As always, I am late to coming to the party. Please do not ask me how many years I have been carving Jacks!!!!!!
So the arthritis in my hands is bothering me today….and it is Friday and it is date night. Mr. Bill is bringing home ribs and we are carving Jacks.
I wanted to have them all cleaned out and ready to go….where or where is that jig-saw, she queried?
When I was but a wee child, Trick or Treating meant maybe you would get a popcorn ball, an apple or an orange! Sometimes home made oatmeal or peanut butter cookies. And once in a while, peanut brittle or even a caramel apple!
There are many good things about living in the year 2015….and some things just suck…sigh…
So, for those of you who remember those days, here is to you….and for those who would like create their own memories….here is to you!
WARNiNG: THIS STORY IS RATED 18+ and is for MATURE readers, only.
Chapter 7 Careless Whisper…
Raising her face out of Jon’s chest, she finally seemed to be at peace. When she tried to step away, he still held her.
“Better?” he asked as he nuzzled her ear.
“Yes,” her voice was low and rough. “Yes, better,” she sighed as she raised her face to meet his.
“Do you really like me?” she asked him, her eyes scrutinizing him. “Old ass and all?”
“Yes,” he nodded his head. “I do indeed. And not just for your tantalizing blood,” he winked at her. “The rest of you are just as clean. Clean teeth, clean body, love what you do to your hair, by the way. That is some great Ombre style. I don’t smell any dye so that must be all natural. Plus you have no pox, in today’s lingo that would mean no STD’s, no…”
Pinching him, he yelped and she continued. “Flatterer,” she tried to pinch him again and he jumped backward before she was able to make contact. “We should leave Clive something to eat,” she squinted her eyes at him while she shook her head to make her point.
“M-m-m-m,” he grinned. “Then you should have a little something to eat, then a great big something to help you sleep…” his grin got bigger and he wiggled his eyebrows and winked at her.
“Flatter yourself much?” she rolled her eyes, again.
“Well, when the lady will not…” he countered. “And I speak only truth…” he blew her a kiss.
“You are ver-r-ry sure of yourself,” she chuckled. “I am past menopause. I have hormones lacking. Vaginal dryness, lack of a sex drive. Sex is not something that occupies my every waking moment.”
“What?” he said in dismay. “I am calling bull-l-l-l shit on that one,” he laughed. “All I have to do is take one step closer to you,” and with those words he moved in next to her. They were now standing toe-to-toe. “Your heart rate picks up, your eyes dilate, and from the smell that is tripping tantalizingly and teasing me across my tongue, I am willing to bet you are wet.
Since I have met you Ellen, I have been very frustrated and tempted as well. You are most enticing,” he ran his finger down the front of her robe, following the opening to her waist as he tugged on the belt.
“Rain is picking back up,” she heard the drops starting to beat on the windows and stared intently in that direction as if to make the rain manifest itself in the kitchen and not to think about the man that was now untying her robe. His hands pushed it open and they slid around her waist to her backside. Cupping her ass, he pulled her onto him.
“A good day to stay inside,” her words were a bit breathy. “Clive does not like wet kibble,” and then she blushed.
“He does not know what he is missing,” Jon grinned at her. “And right now,” he leaned in and kissed her, his mouth opening hers as his tongue found welcome and warmth and longing and passion! “It just so happens that I do,” he said as he pulled back, his breathing just as ragged as hers. “Undo my jeans Ellen, please,” he was licking and nibbling on her ear. “I want to feel your hands against me.” When her hands shifted and he felt the first button come undone, he let out a low groan. “That’s right, the next one. Put your fingers inside,” he caught his breath, as her warmth touched him and the next button was undone.
“Gaw-w-w-wd,” he moaned, “I would do you right here in the kitchen,” he laughed a bit hysterically, “but, ah-h-h-h,” he gasped and pushed against her hands as the next button was unfastened. “Fuck,” he gasped out. “I’d hurt you in here. Bedroom,” his mouth took hers and walking with her in his arms back to the bedroom, he knew exactly what he wanted to do to her.
It had been ten long years since she had held a man, let alone felt a man. His heat, his warmth, that smell that said he was aroused! From time to time, a flash of fangs! She could hear him chanting ever so softly, “Slow down or you will hurt her, slow down or you will hurt her, slow down…” as he carried her to bed.
There was a flurry of clothes being tossed aside. Her robe went flying then her gown and when she stood in front of the fire, nude, she heard him inhale and hold his breath.
“Beautiful,” he smiled as he ran his hands up and down her curves. “M-m-m,” he made a little grunt of satisfaction as he picked her up and carried her to bed.
When they were both under the covers, he pulled her gently on top of him for a deep kiss. “You set the pace,” he whispered, “and I will follow,” as he kissed her neck, her breasts and then his mouth was devouring hers!
What seemed like forever, he kissed her! Wanting more and not wanting him to stop, in her desperation to be filled she slid down his body and felt him slid inside of her. With a small cry she held perfectly still as she adjusted to his girth.
That is when Jon rolled them over. He was now above her with his elbows resting on the bed. “I want to look at you while we do this,” he rubbed his nose against hers. “You set the pace, but I want to watch your face,” he smiled at her as she tentatively thrust forward and then his smile turned to a groan.
“Damn-m-m-m,” he grunted as he pushed in deeper. “I know,” he gritted his teeth, “that this will not get you there, but just let me enjoy the ride for a moment and then,” he latched onto her nipple, suckled, then raised his head, his eyes holding hers. “Then your turn.”
“Oh-h-h-h-h-h,” came out in a long, low sigh from her as he pushed forward and then retreated. Each time, the movement a bit more sure, deeper and then harder.
Her hands were on his shoulders, then caressing his face; drifting downward, pinching his nipples every so slightly.
“Better,” he sighed as he found a rhythm that they both enjoyed, always careful to keep his body off her stomach.
“Better,” she smiled at him as she pulled his head down for a kiss.
When the kiss broke off, he moved on to her neck, her breasts, carefully placing kisses on the scars on her tummy that were still healing. Kissing his way lower, with her hands in his hair, her words inaudible, her moans driving him on!
With his head resting on her thigh, with his tongue he opened her up and he felt her body buck as he licked across her clitoris. “M-m-m-m,” rumbled out of his mouth when his lips replaced his tongue and her hands slammed down onto the mattress.
“Please,” was all she was able to say as his tongue replaced his lips then with a happy rumble in his chest, he spread her legs and he Frenched her deep, his tongue alternating between her vagina and her clit until the incoherent sounds gave way to “Please…Jon….please.”
Pulling himself up to her, with a deep kiss his fingers were inside of her and his thumb was on her numb and her screams could be heard above the roll of the thunder.
When her body arched, he slid back into her and began his own release. With a yell he pushed in, stiffened, and then kissed her as he moved to his side, his arms around her.
“May I?” he asked, panting.
“Yes,” she whispered back.
He moved her to her side, her body pushed into his. Kissing her neck, then licking it, ever so gently he bit, his fangs just barely breaking the skin. Positioning himself, he grew hard and found her opening. As he suckled the blood from her, he pushed in once, twice, thrice and then came, again. Lifting his head, he kissed her neck and took one last, long lick as he watched the two puncture marks close.
“Sleep,” he sighed contentedly into her hair. “I will be here. While you are resting I am going to get up and make some phone calls, but I will be here.
Once I locate Gilly, we will meet him at his hotel, tonight.”
“Really?” She heard the doubt in her own voice. “You want me to meet him?”
“You are my lady,” he responded, his voice soft and direct. “Of course I want him to meet you. Besides, whoever directed Reginald here, they already know about you. So you are no secret.
You rest,” he kissed her on the nose. “Sleep until you wake. Then you are going to need some food.”
“M-m-m-m,” was all the response he got and then there was only the sound of her gentle breathing.
Pulling on the jeans and shirt, he located his phone and then walked out and into the hall, quietly pulling closed the bedroom door. Pulling up his schedule and going into the living room he tossed on another log and then made calls. Two hours and numerous phone calls later, his shift was covered for the next two weeks. He thought it would probably take him that long to see this through.
“Of course,” he looked toward the bedroom, “if I have to physically go back to Scotland, I will have to take Ellen…and if Ellen walks into this, it could take a bit longer.
Fucking cowards! Is there a reason they just cannot challenge me outright?
Gilly,” he sighed. “O’ Brother, where art thou? And why?” His mind drifted back to what was left of the female he had located on the side of the cliff. Not Gilly’s work but someone had copycatted his brother. Leaving her with the message to deliver to him that they wanted to pluck out and eat his eyes. That was new.
Making one phone call, he found his brother. He knew Gilly was staying at The Mayo. His baby brother had a thing for Art Deco, penthouses, and roof top dining. The Mayo could offer Gilly that in spades.
There was another rumble of thunder and then something that felt like a gale force wind hit the house.
The wind came whistling down the chimney and then was drawn back out. It sounded like someone was having an asthma attack as the house choked and sputtered!
Jon sat silently and watched the fireplace for several minutes. The wind had whipped the sparks into a frenzy as they battled to get past the screen before they were pulled violently back up the chimney.
“If we are going to Scotland” he mused as he pulled up the flight info, “I am going to need first class reservations. And the castle aired out along with all the bedding.
Gilly is not the only one in the family that likes luxury,” he smiled as he started scrolling through the castle’s linen closet. Sheets spun on the night of a full moon by silk spider weavers and pounded out in rivers by the soul washers. His house would be in order if he were going to take Ellen, there.
He had never been able to provide that lifestyle for Drust. They had lived simply but well enough. No fine linen, no supple leather…no…and no. Just the two of them, their cottage in the woods and the plant life that surrounded them. There were no other distractions except for the occasional call for a healer.
Sitting back and putting his feet up, he thought about the first woman who had offered him sex and then her life’s blood so that he could continue on without her.
The thunder and lightning continued as the rain fell, pounding to the rhythm of his throbbing penis, and his memories of this woman turned each page of his soul.
When Ellen woke, she was hungry. It was raining and then some! They were getting the effects of the last hurricane of the season. What was left of Houston from the two hundred mile an hour winds was now being pushed north at a fast clip and seemed to refuse to leave the area. Wind and rain was in the forecast for the next several days.
Stopping off in the kitchen, she took out a protein shake and drank it. “So small to have so many calories,” she sighed as she put the can in the recycle bin. “Does not even taste remotely like chocolate or a shake,” she squinted in disgust as she headed for the living room.
Jon was still here which surprised her but she was pleased nonetheless. She knew he had said he would stay, but still, he was a busy guy. Doctor, hospital owner, tracker of serial killers and vampire who just happened to be King of the Supernaturals. His Who’s Who list was impressive.
And there he was, sitting in the chair in front of the fire. Looking so much like Charles at age forty that it bent her heart, forcing it into an awkward angle as it wrapped around this truth: this man was not her husband. She knew that rationally and emotionally. He was something completely different. Vampire topping that list.
Still…if Charles had come home as vampire… “Do not,” she felt like kicking herself. “Enjoy the moment with Jon who wants to be with you. Not everyone gets moments that they enjoy.” Grabbing a couple of pillows off the couch as she passed by, she tossed them down by his feet.
“M-m-m,” his eyes were closed and his head was resting against the back of the chair.
When she pushed his legs farther apart, he raised his head. Kneeling on the pillows, when her hands began traveling up his legs to the buttons on his jeans, his eyes were watching her every move.
“A little thank you for earlier,” was all she said as he became fully engaged and his fingers got in the way as he tried to help her relieve him of his jeans.
When she took him in her mouth she felt his fingers begin to lightly dance across her curls.
She stopped sucking and looking up at him said, “If you grip my head once and push on it or whatever, I am done. If there is something specifically you want, tell me, do not,” she stressed, “gag me.”
“I can do that,” he gulped. Gripping the arms of the chair, he nodded as her mouth re-engaged. Brut strength was flowing from him. He was afraid he would snap the wood that was covered by batting and cloth. “Yes, yes, yes…” was all he could manage to say. Then the sob started low in his gut as his toes curled and he thrust forward, the sound coming from his throat was not human but it was guttural, low and deep. His fangs snicked down as he reached for her and pulled her up into his lap, her back to him.
“I am hungry,” was all he managed to get out before his mouth was all over her neck and his tongue was caressing every part of her while he chewed on her collarbones. When her heart rate was up, his hands were on her ass as he pushed aside her robe. With a thrust up, he moaned and found her wet and wanting him. She pushed back and his hands were now busy as well. One hand was on a nipple while the other worked her clit, his hips setting the pace.
Ellen felt a moment of panic! It was not supposed to be like this! This was not what she wanted! Only to please him was what had driven this moment! But, she was vibrating, a low sound wailing from her depths; the need in her took as he continued to tease her. Her brain was screaming at her that it would leave her feeling vulnerable if she let completely go. She did not know him. He was a stranger. You cannot allow him access to your soul!
Her body knew only the wanting of his hands on her, his penis in her—filling her as the need to let completely go fought its way to the top while her rational self tried to push his hands away.
“No,” was all he growled.
He could feel it building inside of her. She was shaking and with each gasp, she pulled the air deeper into her lungs. Watching and listening closely, he was not going to allow her to dampen her desire or bury what she was feeling along with her husband. When she screamed, he counted down from five and released himself within her; then he bit and with perfect timing, they both finished together.
Pulling the blanket over them, he held her until she stopped shaking.
Was she pissed? Well maybe… Was she scared, absolutely! “I did not give you permission to do that,” she said through clinched teeth as she stared at the fire.
“Do what?” he asked, his breath pushing past her ear.
“Make me fully engage,” she said, turning her head to look at him.
“What?” he replied, his gaze focused on her. “You give me only what you want me to have?”
“Something like that,” she replied. “I don’t expose my depth of passion to anyone.”
“Really?” he sat back and turned her to face him. “But I beg to differ. The woman who told me about her husband and son and her dearly loved sisters, seldom have I seen such depth of passion.”
“Sex is different,” she said, her gaze not wavering from his.
“You are talking about control, correct,” he chuckled.
“Do not…” she hissed at him.
“As in never losing control during sex,” he laughed. “Letting go and feeling the passion build as it ripples through your body, causing you to shake and beg for something more.”
“Fucking-Always-Right-Mr. Asshole,” she glared at him. “You are just like the Fucking-Always-Right-Mr. Asshole I married.
Yes, and you know what being right always gets you,” she pulled his face to hers. “It gets you fucking dead…gone…removed from my plane of existence, my reality gets to take a nose dive into the deep dismal abyss while you…you…” she sputtered, trying to keep from crying.
“Oh Ellen…no…,” he wrapped her in his arms and placed kisses all over her face. “No,” he gently placed his hand under her chin and lifted her face for a kiss. “No.”
“You don’t know that,” she wiped at her eyes.
“That is true,” he nodded. “But I have a better than average chance of survival. Especially with you watching my back.”
“I get to shoot any of those bastards that try and hurt you?” she said, her voice a bit shaky but better.
“Yes,” he smiled at her and then kissed, again. “Yes,” he laid his forehead against hers, “yes you do.
Now, Gilly is staying at The Mayo. I think the sooner we go and see him, the better.”
“The Mayo,” she looked thoughtful. “I guess I still have clothes to go out and about. I just hope my fat ass still fits in something.
Do I have time to shower?” she asked.
“No,” he grinned.
“But I smell like sex,” her voice accused him of many things; bragging that he had just had sex was one of them.
“Exactly,” his grin got bigger and his eyes danced with mischief. “The rain is letting up. We’ll walk over to the hospital and I’ll change and we’ll go. Wear something with a full skirt,” he grinned at her. “That makes accessibility so much easier.”
“Full skirt?” she eyed him. “Really? You are such a guy,” she arched a brow at him.
“Thanks,” he grinned impishly as she got up to leave and he swatted her butt.
Watching her walk away he wondered from where she had gotten that false body image she had of herself. Was she over sixty, well yes. Was she a stick, well no. Was she all curves, well yes and fit. She trained and did the Tulsa Triathlon every year. It was only The Sprint, she would laugh, which consisted of a 500 meter swim, a 12 mile bike ride, and a 5k run. But she divided up her week so that every other day she was running, or biking, or swimming. On the off days she walked three miles and did some weights. While she had been heavily drugged, she had talked about that…the athlete that she was not and she would laugh uproariously.
That was how she dealt with her grief. Constantly on the move and she pushed herself until she was too exhausted to care.
That was noticed and noted in the hospital. You would see her everywhere at any time with her IV tower in tow. If you were to stick your head into her room, she was always sitting in the chair and not lying on the bed. At one point she had walked down to the cafeteria just to breath in the smells that she could not eat. That had caused somewhat of a ruckus when he had come in that evening and no one knew where she was.
She was not supposed to leave the floor. Somehow, that had not been explained to her. Locating her was easy. All he had to do was follow the perfume that was distinctly her. As he escorted her back, he had explained in detail that she was not to go exploring the hospital, mooning everyone. She had listened politely and then patted him on the ass assuring him she would not do that again.
It was at that moment he knew, as she walked regally down the halls, waving to everyone and stopping to inquire how they were doing, and introducing him and Mr. IV Tower, with her ass showing, that he was going to see her once she left the hospital.
The blown hole in her intestine had slowed her down but she still looked like she could take most twenty year olds. She certainly could shoot his asshole of a brother in the back of the head.
Her poise came to her naturally; bare assed, higher-than-a-kite or not her self-confidence radiated out.
As did her looks. Ellen was an older, beautiful woman; but her hair made her striking! Silver, whirled through with black as curls sprayed around her head.
With just a touch and a push on a memory, he was back in that field, watching Drust walking away from him, her silver hair reflecting back the sun, while the black absorbed it. There was grass still stuck in her hair and his body heat still warmed her as she went to pick Waldorf leaves.
“I may be Fucking-Always-Right-Mr. Asshole,” he said to himself as Ellen left the room. “But you are just like Drust, as well. If you hurt him, I will end your life in the most horrific of ways.” There had been several who had thought to harm him during his years with Drust. They had all come crawling to her, or being carried on a litter, begging for the cure while the blood poured from all their orifices. Her reply to them was to scream out her curses on their house. There was no one his beloved could not reach with one of her potions. He was willing to bet not many could out run one of Ellen’s silver bullets. “I love you,” he whispered.
“Careless,” the voice chuckled that was on the roof next to the chimney. “A careless whisper,” he gloated and made himself small so he would not be seen when they came outside.
This is not a new story. It is one I wrote several years ago for Halloween. So I thought I would drag it back out and re-post it here. You can find it in fan fiction, I believe. I do not think it has been pulled, there. It is also on my fiction pad account. It is attached to the end of Preemptive Strike and I believe it also stands alone with its own banner.
By Halloween, I should have all of the chapters up here.
This follows on to Preemptive Strike. It is Halloween after the Northman twins are born and Hunter is a most excellent big brother.
And Bill Compton comes slithering up out of Hell into a round fae portal. Oh joy! Let the games, begin! (You know, sometimes I just need to whack on Compton…)
As always, thanks for reading!
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.
This story is rated M and contains sex, foul language and Bill Compton.
Preemptive Strike—The Hell Mouth Opens!
Chapter 9 “…a whorehouse by any other name…”
As they walked along the edge of the road, in low voices they talked about everyday things. Bill enjoyed the frog king’s company. This cursed fae was forthright about what it had been like to be king and now deposed and how difficult it was to be left in the land of the witch. At all times, both of them were mindful of the danger they were in.
“Ah-h-h-h,” Bill hesitated for only a moment. He felt as if he could ask his new friend anything. “Have you ever seen a tall, blond, man out here at night?”
“Oh,” the frog stopped. “You mean vampire Eric, the Viking?”
“Oh!” Bill stopped and was just a bit amazed. “Yes, do you know him?”
“Yes, quite well,” the frog replied. “Some nights we go drinking and quench our thirst. He has an A negative and I have a mosquito. We sit out here in the field and pass the time. He seems to be a nice guy. Really preoccupied with his dick,” the frog made a jerking off motion.
“That would be him,” Bill rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“But once you get him past the sex and him bitching about the lack he is having there of, he’s actually got a wicked sense of humor. Knows more frog jokes than anyone I have ever met.”
“Frog jokes?” Bill echoed back to him with a raised eyebrow.
“Case in point,” the frog offered a bow. “Why did the frog take a bath with the princess?”
“I, I don’t now why?” Bill asked.
“So he could rrrrubbbit!” the ousted king chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows. “This one is good, also. A pop quiz. The princess likes to have sex while she bathes. You want to have sex with the princess while she bathes. How deep does the princess like her bath water?”
“I…”Bill paused. “I feel like I should know this one…”
“Kneedeep,” the frog winked at him. “I know, that one is so obvious that it just sort of hops up there with the joke about what kind of shoes does a princess wear?”
“Shoes?” Bill was a bit of a loss.
“Oh,” Bill smiled. “Of course.”
“Here is one for you. Pretty obvious. What’s green and dangerous?” he chuckled.
“A frog…?” Bill stopped and then looked thoughtful and finally shook his head no. Evan was obviously waiting to deliver the punch line.
“A frog on a date with your girlfriend,” the frog was so pleased out went his tongue and in went more of his meal. “What did your girlfriend say when the frog started to take off her panties?”
Bill was shaking his head….”I…I…”
Smiling the frog said gleefully, “Rippit!
How many frogs did your girlfriend invite to the orgy?
“Orgy…?” he managed to get out before the frog cut him off.
“Toadly too many.”
Bill moaned at bit. “That was just bad, but a bit punny.”
They both laughed.
“Most good. You get the idea,” his x-king greenness smiled and bowed. “And now, for my all time favorite. Tadpoles slapping their tails, please.”
“What?” Bill leaned in closer.
“Drum roll, please.”
“Oh-h-h-h,” Bill smiled and settled back.
“Why can’t your girlfriend talk?”
“She has a frog in her throat.”
Both deposed kings chuckled.
“You are a funny fellow,” Bill smiled at him, “even if I would not tell those in polite female company.”
“I have my moments,” he replied. “But Northman does seem to bring out the horny toad side of me.”
“Is Eric….” Bill looked thoughtful.
“Out here a lot?” the frog king said. “Yes. He was hopped up on fae blood one night. Started crying about how much he misses Sookie.” The frog’s and Bill’s eyes met. “Only one person out here with that name and she is married to the never king. Eric sits out here, listening for the sound of her voice. From sundown to sunrise.”
“I saw him earlier,” Bill said. “Eric…he was a bit…” and Bill shrugged. “I don’t know…lost…”
“Yes,” the frog nodded. “This is where he now spends all of his waking time. He loves her. When I destroy the imposter, maybe he will have another chance with her…but he is going to have to step up his game. I have heard her screaming when she and the never king are having sex out here. Damn….I have to give him credit, he gets the job done. When he is finished with her, he carries her back to the house and she is crying and sobbing, please, do that again. I want more. Fill me with that great big dick of yours. I can never get enough of that. Fuck me until I cannot walk and then fuck me harder. Put that gigantic…”
“I get the idea,” Bill sighed. “He’s a stud.”
“Yes,” the frog nodded. “Damn, I could get laid. Just thinking about her and those nast-eeee things that comes out of her mouth after she takes something of his out.”
“Got the idea,” Bill eyed the frog and then discretely cleared his throat. Then bit his lip, then let go of a big sigh.
“Oh fuck,” the frog took a closer look at Bill. “You do her?”
“I,” he smiled politely, “a gentleman does not kiss and tell. But, seeing as how we are going down that road, I was her first.”
The frog licked his lips. “Come on King Bill,” his voice caught, “do not disappoint. Tell me please! So, you know what it is like to be inside that much woman and have her screaming your name like that….”
A lot of air blew out of Bill’s mouth as he crossed his arms in front of his body.
“Oh-h-h-h-h…” and you could hear the disappointment in the green one’s throat. The frog patted Bill on the foot. “King Bill, I am so sorry…”
Bill gave him a sad little smile.
“She, she never screamed your name like that…wow man…sorry to be talking about things like that. I am sorry. Really.”
“That’s all in the past,” Bill said. “And besides, I think I see lights through the trees. That would be my family’s home.”
As they got closer, Bill and the frog king could see the glow from the mansion’s windows. They were now at a place in the road where it was going to split in several directions. One took you right to the front door of the mansion and stopped there. They ducked into a small stand of trees and waited.
“That is just a bit odd, don’t you think?” Bill said as he was concentrating on the porch of his former home. “That the road just dead ends there?”
“It’s a king owned business,” the frog replied.
“What?” Bill looked down at him.
“The golden road always empties into something that belongs to the king. Judging from the looks of the place, it is not one of his residences. So it must be a business.”
“What kind of business would a king of the fae be running from my home?” Bill asked.
The frog chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows. “One of the oldest around.”
“What?” Bill gasped. “My home…a brothel?”
“I have heard about this place,” the frog sounded very intrigued and well informed. “The Brothel of the Manse. It is supposed to help you relive your youth and embolden your cock.”
Bill looked like he was in pain. “I don’t want strange cocks emboldened in my momma’s house. I was born there. My momma walked those floors at night with me when I had the fever.”
“Well,” the frog eyed him, “now those floors are walked at night with all manner of folk who have the fever.”
Bill thought maybe he was going to be ill. Hell was bad enough and now he was in Hell on earth. His momma’s and his daddy’s home…a whorehouse! His voice was very quiet and sad. “I am glad my momma is not around to see this. It was bad enough when those damn Yankees came through disturbing her during the war. This is just wrong and me being here shows my lack of respect for my momma and women in general. What do you think I should do?” Bill said, his voice quiet and sad.
“Go to the front door, knock, and get laid,” the frog responded. “I hear Tuesday nights you can get two-for-one. Is it Tuesday?” and Bill could hear the desire and anticipation in this green guy’s voice.
Bill’s mouth came open and then promptly closed. “That is just wrong,” he chided his small friend. “And you should not sound so hopeful. You are a frog.”
“Yes, but beneath this green is a king of the fae. And there is nothing wrong with hot and nasty sex. And when you are eight inches tall and green, the hot and nasty does not happen for you that often. I speak from experience.
Of course, I hear the The Manse does cater to everyone in The Realm. So hey, maybe I could get lucky,” he smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. “But then,” he sighed, “they would all know me. Which is one of the reasons I stay, away. Don’t want word to get back that I am still around and getting some. Bitch on a stick would come looking for me. And one thing I do not need is a double whammy from her. Although, she is green, I am green…this could work under different circumstances.”
“After what she has done to you?” Bill said kneeling down, trying to understand.
“Mmmm,” the frog sighed. “Like I said, under different circumstances, she can redefine your hot and nasty.”
“You sound as if you speak from experience,” Bill chided him.
“Rub-b-b-b-bit!” the frog chuckled.
“Horney toad is right,” he shook his finger at his small friend. “Oh, wait one,” Bill said as he crouched lower behind a tree, “someone is coming outside.”
“Oh-h-h-h,” the frog hopped up on Bill’s shoulder to get a better look. “She’s pretty. I very much like her crown but I would never dress her in that color. Peach? Really? But she is lovely. Do you know her? Is she royal? I can tell from here that she’s not fae but I’d do her. And if she is royal, maybe with a kiss from her I could be back in the non green penis biz.”
Bill laughed. Maybe the first time in years. Maybe since he had been human. “That is Pamela. She is the child of Eric. He might be out here pining for Sookie but she is the original bitch on a stick with fangs.”
“Now,” the frog chuckled, “who sounds like they speak from experience. You tap that lovely bit of blonde?”
Bill’s laughter got a little louder and then he got very serious. “No thank you. And she would skewer you on one of the heals of her shoes. Down your throat and out through the tip of your penis. She likes girls,” Bill gave him a tight lipped smile, “and when she tells you to back off, you had better believe she means it.”
“Whoa,” the frog said with new respect. “Ah-h-h-h Bill, you speak from experience?”
“I had just been crowned…” he closed his eyes and let the shudder over take him. “I really thought I had all the answers and was handsome and charming and could not be told no. By anyone. And I thought maybe Pamela might change her mind about females and sex if she could have a taste of king and sex.”
“You are still standing…” the frog eyed him.
“She carries a collapsible wooden rod about as round as her little finger. All these little wooden pieces are threaded with a thin wire of some sort. If she shakes it, it becomes about six feet long and with the dexterity and timing she displays, I am willing to be believe that I am not the first male she has ever skewered with it.”
“Oh ouch and fu-u-u-uck,” the frog said.
“Parts of me took longer to grow back than others. One part of me never did return to its original size.”
“Oh fuck and the lack thereof,” the frog patted his shoulder.
Bill smiled. “I was out of line of course, and lets just say I am sorry for all those frogs I gigged as a boy.”
“Does come back around to bite you on the ass,” Evan patted his shoulder, again.
“Yes,” Bill replied. “I did not see that coming. She is fast, like her maker.”
“Air pressure is changing,” Evan said. “We have a dragon incoming.”
“What?” Bill squeaked. “Dragon…”
“Get down, but stay so we can see. But I cannot be seen skulking around here. And do not say my name. Even if it is whispered, it will carry on the wind and the dragon will hear it.”
After being in Hell, Bill thought he could no longer be surprised. Little did he know…
Watching in wonder, he was mesmerized when a large dragon rode the moonbeams into the yard.
“Mistress Pamela,” they both heard the man say her name as he dismounted from the dragon. “I am glad you got the call to come out and meet me.”
“Master Wallace,” she bowed her head and you could hear the disdain in her voice. “It was not like I had a choice, was it.”
Striding up to the porch, he laughed heartily and said, “Come down those steps and greet your lord properly.”
“You are a free-balling bastard,” she hissed and continued to hiss names at him as she walked over to him.
“Now now, soon to be mother. Such language will not go unpunished. I will approach the king about keeping you breeding only for me.”
Bill’s eyes went round as he watched Pamela, pulled as if against her will, go forward toward the dragon rider. Cursing as she went, soon she was in his arms and crushed against Wallace’s body. His mouth claiming hers as his hands pulled her ass up and onto him.
Bill was shocked when he saw the fae’s fangs glittering in the moonlight and then he bit Pam’s neck. Bill was even more shocked when he saw Pamela do the same thing to the male. While she was drinking, from Pamela came moans and curses. And…and…the sound of something else! Something nasty! This Wallace had positioned both of their bodies so he could dry hump her and it sounded like something they both enjoyed.
Abruptly, he put her down and smirked. “So you have missed me, aye lass.”
“Fucker,” she hissed.
“Oh, not yet, but I shall,” his hand cupped her ass and then snaked around her body and pulled her backside into him. “I am bringing you a gift.”
“Oh good…” she hissed, “your head on a pike?”
Bill and Evan felt the air pressure, shift, again. There was a dragon, inbound.
“Love of my life and mother of my children,” his mouth was brutal as he kissed her neck and then pulled back. “This is my gift to you for bearing my young. Here comes your oldest child, now.”
“What?” Pam took a step forward, trying to get away from him.
“No, you will stand here with me, as is my right,” he said to her as his hands roamed across the front of her body. “What you carry is mine and I have every right to you.”
“You have Tara?” Pam’s voice cracked.
“Aye, just a small gift from me to you and a small, tasty, gift for Chester. He fancies himself a liege lord. To do that, he must have his children to barter as husbands and wives. I told him what a fine spirit you had. He wanted likewise for himself. You shall have your oldest child, Tara, and Chester shall have a breeder. He shall be father to many fine children. All which shall marry into houses of power and position.”
There was a female screaming rage and male laughter coming from the sky as a dragon came roaring in on the flailing currents of the night air and Tara’s body.
“No,” was all Pam was able to get out before the dragon settled and Chester was off and on the ground with Tara over his shoulder.
“My brother dragon rider,” Wallace smiled and called to him. “I see you have brought her home.”
“Aye brother. A fine assed breeder she is if one ever walked the two realms. It shall be a pleasure to watch her conceive. She has strength and a very extensive vocabulary which is rich in ways to fuck. We shall try all of them. One or two sound like they could become a favorite.
Her strength and beauty is indeed remarkable. I shall train her in the blade just so I will have to watch my own back and dick, to make sure that both stay intact and undamaged.”
“You toad sucking piece of fae shit,” Tara screeched. She got in one good kick before both of her legs were wrapped in one of his arms.
“I have brought you home, lass,” Chester chuckled. “Your home, your place of business, awaits,” he slapped her on the ass. “And there is someone here to greet you.”
Turning her head she saw Pamela.
“Just accept it,” Pam said as tears slowly fell. “I’m pregnant, Tara. It is all true. Vampire is descended from fae. Has he kissed you?” she asked, her voice sad and fearful as she watched her child being carried like a weak, human female.
“Yes,” Tara fixed her eyes on Pam. “When…when he found me…I fought him…but…but…my maker…” she was crying.
“Too late,” Pamela wailed. “It is too late. His saliva has started the change that will take your bones back to fae. You will bear his children and he will rule over you.”
“No,” Tara wailed and her scream rent the night. “No-o-o-o-o! I will not go back to that. I will not.”
“It is too late, child,” Pamela cried as her hand reached out to stroke Tara’s face as she went by. Being carried with no dignity, but slung over a great hulking fae’s shoulder as if and indeed she was, just a feather bed for this great beast of a male to find his comfort.
“Welcome to The Brothel of the Manse,” Pam sobbed and Wallace laughed as he scooped her up into his arms and carried her inside.
Evan just shook his head when Bill turned to ask him questions. Pointing with his head toward the dragons, they could see that they were about to take flight. Once the front doors closed, the dragons shot straight up into the night.
“What the fuck?” Bill asked, terror in his voice.
“Vampire is descended from fae and the bodily fluids in the fae cause a chain reaction in vampire. If there is enough fluids exchanged, the female vampire can conceive and the vampire male will be fertile as well. The never king is hoping that because vampire has not been tainted, but carries the original fae marker in their bones, that their fluids will correct the sterile in us as well.
The war in fae has caused both male and female fae to be sterile. The never king, he is having all vampires rounded up and is breeding them with fae that is fertile.”
“What the fuck…” Bill was still lost in that thought.
“The never king is replenishing his ranks. These shall be more than halflings. They will be fae in their bones, because vampire is fae in their bones. And if it corrects the sterility in us…” the frog just shrugged.
“I do not want to believe that…” Bill gasped out.
“It is true,” Evan sighed. “It is a very long story, but true.
Actually, it is a very clever plan on the part of the never king. The royal houses shall grow in strength and beauty once again and the never king shall have his praises sang for doing so. He shall be remembered in our song and legends forever and a day as the one that gave us back life.”
“Vampires…fertile…? And…” Bill could not even consider the thought, “and the male vampires as well?”
“Yes,” Evan replied with a nod of his head. “Northman takes a horrible risk by being out here. I have told him so, repeatedly. The noble ladies of the realm would stand in line to lie with him. They would pay handsomely to feel his body on top of theirs, his kisses sweet while he nuzzles their breast and he satisfies them with robust vigor. If he is ever caught and made fae in his bones,” the frog was very thoughtful, “the ladies would find him to be worth the ride.
The never king has a sister,” the frog lowered his voice, as if afraid to be overheard. “There has not been a fae male worthy of her, fertile or not. If Eric covers her with his magnificence, with his child in her, Northman would be made a prince of the realm.”
“Eric,” Bill sputtered, his reality now brought sharply back into focus. “A prince of the fae realm….” and then Bill began to formulate his plan K…
“Sookie is a queen,” Bill said to his small friend. “If she were to kiss you, do you think you would revert back to fae?”
“King Bill,” Evan hopped down off his shoulder. “Why would she do this?”
“I know Sookie,” Bill said earnestly. He had to sale this. All had to be believable. Things were so fucked up here that Eric could become a fae prince! He would spend forever in Hell before he let that happen! His sincerest smile planted and grew on his face. “She is a wonderful person. Truly. A lovely person. She would help you. I just have to figure out some way so that I could speak to her by herself. I will be able to tell if she loves the never king in her heart. Depending on what vibe I read from her, will depend on my approach. If she does not love him, then the straight forward approach with just a slight curve will work best for us. If she has indeed, been infected and believes that she loves him, well, then, I will just use the ‘my friend needs help’, approach.”
“King Bill,” the frog sounded hopeful. “You would do this for me?”
“Yes, of course,” Bill smiled. “But…but we are going to need an open fae portal. So that she can see I am not lying to her about any of this. Can you do that?” Bill asked.
“Yes, of course,” the frog responded. “King Bill,” the frog hesitated, “have you given her reason to doubt you?”
There was sorrow on Bill’s face. “Yes.”
“Then it shall be a large and flashy portal,” the frog smiled. “Do not worry. We will not give her a reason to doubt you. But there is a problem. I have watched human females. They are not so different from the ones in fae. I do not believe that she is going to be enchanted with the dragon shit portal,” the frog shook his head to emphasize his point.
“You are right, of course,” Bill nodded in agreement with his friend. “There is a portal in the cemetery, not far from here. I will bring her there if you will open it.”
“A good solid plan,” the frog smiled. “King Bill, I am very impressed with you. Do I want to know how you know about the portal?
Bill chuckled. “Maybe later. That is also a long story.”
“Cemetery it is, then,” the frog king croaked. “Let’s stop off there and I will get started. What about clothes for you?”
Looking down, he still wore the lion pants. “I had such grand hopes of being a bit more presentable. But these fae…” he hesitated. They were big and what the fuck! They rode dragons! Who knew just exactly where the dragons went? Were they circling overhead, watching the area? “If I could not obtain access to the mansion, I thought I could steal clothes that are left by the pool. The pool, however, is overlooked by the entire back of the house and the house seems to be busy with the enemy.”
“Oh,” the frog chuckled. “A bit of the voyeur, are we?”
There was no stopping the smiled that took over Bill’s face. “There was not a bad view, anywhere,” he said wistfully.
“So we would be spotted,” the frog added the unspoken thought.
“Yes,” Bill replied. “This will just have to do.”
“Then do it shall, King Bill,” the frog twirled his hand and then gave him a grand, flourishing bow. “I have decreed it so.”
“And I thank you, sir king,” Bill bowed like wise.
Down the golden road they went, chatting quietly as two old friends. They were two kings, both with getting laid on their mind.
“This is a good one,” the frog king chuckled. “Do you know why the princess wanted deep-fried frog legs for dinner?”
“No,” Bill shook his head.
“Because for lunch she ate…” The frog jumped up on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.
“No she did not,” Bill was shocked.
“Oh yes she did,” the frog chuckled.
“That is just rude, vulgar and can not at all be told in polite female company,” Bill laughed. “But amongst us men, I would find that to be most satisfying.”
“Rubbit in that,” the frog chuckled as they proceeded merrily, along.
Bill stood off in the woods facing the front porch of the old Stackhouse farmhouse. Well, one of the front porches. The original one remained, but to the left of it, there was a massive porch where the main front door was now located. Very impressive. There were a lot of chairs and a massive outdoor fireplace located there. Sookie did like to sit outside and watch it rain. Looked like she now did so in style and comfort. It spoke of money and also hospitality. A charming combination in the South.
Well yes, the frog king had not been kidding. They had added on and then some. The old farmhouse was now substantial, in still a very charming sort of way. Well, it would need to be. If the fae king was going to use Sookie as a brood mare, they were going to need bedrooms for all those children. Good thing he was taking her away from all of this. How she must hate being used to further this king’s future.
And she had been successfully bred. The king had apparently brought one into the marriage and Sookie had given birth to twins. Oh what to do? The momma in her would know he was up to something. His momma always knew when he wanted to be up to no good. He would be careful. Maybe once she got past the shock of seeing him, he would just explain about the frog king.
Sookie had a kind heart and she liked frogs. He knew that because they had gone out one night with her driving her death trap and she had almost brought the true death to both of them when she tried to dodge that frog that was in the road.
“You just have to know her weakness,” Bill smiled. “And it just so happens that I do.”
Bill heard the front door open and he stepped back deeper into the shadows. Really, vampire was the bastard child of the fae? Well…maybe this was not so difficult after all. Sookie had been his at one time. His blood in her, her blood… oh-h-h-h, was that the beginning of an erection in ‘ole Nub? …in him….that old magic just might still be there. He started stretching out with his will and calling to her.
“Nub, old friend,” he grinned as he stroked the front of his pants, “we will make this happen,” as he kept repeating her name with longing and a bit of wanting to control her. To keep her humble and poor and harken back to those times when she had been so impressionable and had less and she had thought that he was a god. A god with a nice car and willing to show her a good time without spending any money on her.
“I’m goin’ over to the cemetery to visit with Gran,” he heard her say as she turned back into the house. “Everyone is tucked in and sleeping. I won’t be gone long, Lafayette. It is just with the babies teething, I have not had any time to myself, today.”
“She is still my sweet, sweet Sookie!” he sighed. Oh-h-h-h, she is going to visit with Gran. Her heart was gold. “I’ve still got it!” he smiled as he ran his hands through his hair. “That un-definable je ne sais quoi! My Southern Charm and my mind numbing power as vampire! ” Bill was gleeful, this was going to be very easy. So what if Sookie was fae and had been sucking face with their soon to be dead king…he was still William T. Compton. He had plan L,M,N O & P. The world was going to be his!
Chapter 10 Epilogue “…other such delights…”
Bill positioned himself so that Sookie was going to pass by him. This was yummy…she was yummy and offered other such delights. M-m-m-m… she would be tasty. Might just be time for plan Q, R, S, T, U, & V. Admiring her easy gate, he could see where motherhood agreed with her. Her breasts were fuller, bigger, rounder. ‘Ole Nub spit out what was on his mind! She was breastfeeding! This would be top of the line go for broke orgasmic! And her hips were just a bit rounder. That would not be noticeable to anyone but him! All that moist, deliciousness, curviness fitting into his hands and his mouth!
The never king would not know her well enough to admire those fine, enhanced, features about her. Of course, in just a matter of moments, well, Sookie would be admired by everyone in Hell. They would know what to do with all that lusciousness that was packaged in that female. Bill grinned. Well, yes…he should definitely have his way with her one more time. Give her fond memories of being loved by a tender heart. Those in Hell would not be so mindful.
“Sookie,” he called gently to her mind. “Sookie….” No response. Then he tried pushing his will at her, being just a bit more demanding. “Sookie! Tell me that you love me.” His ears could hear every twig she stepped on, the grass as it crunched beneath her feet. A bat flitting by overhead. But not one word from her full, inviting lips. Well drat! He was going to have to be more conventional in his approach, because here she came, now.
“Sookie,” he said out loud, pushing as much tenderness as he could into the word. “Sookie…”
“Bill Compton,” she paused, looking around. “I would know that person who mispronounced my name, anywhere. Where are you?”
“Sookie,” he said as he stepped out from behind the tree.
“Bill,” she peered deep into the shadows. “I guess it’s true. The dead do get to roam the earth on All Hallow’s Eve.”
Well just wait one! What! Criticizing him already! This was not fair. She was not at all overjoyed to see him or even surprised. And she knew about the dead roaming on this night? “I guess reading all those books paid off for her,” he sighed to himself. “I hate smart women,” he said with passion to himself.
“Sookie,” he stepped out into the moonlight.
“Bill,” she replied. “Still skulking around in my woods, huh. Did you not do enough of that in your un-dead life that you must come back from…from…?” and she shrugged, “…I am guessing Hell.”
“Sookie,” he drew back from her, aghast! “I am back from the dead. Yours to command until dawn and answer your questions about the after life and that is all that I get? A reminder of what you consider my former transgressions.”
“Same old Bill. Still skulking and whining. I see true death did not change you one bit. And you speak to me of former transgressions, hah! Why, if I was to bring that list up, we would be here all night.”
“Sookie,” his voice sound hurt and he took a step closer. “Once you loved me. I was your everything, your all. I was,” he took a step closer with tears in his voice, “I was your first. Why, one night we even made our lover’s bed in the cemetery. Not close to your Gran’s grave, of course, but close enough. You know she approved of me.”
“That’s pretty lame, Bill. You seduced an innocent with the intent of hauling me off to Sophie-Anne.
Lover’s bed my ass. You were covered in grave dirt,” she rolled her eyes. “And I see things for you have not changed much. Still approaching me with no shirt on and some kind of furry pants. Your newest kink, huh. Well, I don’t fuck animals or even those back from the dead who…well,” she eyed him, “who do not have the decency to put on a shirt.
I would just as soon as trot Eric out here and relive my past exploits in the woods with him. With Eric, at least, I was not washing dirt out of my girly parts for days and he did not lie to me. No way was Eric a tightwad. I hope you have a point. I am married and have babies. Your time out here in my woods is limited. Thankfully, this day is going to come to an end and you along with it. Get to the point.”
“I have been sent back to right a wrong,” he humbly replied while inside he was seething. However, a very good point to consider was that she had not said happily married and that worked for him. Then reality set in and he wanted to howl in anger, because she had said Eric! Evan had said the never king was a stud and yet Sookie preferred Eric! Eric must be a bigger stud! How was any of this fair?
“You,” she arched that dang-gum infernal eyebrow at him. “Right a wrong? This has got to be a good one,” she chuckled. “Should I sit down or get ready to puke my guts out from laughing so hard. I could go either way.”
Swallowing down his anger, he kept his sincere self in place. Hell, even Sophie-Anne had believed this face and that bitch believed no one.
“There is a fae who has been enchanted by an evil witch that now resides here. He was turned into a frog.”
“Oh,” she raised an eyebrow at him as she lifted her feet. “Knee-deep,” she sounded like a frog, “in bullshit,” she laughed. “Or would that be frog-shit?”
Why, it did not sound like she believed him! More tears flowed from his eyes as his face reflected the pain he felt inside.
“Tears are not going to work on me, Bill. Maybe the truth, will. Which witch was this?” she snickered.
“I do not know her name but this frog calls her a bitch on a stick and she is green. She rides a broom and has flying monkeys. I know this for a fact because they flung poo at me.”
“Oh-h-h-h-h,” came out in a hushed whisper.
Well that was better. Old Bill just earned a few respect points and ‘Ole Nub was filling hopeful. The first time in years.
“You know for sure this frog is fae?” Sookie asked. He could still hear the doubt in her voice.
“Yes, he is opening the portal in the cemetery to prove it to you.”
“Oh. And just exactly what is it I am suppose to do?”
“A royal has to kiss him, to break the spell.”
“I am married, Bill,” she began. “I am not kissing anyone but my husband.”
“Sookie, he is a nice fellow. I felt so badly for him, even I kissed him, hoping my kingship still counted. Apparently it does not.”
“Really, you kissed him?”
“Yes, twice, once on each cheek,” he added with a sure nod of his head not wishing to discuss just which cheeks he had kissed. She could find that out for herself. “I like him. I want this to happen for him so he can…well, go back to his original form.”
“I am not royal,” she said.
“Sookie, you are married to the king of the fae. That makes you queen of the fae.”
“How do you know that?” she asked.
“The frog told me,” he said gently. “He keeps time out in the wilds with Eric. Apparently Northman spends all of his waking hours skulking around in your woods as well.”
Something passed over her face. It was not desire…but it was something. “He says that Eric is out here so he can listen for the sound of our voice. He says that Eric loves you.”
There was that look, again. It was pain that he saw there. So, she still cared for Eric. This was going to work…it was going to be spectacular! Here goes either plan X, Y, or Z!
“So, what plan does the frog have once he is turned back to his rightful fae form?” her voice was quiet.
“He is going to kill the never king, your husband.” Well, at least she looked intrigued. Maybe there was some bad girl left in her after all. After all, he had fucked her without so much as his ring on her finger. Or even the promise of one. Bad, bad, bad girl!
“Did the frog explain to you about how all this works? That in essence, I am spelled, as well.”
“Yes,” Bill nodded. “I know that you are under a spell. Your husband’s bodily fluids has made this happen to you. Once he is dead and you are no longer his to command, well…” and he just let that thought take over. He could see it there on her face. She could be rid of him and she could have Eric. Good thing she was going straight into Hell. Otherwise, he just might have to torture her for the fact that she still wanted Eric and not him.
“What do you get out of this?” she focused on him. “I have never known you to do somethin’ for nothin’.”
“Sookie,” his voice was still. “I am on a mission. I have the opportunity to right this wrong for a person,” he placed his hand over his heart, “for a person that I loved. I will be well on my way to getting my wings.”
“You went to Heaven?” and he could hear the doubt in her voice.
That hurt. That fucking hurt! He had always been a gentleman around her! And treated her Gran with respect! Tears threatened in his eyes. “I see you do not think so highly of me,” was all he could get out.
“You have lied to me on numerous occasions, Bill. What is one more. Let’s go check out the frog. If what you say is true, well, maybe I will owe you an apology. If you have lied to me, it is just going to get ugly.”
Keeping the tears going was the only way to help get his point, across. His Sookie had no idea just how ugly it was going to get.
Once they began their journey, there was really no time for small talk. Things began to shift around. Him, her, time, realities, paths…maybe all of it or maybe none of it. Just maybe because he wanted it so badly, he had caused all of this to happen. Now there was a pleasant thought. He willed this to be so. This was by his power and his might!
Yes, he could see it now, as they continued on. The Bon Temps final resting place for all those good folks who had lived out their usefulness, here; this place they had called home. This small piece of Louisiana that had survived because of them and despite them. A bone yard. All ended here. Unless, of course, you were vampire!
Yes, yes, yes! He could see it now, the faint glow of the portal. The head stones that wished for a peaceful final resting place that offered those still living refuge and hope…that their loved one had gone on to glory. None, he laughed, had carved on their stone asking for the depravities of Hell!
Sadly for Sookie, this place for her certainly represented death. And depravities. He hoped she was strong. Her uncle, he was sure, would be waiting for her.
How odd. There was singing. Bill could hear singing…
“Do you know what forever looks like when you kill your own kith and kin?
Do you swallow the tears of forgiveness and wish for days that might have been?
Do you wander dreams and search for seams in time so that you might start again?
Under the same full moon, you do bloom and bond in the world of men.
As they approached, Bill had to chuckle. Evan was sitting on his tombstone. Most delightful. The frog had been the one singing. He may croak when he talked but he had a lovely singing voice.
Evan finished his song and then looked up at Sookie.
Returning his stare she said. “You need to shut the portal down,” she nodded with her head toward the round, shimmering light. “I believe that you have been enchanted. Being fae, you know that they can all sense that opening.”
“Yes,” the frog stood and bowed. “But I am going to destroy the never king with this portal and free you of his power so that you may be lover to my friend, Eric. My friends in this realm gather to watch my triumphant return.”
Sookie took a deep breath. “He really is out here, someplace. My Eric…”
“Only wishing for the sound of your voice,” the frog responded.
“What do I need to do?” she asked, kneeling down so that she was eye to eye with the frog. “I am not crowned as his queen.”
“I need to be kissed by a royal. You bear children for the never king. This makes you part of him. This makes you royal,” the frog said and with a smile and continued. “The spell shall be broken by the one who wished it upon me. Here is justice.”
Bill watched the portal. Looking up, he could see where it might take you to Fae. When he looked down, he saw the depths of Hell. “Kiss him,” he wanted to hiss. Things were starting to stir out in the woods. The open portal was drawing attention to itself. His focus was now back on the two.
“The fae are starting to gather,” Bill said quietly.
“Those are my friends,” Evan replied. “They are casting the spell. To bind the false king.” Those in the woods began to sing:
“Heart to heart and breath to breath fire mates with ice
They walk this place and love their mate while all others moan and cry:
I have five toes, I have five toes,
Tis the new day and so it goes
They have been set free, they have been set free,
Woe to those that should have let the old ones be.”
Sookie looked around her. There were eyes blinking out in the dark. “Yes,” her focus was now back on the frog. “I believe you.”
Carefully, Bill was inching closer. The portal was growing and would soon be directly above them and below them. Bill would shove them both into the pit if this did not happen fast enough.
Sookie picked up the frog. Holding him in both hands, she brought him to her lips as he began to sing:
“Beneath a cold waxing crescent moon
Should I live to see the next full moon
I am without counsel, tis my doom.”
Sookie responded with:
“First breath of life, my Queen and King shall be
Their children walk as human that all can see
We are Thunder, Winds of Gold, and Wisdom Tree.
Evil fears us, all others shall be set free.”
That was just odd. How did Sookie know the words? Bill was watching the two intently. Then was shocked when they both sang together:
“There are three moons now since here I came.
I am blessed for Wisdom now does reign.
I am fulfilled and we now all live without shame.”
“What the fuck?” Bill said out loud. And then in amazement he whispered “What the fuck?” Sookie had that frog planted firmly in a kiss and she was work-i-n-g her mouth and was suck-i-n-g his tongue…and it was a long tongue, out of his mouth! Oh-h-h-h-h shit! And would you just look at what the frog was doing to her! Such a horrible display….of…well he was not just for real sure what he would call it…but they both deserved to be in Hell for that! And Sookie had said he had kinks! No one he knew deep Frenched a frog and looked like they wanted more!
Oh! Wait one! The frog was beginning to shimmer. There stood a nude male and his hands were all over Sookie as she was climbing all over him! Whoa! So Sookie really was royal…what the fuck! Time to step back and pull this all into focus. She would be an even bigger prize in Hell! She was fae royalty! He was golden! Forever!
“Well,” he smiled happily. “My friend Evan just might find out what it is like to be inside her at the rate those two are going at it. All though, I don’t think he will have the pleasure of listening to her scream his name. That portal is just about to where they are standing.”
Things were starting to heat up out there! Then Evan turned all the way around so Bill had the perfect view of his back side…!
“Oh unholy fucking shit…!” Bill was having a moment! And a deeply deranged one where he and the frog king were lovers! And he had kissed that! Hot damn! Would you just look at the backside of Evan! Damn! No wonder the never king had cursed him and the witch had did the hot and nasty with him! Who could compete with that! Why, not even…even…even…North…
“No,” Bill whimpered. “No, it is not possible…” he sobbed as the two entwined lovers had turned completely and now Sookie’s back was to him and coming up from her mouth was Northman!
Eric’s and Bill’s eyes met and held for a second. Eric smiled and then placed another searing kiss on Sookie’s lips and then he stepped away from her and there stood, in full regalia, the King of the Fae. And beside him was his Queen!
With Sookie on his arm, they began walking toward him. “Hello Bill,” Eric’s eyes held laughter of the unspeakable, disgusting dirty little secret sort. “I understand you get one free get out of jail card. Godric tells me that you only get the one. How nice of you to choose to spend your evening out of Hell with the Queen and King of the Fae. I do believe it was the first time I have ever truly enjoyed your company. And I have many more frog jokes. I just do not think we are going to be able to get through all of them.
Miss Molly…you remember her from HQ. She is my daughter and married to Samuel Da’vid.” Eric winked at him, again. “Yes, all this and Samuel’s money know how too. My Molly, she had tonight’s little adventure wired. Kissing my ass was captured from many different angles and will be airing on the vamp channel and in Fae for a long time to come. H-m-m-m, I shall speak to my maker and see what he has to say about it showing in Hell. But here on Earth, I have no idea how many hits it has already taken on YouTube.”
“Three hundred and fifty thousand hits, Father Eric,” Molly called and waved to them.
Sookie and Eric both looked at her and waved back.
“I believe Pamela has already had her favorite view blown up and posted in the mansion. That second kiss, she says you are all riled up with passion and wanting, just not willing, to get the job done. Kiss my ass and then maybe,” he winked at Bill, “desire something to do with your tongue.”
“I,” Bill was disgusted. “I would never! I, I kissed you in good faith…” he stuttered.
“Yes,” Eric winked at him, “you did, twice.”
“And…and Pamela? She really is not that fae’s concubine?”
“Oh,” Eric grinned, “Bill do not sound so disappointed. If it makes you feel any better, she really is pregnant. Seems vampire really is descended from fae. It is her husband’s job, and his name would be Wallace, to keep my oldest child in shoes and to help her dispose of the bodies. And to pay off that fucking black American Express Card every month. I am glad I am out of that business.”
“Is,” Bill sobbed, he was in information overload. “Is my momma’s home really a whorehouse?”
“Depends on who you ask,” Eric laughed out loud. “Besides being King of the Fae, I am known through out the world as Day Walker. We rule the U.S. except for the thirteen original colonies, which is in the very capable hands of the King of New York. The Republic of Texas, is still independent, as well.
Pam, Tara, Molly and a host of others can be found in your old home, which you kindly left to Sookie, bitching about having to prostitute themselves and take it in the ass for the cause. The cause being that I am a father and husband and my time is not to be wasted. They deal with the day-to-day bullshit. I deal with the final death. It is heartening, though, to know that those vampires that are left are capable of learning. All fear Pam. Tara is just as deadly, just like her maker. Just like her maker’s maker.”
Eric’s laughter filled the night. “But none are as deadly as my wife, my mate, my all.
If I may please, allow me to introduce HRM, Queen Sookie, of the Fae. I am merely her royal consort and sex toy and father to her children,” he winked at Bill, again.
“So nice of you to stop by and visit,” was Sookie’s gentle voice. Then Bill’s finally dead self wanted to shit, itself! Before him stood…stood…something so horrible he had not even seen anyone like her in Hell!
“Sorry you did not get to meet the children. But it is past their bedtime. And all Hunter would understand is that you betrayed his momma and wanted to take her away from him and his brother and sister and his daddy and he would be very sad. I am not happy, as you can see, when someone makes my son sad. That is what you wanted to do, is it not Bill? Somethin’ about me taking your place in Hell.”
Eric licked his fangs. This thing that was Sookie did as well!
“Now,” Sookie began, the horribleness had fallen away and there she stood. “Godric tells us that this hell-mouth,” she motioned to it with her head, “is going to be closing.
Oh sure enough,” she grinned as she looked down into the pit. “Hey Eric, that’s Russell down there screaming ‘Bygones’! Hey Russell,” she called and they both smiled and waved as the hell-mouth started to get just a tad smaller.
And then, Bill registered, weird really did happen. A group of Grandmas walked over with shotguns and were talking and cussing and started passing around shells filled with rock salt. Pump went the shotgun, then you heard the shot, then a scream. “Drag that one that goes by Lilith, out here,” Esther hooted “and I won’t shoot your ass…!” And then “Ka-blam!” followed by a piercing wail. “Does not mean that Sara won’t,” she laughed. “So move your ass.”
Sookie smiled and waved to the women and then her focus was back on Bill. “And Godric also said that you have to return to Hell the same way you came out. So we have declared this a parade route. There will be one or two fly-overs, I am sure. Besides dragons, I just might have to put my bitch on a stick costume back on and buzz you, myself.
Tara is going to have one or two questions for you about some back taxes that she cannot locate. That girl does like to keep her bookkeeping in order. That last set of books that you did not closeout….well, she has been workin’ on those in her free time. Seems she has a bet with Chester…somethin’ about dragon riding time and his big assed espresso machine and does he know how to answer a phone. The NO vamps are wonderin’ if you took that money to pay for the pool. Lots of time off from the mansion is riding on this Bill. So this is important.
Now, I know from experience that you have lied, before. But, our oldest, Miss Pam, she figured out a way around that. Pamela is the darlin’ of her father-in-law, OI, the king of the dragons. If you thought Eric spoiled her…and her husband spoiled her…” Sookie just shook her head and chuckled. “Her daddy-in-law is so pleased about the wife his boy has married and the grandbabies to be, also twins, by the way, a boy and a girl, that he is going to glamour you so you can only tell the truth.
There will be others that are goin’ to wish to chat with you as you make your way back down the golden road so that you can slither your way back into Hell the same way you slithered out.
And I do believe, that Em has well, left a fresh, perfectly round fae portal, for you.
Oh, but OI is inbound,” Sookie smiled at the smallest and most darling thing Bill had ever seen landed on Sookie’s two outstretched hands.
“He is beautiful,” Bill smiled.
“Tru dat,” the little dragon said with a snap of his claws as he circled his face. “Now, lets us sees what other mo’ fo’n truths and lies and suches lurkes in this cocksucker’s evils mouth.”
OI worked his charming ways on Bill. After the glamour, he turned to face the crowd, put his claw down his throat and gagged.
“My little mans,” Lafayette laughed, “he’s been studyin’s his Mr. Shakespeares. Did you see the might-tee fine ways he done rolled his eyes. Why, that was perfect plus and I has seens none prettier.”
Tara laughed along with the crowd. “My La La,” she patted his face, “seeing is believin’. I am likin’ these purple jewels you two are wearin’ tonight. I don’t think I’ve see these, before.”
“M-m-m-m-h-m-m-m, Missy Fineself T, that’s is cause you has nots. My little mans, he dones traded some of my Ranger Cookies for a little times and a times from some tinkerbells private stocks of star dusts and suches. They done mixes it with some mornin’s dew the day the twins were born and fired it up and fashioned it in some blue moon beams and polished it in the light of the cold moon.”
“My La La, is there anyone OI does not know,” and leaning in she whispered in his ear, “or does not owe him a favor?”
Lafayette shook his head. “No Miss T. Yous just be carefuls. He has his charmin’s ways and he uses them as suches and to his great advantages. M-m-m-h-m-m-m. My little mans, he truly is La La in dragon form.
Now, looks like the floorshow is ‘bouts to starts. Truths from I am so fucked Billy boys lips. Good times.”
William T. Compton thought he was one dastardly fellow. Look at the audience he had. All waiting to hear what passed from his lips. After all, “I am the Ascending Supreme Spirit from Hell,” he announced proudly. “That is spelled H-E-L-L,” he said again for emphasis and “the King of Louisiana. I am of true royal blood and I shall rule here on Earth for I am the Ascending Supreme and Satan is my liege. However,” the grin covered his face, “I shall rule there someday, as well. Her fat ass will not know what happened.”
“Yes,” Pam snickered. “You are the ASS from Hell. We know that, Bill. You are also the ASS from Bon Temps and I would even go so far to say that your were the reigning ASS in New Orleans, as well. And that once back in the pit, after that little statement, your ass…well…Godric says they are very creative in Hell.
We also know that Chaz was your grandsire and that bullshit he told you about being descended from William the Conqueror was just that, bullshit. His people were French peasants. When he was turned, he was a French peasant.
And Sookie’s purple clamshell and pearl have come home to them. Eric feeds the babies their puddin’ out of it. Hunter loves to take it outside and watch the sunlight filter through it.”
“What?” he took a step toward her. “No one knew that.”
“Oh fuck a duck,” Pam sighed, “he really believes that. So tell us, Bill, what else do you hold to be true and sacred.”
“I was a spy for the North during the war. That is why they spared my momma’s house.”
“Shocker,” Sookie rolled her eyes.
“I was fucking your great, great, also,” he smiled at Sookie and winked. “She owed me money and I took what I needed from her. She only fought me the first time. That is why your home still stands. I told them it was mine. And it would have been mine,” he pouted, “once I convinced her to sign it over to me and then I killed her off. I was landed gentry and your family was just poor dirt farmers. This was my right to do so.”
“Why Bill,” Eric clucked his tongue, “you rapist and little ego manic.”
“Like you have never taken a woman against her will,” Bill snorted.
Blue flames of The Realm streaked across the expanse and Bill was enveloped as his screams tore through the night. The flames continued to incase him as Sookie walked toward him, the energy flowing from her and expanding like the increasing rage that she was feeling. When she was standing in front of Bill the flames stopped and she said, “Eric, would you care to address that?”
“Certainly,” he was seething, “I do not deny that I have raped my enemies. Male and female alike. This was the way of my time.
But if I desired sex, to take a woman against her will; free or slave…never,” he hissed. “If she did not desire me, I moved on.”
There were still blue sparks shooting out of Sookie’s eyes as she silently regarded the vile creature before her. “I asked OI if he thought it was possible to gift you with the Living Death. He does not know, but he is willing to give it a try. But you know what,” she chuckled, “we learned our lesson about revenge. It can consume you and I don’t have time to spend one second of my thoughts on you. I think you just need to be enjoyed in Hell.
Next round of questions,” Sookie turned and smiled at the crowd as she walked back toward Eric.
Bill was in pain! There was no denying what had coursed through him while he was lit up. And this was not what was done to him in Hell. This was different. The underlying sweetness was a former reminder of something. And it burned, both his body and his thoughts!
He hated her! He hated that he could not lie his way out of this. He hated that he could only move forward no matter how much he tried to exert his will. And most of all, he hated Eric. Because Eric had what should have been his.
“My big mans,” OI was watching the drama unfold on the shoulder of his big man. “You gots any longin’s in your minds you needs answers, too. I know from time to times, you wonders ‘bouts The Blonde Bombshell.”
“Oh, Miss Monroe,” Bill smiled and he had Lafayette’s full attention. “She was a tasty treat. A little used but draining her was sublime.”
OI and Lafayette both drew back in horror. “Youuuuuuuuuuu,” came out of both of their mouths in disgust!
“I also arranged to have Kennedy killed. She honestly preferred him over me. Just how wrong is that.”
“I did not see that one comin’,” Pam said as she eyed the ASS that was walking the road back to Hell in monkey socks.
“And I don’t know how many times I tried to have Eric brought the final death. I lost count. It got to a point that I was stealing so I could pay an assassin.”
“Saw that comin’,” Pam chuckled. “Damn, I loved killin’ off those guys. Finally got to a point where dickhead could no longer afford vampires and he started hirin’ humans,” Pam snickered. “Not as much fun but far more satisfyin’ and my gators loved me.”
“What I don’t know,” Tara stepped up and wiggled her eyebrows at Chester, and then addressed Bill “is where is the tax money?”
“Tax money? I don’t know,” Bill shrugged his shoulders. “How much is missing?”
“Three hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Not a lot, but I took a look at the pool bill. It comes in at around that amount.”
“No, to put in the pool, that was money I found on a dead vampire. He was still alive, just barely. He met the true death a few minutes, later.”
“Oh-h, eeeuuuu,” Tara said. “Really, you rob the dead?”
Bill rolled his eyes. “Of course not. Jimmy Boy was not dead when I robbed him. I finished him off after I robbed him.”
“Oh,” Pam stepped back in and re-engaged. “You fucker. That was Jimmy Boy you killed…that was my new car money he owed me.”
“Opps,” Bill smiled.
“Opps is right,” she hissed. “Why I am going….” and then she laughed. “Well, seein’ as how you are already in Hell and all…” and then she chuckled wickedly. “Put some different monkey socks on this boy. Where are the ones The Queen of the Fae were wearin’, earlier?”
There was a party going on along the road. Bill could see it. Fae…of all types and descriptions. It was all true. Eric and Sookie….king and queen of the fae. What a fucked up world. He would rather be in Hell.
So here he was, walking the golden road back to…well…save that for later…he thought for sure he would be the center of their attention! That this would be his one last chance to stand tall and be noticed! He expected to be laughed at and jeered or the object of their abuse. Instead, and things just kept getting weirder, everyone was wearing monkey socks and drinking. Apparently the good stuff. Something called Death from Above and it was something to be cherished.
Being discussed were everyday events and many were making eyes at Chester and Tara who were floating above the road on the back of a very large dragon. Apparently Tara had a bottle of something and was pouring shots. Apparently no one had ever poured shots of Death from Above from a dragon, before. Or poured shots of anything from the back of a dragon. She was getting all kinds of cheers and whistles.
Bill found himself listening to the extremely large male fae that she sat in front of. “The small princess,” Bill heard a great deal of respect every time he referred to Tara, “is exceptional with a sword. Never have I trained one with such grace or finesse. Truly, she is the grand child of our king.”
That is when Bill knew…this was not about him. They did not care about him. This was a celebration! This was about the fae living their day-to-day lives and it was glorious! There were often references to their great good and kind queen Sookie and their good and just king Eric. How blessed they were that their world was now back in balance. That harmony and beauty once more walked with them because of their good king and queen. He heard snippets of war stories, about a land that was so lost and dissolute, that old warriors squared off and ended themselves on a true field of battle, rather than cause any more damage to the barren and stricken land they loved. Not unlike the civil war that he had battled in, brother against brother. But this had gone on for thousands of years.
Eric had been a part of helping to right this terrible wrong? And Sookie as well? Simple, poor, Sookie! All of this was wrong! Maybe Eric, in some perverted world was capable of somehow helping to fix this…but Sookie….? No!
Smelling the dragon shit, he knew his walk was just about over. He was being returned to Hell through the portal from which he had emerged. This time he was going to keep his mouth, closed.
He watched as Eric walked out to him. “Come to say your good-byes?” Bill asked as all along the road became quiet.
“Yes,” Eric responded. “And to tell you the truth. The truth that the old fallen in the pit already know and will cherish you all the more because now you know.
In the beginning, when the earth was still new, there were magics created to take care of this planet. To over see its growth and manage its mountains and the deepest of oceans. God created them, by twos, to care for and be the caretakers of this place.
The original fae, or the old magics or the old ones, the fae call them. They go by many names. But there are two names that are held through out time and space. That of Sookie and her Evan.”
A light went off in Bill’s eyes and Eric saw the beginning of hell take form in his mind. Good, so he understood that lie was not going back into the pit with him.
“Evan is the fae name for Eric. Sookie was mine, from the very beginning, Bill. You were her first,” he chuckled and shook his head no. “This planet had not even cooled the first time we danced in each other’s arms. We both remember being each other’s first. Nothing,” he smiled, the blue lights dancing in his eyes, “compares to that.”
“No,” Bill yelled and then, “no, no, no, no, no!” he screamed. He was still screaming as he was sucked back down into the portal. Squeezed into dragon shit the size of a softball, his screams of “no” sounding until they became muffled. And his eyes, the last thing his eyes saw was Eric standing in a pair of monkey socks and his mouth was full of dragon shit as he felt his head being squeezed together and the dragon filth being pushed into every crevice of his head.
This must be plan Z…Ooooooooo la la…zeeee good
The mo’ fo’n big assed grill was going and the smell of Were wafted around on the breeze. There were Fae, everywhere.
“Hunter’s up,” Sookie smiled. “And he has gone to get his brother and sister.”
“They shall be here shortly,” Eric smiled.
“Yes, Mr. Independence and his little red wagon,” Sookie chuckled. They both grinned at each other.
“Just wait until Finton shows up,” Eric could not suppress the small laugh.
“Oh,” Sookie chuckled right along with her husband, “I have no doubt our oldest will figure out a way to fit that boy and his tree along with his brother and sister in that little red wagon, as well.”
“Don’t forget his cat,” Eric’s grin got bigger.
“And a lot of dragons in that tree,” Sookie laughed.
Sure enough, at the kitchen door stood Hunter with his baby brother and sister along with Lion and some pillows in his wagon. Andy was walking along beside it and the babies were both holding onto him and jabbering away. Andy answered back with an occasional “Ooo,”.
There were squeals of delight when Eric stood up and came to get them.
“My Son,” he picked up Hunter and hugged him. “I see you are awake.”
“I smelled food,” he grinned. “And then my tummy rumbled. And then I went to check on the babies and they woke up.”
“Give me those babies,” Grandma Esther and Deborah said as they swooped in. “Mr. Hunter, just as soon as your Momma and Daddy get their kisses, we are wantin’ ours.”
“Yes Grandmas, I’ll be right there.”
“You need some help fixin’ a plate?” Sookie asked him as she took him from Eric.
“No Momma. Looks like my Grandmas are fixin’ one for me. They are wavin’ me on over.”
“Well, that is just fine then. You go eat and collect your kisses. When you get sleepy, let me know and I’ll tuck you back in.”
“Okay,” he smiled as she set him down and off he went. Talking to everyone and admiring everything.
“That boy is fearless,” she said in wonder to Eric.
“Just like his Momma,” his hand stroked her face.
Maxine was in a state! “Hugh,” she said as she cut the coconut cream pie and passed it out. “Compton was a yellow-bellied traitor! And we had him speak at a Glorious Dead Meetin’. Well I never!” she stomped her foot and fussed with the next pie that she started to cut. “How do I explain that? I cannot with a clear conscience even consider goin’ to another meetin’. I welcomed his traitor ass in and all!”
“My angel,” he smiled at her. “All sorts of liars walk this realm. Why, everyday when I see a human client, I am always pleasantly surprised when they tell me the smallest snippet of truth. I just expect them to lie to me.”
“Oh-h-h, darlin’,” she stopped and looked at him. “I am so sorry. I just never did consider that aspect of you earnin’ a livin’ and supportin’ us the way you do.”
“My precious one,” he kissed the tip of his finger and ran it against her nose. “I knew this when I decided to become a lawyer. It was a choice I made. That daily I would surround myself with liars and thieves and murderers. You know how much I enjoyed my job at the law firm in the Twin Cities,” he wiggled his eyebrows at her. “I enjoyed eating assholes right along with my morning coffee.
And then you came into my life,” he smiled. “And all I wanted was to settle down and know the joy and love of having you as my bride.”
“You do have a way about you,” she winked at him.
“Well yes,” he blew her a tiny kiss. “And just as soon as we get home, I will show you what that is.”
OI was dabbing at his eyes. “My big mans,” he sniffled, “I had no ideas that low-down mo fo’n cocksukin’ Compton drained our Miss Monroe. I…I thinks my hearts is breakin’. As sads and scaries as her life was there at the ends, then…to have that….that….” he dabbed at his eyes as the tears ran down his face. “And…and he could have fixeds hers…glamoured hers and told hers how beautifuls and perfects her blondeness was…that she dids not need no mans or alcohol or drugs…she just neededs to believe in herself…”
Lafayette poured them both another shot of The Death as he cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. “Truer words, my little mans, truer words. To our god-dess, his La La-ness says. To our Blonde Bombshell!”
Bill found himself sucked through the portal and in the subservient position before Satan.
“You know what showed up in Hell, King Bill,” she asked sweetly, “beside your head filled with dragon shit? Monkey socks. Lots of pairs of monkey socks. Why, enough for all the upper echelon. And my minions, and I will include myself as well, well, we were all pleased as punch that somehow you had brought back monkey socks for us. And not just any monkey socks, but ones that smelled of fae and even still had a little blue sparkle on them. They were still warm, King Bill, from the fae that had worn them and they smelled…mouth watering.
And so we did what you are suppose to do with socks. Especially ones that smell so dainty and satisfying. We put them on.
And then do you know what happened?” Standing, she began screaming, “They fucking control us! From time to time we all stand and…and…”
They all formed a Conga line and began dancing. Twirling and leaping and occasionally doing The Bump.
Bill was enjoying himself on the dance floor and was a bit flabbergasted when he felt himself thrown back into the subservient position!
“And then when it stops,” she seethed, “we are right back where we were before it started. And these socks, why I have tried chewing them off my own feet, but to no success. Now I am going to try chewing them off of yours.”
“Just sucks to be you,” Bill smiled. “My feet went through dragon shit. Enjoy that tasty treat, bitch.”
“What?” she screeched.
“Really? Can your fat ass get down here and chew them off of me? Then can you get back up? And as long as you chew on my feet I won’t have to see your butt ugly face. And dragon shit smells sweeter than your breath. Come on down here and entertain King Bill. ‘Ole Nub will give you the ride of your fucked up life.”
King William T. Compton had a new name in Hell. He was now called, He Who Can Not Lie. Sometimes, he was just called Butt Monkey. He was a constant source of amusement, not all of it pleasant, monkey socks and all.
There were many lessons learned amongst the denizens of Hell after Butt Monkey’s Big Adventure. Like maybe asking for a pass back to Earth one night a year was not such a good idea. Who knew there was going to be dragon shit? “I mean, who fucking knew?” They would all ask themselves that from time to time. Plus, you could come back telling only the truth. And you could see how well that was working out for Butt Monkey! And from time to time, those with the cursed monkey socks all just hooted and hollered and danced! Very embarrassing moments for the higher ups!
And then there was the smell…since Butt Monkey’s Big Adventure the place also now smelled of dragon most foul!
He Who Can Not Lie brought back a whole headful of dragon shit which did stink even in Hell. And in this dragon shit was preserved the entire evening of what Bill had seen, been, heard. Out of his eyes came what he had experienced in living color. From his mouth what he had heard in stereo. King Bill was truly what you could call living surround sound and he projected on the wall more than HD quality film when someone asked to see his big adventure. And as nasty as he smelled, they all enjoyed the scene when, with passion, he kissed Eric’s ass, twice.
Chapters 7 & 8
This is not a new story. It is one I wrote several years ago for Halloween. So I thought I would drag it back out and re-post it here. You can find it in fan fiction, I believe. I do not think it has been pulled, there. It is also on my fiction pad account. It is attached to the end of Preemptive Strike and I believe it also stands alone with its own banner.
By Halloween, I should have all of the chapters up here.
This follows on to Preemptive Strike. It is Halloween after the Northman twins are born and Hunter is a most excellent big brother.
And Bill Compton comes slithering up out of Hell into a round fae portal. Oh joy! Let the games, begin! (You know, sometimes I just need to whack on Compton…)
As always, thanks for reading!
Chapter 7 My fine Southern Ease
The tortured spirit that was Bill Compton was curled up under the throne of Satan. She had given him permission to pull his meal under her seat so that he would not be set upon by any of the lessers before he had regained any strength.
In his early years as vampire, he had learned how to quickly drain the body. There was no finesse or really joy to be had in such of way of having your luscious meal. A fast slurp and burp left you with something akin to brain freeze. Sadly, he had followed in the path of his maker. She was all about the frenzied rut and gore. After being vampire for several decades, once he had shed himself of her, he had developed his own personal style. His momma had raised him to be a fine Southern gentleman; there was no reason that he should not embrace that style of living as vampire. At his core, landed-gentry was who he was. Manners, decorum, a certain way of doing things that spoke of breeding and money…the perversion that Lorena wanted him to be was something he could not abide. He was blessed with fine Southern Ease.
“I wish I had more time,” he said to the almost empty husk that did not have the strength to any longer fight him off. “You have been most delightful. I admire you for this gift of life that you have given me.” Tenderly he pushed the hair from her face as he smiled so graciously at her. “I am most grateful,” he kissed her lightly on the lips, then the forehead.
“I know this is our first encounter, I do so hope that it is not our last,” he smiled at her. “And perhaps I have taken liberties that I should not have. Please know, I am a gentleman and not this monster. I want you to know how grateful I am. Another time and place and I would enjoy being your escort. I would have been proud to be seen with you on my arm, defending your honor.
But I have some unfinished business of matters of the heart. Sadly, I have been away from home for some time and these yearnings in me must be addressed.
May I, perhaps,” he kissed along her jaw line, “call on you, again?”
“You are just fucking crazy,” the voice sobbed as he pulled her wrist to his mouth and bit down.
“I know,” Bill reassured her, as he licked his lips, not wanting any of her energy to escape. Her eyes screamed every obscene word she knew at him that she no longer had the strength to vocalize. “I am sorry it must be like this,” he stroked her face. “But I must be able to open the door to the portal.” What life there was in her eyes became less until there was only a shriveled, depleted skin that made a puddle on the floor and two lifeless eyes that stared back at him.
“I am going to survive this,” he pulled down the eyelids so that hideousness could not accuse him. “Yes I am,” he allowed himself to relax and feel her fury fill him as he made her energy his own. “I will get past this ugliness and you now reside inside of me so my victory shall be yours as well. And no matter how morally repulsive this is,” he whispered to her, “it is essential to my Sookie’s well being.
My Sookie,” he sobbed, “I fear for her. And I must be away to her side. She misses my fine Southern Ease.”
Silwoth was having a very fine evening. The merry-go-round was something that all treasured, just as his Queen had assured him that it would be. He had met many very fine grandmothers. Many who were without a man! If Hugh, who was only a lawyer, could find himself a magnificent mate, why, there was no reason he could not as well. After all, he was a sculptor of wood, a master who could capture the moment in his carvings! He scoffed at the one-dimensional painters. Pbblltttt! Why, to apprentice to his teacher old Placer, you had to be able to paint life-like as a knee-high child.
The ride would be left in the town-square and he would be there daily to enjoy the fine company that was so delightful. Small ones and their blessed grandmother would be in attendance. His brothers were counting on him. He was to establish himself and bring honor to the family name. They all wanted a woman who could bake pies and cherish their family. Bon Temps, why, they had found The Light in Grandmother form! Why, that was the epitome of good times!
Eric was walking with Liam as they surveyed the road that The Realm had laid. “The road to hell is paved with the gold bricks of good intentions,” his Sookie said. So be it. Billy Boy’s road to hell was literally paved with the gold bricks of the bad intentions of the fae.
“Follow the gold brick road,” he chuckled to the captain of his guards.
“Yes my King,” Liam was most pleased. “Like the whorls in the Purple Swap’s snails’ shell. This Compton will start at the center where Em has left a special treat for him and will tread his path of destruction as our road winds outward for our pleasure and his misfortune. All has become clear to me since watching The Wizard of Oz. The road shall lead him to you, my King. And that you shall be there waiting for him as the gatekeeper to the wonderful land of You Are So Fucked William Compton.”
“That is the plan,” Eric grinned. “Why,” the king of the fae and bull-shitters could see the center of their gold brick road start to shimmer, “I do believe that Billy-Boy is right on time. Time to get this party started.”
“The entire realm thanks you my King for giving us all these bragging rights. At times, it still feels like a dream,” he added in a hushed whisper. “But then,” the smile stretched across his face, “Em’s shit is really foul smelling.”
“Yes, you can not imagine that,” Eric nodded. “I’ve been in some ripe sewers and death smell catacombs, but nothing,” he stressed, “has ever smelled like that.”
“That must be the reason dragons don’t shit,” Liam said, his words full of wisdom. “Would destroy all life in both realms as we know it.”
Peering upwards, Bill could see the round portal that was going to take him from Hell into the world of men, once more. He was William T. Compton and worthy of such a prize as another chance. “This time, my Sookie, I am getting this right. You will be my sweet innocent, once more and will find much delight in my fine Southern Ease.”
His heart was merry and bright. He was not at full strength, but his body parts had grown back. There were some parts of him his sweet Sookie liked better than others. Is she was lucky, why he would let her taste his manhood in her mouth once more before she offered herself to the pit.
After all, Hell was good enough for the likes of her. That she would even consider Northman over him, why….he bit back that thought! No, Eric had worked some sort of Nordic god-like magic over her! It was not her fault that she thought she enjoyed that big blond bastard’s company. Why, perhaps, at one time, he would have even considered Eric if he would have asked him nicely.
That first time Eric walked in…when he was with Lorena and they were having their way with that prostitute. The blood lust that was on him and that tall, broad shouldered, old, soft-spoken vampire walked in and took his maker in hand. Eric did not even have to raise his voice. Viking, well hell yes! It was the first time he had seen Lorena back down for anyone and he would be lying if he had not been intrigued by Eric…and maybe awed…and envious…and maybe just a little bit in lust and wanting to know what it was like to be at the mercy of those big hands! Would Eric have been gentle with him or brutal? There was now no way of knowing.
Those days were long past and Eric had drawn in Sookie’s sweet innocence and used it against her, as only a cur of his magnitude was capable of doing.
Good, he could see the light above him. He was almost there. Well, there was much here to be admired. The portal was a perfect ring; so intricate, so exact…so…as he began the last stage of his journey, something became most horrifically, wrong! What was that smell?
“No, no, no, no, no, no!” he was screeching as he felt himself being constricted to fit though the opening. “No,” he yelled and as he did, his head popped up and into his open mouth slipped foulness at it finest.
Gagging and then retching, he placed his hands on either side of the hole and pulled himself up. Literally, he was covered in shit most foul. Shit of a different color. Standing upright, he slipped. Well, someone had shit and he had literally fallen backwards in it.
As he lay there, seething, he could hear the chimes of a clock striking down the hour. Well just shit! He was running shit-out-of-time! Time to get this shit on the road and make shit happen before he ended back up on Satan’s shit list.
Standing, William T. Compton had a defining moment. Wa-a-a-a-ait one….!
“Oh fucking shit,” he kicked at the ground and his foot went through the pile of shit and he slipped and fell back into the steamy pile, again. “Has shit now become a permanent part of my speech pattern? Oh shit,” he balled up his fists and shook them at the universe as he lay there on the ground, in a pile of shit that was not of his own making.
“I wish I had that shithead Eric here, with me now,” Bill seethed. “Why I would….”
“Well, Bill, here I am. What are your other two wishes?” Eric grinned and then took a step backwards. And then one more. “You are ripe and are causing my eyes to water. I would love to help you out,” he chuckled, “just which way did you come in?”
Bill glared at him. “Over done comedy stick? I am back from the true death, Eric. You of all people should know that. Perhaps I come as a prophet to warn you and this is the best you can do…over done late night…” he hissed.
“Sorry,” Eric smiled and fanned in front of his face. “As you can see…ahhh, smell, I am fresh out of shit.”
“Save me the shit-eating-grin, Eric, that is cheesy, even for you.”
“Oh King Bill,” Eric bowed his head. “The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on my shit list.”
“Talk is cheap, Eric,” Bill replied, his eyes glinting. “Getting cheaper and more foul by the minute.”
“Well yes to the foul, Bill. Your breath is causing my eyes to water. And also yes to the cheap talk, until you hire a lawyer,” Eric winked at him, “then you are just shit out of luck. Because they are going to own your shit.”
Bill snarled at Eric and picking himself up, he righted himself and then thought better about straightening out his clothes. He would just get more shit on his hands. He knew there was shit on his lips. That might not be such a bad thing. His lips were badly chapped. With shit on them, it would keep him from licking them and maybe they would finally heal. They would need to be kissably soft for his Sookie.
“I want to see Sookie,” Bill said as he stared into Eric’s eyes. “I do not care what you say. I was her first, it is my right. She would want to see me.”
Eric let his eyes drift over Bill. “You are right of course,” the words came lazily out of Eric’s mouth. “Perhaps I am willing to admit that she does want to see you. But presently, she is putting her children to bed and will not leave them, not even for you, Bill.”
Bill watched as Eric hesitated before he spoke the words, “Nor would she for me.”
“Children,” his deep, Southern manner was back. “Why, Sookie has babies,” he smiled. “So…Eric….” Compton drawled, pleased beyond measure, “is that why you stalk my Sookie’s woods? Because she has been bedded by a breather? Married and bedded by a breather? Why Eric,” Bill laughed, “has your invitation been revoked? Are you no longer welcome in her home, her bed, and her,” Bill winked at him, “fae portal? Tell me, was it the Were or perhaps the Shifter that she preferred over you? Or is it someone that I have not had the pleasure of meeting?”
“It is the King of the Fae,” Eric replied, nothing there to read on his face.
Bill took a step back. “Are you shitting me, Eric?”
“No to the shitting,” Eric shook his head, “remember…” he pointed to himself, “vampire.”
Rolling his eyes Bill continued. “And,” he stopped and contemplated the sublime, “the children are fae?”
The smile covered Eric’s face. “Oh yes, without a doubt. Fae. They are beautiful, like their mother.”
“So,” he gave Northman his most sincere smile, “they live in the old farmhouse?”
“Well,” Eric shrugged, “yes, it is the old farmhouse….and then some…he is, after all, King of the Fae. You see this road that we are standing on. It leads to their house. I find that if I walk this road, I can hear her voice, perhaps catch a glimpse of her face if I concentrate hard enough. And if I stay during the night, I can hear her screaming in passion and I know in my heart that it is my name that she is secretly screaming.”
“Eric,” Bill sadly shook his head. “Poor, poor, sad, delusional, stalker, Eric. Sometimes ugly and plain wins out. Not all women want a Nordic god that cannot give her children. Some just want to be with their own kind that can fill their bellies with a baby. You do remember that from your human days, don’t you? I know how my sweet wife enjoyed bearing my children,” Bill added just to see if he could get some type of reaction. H-m-m-m, nothing. No reaction from Northman at all. Well of course, not. He was a coldhearted bastard. Undoubtedly spread his seed around wherever his Viking ass went and left the woman to face the challenges of rearing the child on her own.
“Maybe it is true that I stalk her, but you certainly do not have a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting in to see her. The way you look and smell,” Eric gave him a great big wink and blew him a kiss.
“I clean up nicely,” was all Bill said with a sincere smile. “Follow the road, I believe you said.”
With a growl, Eric was gone.
Something was going to have to be done about the smell. Looking around, farther down the road, there was a hay field. It had been left on the land for the cattle to graze off during the winter. That would do for starters. As he walked, he admired the Louisiana night that now surrounded him. It was good to be home. Once he had his way with Sookie and regained all of his strength, he was stopping by his mansion and once more he was going to live in his family’s quarters. Climbing over the fence, he stripped down, pulled the hay stalks out of the ground and Bill used them to wipe himself off. Eyeing the scarecrow out in the field, he was going to help himself to those clothes.
As he approached the straw man, he could not help but wonder. “That is a perfectly fine Izod shit and a pair of nice overalls. And that baseball hat,” he rolled his eyes, as he picked it off the scarecrow’s head and admired it. “Why, it is not even field worn. No sweat stains on it at all.” There was a bandana tied around the scarecrow’s neck. “I’ll do one final swipe with that, get dressed and then go ‘a’callin’.”
Once dressed, he felt and smelt much better. “There is much to be said for the clean smells of being on the farm,” he smiled. “The open hay fields, a little cattle manure…hey, I did not say shit!” he gloated. “Must be Northman and his foulness that influences me in such a way. Now, back on the road to my sweet, sweet Sookie.
Well, Eric was right,” he paused and listened. “I can hear Sookie’s voice. This could be most useful. If I can determine exactly where she is…but…King of the Fae…hm-m-m, I am going to need a plan.”
There was a little dog that came trotting down the path and he was barking, turning his head and barking as if he was speaking to someone. Most curious.
“My little mans,” he heard the voice as his eyes pierced the moon lit night. “What’s that’s yous is sayin’? You founds the sources of that gawd-awfuls smells….”
Well, Bill smiled, looked like Plan A just walked up. “Hello Lafayette,” Bill’s eyes took in the male who always looked like he was going to march in a gay parade. Pigtails and a blue frock and ruby slippers and a little dog. What a cliché. Bill felt like rolling his eyes. Just where was his sign demanding equal rights?
“Well hellllooooos Billy’s Boy Compton,” Lafayette stopped and then tilting his head to one side, arched both eyebrows at him and fanned in front of his face. “I knows that this evenin’s is sacred to the deads and that my fine self would be in demands, I just did not knows which deads was gonna be here visitin’s tonight. Yous is smellin’ hellish.”
“Not hellish,” Bill smiled charmingly seeing his opportunity. “I stepped in something and then slipped.
You are the Medium,” he stressed, “I am just dead and tonight I wish to speak to the living. Visit for a spell and tell Sookie about the wonders of Heaven. I know you can help me out with this. That is your job,” he stressed.
“After whats you dids, betrayin’s Miss Sooks like that, and yous made it into Heaven…?” Lafayette had placed one hand on his hip. “I knows Jesus is all that’s…”
Bill bowed his head and put his Southern Gentleman Caller in place. “Yes, it really is all about forgiveness,” he added solemnly. “And I am,” he said in his most sincere voice, “here to ask Sookie to forgive me.
Do you, perhaps, see her from time to time…?”
“She’s marrieds now,” Lafayette said with a sure shake of his head. “Got babies. Gots a sons from a previous marriages. But she loves that little boy…mmm-h-m-m-m-m. And twins, boy and girl.”
“I saw Northman,” Bill added softly, wondering if his glamour still worked.
“Yes,” Lafayette shuddered. “His big-assed Viking blond, studly-selfs still haunts these parts. Does not do to calls him a stalker…he gets all kinds of bad-boy fangs down fucked-up! But he cannots defeats the King of the Fae and suches.”
Oh good, Lafayette was willing to talk. No glamour required. “King of the Fae,” Bill’s voice was somber. “That is what Eric said.”
“He spoke truths,” Lafayette replied, his voice hushed. “The King of the Fae, his fae-self changed Miss Sooks world, he did. Nothin’s Mr. Tall, Blond and Tightest of Asses can do ‘bouts that’s. But some nights, out in the woods, I hears Mr. North Man’s screamin’s her name while he finds release, if’s you knows what I means,” Lafayette arched both eyebrows and then made the jerking-off pumping motion with his hand. “Owww-wwweeee, we is talkin’ some nastie of the nasties shreakin’s goin’s on out here. The bad bad thangs he wants to do to hers…mmmhmm. La La says such thangs should just be kept to yous selves.”
Bill was not going to chuckle. Lafayette probably had no idea just what bad things could be done to a female. Bill was going to do one or two of those things, tonight. When Sookie was all limp with pleasure, that was when he was tossing her down into the pit.
“My little mans,” Lafayette looked down at the little dog that had just lifted his leg and let go on Bill’s borrowed tattered overall’s leg.
Seeing the shocked looked on Lafayette’s face, looking down Bill was just in time to see the little dog turn around and also drop a load on his bare foot.
“Deep and regretful sorrows ‘bouts that, Mr. Bill,” Lafayette shook his head. “But he loves goin’ on that scarecrow. That’s why we is out heres.”
“Not a problem,” Bill said through gritted teeth.
“His La La finenesses says we gots to gets goin’s.”
Bill thought, “And the little punt-able size dog comes running. Good thing.”
“I can hear,” Lafayette addressed the dog, “by the chatters in my ears that folks are complain’s and callin’s us names like glory-hogs and shutter-flies and all such ugliness. Says we needs to get our fine asses on out of here. Well,” La La rolled his eyes, “I never,” he snapped his finger and shook all over. With a leap, the little dog was in his arms and then draped around his shoulders.
“Lafayette…” Bill took a step forward and then his focus went to the dog. He wanted to splatter his guts all over the road but then no one would believe he was from Heaven. And tonight he was going to have to show his heavenly bona fides.
“There is, Mr. Compton, for ghosts, spooks and those back from the grave,” he wiggled his index finger back and forth at Bill, “no places and suches as the goodnesses as homes sweet homes, so says the La La and so it bes.”
Then it was a Mr. DeMille moment. That fineness that was La La turned and struck a pose.
“Poor scarecrows….” the little dog said looking straight at the camera. “He has done and cleaned himselves off. Shoulds have lefts a littles shits on him causes now he does not even has shits for brains…” and with a click of Lafayette’s ruby slippers they were gone.
“About fucking time,” Pamela seethed. “Just what the fuck was that? Who told La La he could script his own? The rest of us would like a turn. You put those two bonded, tequila drinking, cigarillo smoking, is this my best side Mr. DeMille in front of a camera and I swear,” she fussed with her Glenda the Good Witch crown, “between Lafayette and OI, you’ve got enough ham to feed The Realm. Really Eric,” she put a bit of a sob into her voice. “The Realm is slowing down time a bit, right?” Sniffling, she dabbed at her eyes. “I am all dressed up and I want my turn at Busted Balls Billy as well.”
“Not to worry my child,” he kissed her on the forehead. “Liam assures me that there will be sufficient time for everyone to speak their piece.”
“And OI is just insufferable. He is Toto for crying out loud. A dog. He is not supposed to be able to speak English. Woof and woof and bark and bark. Maybe a little whining like he needs to be let out. Those were supposed to be his lines. We had that discussion after we all watched the movie.
That shit for brains was suppose to be my line,” she pouted.
“Yes child,” he kissed her again. “Not to worry, I am sure you will be able to work that in.”
“But OI said it first,” her lower lip was trembling.
“Well, yes, but only the once. You can say it as many times as you like.”
There was no stopping her tears, “He got to piss and shit on Compton. How is that even fair? And I have to wear peach…” her voice trailed off in a sob.
“Sh-h-h-h, child,” he held her. “Take the rest of the month off. Shh-h-h-h,” he stroked her hair. “Sh-h-h-h, Daddy has this. And you know better than to bet against me,” lifting her face he kissed her nose. “Be glad that Glenda did not wear peach and polka-dots.”
“Polka-dots,” she buried her face in Eric’s chest and wailed.
“Sh-h-h-h,” he stroked her hair.
“I knew better,” she wept, “it was just that I would be pregnant…what were the odds…?” and her voice trailed off as she shrugged her shoulders. With a great big gulp of air Pam lifted her tear-streaked face to Eric’s. “Odds on a vampire getting pregnant. Well, it was a sure thing that it was not going to happen…” Pam’s tears would not stop.
Eric held her close once more. “Go on now, fix your makeup, then after your fun with Compton, you take Wallace and go. We’ll see you back at the end of the month.”
Still sobbing, Eric turned her over to Wallace who wrapped her in his arms and then kissing her nose, they walked over to the make-up tent.
“Are you in co-hoots with my father?” Wallace asked her once they were out of Eric’s hearing range.
“My father-in-law is just the best. I carry his grandchildren. He wants what I want. And I want thirty days off with my husband in attendance so that he may be of service to me when I so desire him to be my cabana boy.
Who loves you baby?” she wiggled her eyebrows at him.
Without a doubt, he knew the answer to that. So maybe his bride had been pregnant when they approached her maker, her father and his king about her newly acquired gestating status. Maybe her maker, her father and his king had shaken his head at her and then fixed that piercing gaze on him and said, “I hope you have enough money to keep her in shoes, because she is yours, now.” Maybe her maker, her father and his king had held a little impromptu wedding right there in his office. The Lord Authority still had his apron on and his father, OI, the king of the dragons was licking frosting off his lips when that call, more like a bellow, had gone out. And his mother had popped in with her bar catalog in her hands and just had enough time to remove her bar apron before the ceremony commenced.
He was just glad that his Mother was not wearing her sensible shoes. Woof….he would not have ever heard the end of that. Not that she owned a pair.
Yes, who loves you baby? Without a doubt, his Mrs., did. She would pinch his ass from time to time when he got so carried away with the idea of a family that she needed him to slow down a bit. He knew about her past. The father and mother who had offered her up to excuse their gaming debt. And then continued to do so.
He had been talking to Godric. It appeared that his wife’s mother still wandered the streets of New Orleans. He would be paying her a visit one of these fine days. What they had done to his beloved made him insane with rage…!
On a much pleasanter thought, his Pamela, why she was pleased to be his, despite his enthusiasm and that indifference she hid behind from time to time.
Who would have thought it? Bon Temps, Louisiana…good times.
Chapter 8 “If plan A does not work, there are 25 more letters.”
“I have a plan to make this work. If plan A does not work, there are 25 more letters to make this happen. I am smart, I am educated, I am experienced. I am William T. Compton, Vampire King of Louisiana and chosen of Satan.” Bill kept repeating these good and true words to himself as he walked down the road, admiring how the moonlight reflected off the pavers. It looked like a river of moonbeams were laid at his feet. As well they should be! He was the Ascending Supreme Spirit! This was a sign of his willingness and the world’s acceptance for him to correct the many wrongs that plagued this place and time. Starting with Northman! He felt strong and good in his soul. And less smelly.
“I can make this happen. Sookie is married to the King of the Fae. As a king, he is busy. I know that as king that I never had a minute to myself.
I will just roll with whatever comes my way. I will make the most of every opportunity. I have a plan and if plan A does not work, there are 25 more letters.
Now, look at the many things I have learned from just walking down this lovely road. I know a lot of improvements have happened the year that I was gone. Good improvements. The King, he is very busy. Why, he will be here, there, opening a portal and going everywhere. That must be why they built this very nice road. To make his comings and goings easier. I know that is what I would do. When I had the driveway paved in front of my mansion, well, that cut back on my willingness to just leave my BWM in the garage and drive Sookie’s death trap. If you have a nice road, you do not mind being out driving and looking over your kingdom.
So I know in my heart of hearts, Sookie will be sad and alone. This king, he is too busy and has saddled her with three small children so he can be out doing fae things. From what I saw when I visited in Fae, he probably has scantly clad paramours there to keep him blissful and that fae sexual desire satisfied.
With three babies, my Sookie will be too tired to always be spreading her legs for him. I know my wife, once she delivered my oldest, why, every time I tried lifting her skirts, she would complain of the headache, or backache, or she had not slept because the baby was up all night crying. Why the only gentlemanly thing to do was to retire to the barn and take care of myself when I could not get Cook to stand still for me. Come to think of it, I do not believe that I had ever found my release in Cook. She was always stirring something on the stove when there was something stirring in my britches.
But my Sookie will be so delighted to see me. The babies will be sleeping and she will be lonely and I am her sweet, sweet William, just back from Heaven to sit with her and hold her hand and listen to her tales of woe and regret. Married to a man that she did not know and forced to bear his children. I will listen with a kind and sympathetic heart for which I am known.”
“Momma,” Hunter smiled at her from their great big bed as she closed the book. He was tucked in with his brother and sister in his momma’s and daddy’s bed with Andy and Lion snuggled on one side of him. There was a nice big fire in the fireplace and the stained glass sparkled and glowed in the windows! Hunter liked the new bedrooms! They all had the pretty glass in the windows! When the sun came in through them, it looked like angels arriving!
“Is it time yet? Before we go to sleep, is it time to shake the candy canes?”
Sookie smiled at her three darlings! Well, nothing was going to happen here that a wet washrag would not take care of. “It is time,” she smiled, as she flourished several of the red and white striped peppermint snowmaking sticks. Passing them out to her children, she gave the basket to ZZ and he passed them out to the dragons and tinkerbells that were in attendance.
The babies kept sticking their candy canes in their mouths and squealing with delight! Hunter would lick his from time to time as everyone in the room would shake theirs and giggle and sing the snowman soup song with him.
Sookie thought her heart was going to burst! Those years of loneliness and doubt…seeing the love shining out of her children’s eyes, it was if that time had not existed. And if that was what it had taken to get her to this time and place…she would do it over again, every fucked-up minute of her life. Because she was more than what anyone had ever thought she was capable of being…except for Eric, of course. Evan had lurked inside of him and her husband had known all along that she was a survivor….and strong….and smart…and funny; ‘cause what they were going to do to Bill was going to be one for the books!
Hunter’s song was finished and now there were blue sparkles falling from the ceiling. The babies had their feet and hands going and those candy canes going and the sparkles all wind-milled to snowflakes. Great big blue ones.
“One more lick,” she smiled as the babies tried to gum theirs to death. “Now, Momma says it is Sand Man time, so let’s get cleaned up and tucked in,” she whispered as she kissed tiny little noses and wiped mouths and hands and collected what was left of the candy canes. “And off to Sleep Land.” All three of her babies yawned and then settled in, smelling of pepperminty goodness and rich with baby smiles.
“Here comes Daddy,” she kissed them again on the forehead as Eric walked in. “He will give you kisses and then your La La and Uncle Jesus will be here with you until Momma and Daddy comes back. We won’t be gone long.
Oh good, here are your Uncles now,” as both babies giggled and Hunter clapped his hands and laughed when the two men walked into the room.
“M-m-m-h-m-m,” Sookie arched her eyebrow at Lafayette. “Those candy canes that you have there in your reading basket, our La La, those had better not be for our babies.”
“What candy canes, his La La finesseness says! Why all I gots is these here snow makin’s machines and some mighty fine readin’ thangs!”
There were hopeful eyes staring back at her from all over the room. All those present knew that this late at night, the fae queen would let you have a lick or two or three of the blessed candy cane, but his La La fineness would be right there with you enjoying that swirled red and white bit of heaven and reading stories! Why sticking out of his basket looked like enough for seconds for everyone in The Realm! And books! Why La La and Jesus would read and act out stories until the King and Queen returned!
“Momma, it snowed in the movie,” Hunter was very serious. “You think we shook them enough to make that much snow?”
“H-m-m-m-m-m,” she said, thoughtfully. “Yes, my son, that was a lot of snow in the movie. And our babies are just like their Daddy who does so love his snow. Yes to the shakin’ then. I think you three are sweet enough so maybe no to the lickin’.”
Little sad eyes from all over the room looked back at her. Dragon tears had started to form. OI was so good at this, he already had big purple teary streaks down the front of his face.
So much loved looked back at her. How could she say no? La La would rule the night!
“Hows ‘bouts another story or twos or threes, Momma Sookie?” Lafayette asked while he batted his eye-lashes. “I gots Hungry for Spider-Web Soup in my readin’s basket of goodness along with a few other treasures.”
Hunter started to laugh. “My La-La and I, we tried to make spider web soup so we could have it tonight before our trick or treating!”
Sookie shook her head and just accepted the fact that bed time stories and peppermint goodness were going to rule the night. “All right my darlings,” she conceded. “Candy cane with your La La and Uncle Jesus, stories, then sleepy time,” she said as she tweaked noses.
“Momma,” Hunter giggled, “before you leave, will you make that witch laugh?” he asked.
“You know I will my Sweet Baby,” she grinned as she picked up her broom and making room for Eric, they were up in the air. “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” she cackled as they rode around in the room. Then blowing everyone a kiss, OI opened the door and they were out into the night.
It certainly was a nice night to be out and about. This road made for easy walking. Bill’s curiosity had finally bitten him. Stopping, he kneeled down in the middle of the road. “Just what is this made of?” he wondered out loud to himself.
“It’s gold,” came a voice that was over to the right of him in the field.
“Gold?” he echoed back.
“Yes,” came the reply. “Gold. The fae dragons shit gold. So they make everything with it. Since it is dragon gold it is the most durable so they pave their roads with it. Plus the new king is a real ass-hole and likes to show off his wealth.”
“Who is out there?” Bill asked, his eyes looking around.
“Tis I,” out hopped a frog, “King Evan, the rightful heir to the fae throne.”
Bill stood up and carefully scrutinized what was before him. “Now that is something you do not see everyday, a frog with a crown.”
“And most often,” the frog countered, “I do not meet those who smell of dragon shit. You need a bath.”
“When I was human,” Bill smiled down at the rather large, green fellow, “our cook would fry up frog legs.”
“And when I was king of the fae,” the frog countered, “I would feed human ass-holes to my frogs.”
“Touché,” Bill bowed his head. An enchanted being! From Fae! Eyeing the frog, this just might work. Here was someone with information. Even if he was lying about being a king of the fae, he could have useful information. It just might be time to layer on the famous Compton Southern Charm.
“How is it that you ended up as frog?” he asked.
“The dick that will never be king has a powerful witch that cursed me. I have to find myself a true royal of the realm and have them kiss me. Only then will I turn back to my handsome and highly skilled warrior self.”
“Well,” Bill considered the worth of the crown the fellow was wearing. That was a very nice thing he had sitting on top of his head. Not just something out of a package of Cracker Jacks. “I would think that would be doable. You are not so ugly that women would run away from you screaming.”
“Oh, well thank you,” the frog smiled. “But it does not have to be a she, any true royal will do.” Bowing, the frog took a toadie’s voice and said. “Just let it be known throughout this land that I can be very grateful if you know of someone of royal descent.” The frog king took another sniff, choked, coughed and then shifted back about another foot.
“Just how is it that you have come to smell of dragon shit? You had to piss off someone in the tip-top of the fae hierarchy to rate that. You, ahhhh, have a little run on with his royal badness?”
Now that was interesting. This little fellow thought maybe he knew the new king. Best to just side step this question and let the frog think what he might. Bill’s focus was now on the frog. Plan B. He could roll with it! “When you say royal, is there any particular line of royal from which you must be kissed, or will any royal line do?”
“Well,” the frog hesitated, “I do not know? Why? Do you know a royal?”
“I am King William T. Compton of Louisiana.”
“Really?” The frog hopped a bit closer. “A true king? Were you crowned and recognized as such?”
“Yes,” Bill smiled.
“Look,” the frog came closer. “You change me back to my true form and I will kill anyone you want me to after I dispose of this royal imposter. I am a fierce warrior. My sword is over there in the field. But it is all rusted to shit. I came here after him and his witch found me first. Once I am back to fae, I am going to need an oil can and a whet stone to get everything returned to good order.”
“This witch…” Bill was hesitant. He had encountered witches before and they were on his to be avoided list. That was just a solid plan. “Just how dangerous….”
“Do not look at her,” the frog said with heat. “Just think Medusa. This witch, she is a bitch on a stick. And I mean that, she rides that broom between her legs like it is a giant phallus. She screams like she is having an endless orgasm. That,” the frog sighed, “that is when she draws you in. You think, oh good times, maybe I’ll get off while I am watching her get off. You know, witch porn.”
“Witch porn?” Bill echoed.
The frog’s smile got bigger. “Ribbbbbbb-iiittttttt!” the frog chuckled. “Witch porn is something to be treasured,” he sighed. “But I digress.
So there I was, listening to her and I am working these fantasies and trying to catch a glimpse of anything she might have showing and I’ve got my dick out of my pants and stroking and… and then she whammies you.” The frog shivered all over. “And there you are with your dick in your…your…” there was disbelief in his voice. “…and…and you are stroking something that is green, small and you are wondering what the fuck just happened.”
“Got that,” Bill was nodding his head. “If you look you get whammed.” Then Bill stopped and snickered, thinking that he had just been played. He would just let the frog know that he was not ignorant. “Frogs do not have a penis.”
“Seriously,” the frog rolled his eyes as he lifted his leg.
“Oh,” Bill stepped closer and then took another step closer as he leaned in to get a better look.
“Hey, back it up, pervert,” the frog growled at him. “I told you, once upon a time I was the ruling fae king. So this frog comes with a penis.”
“So,” Bill stood up straight, “you…you…you…”
“You what?” came the disgusted tone. “You did not believe me? I am a fucking King of the Fae Realm. Whammied by a bitch on a stick. I can not lie. This just sucks. No fucking body believes me here. I need to get back to my fae form so I can get back to my kingdom.
This realm sucks the big one. There is a little dog that comes out here every night and chases me through the fields. I’m going to take his little ass back to fae and give him to my pet dragon. Yes, game on little dog. We’ll see then who is getting chased. My little dragon, he will hump anything. I see small, yippee dog in his future.”
Bill was just a bit thunderstruck. Okay, this guy was the real deal. Time for Plan C. “Have you been out here when the new king and queen….” and Bill let his voice trail off.
“Speaking of humping…” the frog chuckled.
“Does,” Bill hesitated, “does she enjoy it?”
“Fuck yes,” the frog drew back. “One thing I can say for this soon to be dead joker is that he knows how to please the ladies. He has not done a threesome with his bride, yet, but I bet that is in his future.”
“Threesome?” Bill choked out.
The frog wiggled his eyebrows. “The faux king, he does that witch out here, as well. In fae, getting laid in the woods, that is all kinds of good luck. This bastard, he knows how to get lucky.”
Bill was starting to feel a might bit anxious. Sookie liked it with this pretend king? It was bad enough when she made screaming sounds with Eric. But married sex? She liked married sex? No woman liked married sex. And…and…his sweet, innocent, Sookie in a three way? “Three…you mean Sookie and him and the witch?”
“I do not mean me, the little dog and his owner. Of course that is what I mean.“
“You, ahhh, you know how to remove the smell of dragon shit?” Bill asked hopefully.
“Well, yes. You need snow,” the frog replied. “Make it snow, strip yourself down and rub all over in it. Snow kills the smell.”
“Snow…” Bill was mystified. “But we are in Louisiana. It is October. And I cannot make it snow. No one can.”
“I thought you were a king?” the frog eyed him and you could hear the this fucker is a liar in his voice.
“No royal in this world can make it snow,” Bill replied, pushing as much truth as he could out into the universe.
“Oh,” the frog considered the wrongness of that. “Just another fucking reason this place sucks the big one, and apparently, it sucks at sucking.” Out darted his frog tongue and his dinner was then popped into his mouth. With a satisfying crunching sound, the frog continued to eye the insects that were swirling around him.
“Do you know how to do this?” Bill asked, hoping against hope. He could not sweep Sookie off her feet and into the pit smelling like dragon shit.
“Well, of course,” the frog rolled his eyes and pointed to himself, “king!”
“If I kiss you,” you could hear the earnestness in Bill’s voice. “Will you make it snow?”
The frog thought about that for a moment. “You don’t want to do that. The bitch on a stick…she has a nasty sense of humor. If all I needed was a royal kiss, this would not be a problem. But she laid out some perimeters.”
“Such as?” Bill asked.
“As in kiss my royal ass,” the frog shook his head. “Just what the fuck? I do not even have a chance of getting changed back. Bitch on a stick!” he hissed.
“But…but in the stories…” you could hear the pleading in Bill’s voice.
“Stories,” the king snickered. “Try dealing with a bitch…on…a…stick,” the frog said. “I have princesses from all over the realm lined up who are willing to suck my tongue out of my mouth….whether I be fae or frog…but not one of them is willing to kiss my ass. And then, apparently, in this realm, there is a real shortage of royals, but not ass kissers. And some delight in it. You can see my problem.”
Oh-h-h-h-h, yes. Bill knew all about ass kissers. He had maybe kissed The Authorities ass once or twice. Maybe literally. He had certainly kissed Satan’s. It was time to work plan D. “I would kiss your ass,” Bill said. “I can not guarantee that you will switch back but I am willing to give it a go if you are.”
The frog eyed him and ate another bug. “I am grateful. And even if I do not switch back, gladly will I make it snow for you.”
“So, I do what?” Bill asked. “Pick you up and…” and bending down he cupped both hands together and the frog hopped in.
“Here, let me turn around,” the frog said as he positioned himself with his ass facing Compton. “No tongue,” the frog said. “And keep your finger out of my ass, as well.”
“I would never,” Bill huffed.
“Like I have not heard that before,” the frog offered.
“Why that is just disgustin’,” Bill spit out.
“Tell me about it,” the frog countered.
Yes, disgusting! He knew about disgusting. Bill had kissed Lorena. And had done other vile things with her. He was sure his maker was the reason he was in Hell. And then Satan…he shuddered. There was nothing vile about this frog. He was an honest fellow with an honest problem. And he appeared to be and smell clean. He could certainly kiss a frog’s ass. Who would know? Who would care? He was on the golden path and this frog was part of this path to fulfilling his quest, his plan, his return to Earth.
“Left cheek or right?” Bill turned his head slightly and leaned in so he could see this handsome fellow’s face.
“Huh?” the frog shrugged. “I don’t know. Just find a spot that looks good to you and plant one on me.”
“On your left check is a freckle, I am aiming for that,” Bill said with surety.
“Just make it happen and consider that imposter king as good as dead and an abundance of snow to bathe in.”
A firm and soft-lipped kiss is what Bill blessed the deposed frog king with. “You feel anything?” Bill asked.
“Huh,” the frog shivered all over, “maybe. Oh sorry,” the frog said, I think I just pissed on your hands.”
“Not a problem,” Bill replied, “I used to find frogs all the time when I was a boy. You are not the first frog to pee on my hand.”
This was not the time to panic, but morning had to be coming on. Bill stood there with the frog in his hands, feeling time slip away from him. It was time to be bold. “How about if I kiss the right cheek, as well?”
“I…I…I am a bit of a loss, here. Sorry I am not better informed,” the frog said, turning his head to face him. “This is my first time as being cursed to frog. I guess it could not hurt.”
“Fine. I am aiming for the center of the right cheek.”
With a bit more passion and longing, on went the kiss. When Bill drew back his face he asked, “Feel anything?”
“Wait one,” the frog replied as he started to shiver all over and then out popped a frog long-poo. “Oh-h-h, sorry about that,” the frog said and jumped down. “It’s just that I don’t know what to expect. But you have upheld your part of the bargain. So, have a little snow. I am going to have to hibernate until all this passes,” the frog said as he hopped away and into the field.
“Why,” Bill said in wonder as he felt the first of the flakes softly brush past his face, “It’s snowing! Why that little green fellow knew what he was about. He must be the king of the fae! I hope I was king enough so that when he wakes up, he will be a fae king in his own right.”
Bill stood for several moments and just enjoyed the feel of the flakes lightly kissing his skin. “I guess I need to get this done. Time to strip down and bathe in this gentle softness and be clean and good for my Sookie,” he smiled at fond memories as he disrobed and felt the snow float past his body as he began to scrub…. and…and… “Ouch…what was that?” He felt a stinging sensation on his face and then other parts of him. “What…?” he yelped as he was being pelted with sharp, stinging, sleet. The wind picked up to blizzard strength and he was now being pushed around as the wind howled and freezing rain was pounding him. When a small snow tornado picked him up, whirled him around and slammed him down, he realized, “Time to look for shelter.” His clothes had disappeared. Either blown away or buried under a snow bank! “Soldiering was good for something,” he said as he hit the ground, trying to avoid the flashes of lightning that were sizzling the snow and then he began low-crawling toward the ditch. “That little frog had the right idea, if I can’t find shelter, maybe I’ll just go to ground for a few minutes until this passes.”
Once he was in the ditch, he could smell it. There was a wood fire, coming from his front. The ditch was quickly filling with frigid water as he was covered in howling snow. His low crawl turned into a fast run as he followed the wood fire smell and the wind tried to devour him! The smoke smell was stronger. It was time to take shelter. When he hit the side of a building with a solid crunch, the wind kept his body pushed up against it as he followed the wooden structure around until he found himself on a small porch.
Trying the door, it blew open and the wind pushed him and the snow into the middle of the small cottage that was home to a huge walk-in fireplace.
From the looks of things, it had been abandoned. No one lived here. There was nothing that spoke of daily living except for a chair that was shoved back into one corner. But there was a fire and a skin-rug of some sort in front of the fire. “Oh-h-h-h,” Bill huddled in front of the roaring logs that sent out the blissful heat as he slowly turned and warmed himself. “A place for a lovers tryst.”
Once he was dry, he let his eyes wander carefully around the room. That was odd. There appeared to be clothing on a bent bamboo café style chair. Odd, but very good for him. He would find something to wear!
Carrying the chair over to the front of the fire, he inspected the clothing that was on it. His laughter filled the room. “Fantasies,” he smiled as he held up a riding crop, a top hat, a woman’s red tux jacket and a very short black leather skirt for the dominatrix. There was a man’s lion mask and lion furry pants with a long tail. No shirt, he smiled, for the sub.
The women’s clothing would not fit but he could at least wear the lion pants and wrap that rug about his shoulders. Then he was going to his mansion and demand proper attire to greet his Sookie, in. Or maybe steal clothing that was left out by the pool. He was all about working the plan.
The cottage had stopped shuddering and it was now quiet. Pulling on the pants, and picking up the rug, Bill walked over to the door and peered out. Just as quickly as the storm had appeared, it was now gone, with the snow along with it. There was still a bit of a chill in the air and the moon was now a bit fuller than what it had been. That was odd, but he was willing to roll with it. After what he had experienced tonight, it was all good and part of his path, which was once more glowing before him. Wrapping the rug around his shoulders he set off.
There was an apple orchard up ahead. He could smell them. That wonderful smell wafting on the breeze. And then his golden path was no longer golden! The moon was blocked with some type of cloud that appeared to be alive!
He heard the witch cackle in glee as she shouted, “There, that lion on The King’s Highway! I am sure he does not have permission to travel there. Let loose!”
“Let loose!” Bill screeched. Let loose with what? He did not want to look, but if he was going to be cursed, he at least wanted to see what was coming his way. The witch’s voice was behind him. Lifting his face, he looked straight up into the night sky. That is when he could see them. Flying monkeys! Hundreds upon hundreds of them! All of them wearing some type of cute little uniform, reminding him of an organ grinder and his monkey. And then it…let loose took on a whole new meaning…he was being pelted with monkey poo!
Was there a reason he was being pounded with shit, tonight?
“I am glad I grabbed this rug,” he said as he hunkered down under it, pulling himself up as small as he could and wondering if he needed more snow to clean off the smell of flying monkey. Listening to her cackle and call encouragement, Bill could see the frog’s point of view. Bitch…on…a…stick!
When he no longer felt the missiles landing on him and it was once more quiet, he carefully pulled back the rug and felt things shifting on top of him. “Oh, bitch on a stick,” he grumbled as he looked out and was buried in poo.
“Best thing to do,” Bill smiled when he heard the frog’s voice, “is just flip your covering back as fast as you can and then hop out. Some is just going to get on you. You just have to accept that and move on. Look’s like one or two hit you head on, anyway. Those fuckers have a good arm.”
“Thanks,” Bill said as he did just that. Once he was standing upright, he thought maybe he could just levitate himself out of the perfect six-foot circle that was knee high poo that had buried him. With a thought and nothing happened, he determined that it was no to the levitating. Okay, his vampire skills no longer worked. But he had been good at hop-scotch as a child. He could make this happen. Springing, he was up and over the worst of it. He had made almost to the outer perimeter. With a couple of steps, he was out and once more standing on his golden path.
“I see the flying monkeys are practicing their strafing runs,” the frog said. “Under her orders, of course. She guards this road like she shit the fucking gold. She is a bitch on a stick,” the frog chuckled.
“Flying monkeys,” Bill echoed in wonder.
“Yes, I see their aim is still one-hundred percent. Would have to be if you want to fly with her. She surrounds herself with only the best. Which is why I am sure she fucks the never king. I heard he was spectacular. Of course, not as good as me. If she had ever,” he stressed, “been under me, this fucker would be an insect for a frog snack. Oh well, enough of my bitching,” the frog sighed.
“Glad I ran into you again. A word of warning,” the frog’s voice was somber. “Anytime you see a flying monkey, the bitch on a stick is someplace close by. They are her minions, her escort, probably her sex partners as well. Not that I am judging her for that,” he added with sincerity. “When fae, I may have looked with favor on other forms of fae, as well.
And since you are still standing, I see you took my advice and did not look at her.”
“Thanks for the warning about that,” Bill replied. “I am forever grateful. And oh, for the snow as well.”
“Glad that worked out for you,” he said with a smile.
“I was hoping only the best for you,” Bill placed his hand over his heart. “That perhaps, you would have changed back after your hibernation. There is just something about being buried in the good earth that revives you.”
“Be careful,” the frog chuckled, “or I am going to think you are a frog prince that has been cursed to be human.”
Bill laughed. “Why yes, that would make us opposites,” he smiled at his new-found friend.
“Where are you headed?” the frog asked as they walked along. “If it is someplace important, I would suggest washing the flying monkey shit off of you before you arrive there.”
“Do I need snow for that?” Bill asked, concern in his voice.
“No, just some soap and water, unless you have a drop of dew from the first moon of the new day.”
“No,” Bill smiled. “I do not have that. And I am still on the path,” he said. “And feeling much better about this now that I have met you. And,” he looked around him, noticing the woods that backed up to his house. “Now things are starting to look familiar. I have a mansion not much farther, from here. I can get clean, there. And change into something presentable.”
“That sounds like a good plan,” the frog said agreeably.
“Yes,” Bill smiled, “I think I am now about to plan G.”
There was a lot of second looks and longed for second chances going on in Pam’s office and in the foyer. “Eric’s signature move! A fucking, howling blizzard, complete with lightning!” A lot of them were a bit thunderstruck as their days in the mansion were now going on years that they owed SWAMBO. How had that been so nicely worked into tonight’s little scenario?
Tara was laughing so hard, she kept wiping at the tears that were rolling down her face. “I’ve got the next month off,” she hooted in glee! “That suck ass summit in Europe we are suppose to be attending, now let me see….” she was dancing around in glee! “Who bet me that Compton would not kiss Eric’s ass…twice?”
“No, no, no, no, no,” Pam was sniffling as the office watched Billy-Boy and The Frog King walk along the golden path on the giant TV as money and I.O.U. vouchers were being exchanged at a furious clip. “No!” she wailed. “Eric said I could take the next thirty days off!”
“Oh-h-h-h-h my maker,” Tara looked very sad. “Too fucking bad!” she hooted! “Those tears of yours do not work on me! I am out of here! Just as soon as this tasty tidbit comes to an end. I want my time on the big assed TV as well. I shall strike a pose and say my lines and live forever in the land of the fae!
Unless, of course,” Tara winked at her, “you want to make a deal. I’ll trade you that thirty days if I get to say your lines as well as mine. Of course, since you would not be say’n’ any lines there would be no reason for you to be present.”
“I turned a monster…” Pam sniffled.
Tara’s grin got bigger.
“You are just like Eric,” she huffed.
Tara’s grin split her face as she shook all over with joy.
Pam was giving this some serious thought….not…. “Thirty days of just me and my cabana boy or living forever on the wide screens in Fae…not really much of a choice,” Pam drawled. “Wallace,” she eyed her husband. “Put on some pimping Good Linda of the South Madame of the House clothes, I just wrote you in. Hey,” she grinned, “I just rhymed!”
“What?” Tara squeaked as she eyed her maker.
“Welcome to The Brothel of the Manse,” Pam fluttered her eyelashes. “The house of pleasure where you will find good times,” as her fangs snicked down, “and the ladies wearin’ little to nothin’ else.”