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She’s a Brick House Chapter 4

 The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

 This story is rated M.



Sookie eyed the group while Samuel recorded the bets. Eric had that come on, lover, look all over him. That no matter what she said he would have a counter for it. And it would be something that made perfectly good sense. Well, one thing was for sure, since the Big Bad had done her sister Angelica, there was no way he was doing her, Can-Cangelica.

“Well now,” Sookie watched as money exchanged hands. “You all do know that the Big Bad ends up in the soup pot and gets…” she stopped, Eric was starting to drool.

“Get’s what lover?” Eric wiggled his eyebrows.

“Get’s dead,” she responded.

“Oh yes, the small death, repeatedly,” he grinned at her, his eyelids low and heavy, his voice soft and sure.

“Samuel,” her voice was light and merry, “put me down for a hundred, that virgin I shall still be by the end of this tale.”

“Oh my Sookie,” Eric grinned, “a challenge. Shall we begin?”

I like working. I like having a goal. I like being useful. I understand why our momma sold her house and divided it among us. I know she did it for me…for my sisters as well, but I have always dreamed big. I have saved my money in a human bank since I was small and I pinched every penny until I made them squeal. And to this day, I still stop to pick up a penny that I see laying on the ground. You collect a hundred of them and you have a dollar!

I always wanted to own my own little pub. Not something big and flashy, but something that was jus-s-s-t right. With what I had saved and my inheritance, I paid for this place.

“Can-Can,” Momma would tell me when I would add another coin to my bank, “someday you will be somebody! Independent! Your own boss! You keep saving your money and you make your dreams come true. Don’t be depending on someone else!”

Truer words, friends, truer words.

So I work hard and yet have not found time to play. Unlike my sisters. I can tell you I love them, but I would not give you one of my hard-earned or even found, pennies, for both of them put together.

I figure they will be in, tonight. Momma has been here drinking all day sobbing about her other girls. Bless her heart, but she is paying that bar tab. I have got rooms that need to be cleaned.

Apparently the baby of the family built a house made out of straw and the Big Bad Wolf burned it down. That was his idea of a break up. Could he say, ‘Hey de ho and fiddle de de, I fuck and run, shame on me.’ Or just chalk something on her front door. Like, ‘I am just not that in to you.’ No…apparently he could not. Burns down the fucking house!

And my middle sister, she has spent her money on a house made out of very loose sticks, a leaky roof, a chimney that can’t draw and has purchased every so-called magic item that has been hawked at her door. It hurts my head to think about it.

Momma’s drunk, I figure the reason she drinks cannot be far behind.

“Can-Can,” the barkeep called out, “we are out of simple syrup.”

“I’ll make some up in the kitchen,” she called out as she wiped down a table and headed to the back.

“That’s my hard-working baby, Can-Cangelica,” Mrs. Pigg sniffled with pride to E.   “No hard luck story will get you a free drink, no bullshit of how pretty she looks will either. No spreading her legs for every good-looking male that comes along, or rich ugly one either,” she added, dabbing at her eyes. “I am so proud. She makes her own momma pay for her drinks. I am out of money, so I’ll be working this off by cleaning toilets and scrubbing floors, tonight. Rightfully so,” the woman said with satisfaction.

E. Witch sat and thought about that. “If I had my spells back, why, I’d set a mop to mopping for you.”

“You are so kind,” Mrs. Pigg sniffled. “But Can-Cangelica does not allow magic in her establishment. You have to be bona-fide.   Magic and sexing don’t last, she always says. Magic is a whim and a dick goes soft. Cash you can hold in your hand and money is what you can bury in a hole. Hosting a man’s dick in your hole only leads to him spending your hard-earned cash.”

“That sounds a wee bit harsh,” E. turned around and watched Can-Can come out of the kitchen and back to the bar, drop off the syrup and then go ring out a customer.

Mrs. Pigg shrugged. “No male has burned down her house and she takes a broom and beats them with it if anyone is trying to sell her magic. I’d say she probably has the right idea.”

The wind was starting to howl and the rain was changing from a soft patter to a hard, pounding splat!   “We’re almost there, Sister Girl! I can sees the happiness of the glow of the lights in the glass of the window!” Angelica shouted in glee.

“Faster,” Bangelica sang, “faster, faster, faster!”

The front door of The Brick House blew open with a bang! as it hit the wall and then stayed open as the storm pushed the pelting rain into her establishment. Can-Can watched the candles all sputter and one or two went out.

In through the door came her two sisters dressed in what looked like schoolgirl uniforms. “Lordy,” she rolled her eyes. “Does it e-v-e-r stop!”

Dumb Ass and Dumber Ass Ho. No wonder Momma was drinking. “If I had birthed those two, I’d stay drunk,” as Angelica and Bangelica fell head long onto the floor, both of them dancing on their backs like bugs kicking out their final death scene as they shouted happily, “We are here, we are here. There is nothing to fear for we are here!”

“Nothing to do but get this started,” Can-Can said to herself as she approached them. “You are not two years old and I see Paris,” she pointed to her youngest sister, “and I see France,” she pointed to her middle sister. “I see,” she hissed, “both of your underpants! Get up off the floor and come over here and sit down. No body wants to look at that. It is dinner time.

I guess I should be grateful,” she hissed at both, “that you had undies on at all.”

“Spoiled sport…” Angelica sighed as she helped her sister up and together they sat down at the table closest to the fire and felt its warm goodness start to take hold as they adjusted their little piggy tails.

“I am only going to say this once,” Can-Can eyed her two wet sisters. “Angelica, this is not a whore house. Or a cat house, or a flop house, or your house. This is my house. Not in this building, not anywhere on my property are you to entice, make eyes at, grind your pelvis at anyone; or fuck a male, female, or anything animal, vegetable or mineral of any sex.

Bangelica,” she turned her full attention on her middle sister. “You are not to roll the drunks or skip your light fingers in and out of their pockets drunk or no. Not in my establishment, not outside on the grounds. Nor are you to follow them home. And I had better not hear you had BANGED! one of them, drunk or not to help yourself to their personal belongings. I mean it, both of you. You do that shit in my area and I see jail time in your future after I beat you both senseless with my broom.”

Can-Can looked over at the bar. Momma was no longer sitting there. She was making her way up the stairs carrying a bucket and a mop, cleaning as she went. This could work. Upstairs would get washed after the karaoke and Scotch party that had just left from up there and her sisters could not drive their Momma to drink anymore than they did already. Hell, after seeing these two in the little girl school uniforms, she wanted to tip back a bottle herself.

“But Olders Sister dear,” Angelica began, “it was horrible,” she fluttered her eyelashes. “We weres being chased by the Bigs Bads Wolf!”

“Which one?” Can-Can asked. “On Friday night’s this place is howling with Weres.”

“Alcide Herveaux,” Angelica said a little wistfully. “He owns a circus. You knows how I feels about the biggest of tops and the three rings. I deserves to be in one!”

“She loves the circus,” Bangelica said with a big sigh, placing both hands over her heart.

“You take those earrings off Alcide?” Can-Can asked, holding out her hand.

“What? These…” her middle sister began to scoot back in her chair.

“You want to sit in my pub, you ante up,” Can-Can hissed at her. “And Angelica always buys her current flavor a gold watch, as well as those gold hoop earrings. Hand it all over, as a deposit.”

Angelica sadly nodded her head yes at her middle sister as she watched Bangelica take out the earrings and then hand over the time piece.

“I’ll get your something to eat and drink and I’ll let you know when these run out of value. When that happens, I hope you have someplace dry to sleep, tonight. Because it is not going to be here.”

“But he is following us,” Angelica whimpered. “And I think he means to do us harm. I think he is going to you know, huff and puff and…and…” she wiped at her tears.

“He means to eat us,” Bangelica said. “He has done sisters before and he wants to do both of us at the same time. He says he likes to rodeo and can make us cum, together.”

“And…?” Can-Can raised her eyebrow at the two of them. “And the two of you would not enjoy that?”

“I’m not having her nasty left overs,” Bangelica responded with a frown. “Him huffing and puffing and her huffing and puffing and I don’t want to huff and puff…I just want to go through his pockets and take anything he has of value. And he was in a gypsy circus! Those sneaky bastards will steal you blind! And they did steal from the village! Why, he even took the Old Maid’s virginity! Of course, she’s not the Old Maid, anymore. More like Hot Momma sobbing for more of that wolf’s big dick. Besides, I have everything he has of value. Or,” she sighed, looking at her oldest sister, “I did. Now you have it. Is that enough to have a place to stay for tonight and maybe another…at least until he leaves town?”

“No,” Can-Can shook her head. “I told you. This is a deposit against your meals tonight and anything you have to drink. I’ve seen you both wallow in gin.”

“We needs us a bottle,” Angelica shook her head with surety. “One each for now ’cause of the cold an rain and one each for laters for the after-sniffles.”

“Shocker,” Can-Can rolled her eyes. “Give me your pack and I’ll see if there is anything that will purchase you a night’s lodging.”

Bangelica handed over her pack and watched as Can-Can took things out one at a time.

“That’s fairy dust,” Bangelica said as her oldest sister held up a small silk pouch. “A dragon’s heart,” she nodded as a small, blackened, hard something came out. “A birthday cookie for a troll,” she eyed it and then crossed her fingers when the small, dark wafer was removed. “Guaranteed to keep you regular and keep the bat shit crazies, away.”

“Twos for one,” Angelica said in approval, then, noticing that her middle sister had crossed her fingers, she did likewise.

“Whose shoes?” Can-Can asked. “And they are to small for your feet. What’s the story and do not lie to me.”

Shrugging, Bangelica made a face and said. “It was late. There was this camp-fire, I could see it in the distance. With my superior little pig nose, I knew there was only the one male. And he was asleep. So I took his saddlebag. Those were the only things in it.”

“Mm-m-m,” Can-Can said putting them on the floor and sliding her feet into them. “They fit me. And this little silk bag…I need something to keep change in,” she said pocketing it. “This will get you a night out of the storm. Momma is upstairs cleaning and working off her bar bill. You leave her be and when she finishes up, you let her sleep in the room with you. Otherwise, your asses are out.”

Hard looks passed over the faces of her sisters. True, Momma was a bed hog, and a cover hog, and a pillow hog. You could and often did end up on the floor if you slept with Momma. But what the fuck? It was her place, her rules and her Momma was drunk and working and she could sleep here. Besides, Momma would be going home as soon as she sobered up. These two…she’d bang her head against the wall if it would do any good.

“No sass,” her voice was hard. “I will deal with the wolf when and if he comes in, tonight.

Angelica, I know he burned down your house to break up with you so just stop lying to yourself. Mr. Big Dick is not going to marry someone who has done the entire fleet of two countries and who knows how many Airborne Rangers. I have seen the tattoo.

Bangelica, I know you spent all your money on your magical house,” she rolled her eyes, “and other worthless magics from the panhandlers that stopped at your door. Understand, you are not staying here due to my kindness. I work hard. I expect you to do likewise…and not on your back, Angelica,” she hissed at her sister, “and not with your light fingers, Bangelica.

Now, get upstairs. If you would like to do some good, you could always help Momma.”

Both of her sisters made sounds in their throats and then laughed as they made their way to the bar, picked up a couple of bottles each and then was up the stairs.

Waiting for them to close the door to their room, she threw another log onto the fire and listened to the wind that was whistling down the chimney. Looking down at her feet, she admired the shoes. They were not show-stoppers but they were comfortable and gave her a little zip in her step. The little silk bag was just what she had been looking for. Fairy dust, she rolled her eyes and let go of the long sigh. Opening it up, the glitter had come from the five and dime but it was lovely. In reality, glitter was one of her guilty pleasures. She was just not willing to spend money on it. Shame to let that go to waste. There was going to be a birthday party in here later. Sprinkling it on the bar for the birthday baby seemed to lighten her mood because she was getting just a mite bit pissy!

If the wolf had followed them, it would not be much longer. The weather was getting worse. Lightning was starting to ignite the room with long fingers of flashes followed by great big deep, alarming, rolls of thunder. Anyone with sense would get out of the threats that accompanied this night.

Yes, she knew Herveaux. Gypsy thief was right. She had caught him trying to remove her laundry off the line and she had yelled and cussed him and called him names and had beaten him with her broom until he had yelped and moved on. They had made so much racket windows had opened and neighbors had come out with pitchforks and pointed sticks and run him off. “He is a No Good,” she hissed under her breath.   When the door opened, there the no good Were stood. Wet, disheveled, and smiling, his body filling the door with the distinct smell of wet and excited Were. His eyes twinkling, and his teeth white and glistening in his perfect face.

Softly closing the door he swept off his hood and said low and husky, “Hello Cher,” picking up her hand he kissed it. “Can-Can,” he put her hand on the crook of his arm. “Please, Cher, allow me to purchase the prettiest one here a drink.”

“Angelica is upstairs,” she smirked.

“I did not say the easiest one,” he raised her hand for a kiss. “I said, the prettiest one,” as he drew her up next to him. “Step out back with me,” he whispered in her ear, “and let me kiss you properly.”

“Jacques,” she kicked him in the chin. “Where is Alcide? He has been chasing my sisters. Burned down Angelica’s house instead of telling her he had no intentions of marrying her then he chased both of my sisters all the way here. You think to pull your twin shit on me and I’ll skewer your liver and put it on the menu. If he is at this minute trying to climb the wall and come down the chimney, I’ll make pottage out of him.”

“Our own momma cannot tell us apart,” he licked his lips while he rubbed his hand up and down her arm. “Yet you can and it is dark,” he lingered on the word, “and the glow of the fire lends a softness to storm that is raging,” he leaned down and kissed her check and whispered in her ear, “that is raging in my pants.”

“Magic shoes,” she smiled. “I can see the truth in all things. And there is no raging in your pants. You appear to be somewhat limp. I suspect you had your way with that dancer at Yancy’s, Little Sheba.   You smell of her and her rose-water perfume. Plus, you have been drinking rye. Little Sheba loves rye. No one else buys it for her because it is so expensive.

Then you show up here…I kid you not,” she hissed, “if Alcide tries anything… pottage! And I am having myself a new wolf cloak made. Last call to save his sorry ass.”

“Wait one,” he sighed. “I’ll be back.”

Watching him battle the door against the storm, once he was outside, she locked it.

When she could hear him pounding on it, she opened the slot and smiled at him. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Why Cher, I came to court you,” he replied. “Damn woman,” he grinned at her. “You are finer than a brick shit house. So fine, so ripe, so sweet, so…”

“Alcide,” she shook her head, “where is Jacques?”

“Oh come now Cher,” he grinned. “I am…”

At that time, Alcide was picked up and thrown out into the darkness. There was a muffled curse as he picked up speed and rolled down hill. “Please, Miss Can-Can,” Jacques bowed. “This storm is huffing, and puffing and about to blow me away.”

Pulling back the bolt, she opened the door and stepped aside. “Where is Alcide?”

“He won’t be back this way tonight, Miss Can-Can. I shall and I will promise you that.”

“You can stay until last call,” she said as she stopped to bus a table. “All the beds are taken,” she continued on in a matter-of-fact voice. “You will need to sleep elsewhere.”

“What about in front of that fire?” his voice was tender. “That spot taken?” he whispered.

“Well yes,” she replied. “My bed is being rented and so I am sleeping there.”

“Plenty of floor space,” he said softly. “You scared to sleep next to me?”

“Not scared to sleep next to you,” she chuckled, “it is the not sleeping that concerns me. Besides, Little Sheba has a thing for Weres. I am sure she would welcome both you and Alcide into her bed.”

There was a low growl.

“So, you do care for her,” she turned around and faced him. “Sounds to me like you are not up to sharing her with your brother.”

His eyes glowed and his teeth were long and sharp when he leaned into her and hissed. “Yes, maybe I took my pleasure there but only because you would not let me take my pleasure here.”

“So, because you are a man whore this is my fault?” she hissed right back.

“Can-Can,” he lowered his voice and kept it steady. “We have been playing at this for years. I want to marry you and you keep saying no. And I really have not been with Little Sheba. I just had her rub on me to make you jealous. Besides, Little Sheba is not my type.”

“Oh really,” she laughed. “You don’t like free and easy?”

“Yes, like you are free and easy?” he sighed. “Something not well-known is that she is a he. And as enticing as she is in that little fan number, a dick just does not do it for me.”

“Little Sheba is a he?” her eyes got round. “Damn, she is prettier than I am.”

“No,” he took her hand and brought it to his lips. “No one is lovelier than you.” There was nothing but truth in his eyes. And she could see it there, the longing and the wanting and the knowing that she was all that he would ever need.

“You are the one wearing magic shoes, Can-Can, you know I only speak the truth,” his voice was soft and sincere. Good he could see it in her eyes.   She knew the certainty that was in his heart. Now she would have to listen to the truth that was in her own. There was a love for him. She fought it and perhaps she feared it. But she was for him just as he was for her.

“You can sleep on the settle in front of the fire, I have got to get back to work,” she took her hand back and headed for the kitchen. “Holy shit,” she squeaked as she looked down at her feet. “Magic shoes! He really does love me!”

Eric grinned. “Anyone wish to up their bet?” he asked coyly. “Anyone at all? Or perhaps just forfeit now? Anyone at all?” he said wiggling his eyebrows.

“I will take some of that,” Samuel said as he opened his notebook.

Pam looked up from the book that she was thumbing, through, now deeply intrigued. “Interesting. Eric is moving in for the conquest and Brother Samuel does not think he is going to make it to what…first base?”

“Is that a kiss?” Samuel asked.

“Deep kiss,” Pam added, “with tongue. A lot of it.  Maybe a bit of frontal rubbing.  Maybe.”

“For the record.  My bet is that  the were-wolf and pig will not make it to first base,” Samuel stated as he wrote it down.

“La La, Tara?” Sookie asked. “What do you think?”

“Like I missed something important,” Lafayette was thoughtful. “And I trusts Mr. Samuel with my monies, so I guess I am standings with him. Just two hundred, thoughs.”

“I have never had money before,” Tara’s voice was sincere. “And I have got to tell you, the fifty I put in the pot, it makes me nervous just tossing money around like that. I have scrimped and saved my entire life. And I am still doing that ‘cause I am afraid I am going to wake up and I have dreamed all this. So, Samuel, I have all my trust and faith in you but these two are in love,” she grinned, nodding at the two blonds on the couch. “So I am standing at fifty that the Big Bad makes it and fifty that he does not.”

“So is shall be recorded, Miss Tara.”

Samuel smiled at Pamela.

“Give me one million on The Viking,” she smirked. “I am calling your bluff, Samuel.”

“Oh my,” he grinned.   “The gantlet has been picked up.”

“One million on The Viking,” Eric snickered.

With a flourish Samuel recorded the bet.

Sookie was watching the crowd. Samuel could really flourish! He could do some mean calligraphy with that pencil! Eric was smirking and Pamela looked like she wanted to up her bet. “I agree with Lafayette. I feel like I missed a great big something. So, no to first base. I guess I have a million.”

Eric nodded yes.

“Samuel if you would please…” she laughed, “put me down for whatever it was you said. Now I am really curious. Back to the story…”