissed, “and set you on fire. Then I will put you back together all wrong. I will put your dick in the middle of your forehead. And your anus where your mouth is while you are a toasted raw steaming mess!”
Sookie looked around at the crowd. “That sounds ominous. And dangerous and just downright nasty. Who would say that to anyone?”
“Apparently Cacius and the Old One either mix very well or not at all,” Gran remarked. “Or maybe they have both just been peddling bullshit for so long neither one no longer remembers their original construct or powers or whatever they thought their manifest destiny was going to be or should be.”
“Or maybe they were both just assholes to start with,” Eric added. “We have established like is drawn to like. And no matter how much you shake things around, oil does not mix with water.”
“You think they are going to self-destruct?” Ian asked.
“Not in Fangtasia,” Eric responded watching the monitor. “I do not want to clean up their mess. So let us move this along. If we could keep it all behind the closed door, I would love that. But that probably is not going to happen. So places everyone and let us get this done.
Pamela, if you would please, kill all the lights and let us see what happens next.”
“What the fuck just happened?” Leroy asked. “Did you do that?”
“You mean turn out the lights?” Cacius screeched. “No!”
“I mean, with your lightning bolt, did you fry some electrical wiring and blow the circuits?”
“Oh,” Cacius replied in a bit lower and less fearful voice. “I don’t know? Maybe? All this power unleashed,” the bravado was back, “hard to say.”
“Well can you provide some light? And I don’t hear anyone yelling to turn the lights back on. So I am guessing no humans. So how do we find the vamps in the dark? And we are not even out front yet,” he said, taking out his phone and hitting the flashlight.
The door ahead of them opened by itself and you could see blue dancing lights hovering, zipping about and sharing the space where a light bulb was, showering the area around it with what looked like a blue sparkler.
“Impressive,” Leroy swiveled his head and said to Cacius with a smile. “Damned impressive.”
“Thank you,” he smiled in return. “I believe with my magic, we will be able to find the vampires.”
“Well, we need to get a move on this. Daylight is soon going to be turning into darkness. Can you defeat a vamp?”
Cacius preened. “I found it doubtful that an undead can survive a lightning blast. We can proceed. Some caution, of course, but just look at this ceiling,” his eyes began traveling around the hall. “And to think humans actually did the carving on it,” he let out a low whistle. “So perhaps your species has some use after all.”
Leroy was in front and his step did not falter. “So this fucker thinks he is taking out my subjects. We shall see. He seems to forget that he wears a human body as well.
I thought you were in here for a meeting before all this started?” he said.
“Yes, but that human could not appreciate what was before him. Small man with a small mind. And sadly, a small penis.
But this, this is a deft hand and an artist with the gift. Do you see this demon carved here on the end, truly, I think I know that fellow. It’s the eyes and the fangs and the way his claws are holding that skull. Looks exactly like Hubertus.
My word, and I do mean my word,” he grinned at his own private joke, “I recognize all these fine fellows that are carved in here. What a fabulous place. This shall become my new home.
Let us find the bar. And while we are there, pour me something Leroy. I think this calls for a celebration.”
“You want something to drink?” the judge said in disbelief. “We need to find these vampires and destroy them. Evening is coming.”
“You have such a small mind and spirit, Leroy,” Cacius said turning to face him. “Now let me tell you about my mind and spirit. I am far reaching and all encompassing. I am prepared. Always. I see the future and the past and I am more than you shall ever be. I was there at the beginning and I watched as Satan fell and it was glorious! Sincerely, I might have been stuck in the ether but I watched as the fabulous fallen fuckers…fabulous fallen fuckers…fabulous fallen fuckers…”
“Cacius…Cacius,” Leroy moved in closer as Cacius kept chanting those last three words. “Are you all right? What is going on?”
The Scooby Gang was on their headsets and watching their monitor. “What the fuck, His La La Fineness wants to know, is going on? Did his head just do a complete 360? And the contortions the rest of his body is going through.”
“Look at his pupils’,” Ian whispered. “They are bugging out. And the way the top of his scalp is moving. He’s blowing out the synapsis in his brain.”
Eric was watching the monitor. “He is on overload. The drugs have cooked the body. What the fuck is that stuff oozing out of his facial orifices?
Magics, you are now on alert. I would not engage this fucker until we know just exactly what he is. Let us handle this…and if it goes south, go inert!
Gran, you need to shelter.”
“Hell no,” she gave Eric the stink-eye. “The Holy Spirit that dwells in me is more than any evil that the bowels of Hell can vomit out. I have lived that gospel my entire life. I am not running now!
Grand-daughter, hand me one of your special swords. It is game on!”
“Livin’ the spirit she is, our Gran,” O.I. grinned.
“And maybe a bit of the dragon blood,” Adele high-fived O.I. and both shouted “mo’ fo’n!”
“The official battle cry,” Lafayette nodded in agreement. “Miss Sooks, some swords that come bathed in The Blood, if you will please!”
“On that,” she grinned and an array of battle paraphernalia
appeared. “Oh-h-h-h-h,” was chuckled by the ladies. “Girly armor. Look how those links sparkle! Is that paved?” Gran asked.
“Blown in by the mind of God,” Lafayette smiled as he picked a chain mail shirt up. “And light as an angel’s feather!”
“Gear up,” Eric’s voice was quiet. “Leroy does not know it yet, but I believe he is going to be Cacius’ next meal.”
“I wonder if all these doors in this hall are the same as the outside one,” Leroy tapped Pamela’s office door with his pistol.
Turning he saw the new and improved Cacius. “What…what the fuck?” he whispered in fear as he saw green ooze seeping from all the orifices on his face.
“Seems I am merging with the universe,” he grinned and his jaw dropped open and his teeth grew longer and very pointed.
“I can see by the look on your face I am reverting back to my true nature. Pity, this body may not be handsome but it has several things going for it.”
“Have you always looked like that?” his voice quivered.
“You mean before The Fall, no. I got into a sword fight with an angelic who was a bit more than I was. Not only was there hacking and slashing involved, but apparently I was cursed to this form as well. I found living in the ether, I could take on a more pleasant form, which is how I recruited you. I mean, seriously, no one wants to sell their soul to anything that even faintly resembles me.
You were so willing, Leroy, you begged and whined and wanted and wished for and sliced your own wrists so that I might taste your blood and accept it as a sacrifice. You were so sweet and so desperate and so willing. I like meals that are willing,” he grinned as green puss dribbled down his chin. “And ones that beg and whine and want and wish for death. You can live in my belly and help nourish me and give me something to laugh about whenever things get a little too serious.”
“No,” Leroy turned and opened fire on what was left of the human construct.
“Should have killed me when you had the chance. With the change, I am unstoppable by the likes of your weak human ways. Now where was I, oh yes, a meal.”
“That,” Pam pointed at the monitor, “is just disgusting. And somewhat horrifying. I mean, will we ever get that green goo to come out whatever it touches. This moron has no idea how much those we clean until it is spanky new folks charge. And this is some type of cosmic bio clean up. Damn, I am never going to show a profit for the month of October!”
“Now that’s interesting,” Ian said leaning in closer to the monitor, “he is puking up Leroy and making little demon Leroy’s. So I guess we all get a whack at one.”
“Not enough of his Leroy fuckedupness to make a Leigon,” O.I. sighed. “That is just sads. Once I flame on, all those mo fo’ers just might pass on to judgement. For goods!”
“Do not,” Gran eyed him, “take out more than your fair share,” she shook her finger at him. “We all want bragging rights.”
“Man,” Sookie chuckled, “he should have let Leroy live a bit longer. Look at him, not one clue about how to make things happen. He is trying to use the gun to blast his way through the door. Does not know the first thing about how to use it.”
“Just keeps pullin’ the trigger, expectin’ the bullets to come out. That boy’o is dumber than Were shit,” Cedric snickered. “And I am seein’ what you mean about the cleanup, Mistress Pamela, looks to be snot everywhere. And that snot just forms another dumber than Were shit Leroy…only round and has no legs and…and…is that his dick that is dragging on the floor? Woof! Green slime or not, that is just damned impressive. Look, they are pushing themselves along with that thing.”
“Can I see?” King Eric asked, the voice muffled in Eric’s pants. “I cannot believe anyone is more robust than myself!” he said in disbelief.
“What?” Gran looked over at Eric’s crotch. “Your penis talks?”
“Yes, at all the wrong times,” Eric snarled and slapped the front of his crotch. “We are to war, so grab a knife and be at the ready,” Eric said to him.
“Ouch, you big oaf,” was yelled back in a Swedish accent. “I should just let them gut you, but alas, it would be my ending as well. So to war and we shall table this discussion for a later time.”
“He talks,” Sookie smiled at Gran.
Eric just shrugged his shoulders and grinned. “Yes. And at all the wrong times.
So, less about King Eric and more about the problem at hand. Gear up! We are to war!”
There was a pounding on the door! Kicks and yells and screams! Cursing and cussing and swearing!
“Is he really that stupid?” Sookie asked. “I mean, seriously?”
“Do not, Grand-daughter, confuse Hollywood’s version of evil with evil. Not all knowing, or all powerful, or smart. Between all of them, they do not have one complete brain between them. Just how many doors did they pass and one of them takes you to the kitchen. From the kitchen you can access this area.
But on the other hand, this is pretty good entertainment. Look at those blob things, trying to stand on top of each other so they can make a green snot snowman…or something…” she rolled her eyes. “And knocking each other around and out of the way with their…yes, those have got to be a penises.”
“They can play pool all by themselves,” Lafayette said. “You know, they comes as a cue ball and their own stick.”
“That is a good thought. I could label it an inter-dimension billiards game. I bet Vegas would bet on that,” Pam looked intrigued. “Maybe I’ll send along the videos…” Her voice trailed off as Eric arched an eyebrow at her. “Or not…so Boss Man, next move?”
“Take your magic and places everyone. I am going to open the door. Pamela is correct, they will be coming down the hall passage. And the magic that lives back there is starting to yell at me in my ear piece.”
“Do you see my power and might!” Cacius bellowed, “did you see that! I command the door to open and so it did! It obeys me as all things must. I am ruling this planet and all shall bow and worship and I shall be their god.”
He began to weep as all the green blob Leroys circled around him and threw snot on him! “We listen and obey and share in the goodness!” the round Leroys shouted as they danced about on the tip of their penis.”
“Pogo stick,” Sookie was doing her best to remain tactical but was finding it difficult to do so. “Please, someone make a noise, like you are something yummy to eat. Get them out here. They keep this up, I am going to pee my pants!”
“Reeee, reeeeeee, reeeeeeeee,” pig sounds started from behind the bar.
“That O.I. and Lafayette,” Sookie chuckled as she looked over at Eric. They were perched up by the gargoyles. “And Gran, would you hear her yelling bacon! Like that woman did not have a heart attack just a couple of months ago.”
Eric smiled at her.
“This building is beautiful. The view from up here is stunning,” Sookie sighed. “Your attention to detail is outstanding. The crown molding is actually carved with gargoyles on it.”
“Have to carry the theme and keep everyone happy,” Eric winked at her. “So tell me Sookie, am I keeping you happy?”
“What do you mean?” she looked over at him. “I am going to have a family. Eric that is all I have ever wanted. Someone to love and someone who loved me in return. Babies…I never dared to dream of babies.
You really want to marry me?”
“Right now,” he said taking both of her hands. “This minute. So let us end these cocksuckers and get on with our love.”
“I would like that,” she brought his hand to her lips and kissed it.
“Then let us make it so.”
There, in his eyes, she could see it. The love, the devotion, the dedication…the truth of his words…the truth of his heart.
“I love you,” he kissed her gently. “And you and my heir stay here and watch.”
“What?” she hissed at him.
“I might toss one up to you, but you watch from your lovely perch and enjoy the show.”
Eric placed his hand on her breast, kissed her, and was gone.
“That sneak,” she huffed and then grinned. The snot crew was making its way to the bar. “Pogo sticks,” she chuckled to herself and settled in with the gargoyles to watch the show.
Lafayette, Gran, O.I., and now joined by Brother Samuel were behind the bar.
“Don’t have the times to do frozen,” Lafayette smiled, “so we shall just do shaken and not stirred. Give mes the blue agave and Brother Samuel, you have the extra special magic ingredient, let us starts rimmin’ glasses. These mo’ fo’er are about to meet the righteous side of God. No magics required.”
“No magics required,” O.I. laughed so hard he flamed. “Just the goodness The Light has provided here on Earth.”
“Drinks!” Cacius yelled at the bar.
And just like that, drinks appeared!
“Did you see that!” he yelled and beat his fist up in the air. “Magic, my magic, pure, sweet and simple. All must obey me! All! Yes! I am god and I shall be god and I shall always be god!
And look at this lovely green color of this alcohol! Exactly your color Leroys. Come and drink and partake of my generosity and over flowing heart. We shall toast the new regime and then drink.”
Cacius was busy passing out the drinks.
All the blobs thought their big and mighty penis was a handy thing to have. Not only did it act as a leg, a hand, or a place to house your brain, it also acted as a straw.
“Here is to me, the new god! I shall reign forever! Now bottom’s up,” he raised his glass in a salute. The Leroys did likewise and the set the glass down on the floor and all drank.
“Wait for it,” Samuel smiled into his mic. “In 5,4,3,2,1…and we are a go for slime.”
“Like putting salt on a slug,” Gran said standing up and watching.
“Exactly like that,” Samuel grinned. “Especially when the salt comes from the Dead Sea and has been blessed by Saul and Miriam Levi. Owners of one of the best deli’s in New York.”
“Ouch,” Sookie floated down with Eric and watched the floor show. “Literally. You can watch the salt coursing through Cacius. That does not look pleasant. And I would love a Margaretta, but I guess not. No alcohol or caffeine for me for the next nine months.”
“We are all in agreement about that,” Gran nodded. “And yes, the blue agave sounds mighty good. I watched Lafayette add his little something extra special.”
“You mean that can of beer?” Sookie grinned.
“Makes it goods, better, bestest,” O.I. nodded, finished his glass and pushed it towards Lafayette for a refill.
“Well, there goes the last of Cacius,” Ian said making a face. “Woof! Grave roof rot smells better.”
“He looks like an old dried out brown booger. Woof…just nasty.”
“He has been fermenting since the fall from Heaven,” Gran nodded. “Can not get much ripper than that.”
“Pam, call in Natchez and her coven of six…tell her to bring everything she has got to clean this mess up. That includes her sister’s coven as well. Pay her whatever she wants.”
“On that,” she nodded. “Hope these fuckers do not permanently stain our rock floors. I know we had them sealed and blessed, but still, yuck!”
“Let’s go home,” Eric wrapped Sookie in his arms.
“Home sounds the very best of all,” Sookie tip-toed up and kissed him. “The very best of all.”
Pam looked over at Cedric. “Irish, you staying here with me, or are you going to the house.”
“O’, I am a stayin’ lass. We’ll travel to the house, together.”
Pam opened the front door to let the cleaning crew in.
“Hi,” the tall woman greeted her. “Natchez told me you had plasma snot that had been dosed with blessed salt all over your building. You know she has an allergic reaction to the salt, so she sent me instead. Do not worry, we do an excellent job. You pay us according to our clean up and how much it is worth to you.”
“Who do I make the check out too?” Pam asked.
“St. Michael’s Hospital.”
“That the one that takes kids for free, specializing in cancer treatments.”
“That is the one,” she nodded.
“Will do,” Pam nodded. “And if they ask, who do I say is making the donation?”
“Gabriel’s Cleaning Service.”
Pam stood looking at the woman, intently. “Especially a tall, beautiful, woman. I never forget a face. I have seen you someplace, before.”
“Probably. We clean up the messes no one else wants. If you need brain matter cleaned out of your floor grout, we are the *pros from Dover.”
“Cute,” Pam smiled. “I’ll be in my office. Let me know when you are finished.”
“Can do,” she nodded. “I’ll get the crew.
Zeke, Ray, Mikey. Back the truck up and hook up the equipment. It is looking like Hell melted all over their floor.”
Pam can hear the crew making jokes and running their vacuums. She spent the next hour wondering where she had seen the woman, before.
“Cedric, that woman, the tall beautiful one, do you recognize her? From anywhere?’
“No, why?” he asked.
Gabriel stuck her head in the door. “We are finished. Take a look around and write the check. We have to move on. Got another call.”
“Will do,” Pam said. “We’ll do the walk through now and I will post it tonight.”
“Great thanks,” she smiled and was gone.
“Come on, let’s do the walk and go home.”
“Clean,” Cedric said once they stepped out into the hall.
“Very clean. I wonder if they work internationally?”
“Hm-m-m, yes,” Pam gave it a glance. “She certainly seems familiar. I have seen her before. Reminds me of a dream.”
“Really?” he gave her a quizzical look. “That sounds like a memory pushing through from when you were human.”
“Well,” Pam rolled her eyes at him, “that would make her…” and her voice trailed off.
“From when I was human.”
Vamp speed she was gone and caught up with the crew at the trash truck.
“I know you,” Pam wiped the tears from her eyes. “The night I ran away from home, there in that alley, there was a couple of vampires that were going to make a meal of me. You…you…pulled a sword right out of the air. And ended them. You turned to me and said, ‘You can find sanctuary at The Hallowed House of Spirits.’ Eric was there. That was the first time I met him.”
“Good memory,” Gabriel smiled.
Pam had a moment. She did not believe in angels. Especially ones that watched out for the likes of her. “What, what did you do with the…the remains you pulled out of the club?”
“In the back of my trash truck. I’ve got Compton back there as well if you would like to get in one last good-bye.”
“Can Cedric look as well?” she asked.
“Certainly,” she smiled. “Zeke, open the back, the boys have visitors.”
As the back opened, the stench of hell came rolling out.
“Gawd, I’d know Compton’s smell anywhere,” Pam grinned. “Bill the Boob, I know you are back there, show yourself! Cedric is here with me and we wish to say our hello’s!”
There was screaming and cursing and finally something that had the appearance of Bill Compton slithered to the front.
“You bitch!” he screamed. “And I see you have that lower than Were shit Irish with you!”
“Damn boy’o, you are lookin’ a bit of rough and puked up and out. But I must say you are a’lookin’ much better than the last time I saw you.”
“Bill, you have guests,” came another voice that was screaming in pain, “and you did not tell me!”
“You just continue to disappoint your friends,” Pam laughed.
“Judas, just shut the fuck up,” he bellowed back.
Pam and Cedric looked at each other than over at Gabriel.
“The original?’ they both said.
“The one and only,” she rolled her eyes.
“Thanks for the…the…” Pam motioned with her hands to the back. “I’ll tell Eric…”
“Best to you and yours,” Gabriel smiled at her. “And continue to walk your path.”
The angel in the orange work jump suit turned to go.
“Excuse me,” Pam reached out to her with her hand. “Eric’s piece of Heaven…is there a place for me, there?”
“Child,” her eyes met Pam’s, her voice was soft and sweet, “he would be most disappointed if there was not. You know how he is…” she chuckled. “We would all be disappointed,” her voice was sincere.” Then with a grin she added, “We would miss you particular brand of snark.
Cedric,” she bowed her head to him, climbed up into the truck, closed the door and motored off.
They were silent as they watched as the blinker came on and the truck turned the corner.
“I am going to be a big sister. I am going to be the best big sister in the world.”
“I never doubted,” Cedric said taking her hand.
“Thank you,” she said.
“For what lass,” he asked, lifting her chin up and brushing the tears away.
“For always giving me hope.”
“Tis the way of the Irish, Lass.”
“What part of Ireland are you from, originally?” she asked as they walked off hand-in-hand.
“Dublin,” he replied.
“Will you take me there sometime?”
“To my seat of government?”
“No, your home. Where you had your beginning?”
“Of course,” he replied and as they walked toward Bon Temps, holding hands, the sun began to rise, the air to heat and the birds to take shelter. There was a storm brewing. Not one of Eric’s making.
And Passion was its name.
So ends another story. Sorry this chapter took so long. I am no longer driving the bus in Crazy…have been promoted to driving the train….alllllll aboard!
The blue agave is still free in Crazy…so stop on by and let me buy you a drink!
I am back to publishing original fiction…I seem to remember taking a break from it and writing a short blast I was calling the Eclipse of the Blood Moon…please stop laughing, you know I can hear you!
As always, thanks for reading!
Be blessed and be the blessing,