The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.
This story is rated M.
Chapter 17 I Like Big, Expensive Cars…
The boys watching the casino parking lot had just come on shift. Their office was nice. Good chairs. Good equipment. Good place to work. Right before dawn was normally slow and they could sit back and actually have a cup of coffee hot without drinking it cold. “Hey Jones,” Wiley called out. “Take a look at this license plate on the brand new BMWi8. That license plate says Louisiana. Why, they are just a bit of a ways from home.”
Sandy Jones was a were of the finest sort. He liked working here on the mountain, where he could run, jump, play and steal. He just did the stealing from a distance. “The car is registered to one William T. Compton in Bon Temps. If he is here then who is there guarding what I am sure is his very lovely home?”
“That,” Wiley said in a most serious voice, “is a very good question. Time to call a fellow brother in Shreveport and have him go take a little look around. Why we cannot be too careful. Thievery abounds!”
“Eric,” Molly was tied into their cameras. “They have panned over to the BMW. Good call on that.”
“Yes, let us park a one hundred thousand plus dollar car under that light and see what happens. I bet Billy Boy has gentleman callers.”
Siggy and the escort Samuel had provided for him, Susan, had been inside the casino for an hour. Looking, listening, sniffing.
“Baby dearest,” Susan smiled sweetly at him. “We have got to get moving. Momma and Daddy are expecting us to help set up.”
“I’m drunk, Baby Doll,” he said giving her a goofy grin. “And I am twice as big as you. Make that three times as big as you,” he giggled. “I think I am gonna need some help.”
It was the early morning hours and Eric was listening to Siggy quote Shakespeare as he was being helped back into the BMW.
“Thank you all so much,” Susan smiled at the two men who helped put the happy drunk into the car. “Ya’ll are just the best. We had a real good time. We only had this little bit of early morning time before the family reunion starts. We have to be back in Taos in time for breakfast and the meet and greet. We had no idea that this was so nice or that ya’ll were so liberal with your top shelf liquor.”
“Mm-m-m-m good,” Siggy nodded in agreement.
“Next time we come this way, we will be sure and stay local,” she had smiled at them as they put Siggy into the passenger seat, closed the door and saluted her and waved her out of the parking lot.
“Coming to you,” Siggy said once they were out of the town limits and he sat up.
“Roger that,” Eric replied. “Next rest stop and you are home. Now Samuel, please stop pouting,” Eric smiled over at his brother. “We do not know who your maker is. Therefore, you are not going into town. It is just that simple.”
“He’s right, Samuel,” Sookie patted his hand while they sat at the rest stop. “We can’t very well have your maker show up and command you to do something. So we’ll just hang with Eric and take it easy for now.”
Samuel let out a big sigh. “Yes, but eventually the big blond is going into town.”
“You bet I am,” Eric smiled. “And you are not. Good, here comes Susan. Right on time. Time to switch out. My darling wife, you have the wheel and I shall just sit in the shadows with the rest of the boys.”
“Sun is gonna clear the horizon in one hour exactly. How are you boys feeling back there?” Sookie asked. “Anyone want their box?”
“Nope, we are good,” they all replied.
“Well just fine, then. We have an hour to get ya’ll back. This panel truck is nice, but I prefer you be someplace a little more light-tight. I know Eric’s blood will keep you from burning, but I would rather not push that so close in…or the bleeds. We want you to be at your best.”
When they arrived home, Sookie pulled into the underground parking garage.
“Sun’s up,” they all said together as they went up the stairs into the house.
“I want to see it,” Vald said.
“Vlad…” Samuel began.
“You said the windows were heavily tinted. And we have seen glimpses of the first morning light at the farmhouse. I want to see it…”
“Stay away from the glass,” was all Samuel said as they all stood in a line and watched the sun clear the mountain.
There were no words, only tears when the bright shinning orb that had been denied to them for centuries was blazing in the sky.
“Rest now,” was all Sookie said as she smiled at them. “Night is commin’ on.”
Wiping their eyes and smiling at her, they all walked away.
“You too,” she looked up at Eric. His face was covered in bloody tears as well. “Not as much ozone, here, Eric. I know you can out and about in the shade at home, but let us not push that here.”
“Yes lover,” he smiled at her as he picked her up and carried her off to bed.
The boys were up before sunset and were standing at the west window, watching the sun slip behind the mountain. If this was part of the effect of having super charged blood they were all for it. They all ate and then went looking for Eric.
“This morning went very well,” Eric said as they gathered around. “Siggy, the floor is yours.”
“They track with the cameras in the parking lot. They were watching me as I got to the car. You could hear the motors whirring as it moved. There were no weres working this morning on the casino floor but I could smell where they had been. They probably keep those on hand for the evening hours in case a vampire shows up.”
“We will test that theory this evening,” Eric added.
“There were also no vamps at the casino this morning while Susan and I were there. Too close to sunup. They were off having their last romp before bedtime.”
Eric was carefully watching his friends. One thing he could say for the friends he kept. They were all doers. It was easy to read what was on their faces. “Samuel does not get a turn in town. Siggy had his turn. Now I understand that you three want to try stealth mode into town. Be very careful. Set the timer on your watch. You be back in here in three hours or less. You do not want Daddy to come looking for you, now do you?”
All three grinned and then lined up to have a hit of Tall, Blond, Viking Delight.
“Damn,” Vlad was licking his fangs. “Something is different,” he said as he stepped back, still running his tongue through his mouth.
Eric looked at Cedric. “Different?” he asked.
“Something,” he nodded his head.
“Yes,” he nodded. “Subtle. But different. Salty…saltier…” he said running his tongue over his teeth.
“That’s it!” Vlad said snapping his fingers and Cedric nodded in agreement.
“Noted,” was all Eric replied as they each took another look at the map as they went out the door.
Vlad, Ian, and Cedric approached the town from different directions. They were super fast and then switched to float mode once they were in the deep shadows of the mountains. Weres roamed the woods and you could hear them howling on the wind, being pushed by the air currents that swept around the sides of the steep slopes.
Once they saw the lights of town, they carefully made their way through admiring the shadows. Stopping to look in shop windows and taking a whiff when they heard a door they could not see, open.
All three converged outside the casino. “Spread out and walk the perimeter,” Ian whispered. “How deep did they did dig those tunnels?” he asked. “They probably put them in as water lines and then just covered them with dirt. We are listening for any type of movement underground.”
At midnight, the boys magically reappeared back at Samuel’s.
“Map of the town,” Cedric smiled. “So nice of them to proved one for all of us. Here,” he took out a pen, “here and here. Those were the entrances that I found. Ian, what about you?”
“Here and there were five coming out of the saloon.”
Raised eyebrows went up all around the room.
Vlad marked the map with his pen. “I found four exits in the mountains. Only one in town and it was from the Kitty’s Paws Nail Salon.”
They were all studying the map of tonight’s recon. “Good job,” Eric smiled as he noted the openings. “And the casino, has four branching off from the underground pipe.”
“All four directions,” Vlad said. “He can take off in any direction if need be. But I would just stick to the mountains. Why would he want to head back to Taos?”
“Desert dweller,” Eric had replied. Then pointing to himself. “Viking. I settled where there is water and trees. Vlad, you were raised in the mountains. Of course that is where you would head. You go with what is the most familiar to you. So tell me child,” his eyes lit on Pamela, “what are you the most comfortable with?”
“Shoppin’,” she smiled. “And lyin’ and bullshittn’ my way out of ridiculous situations when killin’ would just be so much easier. I’ll get right on that tomorrow night.”
The next evening on rising, Pamela made a statement when she sashayed herself into the living room. “Thank you brother Samuel for that most delightful feast. Now Daddy, I am ready for some of your wonder blood. I do so hope you and Momma Sookie did the deed extra special good just for me.”
“Miss Pamela,” Vlad stood and offered her his arm. “Why, I do think you were melted and poured into that dress that has no back and not much of a front.”
“To much, to little…oh! To late. I am going as myself into the lovely town of Autumn New Mexico. I shall be charmin’ and gracious and all vampire. Let them come and get me.”
“One sniff of trouble…” Eric eyed her.
“Out of there faster than a vampire outrunning a speeding bullet,” she smiled and winked at him as she took a hit of his blood. “Oh,” she shook all over. “Am I taking the Bentley or the Rolls?”
“Take the Rolls. Shawn is driving,” Samuel said looking up from his laptop. “Be careful. Full moon. Don’t waste any of your superpowers on those that howl.”
“You heard the man,” Eric kissed her on the forehead. “Get your ass in, make the meet, and get your ass out.”
Pamela was let out in front of the casino. When her million dollar diamond shoes hit the pavement, all the doormen took notice and were there to help her along. One of them was actually rolling out a red carpet for her to walk on.
“So sweet,” she had smiled at him and with a very light sleight of hand, ran her fingers up his crotch and slid a chip into his waistband.
Winking at him, she slinked her way inside as the doorman opened the door for her and tipped his hat. “Welcome home,” he smiled at her.
Batting her eyelashes at him she winked and said, “Why I thank you.”
Once she stepped in, she could smell the weres. “Wet dog smell and they lick their own ass and balls,” she rolled her eyes. “No mistaking ass smell and sweaty balls smell on the breath of those that do not brush their teeth. This should not take long.”
There were certain things they knew. Act liked to walk into his casino every night at one and play Black Jack until two. They had tracked that ever since Molly could tie into their camera network. So here she was walking her very fine self over to the Black Jack table.
There he stood and Act was wearing a tux, white shirt and from the back, he looked exactly like her fucking maker. Same fucking hair cut. It was very easy to put the surprise in her voice. “Eric,” she said with delight, as she slide in beside Act and put her hand on his ass and felt him up. “It has been a while,” she looked up and then blinked. “Oh, I am so sorry,” she took a step back. “You are not Eric. I…I thought…” she smiled. “I must apologize. I do not know how I made such a mistake.”
“Oh please,” he smiled charmingly and placed her hand back on his ass and his fangs snicked down, just enough for her to see them. “I cannot understand how you would either.”
Two weres approached them and he waved them away. “What is your name child?” he asked her as he placed his hand on her ass and together they started walking towards a door.
“On my,” she thought to herself. “I have this. No way is he taking me behind a closed-door with who knows what waiting. I know I could escape from Act, even if they tossed a silver net on me, but Eric would send me to my final death for disobeying his orders.”
“Pamela,” she replied. “You can pick any last name you want. I probably have a driver license with that name on it. But tonight I am Pamela Peabody, my human name. I am descended from the Peabody’s of Boston.”
“Is that suppose to mean something?” he asked as he paused in front of the door.
“Money,” she replied.
“Oh,” he nodded. “How long have you been vampire?” he asked.
“One hundred years,” she replied.
“Your maker?” he asked.
“Lorena Krasiki,” she replied.
“Russian or Polish?” he asked.
“Oh-h-h-h-h gawd,” Pamela rolled her eyes. “Russian. Woof. She rolled around in her angst like it was her last day of being vampire.”
Act started laughing. “So, did she have a last day of vampire?”
“Well yes,” Pam smiled prettily. “I have friend, who has a friend, who knows a vamp slayer. It was all really sweet and worked out to my advantage. I even got to watch.”
Act started laughing. Taking his hand off the doorknob, instead he draped Pamela on his arm and together they walked back out onto the floor.
“Perhaps someplace more private?” she smiled at him.
“My beautiful one, I think not,” he kissed her on the nose. “I think you would finish me as I came between your lovely, creamy thighs with my head back and me howling through my orgasm.”
“Really?” Pam took another look at him. “You don’t look were. And you howl? Are you sure?”
“I have been told I howl,” he answered her with a grin. “Now, tell me about Eric.”
“Oh, Eric is a vamp I know that I have not seen in an age. You look just like him from the back. And you have it going on in the front area, as well. Same color of eyes. And smell sorta like him. Of course, we were in Russia at the time and the locals either ate sauerkraut or borscht and they all drank that cheap assed potato vodka. You know, after a while…” she rolled her eyes, “even we start to smell like the locals.”
“Yes, we do,” he smiled as his hand tightened slightly on hers. “And how is it you still smell like cheap potato vodka?”
“I developed a taste for it,” she grinned. “I would never fuck a Russian, but seriously, with all the angst they carry around, the blood is just as good. There are several girls I know who drink the cheap rot-gut version. Brings back some pleasant memories. Mostly of Eric. It is a nice high until you come down and it leaves you cravin’ more,” she smiled.
“Of the stud?” he asked.
“Oh yes,” she laughed.
Putting his finger under her chin, he lifted her face so that he could stare directly into her eyes. “That story is almost believable. Now tell me what are you doing here?”
“I hear this area is very nice to the ladies. I thought maybe I could win some money at your tables, maybe have a hit or two off some sweet young things. Just take a look around before I have to haul ass on out of here.”
“What is your hurry?” he asked.
“Stolen car,” she smiled sweetly. “I am only a hundred years old and I thought as cheap as my maker was, she would have a nice stash, somewhere. Turns out the reason she was so cheap was because she had no money. She turned me because I was a Peabody. Thought we could just drain the accounts while I was still cold in my grave and the family was grieving. My daddy grieved maybe for five minutes and then he was back behind his desk herding his fortune along.”
“You stole the Rolls, to include the driver?” he laughed.
“Well of course, I could not very well come driving up in that, myself, now could I?”
“In all honesty, Miss Peabody, no you could not.”
“Well, it is coming on midnight and this Cinderella has got to haul her ass out before the police start looking for that car.”
“And you know this how?” he asked.
“I have presently taken up residence in a gentleman’s house of leisure in Taos. Carl has booked Mrs. Tolstoy until four. She is one of my personal favorites as well. He will be wanting his car at that time.”
“Of course,” he smiled at her. “The next time you come this way, Miss Pamela, please, bring your own auto. And perhaps we could spend a bit more time together.”
“That would be lovely,” she smiled at him as he kissed her hand and started walking her towards the door. “Please come back and see us,” he walked her out to the Rolls that was waiting on her.
“Oh, I will,” she grinned, pulled him down for a kiss and sucked the tongue out of his mouth as she ground around on his front. “See what you can do about not howling,’” she grinned as she got in and pulled the door closed and waving, they drove away.
Eric was waiting for her out in the yard. “Nicely done,” he smiled. “And back before the coach turns into a pumpkin.”
Walking with him into the house, she took Eric by the arm. “He is old, Eric,” her voice serious. “I mean, before the dawn of time, old. He looks it, he smells it and he feels like it. No hard on when I first put my hand on his ass at the Black Jack table, no hard on when I kissed him, no hard on when I rubbed my front all over him.
I truly think he is a eunuch. He has no punch left in him to inflate it. When he told Godric that he could no longer carry on his own line, I can believe that. I think he is impotent.
And he is very interested in you. He has a tell…his eyes dart to the left and there is a small grin for a nanosecond. He was most pleased when we discussed you.”
“Well, just wait until he meets the family. He is just going to be fucking pleased.”
Bobby, Randy and Charly lived in Shreveport and were boys of the were clan that believed in stealing and had been out drinking all night. Doing a bit of were running and drinking and pissing and shifting and drinking until they finally passed out and woke up noonish, wishing for more beer and some fast food.
“We gotta get the job done,” Randy said as he put the address into Map Quest on his phone. “We’ll hit the Choke and Puke, pick up their meatball sandwich, I could fuckin’ eat three or four of them and then go out to Compton’s.”
“And we’ll get another couple of six packs. The good stuff. Budweiser. I don’t care how much it costs,” Charly said, checking his wallet.
After lunch and a scratch, and a bit of a drive, they were standing in front of the Old Compton place while Charly was circling around it.
“You sure Wiley said it was an BMWi8 they were driving?” Randy asked.
“Yes,” Bobby answered looking around and scratching his head. “That is what he said. And I double checked the address.”
Charly was walking back to them after scoping out the back and was shaking his head. “This place is a shit hole. I mean, I guess that car could park here. There is another less expensive BMW around back. It’s ten years old and has been in an accident. You can tell where the repair work was done on the front.”
“So maybe they live cheap and put all their money into cars,” Randy and the two others were walking around back to take a look at the car.
“It’s in the shed,” Charly said walking with him.
“You mean, the chicken coop? Who the hell parks their car in an old chicken coop? Wow! Still smells of chicken shit! Not even white trash does that. And believe me, I have seen some white trash. Related to all of it here in Louisiana. And have some cousins in Texas.
Not even I would park a car in a coop. So where the hell do they park the hundred-thousand dollar car?” Bobby asked.
“Hell, maybe in the chicken coop and the old BMW is just sitting in there because there is room. Look at the roof on this poor German engineered fucker. Looks like hail damage. It is not worth our time to steal this one. Fuck, if it’s been in an accordion front-end accident so everything is suspect. Not even good for parts,” Charly was peering in the windows. “This fucker will have all kinds of cracked metal parts.”
“Check it out, the door is not locked,” Randy said hopping in. “You can see where the air bags deployed and,” he took out his knife and slide the panel off. “It looks like they have not been replaced.”
“What a piece of shit,” Bobby kicked the panel on the passenger’s front door and put in a hefty dent. “Who lets their family drive around in something like this? What a cheap assed bastard. The sun roof does not even close all the way.”
“Yes that accident knocked everythin’ out of alignment,” Randy said popping the hood of the car. “Don’t Give a Fuck Garage put it back together. Well, I am taking the hoses and the spark plugs and the battery. And anything else of value. Are there CD’s in here? Is that a Celine CD? Gawd…no…it’s karaoke Celine. Fuckin’ asshole…could not even bother to buy the real thing…!” he said as he tossed it to the floor.
“All about keepin’ up appearances,” Charly shook his head in disgust. “We goin’ inside?” Bobby asked, looking back toward the house. “That is a scary lookin’ piece of shit.”
“Damn,” Charly was going through the glove box. “I guess we could take a quick look-see. If nothing else, we can take whatever electronics they have. I mean, they must have a TV, right?”
“Only one way to find out,” Randy said. “And that is to go in.”
“You can have my cut of whatever is in the house,” Bobby said, carrying off what he could from the car. “No way am I stepping inside that. It gives me the shakes, even from here.”
“Scared shitless, are you?” Charly started laughing as he started up the steps to the front porch.
The front doors creaked open and they all heard what was whispered, inside. “Like them toasted bits, come on in and let’s me see what the fire has scorched and burned.”
Just as slowly, he backed away from the door. “There was nothing here,” he said as he backed down the steps, keeping his eyes on the doors. “We went inside and there was nothing. They are running some type of scam,” he said, his voice quivered a bit. “Those folks with that big, expensive car. That is what we are all tellin’ Autumn New Mexico. Just an empty run down house and a beat up old BMW in the back. Not worth stealin’”
“We should just do the world a favor and burn it,” Bobby said. “Do the world a…great…big…favor. Let’s hot wire that Bimmer and bring it on around front. Start with the gas tank and let the rest of it rip.”
Charly had stripped some wires and had started the car. “Oh fucking were shit!” he yelled and pounded on the steering wheel. “I hope like hell there is enough gas in this thing to get it around front.
Randy, get the gas can out of the back of my truck. I’ll get this parked and you start on dousing the porch. Leave some for the car. What a cheap bastard lives here.”
La La was over at Sookie’s feeding Flea Butt when he smelled the smoke and saw the flames shooting up through the trees. “Oh lordies,” he said as he took out his phone and dialed 911 then was outside. Turning on the garden house he started wetting down the yard and porch and everything he could on the front of the house. When the fire engines showed up, Lafayette sat down and watched the excitement from afar.
Sheriff Andy was sitting over on Sookie’s porch with Lafayette. “Good call, glad you were here. The porch burned and part of the front of the house. They started a fire in the gas tank of an old BMW. It was probably with a gas soaked t-shirt shoved into it. Looks like they splashed some gas around on the porch. Once upon a time the Glorious Dead talked about maybe getting a grant and having the old place put on the historical register.”
“Only things goods for now is the hysterical cryn’ register,” La La was pouring Andy some more ice tea.
“Well, here comes the fire chief. We are about to go official. You got another glass for him?”
“Sure nuffs,” La La smiled. “Anythin’ for the mans who puts out the big nasty fires.”
“There was a big nasty fire,” Bill was sobbing when he rose. “My porch is gone and the front of my house. And…and…my beautiful car…the paint burned off, the windows busted out from the heat. And I had almost a full tank of gas.”
“Holes in the roof, toasted bits,” the voice floated out to him. “And all is wet, inside. Come on in here.”
“No,” Bill wailed, “I will not touch you. I wish you had burned.”
“But I do burns, toasted bits,” her voice rasped out. “For man bits. Now come on inside and service me.”
“I…” he could look into the house. There was a gaping blackened hole where his front wall used to be. His front doors and been opened with an axe and were burned as well and off their hinges. The thing on the top step inside his house smiled at him and he felt ill. Yes, they had done all manner of debauched things at one time. “I have no more man bits. I can not,” he said defiantly.
“Ouch,” she chuckled. “Not that tiny little bit I am talkin’ abouts, toasted bits.”
“No,” he sobbed. “I will not.”
“Yes,” she smiled, her tongue slithering toward his mouth. “I commands it.”