This is not a new story. It is one I wrote several years ago for Halloween. So I thought I would drag it back out and re-post it here. You can find it in fan fiction, I believe. I do not think it has been pulled, there. It is also on my fiction pad account. It is attached to the end of Preemptive Strike and I believe it also stands alone with its own banner.
By Halloween, I should have all of the chapters up here.
This follows on to Preemptive Strike. It is Halloween after the Northman twins are born and Hunter is a most excellent big brother.
And Bill Compton comes slithering up out of Hell into a round fae portal. Oh joy! Let the games, begin! (You know, sometimes I just need to whack on Compton…)
As always, thanks for reading!
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.
This story is rated M and contains sex, foul language and Bill Compton.
Preemptive Strike—The Hell Mouth Opens!
Chapter 1 HELL
Humans were pitiful and amusing…and sometimes even tasty. This human that she was presently torturing was just fucked. “It is All Hallow’s Eve on Earth,” Satan snickered but then became thoughtful. “A time when the veil parts and spirits can be seen. I understand Rene, that you warned a human of awful times and bad things that were to come to her on this last cursed event.”
His reply could not be heard above his screams as he continued to be tortured.
“After all, this is Hell. We do not take kindly to you being absent without our explicit permission.” Those in the throne room nodded in agreement. Sometimes they got the left overs, sometimes not. It did not matter as long as they were not entertainment or worse…the meal.
Satan was not pleased with this one. He had bragged about escaping, if only for a matter of moments. This just fueled her anger. “Especially to warn a human, one that had the possibility of being one of ours if her situation became desperate, enough. Because of your warning, I understand that she is lost to us forever. This does not make us very happy and I can tell by your screaming that it does not make you very happy, as well. Toast him for a while,” Satan smiled as she turned to her minion, Lathe. “Slowly.
You had so many opportunities,” she hissed, “to persuade her to join us, you little fucking human worm. Lost…my dinner is lost because of you…”
“She was old and used by many,” he screamed in his defense. “Her goodness imparted to the bastards that she bore. Not a tantalizing morsel for you,” he cried in his never-ending agony. “But…but…there is such a one. Fresh, lovely…not quite human…magic was whispered about her. I almost had her…almost…” his screams carried above the other wailing.
“Not human,” she leaned in, intrigued. “Magic? How is she not human?”
“I…,” his screams intensified as the torturer cut him deeper with the fire.
Cutting her eyes to Lathe, he stepped back from this putrid piece of weak flesh that was his to enjoy for the moment.
“How,” Satan could feel the drool on her chin. “How was she not human…this magic…you could see it?”
“I,” he gulped, trying to gasp for air that his lungs no longer required. “I do not know. I only heard rumors. But you have her lover, here. He would know.
She loves him,” he sobbed. “Her name is Sookie Stackhouse and they were lovers….I tried to kill her, but he was vampire and he used his powers to stop me. It is his fault that she still lives and is not here with you now.”
“What is his name,” she grinned, “this lover of hers?”
“Bill, William Compton. He is here, I know he is. He was a vampire. He betrayed her. He took her love, her faith in him and he betrayed her.”
“Bring me-e-e-e-e-e,” the voice slithered out of the lips that had once been used to sing praises to its maker, “William Compton. I understand he has knows this…this Sookie Stackhouse,” the words slithered with desire out of her mouth. “I desire to taste his essence and perhaps have him kiss my ass,” she snickered. “And just perhaps, I will keep him as my pet once I have Sookie at my side and on my table. I desire something fresh and tinged with magic. She will do nicely.
M-m-m, betrayal…” she sighed and then bellowed because her instructions had not been followed. “Bring me this William Compton, vampire that once walked Earth.”
“What of this one?” Lathe asked. He was only being polite. He knew the answer.
“Continue to cook him,” she smiled, “and then feast upon him, yourself.”
An emaciated Bill was chained into position, down on all fours, his head buried in the foulness that was the floor. He howled in despair as he was feasted upon by those with more strength than himself. It did not help his self esteem any that he was the entertainment as he bawled for understanding, forgiveness, and mercy. That vileness that surrounded him just laughed and mocked him.
“I will do anything,” he screamed. “Anything. Just say the words. I am yours to command.”
“Well yes,” she snickered, “you are. This is truth that you speak. You are here for my amusement. Now, I want you to begin by telling me about yourself,” she sat back on her throne and enjoyed the spectacle that this one entertained her with. With non-interest she listened to his blathering about his human upbringing and then his time as vampire.
What she delighted in the most was when he would be violated during the course of his story when he did not expect it and he would scream in agony.
His head was pulled out of the filth and turned so that he could see the fire that burned beside his head and scorched his hair and caused his eyes to sizzle. Bill could only watch in horror as the fire burned hotter and what could only be a branding iron was added.
Satan was watching him being abused and was calling encouragement when the branding iron was used to mark him as her personal property. His screams were doubly sweet. There was the pain of the iron and the pain of the brand, itself. A part of her agony was transferred to him in that branding. He now screamed with the hunger that she knew.
“King Bill,” she smiled sweetly at him, “how charming that while on Earth you were a king, King of the Louisiana vampires,” she laughed. “But what you have left out is that you loved a human by the name of Sookie Stackhouse. That she loved you. That you loved her,” she laughed in glee. “Betrayal,” she grinned at him and winked. “Does she still perhaps, love you?”
“Sookie,” he sobbed, “she is the one great love of my life. Of course she loves me. She understood. I did those things to keep her safe. It was not betrayal, but love for her that I did those things. Her grief was unquenchable when I was plucked from the Earth.”
That was interesting. Did he honestly believe that? That did not sound like human shit wrapped in lies that he was talking…that almost sounded like truth.
“She has magic?” she asked, watching him to see if he lied.
“Yes oh great one. She is fae. Fairy. A descendent of the royal house. A fairy princess. “
Bill could see desire on Satan’s face and perhaps a better life for himself.
“I…” Bill sobbed, “I am here and she walks the Earth. If I could, o’ great one, I would be of assistance to you. I would tell her how honored she is to be desired by one such as yourself.”
The slap raked across his face. The razor sharp nails blinded him.
“You have no idea how honored she is,” Satan screeched at him. “Tell me what you know of her…and perhaps…just perhaps…there will be a way for you to walk the Earth in her place while she would fill the hole that you left.”
“You want me to doom her to Hell?” he gasped as tears formed in his eyes, a mournful wail rising from him.
“Well yes,” she replied. “Your freedom for hers.”
“My, my freedom?” he raised hopeful eyes to his master, a smile in his heart and on his lips.
“Tell me,” she smiled at him, her teeth glistening in the light of the torture devices, “that she reeks of magic. A magic that is pure and sweet. ”
“Yes,” he answered as he was unchained and pulled into a kneeling position before her. “She is so sweet. She is fairy, on her grandfather’s side. Finton was the fae sire, a prince of the fae realm. Her blood, so light upon the tongue. To swallow such as her is to taste the sublime. Magic…the smell that wafts around her is ambrosial.”
A nasty grin covered Satan’s face. “Fae….” she said dreamily. “It has been a while since I have feasted on such.”
Cutting her eyes to Compton, she did not believe him for one fucked–up minute. “Tell me,” her eyes burned malice into him. “What is the fae talisman?”
“What?” he whispered.
“What,” she leaned out and spit on him, “is the fae good luck charm? What allows them to travel back and forth between the worlds?”
Bill saw his way out of here and it did not bother him to tell anyone what he knew. Not if it would give him back his nights on Earth. “A circle. The fae come and go through a circle. Anything that is a circle.”
“It is good that you knew the answer,” she smiled at him, her eyes speaking of horrible pleasure yet to come. “A hell mouth will open for you in such a manner, inside a circle on their property. Get her to step inside the circle and you may step out.
I want her,” Satan sat back on her throne. “I want her here with me. She will tingle with magic and I want her to tingle inside of me. On Earth, it will be All Hallow’s Eve. Since you are newly arrived, you can step across the veil and speak to her. Entice her to come to you and then when she steps into my circle of authority, you can step out.”
Bill felt the orgasm overtake him.! His sweet Sookie would offer her all so that he could be set free. He had scores to settle. He was starting with Northman. He had learned some new tricks while he had been here. With pleasure he would chain Eric and his bitch of a child and grandchild and his nights would not be so boring.
“Pleasure me,” was all she said as she relaxed back into her throne. “I want her and you are going to bring her to me.”
He felt the yank on the chain as he was hauled before the throne of the defiled one.
“Around back,” she smiled, “I want him to start by kissing my ass.”
Chapter 2 The Old Stackhouse Farmhouse
“Mm-m-m-m-hm-m-m! My little mans, what cho’s doin’s in that there flour bin? That there’s was the perfect dive! I gives you a 12 out of 10 for your divin’ goodness and suches. All God’s angels are agree’n with me on that one. Not one bit of flour is there a dancin’ in that little bits of sunshines. Yous did not even create a ripple on the top.”
“My big mans,” OI’s head popped up. “I am ghostin’ myself up for Hallowe’en! Prepp’n and rehearsin’ for tonight’s special celebration. There will be tricks and treats and chocolate-ee goodnesses and suches in towns. We wills be walkin’s and booin’s with our Prince Hunter and the babies. Why,“ he carefully wiped a tear away, “our great and good Grandma Berry has spoken of smallish Were minced-meated pies to perhaps be passed out to a favored few who does stop at her door and calls out the magical pass words of tricks or treats!”
Lafayette had to roll his eyes at that. Mince-meated and then some. All The Realm was in an uproar! Every since Grandpa Hugh had let that slip, on purpose, Lafayette thought, no computer was safe. There was always someone or several someones hunched over a monitor watching old Abbot and Costello movies and boxes upon boxes from Buy Costumes.com arrived daily at their door.
“Yous listens to yous La-La. Just be carefuls as you goes with you’s bad ghosted self outs and abouts today! You is lookin’ like suches of the spirits world! There is enough of the fae goodnesses in Bon Temps that yous could be rebukes and sent back to yous grave. Boo and be spooked! You is so ghosty lookin’! Scarin’ me now… and I can’t be havin’s that. Got this here pumpkin’ goodness and suches and baby kisses to collect.”
OI wiggled his eyebrows and smiled. “My big mans, I done watched The Brady Bunches and The Addams Family and Addams Family Values. And after the tricks and treats this fine booish evenin’, I am sure ‘nuffs lookin’s forward to comin’ home to the Hallowe’en Party Mr. Erics and Miss Sookie is havin’. Apples for dunkin’ and jacks for carvin’ and that merriest of go-rounds-abouts! And I wants me a jack with a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray’s carved into it. I is peerin’ intos my futures and I sees that!”
“Sures to scare off any Were,” Lafayette chuckled. “Howevers,” he shook his finger at his bonded, “we wont’s be playin’ no wakin’s-the-dead.”
“My big mans, you is right…..we will just let’s wakin’s-the-dead, dogs sleep . OI has decreed it so.”
“Good! That is what I wants to hear. Now, I gots these pumpk’n treats in the ovens. Mr. Hunter will be here shortlys to help with the cuttin’s. Right now, he is helpin’s to burp the babies. Best you be comin’s on out of the flour bins befores yous gets all measureds out by Mr. Eric. He is makin’ pumpk’n waffles for breakfasts and I gots the pumpk’n ice cream already churned. “
OI was slowly swirling his way out of the flour bin. “My bigs mans….this pumpk’n bakin’s is like the Thanksgivin’s goodness that we celebrated last year on our Prince Hunter’s first day of schools! Only with lots more chocolate-ee and other goodnesses that will go in our ticks or treats bag.”
“M-m-m-hm-m-m-m,” Lafayette nodded. “Yous will look like Mr. Charmin’ is yous Mr. Lurch costume. So let’s shakes off that flour and be thinkin’s about breakfast.”
“You rang?” thundered through the kitchen as OI came flying out of the bin and they both high-fived.
Hunter was sitting on the bed next to his Momma! He had baby Signy snuggled against him and he was lightly rubbing her back. There was a nice loud burp and then they both giggled.
“Momma, she’s ready now.”
Sookie kissed her oldest on the top of the head. “I bet your La La could hear that burp all the way to the kitchen.”
Eric was rubbing Alrik on the back and at that time what could only be a belch escaped from his youngest son.
“And that one,” Sookie turned around and kissed her baby boy on the nose, “that one could be heard all the way to the moon.”
Alrik bubbled at her through his grin.
“Now, your Daddy is off to make waffles and I do believe your La La is already in the kitchen. I smell something yummy with pumpkin baking.”
“My La La said that this Halloween is extra special ‘cause we got enough brothers and sisters to go as The Wizard of Oz tonight for our tricks and treats.”
“Yes,” Sookie smiled at him, “I can not wait to see your Daddy as a flying monkey!”
Hunter leaned over and eyed his Daddy who was hovering off the bed and making monkey sounds.
“And all his little flying monkeys with him,” Sookie chuckled. “You will be a sight to behold!”
Chapter 3 “…steamy…”
Godric was admiring the night stars. When he was turned, it was with wonder that his vampire eyes saw things take on a life of their own. With his angelic eyes, he could see the life in each thing. With great pleasure he was listening to the stars sing when Gabriel popped in.
Sitting down next to him she closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the night sky. It was beautiful in its harmonics and the angelic orchestra that was playing along with the star bright chorus.
“Godric,” she smiled at him. Bless his heart, her Godric had no idea what was in store for him. If he thought his life was blessed now…just wait. “It has been noted that your child has been exceptionally good.”
Godric shifted his gaze to the oldest created angelic being that existed.
“My Eric,” he grinned, “he is a good son, father, brother, friend and husband to his Sookie.”
This was indeed a blessed evening. Godric always enjoyed his time with Gabriel. She was his mentor and her sense of humor was most delightful.
“You know, “ her smile got bigger. “It is All Hallow’s Eve, today, on Earth. We could perhaps be on Earth for this event. It is a good one,” she chuckled. “One of my favorites. Humans dress up for the purpose of scaring all of those wicked spirits that think to walk across the veil at its thinnest point back into Hell.
There is a lot of fun to be had trick or treating if you know where to look.”
“My mentor,” he grinned, “you mentioned my child and now you speak of fun of the devilish sort. Has my Eric a mission?”
“Ohhhh,” she chuckled, “depends on whether or not you are up for some fun…” she let the thought run out.
“On this night,” she leaned in closer and wiggled her eyebrows, “the evil ones do not come slithering out of Hell without an escort. For this cocksucker to do a walk-about he is going to need a chaperon. You know, just one of us angelic types keeping tabs on the little pervert at all times.”
“G,” he laughed, “is there one in particular that wishes to come topside?
“Well yes,” her manner became very serious. “Rumor has it that one William T. Compton would like to see his beloved Sookie once, again,” Gabriel said in her best Southern drawl. “Loooooovvvvvve,” she drew out the word, “was on the petition that was sent up. All hearts and flowers and lies of the finest sort,” she snickered.
“So…” she shrugged. “We let them think that that four letter word buys them some grace on this night so they can do walk-about, but it actually gives us practice on a moving target.”
“Practice?” Godric hesitated. “Do we need practice?” and she could hear the seriousness in his voice.
“No,” she laughed. “But Hell is even more hellish for the departed one who wants once last chance to speak to their one true love once they are pulled back in.”
“I do believe,” he grinned, “that I am available for escort service.”
Grinning, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes and listened to the stars singing. “I do so love the Hallelujah Chorus.”
Bill now had a mission. And it was a good mission. He was on a mission for Satan…and love. Hell had smiled on him and he was walking out of here. He had been the King of Louisiana while he had walked the Earth as vampire. Now he was going to walk it once more as…as…h-m-m-m-m, he did not want to dwell on those hellish thoughts….some were just a bit horrific. Well…he was now a spirit ascending up from Hell! Well yes, that was a little bit more in keeping with his fine Southern manners and his fine Southern drawl and after all, he had been a King! And now he was ascending…why…he could be a supreme spirit! An Ascending Supreme Spirit. Then he smiled. “Why I will be king of the Ascending Supreme Spirits.”
The brand on his ass still hurt…and would for the rest of his days. Hunger…he knew a deep abiding hunger that now continually tore through him. But Satan had picked him to brand with her own personal iron and that had to mean something. Like maybe he was a prince….”Well yes,” he giggled to himself. “Prince William. A prince in Hell and a king on Earth.”
Control, he needed control and his fine manners. Listening to the screaming around him, he found his focus. And his focus was his anger for Eric who should be down here screaming! Why, the way his true death had ended was just shocking beyond words! His Sookie had been muttering “Fuck you” while Northman pulled him in front of a camera to be entertainment for the Vamp Channel!
Well, he had showed them how a real tragic hero met his end. He had not begged or pleaded for his true death or even to continue with his undead life…no…not like some of them had done…and Russell screaming “Bygones” the whole time was just ludicrous. Like Eric cared about anything vampire besides his child!
“And everyone thought I was a vampire wanting to be human!” Snorting, he hid the laugh. Ha! Eric was worse! He actually loved Sookie! What the fuck was that about?
Yes, the counsel’s ending had not been pretty and Russell was still a screamer. Once in a while you could still hear that wail of agony “Bygones” bouncing around down here. All the old ones would just shake their heads and roll their eyes and then go in search of the heretic who would utter such foulness in their house.
Eric thought he was such a bad ass. Bill did allow himself a very small roll of his eyes. Why…he had no idea. Bad had a whole new meaning down here. “But that little stunt of him denying me what is mine is going to come back around and bite him on the ass,” Bill smirked. “I am going to see that personally.”
It had rankled him that the final words he would carry inside his mind with him the rest of his days was listening to Northman spouting to any and all who would listen that the King of Louisiana was a fucking loser. Well, who was fucked now? Leaning back against Satan’s throne, he allowed himself a small smile. Even in Hell he was a winner. He sucked the life force out of a lesser being and felt the old desires rise back up in him. Well, Northman was right. He, William Thomas Compton was the King of Louisiana. He had a crown and a mansion to prove it. With one last long pull, he emptied the pitiful creature and cast it aside.
With a feeling of longing he let his mind drift to Sookie. Virgins were hard to come by in the 21st century and she had been succulent, sweet and her fae blood smoldering hot when he fed from her. Maybe what he felt for her was not considered love in this century, but that type of obsession in any other time would have been true love. “And I am not a stalker,” he snarled under his breath.
And she returned his affections. Why, Sookie saying “Fuck you,” to him as Eric dragged him by. That just proved his point. That was code. She wanted him…bad!
H-m-m-m-m he regarded the unhealthy smelling Queen of All Liars whose throne he lounged upon. Sookie…could he coax her into the fae circle to make sweet love to him? Could he actually have her one more delicious time before she gave her all for him so that he could right so many wrongs done to them both? She always came to greet him whenever he showed up at her door, no matter how pissed off she was at what imagined slights she had against him. She was so polite. Her gran had raised her right. His Sookie was a Southern-belle with manners all the way down to her natural blonde roots.
And she had been an innocent! He liked his women inexperienced. That way he could impress them…
….and with that thought he could impress his Sookie one more time and everyone else here in Hell with his sexual prowess. Now that he had that thought, he really wanted to bang her in that fae circle so that all here in Hell could hear her screaming his name.
As soon as he made topside he was going to have his sweet Sookie once more before he cast her down into the pit and he walked out of the fae circle of light and into the welcoming dark night of Earth. He now knew how he was going to deal with Eric. He was going to chop him up and put him in a blender and drink him like those chocolate milkshakes his Sookie was so fond, of. M-m-m-m, Eric, straight up. Now there was a delightful thought.
“My big mans,” OI was inside his tricks or treats bag as he watched his bonded at the stove. “I just loves how Halloween is now a holiday in Bon Temps.” His bonded was working magic! OI was eyeing the vanilla sauce that was going to be served with the cinnamon rolls. “No school and everyone gets into the spirits of tricks and treats goodnesses.”
“My little mans, it does reminds me of my childhoods,” Lafayette said as he added just a splash more vanilla. “Stores, streets, and signs decorated with fly’ns high witches and Mr. Jacks just a winkin’s and smilin’s at you. There is more haystacks in our towns then even that little pervert Rumpelestilskin coulds spins.
“And we has got us pumpkin’ patches and mums and witchy lights. I done seen some might-tee fine dressed scarecrows everywhere and crows sittin’s and chattin’s them up. M-m-m-hm-m-m. And I am lovin’s those thatched roofs the fae have put on their buildin’s. Those coulds just stay year rounds abouts. Just say’n.
Mr. Hunter,” Lafayette eyed the young man in the flying monkey costume as he came into the kitchen. “I sees yous is ready for tricked and treats, tonight. But yous grandmas will be here shortlies for Halloween breakfasts and suches and they is gonna be wantin’ their kisses.”
Hunter giggled and took off his mask. “You should see the babies, my La La,” as he was picked up and given a kiss. “They are so cute,” he continued on as his La La set him on a stool at the counter. “Momma said Daddy could take us fly’n sometime today so we would be ready for tonight.”
“Yous Momma is a smart lady, rehearsin’s you and alls,” Lafayette said as he scrapped the vanilla bean seeds into the pot. “I knows you is in kindergarten now and just the best big brother in this here worlds. But yous just be careful with thems loop-de-loops! You listen to yous La La. I knows you takes after yous Daddy and that you can pop and suches. But you lets Daddy do the fly’n tonights.”
“I will, my La La,” Hunter nodded sagely. “We don’t want the babies thinkin’ they can go flyin’ off on their own. I am a good big brother. Momma counts on me to set the example. So I am hugging my Daddy tight and stayin’ right with him.”
“Yes sir,” Lafayette nodded, “that is what I wants to hear. Now, I done gots my Miss Dorthy’s all laid out and yous Uncle Jesus has his Love filled Tin-Man heart outfit ready to gos on. He wills be here shortlies.”
“I can’t wait to see sister Pam as Glenda the Good Witch,” Hunter was wide-eyed. “Momma says she will be a sight to behold all dressed up in peach.”
“Yes,” Lafayette chuckled just perhaps a bit too gleefully. “We is all lookin’s forward to seein’ that. Miss Pam in peach…who would have thought it?
“And I thinks I hears me a grandma bus pullin’s up. Town folks can’ts be too far behinds.”
“Flyin’ monkeys,” Sookie smiled at the Eric look-alike babies on the bed who were blowing bubbles and being sweet and charming as she kissed their toes. “You two little flying monkeys are to stick to your Daddy when you go out and about. Especially tonight.”
There were more giggles as Signy grabbed her brother’s hand and put his thumb in her mouth.
Sookie’s eyes went to Eric. “They are just like you,” she arched her eyebrow at him. “And I mean it Eric. They do not have permission to go off streaking through the air and pooting fairy dust onto the crowd down below.”
From the two on the bed came squeals of laughter!
“I mean it you two,” she then arched her eyebrow at them. “Good thing your big brother is here to keep an eye on all three of you.”
When Sookie said Hunter’s name the babies squealed once more in delight. Their little bodies shook with joy and glitter blue fairy dust rained down on them.
Giggling, they wind-milled their hands and feet and kept the blue sparkles moving around until they formed a picture of their big brother. Then they wiggled their cute little button noses and blew even bigger bubbles.
“Yes, I’ve seen your Daddy work his cute,” she said as she pulled the monkey socks onto Signy. “I know all about the Northman cute young lady.
That goes for you too, young man,” she kissed Alrik on the nose and then put socks on her baby boy.
Handing their daughter to Eric, she then picked up her son and then handed him to Eric. “And you also,” she arched both eyebrows at Eric. “Momma said no. Daddy, you are to abide by my decision.”
Eric’s lower lip was trembling just a bit as he kissed both his children on the nose. “Momma said no,” he whispered to each one.
Little sad eyes stared back at him.
“I mean it, Eric,” she then kissed her husband on the nose and started for the tent for family breakfast.
Letting out a big sigh he said to his very small children, “And she means it…”
The Victorians on New Year’s Day were a sight to behold. All decked out in their best finery as they moved from house to house with their elaborate calling cards and Happy New Year salutations.
Bon Temps at Halloween was no different. Everyone had on a costume and came to the Northman door declaring “Trick or Treat give me something nice to eat!” and brought something of their own to set on the table in the tent.
There were lots of folks who came for breakfast and they all came in costume. Jason and Sissy were taking pictures and uploading them to the Mac that was projecting on one side of the tent.
“Where are Samuel and Molly?” Tara asked, looking around. “Molly said they were coming as Samson and Delilah. I would think I should be able to spot them.”
“They are,” Pamela smiled sweetly, “making a very fine attempt at making baby Da’vids. I am encouraging them is this endeavor. So they are down in the cubby where I have assured them they have nothing but privacy.”
“My maker,” Tara chuckled, “you are just bad.”
“Well, yes,” she smiled and winked, “but I am also looking to keep The Da’vid right here. On this property. Where his magic fingers and money making ass belongs. I made a nice killing yesterday.”
Tara smirked. “Money wise, huh?”
“Well yes, as the free balling fae bastard that I am married to has told me in no uncertain terms that if I am to do any killin’ while carry’n his children, it is to be with him present so that he can admire my every move…blah, blah, blah…and he was on duty yesterday so I was,” she rolled her eyes, “at home…gag…!”
“You really going as Glenda the Witch of the North?” Tara asked in dismay.
“I lost the fucking bet to Eric,” she sniffled just a bit. “When he told me that I would be pregnant before Halloween, I told him if I was he could just kiss my Glenda the Good Witch ass. Fuck me running…” she sighed. “I can not seem to get a break. That free balling bastard I am married to is coming as Linda, the Good Witch of the South. Wallace,” she hissed, “is wearing a most delightful shade of pink.”
Tara muffled a laugh. “He looks smokin’ hot in pink.”
“Free balling bastard,” Pam hissed.
Eric was on his way out the bedroom door when he turned around and smiled.
“My maker,” he felt the love radiating out from his Godric.
“My Eric,” Godric smiled back as he leaned in and gave each baby a lingering kiss on the forehead. “I see you are dressed for All Hallow’s Eve.” Godric looked around the bedroom. “My child,” he clapped his hands in delight. “I see you have truly embraced the season. I do so love the Jacks by the fireplace.”
“Thank you,” Eric grinned. “Sookie and Hunter both embrace the season so I do so myself, as well.”
Godric took Signy from Eric’s arm and then Eric handed him Alrik. “My son,” he inhaled deeply of the sweetest smell on Earth, “you do know that there are certain privileges granted to those in Hell on All Hallow’s Eve?”
“What?” Eric asked. “No…really…?”
“Oh yes, my child,” Godric’s voice was very solemn. “And apparently it has been noted that you have been exceptionally good. And there has been one that has been exceptionally bad that is now in Hell and he has petitioned Heaven saying that he wishes to see a loved one, one last time. To say their good-bye.”
“My maker,” Eric wiped at his eyes, tears of joy cascading from his eyes. “Truly?” and you could hear the hope in his voice.
Godric’s grin split his face. “Yes.”
“I…I could have another crack at Compton?” There were blue sparks coming from Eric’s eyes!
“My son,” he kissed his grandchildren on the tops of their heads, “you have been exceedingly good. I shall be shadowing Compton. But know this, now that the fae are in balance, Compton can not trespass where fae stand guard.
Now,” Godric rubbed his nose against the babies, “your Grandpapa must be off and about. I will visit with my grandson Hunter, later this evening.
My son,” Godric handed the babies back to Eric and then kissed him on the forehead. Taking a step back so he could see Eric’s love filled eyes he continued. “Compton has to pass back into this realm through something round with water or something round and fae-ish.”
Eric grinned as he watched his maker shimmer out. “Good times, my children,” and they laughed right along with him, “let the trick or treating fun, begin!”
Sookie watched as Eric entered the room. She did not know what Eric was looking so pleased about, but obviously he was. And this was just more than I am Eric-the-Fucking-Viking-Married-to-Sookie-With-Children-Northman…and oh by the way…King-of-the-Fucking-Fae!
“My bride,” he grinned and winked at her. “I come with great joy bearing glad tidings of wondrous news.”
“I know angelic talk when I hear it. Godric has been here, huh?” she smiled at him. “And he did not stop by to see Hunter. So, what’s up?”
“Oh mother of my children, did you know that spirits walk the night of All Hallow’s Eve and speak to the living?”
“Well,” she shrugged, “that is suppose to be why we dress up and carve the scary faces on the pumpkins. To scare them back into their grave.”
“Or back into Hell,” he wiggled his eyebrows. “According to my maker, we are going to be having a guest, with the setting of the sun. One that enters through either a circle of water or a round fae circle of something.”
“You mean like a portal when the fae were not in balance fae portal?”
“I mean exactly a fae portal just…like…that,” he wiggled his eyebrows, again.
“Oh-h-h-h Eric…” she laughed. “Really?”
“My maker tells me that I have been very, very, good. I believe that Santa is starting early this year. Dear Santa knows that at the top of my list I still would like to fuck with Compton.”
Sookie thought maybe Eric’s eyes had rolled into the back of his head from sheer pleasure. She started laughing and when all the fae in the room turned to look at her, she brought herself back under control.
“Only the family will be here for lunch,” she giggled. “We shall plot and plan then. Good times!”
All the early morning adult breakfast trick or treaters had left. The family sat with the sides of the tent pulled back as they watched Hunter and his small entourage playing fort.
The story was told about Bill Compton and the video of the counsel’s final moments was watched as it played on the side of the tent.
Liam was having a moment! Why was it that no one was mean or rude to his King? “Pbbblllttt!” was the only appropriate sound he could think of to make.
Clayton was beside himself with joy! This cocksucker had betrayed his Queen and that meant his ass belonged to him!
Grandma Esther spoke up at the end of the video and there was fire in her words! “You get me a shot gun with some rock salt. I’ll say the blessing over it and I’ll blow his ass back to Hell!”
Eric stood and addressed the group. “I have been giving this some thought. Sadly, this shall cut into the trick or treating time of those that volunteer…”
Looking around the room, Eric could see the glittering eyes and teeth of the pissed off Fae!
“It is not going to be that glamorous,” he sighed as he shook his head. “I am just asking for volunteers to stand guard over things that are round and that have water in them. We are going to herd King Cocksucker to exactly where we want him.
And I know this is a bit unusual, but do any of the Fae actually shit? As in food waste like humans?”
There was uproarious laughter coming from a chair pulled up next to the fire pit. Kissing Princess Tin, soundly, there stood the Mer’lyn, in all his wizard glory as blue sparkling fairy dust fell from the ceiling and clung to him.
Approaching his King and Queen, he looked to Liam and Clayton, who both motioned for him to come forward.
Em kneeled before them. “My King and my most beautiful Queen,” he bowed his head. “I am your humble servant. I have been in a human body for so long that I am now required to do this. How,” he raised his head, joy radiating out from him like sunbeams, “how may I be of assistance to you?”
“OI, oh king of the dragons,” Eric turned his head and addressed the dragon who was now fluttering in front of him. “This wind rider falls to your purview. I would be most neglectful if I did not ask for your blessing in this endeavor.”
“My King and our most fair and beautiful Queen,” he bowed to both. “Please know that we dragons are always ready to be of assistance and to help when needed. I am honored that you have deemed fit to extend your blessing to one of my kind and to entrust to us this vital mission.”
“I thank you,” Eric smiled at OI and then turned his attention back to Em. “What we need, o’ favored one of the Blue Realm,” Eric began, “is a big, steaming pile of perfectly round….”
When the kiddos came in for hot chocolate it was tricks or treats business as usual. Then, with kisses and hugs, Lance and Guinn and Sissy and Jason loaded the townie babies on the bus to take them home before it got dark.
OI was in the kitchen with his bonded, sipping his tricks or treats apple cider and throwing out long suffering sighs. “My big mans,” he sighed, again. “I dids not know that shittin’s out in the woods was goin’s to be so mo’ fo’n important! I…” he blinked back tears. “I dids not know. I would has been better prepareds. And I am the mo’ fo’n king of the dragons. How dids I not sees this a’comin’s?” Another sigh from him shifted the dust particles in the air.
“I knows my little mans,” Lafayette buttered a slice of pumpkin walnut bread hot from the oven and handed it to him. “But there is just nothin’s to be done about this. You just shits gold and this is goods and this is rights cause yous is a dragon. But yous has got to remembers, with Mr. Eric’s, ones just not knows the deviousesness and suches that lurks in his mind.”
“Our King is just one mo’ fo’n bad ass,” OI sighed, again.
“No greater truths was ever spoken,” Lafayette refilled his little man’s Fall Goodness glass. “But the dragon clan has now gots one dragon bounds in happiness…as in my name is Mer’lyn of the Shittin’s in the Woods Dragon Clan,” Lafayette winked at his bonded. “You dids me prouds when you bestowed that title upon him.”
“Yes,” tears fell from OI’s eyes. “A new dragon clans has come to be. Not in thousands of years has a new clan been named. And,” he sniffled a bit, “and I was honored to do the name’ns. It was a proud moment when our King did calls our Em, forth. All Hallow’s Eve has now becomes a sacred time to all dragons. One of our holy days. “
Lafayette refilled both of their glasses. “Times to take our fine selves to the meats freezen locker in Shreveport and be bringin’s us home some Were to thaw out. Biggest of the dragons par-tay comin’ s our way.”
“I gots a batch of The Death’s, ready to be brought forth for this blessed occasion. Good times, my big mans,” OI wiped the tears from his eyes as they toasted and then downed the Fall Goodness in a glass. “Good times.”
Em was rubbing Tin’s back as she lay on her side facing him in a private Fae sleeping chamber out in the yard.
“What does this mean?” she asked. “A new dragon clan…?”
“You know that dragons inherit titles on their mother’s side,” he began carefully as his finger traced her face.
“Yes,” she kissed his finger.
“I guess there was a reason our Prince Hunter always called you Princess Tin.”
“What?” she started to sit up and he pulled her to him and then on top of him.
“We are now mother,” he smiled at her and placed his hand on her tummy, “and father” he shook his head in disbelief, “of a new clan. Princess Sofia,” he kissed her tummy, “will be much sought after. I am just going to start practicing my killing stroke, now.”
“You, you mean like the founders of a new clan?”
Em smiled at this woman that he had loved for countless ages. “More than that. We are the founders of a new dynasty…a new age of the dragon.” Shaking his head he laughed, “Looks like my mother gets her wish after all. She wanted me to be a Prince of the Realm. And you are my Princess. And our little Miss Sofia, she will be our defining moment.”
Tin was shaking her head. “No Em…I’m not….”
“Not what?” he asked. “Princess material?” he lazily ran his had across her curves. “Hunter called you Princess Tin the first time he met you. You carry our daughter. This is destined. When a new dragon clan is called, the first child born must be female. She will set the colors of our family and the standards that we shall fly. We will not be required at court, but she will.
Thousands of years from now, our legends will tell of Princess Tin, the founding mother of our clan and how she gave birth to Princess Sofia. The first born daughter of the Dragon Shitting-in-the-Woods Clan.”
Tin started to chuckle. “You really had me going there for a moment,” she smiled at him. “Your words sounded so majestic. I could see the conviction in your eyes.”
“My wife…?” he asked. “Dearest, nothing was said in jest.”
“Oh no,” she was shaking her head. “Really? Is that what OI said in dragon? Dragon-Shitting-in-the-Woods Clan? It sound so much more regal in dragon…”
“Rest my love,” he kissed her tummy, again, and then her lips. “Rest and dream of our daughter,” as he settled her into his side and felt her gentle breathing as she drifted off to sleep.
Em closed one eye and kept one eye open, true to his dragon blood as they slept. With his open eye he chased the scenes of his life across the top of the sleeping chamber. He could see their Princess Sofia as she frolicked in the sky, chasing the clouds and counting raindrops. His daughter would be dragon in her bones and like her mother, a great artist.
Kissing his bride, he had not told her the whole truth. Princess Tin would be called in their histories the Queen Mother to a whole new breed of dragon. From her body would come the future. Getting up he pulled on his kilt and walked outside. Lance had just stepped outside of the tent that he and Guinn were sharing.
Lance started laughing when they walked toward each other. “See what happens when you laugh and call me Pack Master,” he chuckled, wickedly. “You mock me for being responsible. Just see what happens Mr. Never Studied.”
“Fuck me,” Em shook all over. “I could use a shot of The Death’s….or multiple cases of beer…or a bottle of Jack…”
“This puts your family back on track,” Lance laughed. “Your daughter ‘s line is now OI’s heir to the crown,” he chuckled.
“Fuck me,” Em could only wonder at it all. “Let’s get drunk.”
Lance laughed as he put his arm around his friend and walked with him to the grill area where the ice chests were set up and beer was iced down. “I want to be there when you explain all this to Tin. The ins and outs of dragon protocol and how she is now mother to a future Queen of the Dragons. We shall have us, my old friend, some good times!”
Taste the Fall Goodness : such is the stuff of Fall-ish leafed dreams.
1 cup apple cider…not apple juice…
1 shot Hot Damn (taste like the hot cinnamon candy) liquor
1 shot Apfelkorn (apple liquor)
1 shot vodka
1 shot Laird’s apple brandy or substitute any other apple brandy…maybe even an apple hard cider…ohhhhh la la!
In a small bowl mix mix together…
1 TB brown sugar
1 TB white sugar
1 TB cinnamon
Or use a teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice instead of the nutmeg, allspice and cloves.
Rim the glass with Karo syrup (just a thick, white syrup) or beaten egg white. Dip into spice mixture.
If we are having a party, I’ll do the shot glasses early in the day and let them dry. Use a tray to set them on as they dry because the sugar mixture will fall off onto the counter and you will want to clean it up with you finger…then you’ll have to lick it off you finger….and then…
As always, thanks for reading!
Keep Compton in Hell and bring on The Viking!
Chapter 4 “…the goose drank wine…”
It was late in the afternoon as Eric got up out of bed and kissed a sleeping Sookie and then his children. Little toes were covered in monkey socks…well not all the little toes. Alrik had done his best to remove his before he finally fell asleep. He had cooed and giggled at his older brother into removing them for him. Even now, Eric could watch as his newest son made little contented noises as he wiggled his little baby toes and smiled in his sleep. Barefoot. His tiny little man liked to go barefoot. That was something he had inherited from his father who had grown up in the swamps of Fae. And from his mother who had grown up in the swamps of Louisiana. The similarities were not lost on him.
When his eyes rested on Hunter he felt the tears form in his eyes. As his little man grew, each day he looked more and more like his Viking grandmother, Signy. His mother had been an exceptional woman. Eric could only wonder at this little person who had inherited his mother’s patience, kind ways, and generous spirit.
His children…the grin split his face. Samuel was there every morning for breakfast demanding to hold the babies with Hunter tucked up next to him on one side with Molly on the other. While everyone else ate breakfast, Samuel held the twins. On a good morning, he would let Molly hold one but he was constantly correcting her on the proper way of supporting them until she finally just gave up and handed the baby back.
Hunter would be right there beside his Uncle Samuel chatting away with him and loving on his baby brother and sister while his kindergarten grade son ate his oatmeal followed on by whatever else was on the table.
Joy flooded him, just as despair had on a rooftop in Dallas…he had wanted to die with his maker. He had loved Godric with all that he was. Trusting his maker to love him in return where in a vampire world it was not safe to treasure anything. When the air began to heat up with the first streaks of dawn, Godric had banished him to the dark of the building. Grief had over whelmed him as Godric had continued to flood him with his love as he felt the pain began to wash through his maker. A vast emptiness of raging aloneness consumed him when Godric was given over to the sunlight. He knew when his maker was no more. But yet, there was a flash of bliss that flooded him and Eric had one last thought from his maker. “Sookie.” And that thought had overwhelmed him and flooded him with a true sense of peace and of belonging.
And now his maker lived forever…just as he and his Sookie had been together for…well…since this planet had been created.
His wife was sleeping with the twins tucked under one outstretched arm. Hunter was on the other side of the twins. Andy was beside Hunter and Lion was stretched out on the pillow above Sookie’s head. His Sookie…his from the beginning of time. They had their beginning as the original Fae, created to be the Guardians of this world.
“We shall guard it well,” he said as leaned in and gently kissed his family, again.
Well yes to the guarding…Eric rolled his eyes. There were guards, everywhere. And with the passing of the light from the land, there were going to be even more guards. Rumor had it that even the tinkerbells were sharpening their swords and the fairy godmothers were going to leave tricks or treats bags at everyone’s door after tea time. They were gifting everyone with useful apparel of whatever was needed…but tucked into every bag was also a pair of monkey socks. Apparently, tonight, everyone needed a pair of monkey socks. Silently he regarded his own feet. Monkey socks.
Then he looked back over at his sleeping children. Monkey socks…everyone in Fae now had a pair and were wearing them tonight, as well.
There was a lot of laughter and rivalry going on throughout the land of the Fae. And possibly some bloodletting was involved to see who was going to stand guard, tonight. Eric had to chuckle. After showing them the destruction of the vampire council, all those in Fae were seething and seeking some type of retribution! Compton had become a word that reeked of foulness right along with Oberon and Mab.
Briefing The Realm, he had told them what he was asking for just involved some time and perhaps those that stood guard would actually get to fuck with Compton. That had been more than enough. Sookie told him The Realm would be out in force, tonight…praying for bragging rights!
That would be fine with him. He was willing to share that joy ‘roundabout The Realm. The more that got to fuck Compton over, the better he was going to like it.
Pulling on his pants, he could smell the caramel that was going to be used to dip the apples in. Lafayette had once more humbled all of those in Fae as OI crowed about his blessed bonded. This morning, there started out just the apple dipped in caramel. Then you could roll it in your choice of nuts. How about all of that dipped in chocolate? How about then dipped in white chocolate and then maybe rolled in marshmallows?
Hunter had watched with perfect O shaped lips as Jason cut his in two and shared it with Sissy. When Lafayette had asked Hunter if he wanted his cut into pieces, Hunter’s eyes had been round as he nodded his head yes. Carefully carrying his plate, Hunter took his apple with one piece still on a stick, a couple of dragons, some tinkerbells and his dog, and had gone to sit by the fire pit and share and eat this newest tricks or treats.
All Hallow’s Eve…when the last of the light kissed the earth, farewell, Compton was fucked. Good times.
Eric turned toward the kitchen. The air was laced with the pungent smell. Lafayette was popping the corn for popcorn balls. Little tiny noses were beginning to sniff the air. Well yes, there was a very attractive slightly bigger nose on his wife beginning to wiggle about. His lovely bride had the cutest wiggle that could appear anywhere on her body! Why, what was a husband to do? As her husband, it was his job to admire her wiggle! Especially when it was on top of him, or under him…m-m-m-hm-m, tricks or treats!
Bill was allowed to feed so that he would have his strength. To appear on Earth as a shade of himself required energy that he could achieve by sucking on a lesser. But to actually manifest a body so that he could have sex with his Sookie, that was going to take a vitality that he had not possessed while he had been in Hell. Maybe not while he had been on Earth, either. But he had not been fed on or tortured and he was feeling very sure about his success.
Besides, once Sookie was close enough, he would pull her to him and latch onto her neck and suckle that richly prized fae blood goodness right out of her. When she was moaning and pleading with him for sex, why, he would flip her legs over his shoulders and then he would latch on and drain that other wet fae goodness right out of her. He was a winner because he would have her in as many different ways and in as many different positions as he could imagine. And since having been in Hell, why, there were positions he was going to try with her that would leave him satisfied and her well, if not dead from pleasure, maybe just dead. For him it would be a win-win as he scampered off to take his revenge on Northman and be Satan’s representative on Earth.
Eric would rue the day that he had been born. “Get ready Northman,” he smiled, “to start your ruing and to be my ass monkey. It will be especially sweet. I shall reek of Sookie and you shall reek of me as all good little ass monkeys should.
Once I move back into the mansion, I am going to have new business cards made: King William Thomas Compton, Ascending Supreme Spirit of Hell. Prince of the Dark Realm and…and…” he paused giving it all some thought. “And Majestic Lord of Eric the Ass Monkey Viking.”
Maxine was watching her man as he picked up the water hose and then very discreetly peed into it. Maxine stepped up with her sanitizing wipe and cleaned the brass fitting as Hugh carefully draped it back around the garden fairy hose holder that they had purchased at Disney World.
“Hugh,” she grinned, “you are just a genius.”
HHH laughed and danced a little jig. “My love, my life, Compton shall pay us a smallish visit,” he winked at her. “We too shall have our bragging rights.”
Maxine was fully engaged. Whatever gave her man bragging rights, she was behind him one hundred percent. “He came to a Glorious Dead meetin’ once. He seemed nice enough at the time,” she said with a frown. “However, watchin’ that video of our Miss Sookie with that Glock and the way our son dealt with that vampire council did my old heart good.
Bygones,“ Grandma Berry said with a snort and a roll of her eyes. “Lordy, Compton carrin’ around that nice Limoges soup tureen filled with Jessica’s goo. I know I never approved of that girl but lordy, she deserved better than that. Poor child, being those nasty-assed vamps cocktail while they were trying to terrorize our Miss Sookie and Lafayette and Jason. Those vamps were all sadly lacking in manners and etiquette.
What Momma Compton must think of her boy. Bein’ a woman of The Old South School, I know she raised him better. Just goes to show what happens when you start runnin’ with the wrong crowd. Those bloody bits in his momma’s best china…the wonder and wrongness of it all,” she said with disgust.
Hugh came over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Our boys have a fine mother,” he kissed her. He could feel the sorrow she still carried for Hoyt. “My love, you are a good mother, a good friend, a good wife. You are my lover and you are the mother to our three and very fine boys. Grand mama to our lovely grandbabies. Your love and kindness flows out from you and to all those around you. Never was a man so blessed.”
Nodding her head, he saw a slight smile and he felt her mood, lighten. “Now, I understand we are going to be the first tricks or treats stop for all of the fae.”
Maxine smiled. “We have hundreds of those little tiny mince-meated tartlets and gallons of Sweet Baby Ray’s for dipping. I think you are right, Hugh, just pour it into a big bowl and letting them dip it out for themselves will work out for the best. Lordy, I know we don’t have enough for everyone, I could only get so much Were. If they would just stock Were at the Piggly Wiggly it would take my stress level down a notch or two. But OI assured me that they are most happy to share and will have their own little container for the sauce.”
Hugh’s ears perked up and smiled at his wife as his eyes cut to the garden hose.
Clock was wrapped around Momma Berry’s neck and was recording the moment so that all of Fae could see it.
“We have contact,” Hugh grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, “why I do believe we have first contact. Woohoo!”
Bill was standing at the entrance to Earth, Mother Freedom, The End of the Terror, On to Sipping Fae Goodness, Everyday is Northman Butt Monkey Day. He would once more live in a world where his dick would grow back. He would grow hard once again. Suck and fuck. He could kill with impunity or grant life. He would be King Bill and Eric would live the rest of his days on all fours as a willing vessel. He would televise his butt monkey and their not so private activities on the vamp channel and invite all to come and partake of his butt monkey. Not that his momma would approve, but he would hire Eric out to do porn and he could make money off of Eric being a butt monkey.
The time was now. Darkness was falling on Bon Temps! He had to have a portal. He had to have a fae portal. It was time for a spell to open a portal! Bill cleared his throat and in his best singing voice began. “Once upon a time, a goose drank wine, Northman was my butt monkey while I did a line. The goose liked shrimp, Eric went limp and to make a little money I turned into Eric’s pimp.”
Yes! Yes! Yes! There it was, a fae portal was opening! “I am the Ascending Supreme Spirit,” he shouted as he began his upward trek.
Maxine rolled her eyes and gagged as she heard Compton’s voice coming out of the garden hose.
“…and to make a little money I turned into Eric’s pimp.”
“That man is just disgustin’,” she spit out. “I bet his momma is rollin’ in her grave. What braggin’ rights she has. Well yes, my boy Billy wants to grow up to be a pimp.”
“My beloved,” Hugh looked saddened, “I am so sorry you had to hear that.”
“Ascending Supreme Spirit,” she rolled her eyes, again. “Ass is right,” she said to Clock who was chuckling right along with her. “What a fuckin’ shit head. Hugh, you just go right on ahead. The town babies will be here soon and we need to get our monkey socks on. It is All Hallow’s Eve. We don’t have time for this pervert’s foolishness and utter stupidity.”
It was easy to spot where King Bill was in the process of his escape. He was making his way through their garden hose. They would hear him occasionally complain about how tight it was and how all his skin was being rubbed off and he could now see the wisdom of not having a dick because it would have been pulled off along with all of his skin and hair.
“Dickless,” Maxine huffed, “no kiddin’.”
With a grin, Hugh picked up the end of the hose and brought it to his lips. Taking a deep breath, he then blew into the hose. There was a lot of screaming as the hot-dog-bun-size-lump in their hose did the loop-de-loops of the curled up hose and was pushed back to the end. The lump disappeared and then there was the smell of sulfur wafting out of the small opening into the on coming night.
“I am sending the video on to Sookie,” Maxine smiled. “Clock is sending it on to Fae. The sun will be down in fifteen minutes. Come on Mark Antony, I think I hear the first of the little voices comin’ our way. Let’s put on our monkey socks and go to the front door. It is time for tricks and treats!”
“Yes,” he winked at her, “my Queen of the Nile. My most lovely Cleopatra. I am yours to command.”
In Hell, there was a loud rumbling sound and then a wet, squishy sound and then with a belching sound and a plop…Bill was deposited and then came the afterbirth that was the skin and hair that had been pulled off of him. With a loud thud and a golden shower he was born back into the bowels of Hell. Several were laughing as he was grabbed and pulled forward toward Satan’s throne.
“I see no Fae,” Satan smiled death at him. “I do however, smell,” she took a deep whiff, “something that smells not like human and not like death.” Her eyes became slits as her tongue licked her lips. “You are now washed in this tantalizing aroma. I will settle for you if you do not bring me the Fae.”
“I will,” his voice shook. “I was able to open a portal. I just could not keep it open long enough to make my way out.”
“Yes,” she smiled. “I know but I do not forgive. So, unless you want to burn forever in the pit of my stomach, I suggest you try again and bring me the fucking fairy.”
Sookie’s phone chimed at her. “First contact,” she chuckled, “goes to Grandma Berry and Grandpa Hugh!”
There was a very big collective sigh that went out into the tent. Molly tuned in and the video feed started.
Pamela was sitting at the table and looked up from the stats on her iPad in front of her. “Do not ever bet against a lawyer,” she chuckled as she started ticking off who owed what.
The line of shame formed with the shuffling of feet and sad little dragon tears. There was the trembling of little tinkerbell lips and fairy godmothers were sure their hearts were going to break as they thought about what was now going to go missing out of their tricks and treats bag. Sniffling, they held next to their breast the piece of paper that granted them the right to hold the twins for ten minutes. Hugh…they all looked dolefully at each other…they had bet against Hugh!
Many shook their head in disbelief about how foolish they had been to bet against the luckiest man in The Realm. “Clearly,” they all sighed, “his time on Earth and…” sorrow flowed from many as they stepped into the line to ante up, “…and he is married to the very fine and magnificent Grandma Berry. He knew the first time he saw her that she would put all of us to shame,” as they nodded in agreement. “At the marriage of our King and Queen, he did begin to hotly pursue her with his charming ways and his knowledge of our laws as he laid the wonder and pleasure of both worlds at her very fine and dainty feet.
What chance did we have? Not only is he married to the Queen of the Mince-Meated Pies, he now owns our minutes with the twins,” was sobbed.
“I feel your pain,” Pamela smiled as piles of gold and jewels began to accumulate on the table, along with the paper chits that went straight to HHH. “Now, second contact is an up and comer. The baby-momma needs a new pair of shoes. Place your bets.”
It was a splendid, spectacular, and somewhat strange night to be out Trick or Treating in the great and grand town of Bon Temps. Eerie clouds danced across the face of the moon and formed uncanny likenesses of folks that lived in these parts. It was so very peculiar a night there seemed to be dragon shadows that danced along in the gas lights of the old town square and jack-o-lanterns, especially those carved with fangs, that laughed along with the crows. Please dear God, those were crows!
Perhaps, for those that were not locals, perhaps this had been a bad idea to come Trick or Treating in a town that was not their own. Unnatural, out of towners would shudder from time to time as they peered into shop windows and onto porches that were lit with the smiling faces of jack-o-lanterns. It was uncanny and noticed by any that were not locals that everyone seemed to be wearing monkey socks. It was unnatural the way nature invoked the weird and the strange and monkey socks had been clasped to their bosom of fashion sense.
It was noticed and noted that the entire town had turned out in costume and those at home passing out the treats were all decked out in their Halloween finery, as well. This was the stuff of surreal dreams and the beginnings of freakish nightmares…monkey socks…what the fuck?
Sookie took one last picture of the family as the cast from the Wizard of Oz. Lafayette was just too gorgeous for words in his ruby slippers. Pam was all pouty in peach and Wallace was indeed pretty in pink. The Grandmas were not to be outdone as they loaded onto the bus as The Munchkins, beer steins in hand, filled with anything but beer. When everyone was loaded into a form of transportation, they started for town.
“My bride,” Eric grinned at his green and glowing wife as the twins were in their carriers strapped to his front and Hunter was riding piggy back style on Eric’s back. “Shall we take to the sky?”
Sitting astride her broom, Sookie laughed wickedly as she levitated into the air and cackled, *“I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!”
The babies squealed with laughter at their momma as Eric turned his head and kissed Hunter on the cheek and then was up in the air after her.
The King’s and Queen’s Own checked their monkey wings and then took flight, following the royal family out into the night sky.
Jack, Jill, Bo, and Lamb were experts in their respective, supernatural fields. They arrived in Bon Temps just as the sun was getting ready to set. They were on a mission. They had left their camera crew at home and were just going to do a walk about of Bon Temps. They had all heard the stories. After all, a writer from the X-Files had grown up here and had more than once said that all of those stories were true.
This night, these of the ghost hunter persuasion came in Halloween disguise, searching out on this most unholy and spine-chilling of days, paranormal events.
“I’ve always wanted to be here on Halloween,” Lamb said into the camcorder. “This is my destiny, my fate to be here in the sinister town of Bon Temps to unmask its alarming citizens and free the world from frightening fiends.”
“Oh fuck me,” Bo hissed as she leaned in and the camera caught her face. “Really, must it be about you all the time?”
“Bitch,” he hissed at her.
“Well yes I am, glory hogging bastard,” she smiled and winked at him. “Put the glory-hole machine down and pick up the instruments so that we can actually see for ourselves if haunts walk the earthly plane, here.”
“Fucking righteous bitch,” he glared back.
“Stop it you two,” Jack spoke up. “Lamb, just get over the fact that you are your own crew, tonight. And no one is going to see your pretty face in that sheep mask. We are here in disguise. We do not want to be recognized. We want the town and its citizens to be relaxed and go about their business. We shall be discreet. We all know this is the best way to unravel this mystery that is Bon Temps.
This is just a fact. We have always wanted to ghost walk Bon Temps. This is our best opportunity to do so. We have got to make the most of it. Our hours wandering the streets in disguise are very limited so we have got to get moving on this. Turn on your cameras and don’t forget to engage the GPS so we will know where the recordings and pictures were taken. Once we download them to the lap top, the computer will pin point it on the map and we can come back and do a site specific follow-up.”
Jill pulled on her Monica Lewinsky mask. “Suit up. We want to be the first to get Bon Temps as active with the creepy and crawly so we can get off local cable and actually be carried on a channel someone has heard of.
If you want to get paid for this gig, get your ass in gear. Now, I’ve set up the camera on the tripod. Let’s do the intro and roll on 3, 2, 1…”
All four settled into their familiar spot of the intro.
“It is All Hallow’s Eve and we are here in Bon Temps, Louisiana. My name is Jack Hill and I am a psychic.”
“My name is Jill Hill and I am a Druid.”
“I am Bo Peep, clairvoyant to the unseen.”
“And I am Herrs Lamb, warlock, one with nature, one with the universe.
We are here to prove to you that the dead walk among us. That the unnerving live with us. That the paranormal is an everyday event to us. What is spine-chilling to you, our viewers, we see just as a soul to be released from this realm and sent on to their reward. We are the highly skilled and specialized team of The Unnatural Order and we are here for you.”
“Cut. Perfect. Now,” Jill continued on, “I’m rolling with the sun setting and the moon rising…our first shot of Bon Temps,” she said as they finished adjusting last minute nuisances that came with wearing a costume. “And don’t forget the fucking trick or treat bags. From what I can see from here, looks like most folks are carrying one.
Damn…” her eyes were pulled to the large orange harvest moon that was peeking out over the horizon. “it looks like the moon is actually choking out the sun’t rays. I hope the camera caught that!”
Jack took a step, back. “My gawd, sis, you are right! The moon grew hands and…and…strangled the last bit of sunlight. Fuck…!”
Bo and Lamb stopped their bickering and turned their heads towards the new darkness but it was too late.
“Did not see anything out of the ordinary,” Bo said, eyeing the two. “Do not,” her voice carried the warning, “start with the eerie bullshit. We have enough sound bites of me screaming from you two setting me up. It is bad enough knowing vamps are real…there has got to be other sinister weirdness out there as well. No need for you to be making shit up.”
“Make sure every fucking piece of equipment is up and running,” Jill snarked back. “I know what I saw. I’d play it back for you right now but I don’t want us all so scared we blow this.”
They had parked a couple of blocks off of Main. They had picked a quiet neighborhood that was dressed for Halloween. Jack-o-lanterns lit the porches of the most humble of homes. Cornstalks danced in the evening breeze. Even with the sunset, crows still called in the dark. There were small children coming out of doors with an adult in a costume while someone else passed out the candy as the little voices called out “Trick or Treat!”
“What was that?” Jack asked as there was a howl that floated across the vastness of the star lit night.
“Just a Were Wolf,” Lamb scoffed.
“That is so not funny,” Bo said as she pointed her night vision binos in the direction of the howl.
While in the small, quiet, neighborhood, they were walking and constantly checking their EMF’s, thermometers, and thermal cameras. Jill kept shooting pics with her full spectrum digital camera.
Jill knew what she saw with the moon. If the X Files were true, then this town was a loaded gun of weird. There was howling in the distance and then one seemed to answer back from in town. Well fuck…, she turned with her camera in that direction, just how could this be good? Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the full moon as clouds flitted like bats across it.
That was not possible but yet she knew what she saw with her own eyes! “Flying monkeys across the moon, hundreds of them, ” she stuttered under her breath, “following,” she gulped, “ and escorting what could only be a witch on a broom! Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck…!” she felt the terror grip her heart.
“Just stop it,” Bo spit out. “You might have had me with the moon sprouting hands, but now you are just ridiculous. Flying monkeys my ass. These kids have the right idea. Let’s get to Main. In my research, I found that they have some old buildings in town. A couple that date from the war when this place was just a mud hole but battles were fought in the area.
Let the wolves howl and the crows call…and the kids caterwaul Trick or Treat. We are looking for spooks…something that will put us on the map. We don’t need a Disney movie of floating orbs, we need blood and guts and a night of the living dead as Confederates look to take retribution on the North.”
Lamb looked up from his EMF and thought about that as he chuckled to himself, “I could certainly narrate over Bo screaming. I have done it before. Hmmm, if I play this right, she just might pee her pants this time. That would be great footage seeing the wet streak on her pants. Time to get started on that.
The Friend Cox House,” he said out loud, “dates from the early part of the twentieth century. It started out as a Parlay Parlor. That might be a good place to start. They used to Parlay for blood according to the stories I have heard.”
“No fucking kidding,” Jack stopped and turned to look at Lamb. “My great-grandma used to tell stories about the Parlay Parlors in New Orleans. When she was a girl, she used to be a maid in an old mansion called Petit Ami Fortin, there on Lafayette Square.
One night, there was a tall, blonde male, good-looking guest that Parlayed until the early morning hours. Granny’s job was to empty his ashtray and keep his glass filled with rum. He smoked Havana’s, she said. The kind with the real gold, embossed, cigar band on them. He gave her the band every time he took out a new one. He had amassed a fortune in gold, jewels, deeds and folding money. Someone accused him of cheating and this…this…something…appeared in a whirling funnel of lightning and sparks and…well, blood was spattered, everywhere. This guy just went on playing like it happened to him everyday.”
“Vampire,” Bo said with a sure nod of her head.
“Yes…” Jack was thoughtful. “Granny said a true Parlay Parlor was protected. That she had seen that before. According to the rules, if you lie or cheat when challenged, the dead came calling and consumed you.
She had worked there since she was small and had seen all manner of weirdness and wrong doing. That this was not the first time that they would get a patron drunk so they could beat him at Parlay. Granny kept filling Goodlooking’s glass with some high potency rum. Granny said that at some point he giggled.
After that, the lady of the house was all over him, pushing her cleavage up in his face and brushing up against him when they would take a break before they began the next round. Then, towards the end, the man of the house stepped in and wanted to Parlay. It did not end well for him.”
“Duel, huh?” Lamb said, “They thought they could set Goodlooking up. After that much to drink, the Mister of the house should be able to beat him at Parlay. If not that, then a duel, kill him all fair and square defending his wife’s honor and then just help themselves to his winnings.”
“Yes,” Jill replied. “Her husband called him out after the last Parlay. He had bet the mansion and his wife, and lost it and everything in it. Pistols were the choice of weapon. Everyone was standing out on the veranda and you could hear the paces being counted off. Great-granny said the crack of the pistols carried the death knell. Then the screams of pain from the wife, started.
The victor carried the screaming and cursing wife slung over his shoulder back inside. He collected his winnings and handed them off to his man and then set fire to the mansion, starting with the top floor where it is known for a fact that he left the wife. Many saw her at the window as the room burned around her. What was that family’s name again….Granny said the house was named after them? Petit Ami Fortin…oh, that’s right, De Beaufort. Lots of folks say that around the first of the month, if you are standing in Lafayette Square, if you smell smoke, you can still see wisps of flame as Madame De Beaufort roams the block, looking for her home and cursing her daughter, Pamela.”
“Did the daughter die in the fire?” Bo asked.
“Ahhh, no,” both siblings shook their head.
“She ran away,” Jill shook all over, “when she was seventeen. Apparently her folks used her to get them out of some tight money deals.”
“Oh ick,” Bo hissed.
“Yes,” Jill hissed right back. “Apparently they had one Parlay patron that liked them young and blond. Granny said the whole house shuttered when the fifteen-year old daughter was called to watch the game one night. And now Mrs. De Beaufort continues to burn in the flames of her mansion as she roams Lafayette Square, cursing her daughter for leaving them.”
“So-o-o-o-o,” Jill eyed the group. “What do you think about doing a little walk around The Friend Cox House. See if there is anyone or anything that would like to be captured on my nifty, new, full spectrum camera.”
Maxine and Hugh sat out in the tiny Egyptian barge on the front lawn and chatted with any and all that came by as they passed out candy. There was indeed, a line for the smallish, mince-meated pies.
Lifting her hand to his lips, Hugh was resplendent with his kisses as he said, “My,” he empathized that word with a wink at Maxine, “Queen of the Nile,” more than once as the pies were dipped into the Sweet Baby Ray’s and made much over as fae came and went and shared or sat and visited.
“Now there is something you do not see every day,” Maxine turned to Hugh. “Monica Lewinsky and President Clinton roaming the streets of Bon Temps. I can appreciate no one wearing an Obama mask, especially since my last run on with that President ended in killin’, but Billy Clinton and his paramour? I did not realize we were doing tacky retro this year.
I am trying to place who they are. No one of that size comes to mind. They are not locals,” she eyed the four as they strolled along, but were headed their way.
“My Sweet,” Hugh winked at her, “I do believe that you are correct. I see no monkey socks and smell nothing of fae about them.”
“Well, we welcome one and all and we have our tricks and treats at the ready. Just let them come on.”
“Let’s turn up this block,” Jill said, “take the alley. We should be able to walk past the back of the house and start shooting, there. I see the owner’s sitting out front. This gives us time to get as much film footage as we want. As long as we do not step onto their land, we are not trespassing.”
“Most odd,” Hugh remarked when the four turned up 2nd. “There are not houses for Trick or Treating that way and those businesses are closed.”
“Clock, my darlin’ girl,” Maxine stroked her little dragon on the nose that was resting around her wrist. “Would you be so kind as to see just what is goin’ on?”
“Of course Mother Berry,” she smiled with delight. “I shall soon return.”
Clock went to stealth mode. Without disturbing the air currents, she was gliding along, listening to their conversation. Popping back in, she was now standing on Mother Berry’s lap.
“Their names are Jack, Jill, Bo and Lamb. They are talking about Parlay houses. They are in the back, in the alley, taking pictures, hoping to take a picture of the unseemly,” Clock said with the raise of an eyebrow. “I am not sure what that is.”
“Oh lordy,” Maxine sighed. “They are four wanna be ghost hunters out of Shreveport. They have a little studio in someone’s garage where they show Halloween masks and listen to electrical static on their ghost box. Hugh,” she sadly shook her head, “if we scare them, they will continue to come back, if we don’t scare them, they will continue to come back. I would invite them in to run their electronics, but the grandbabies have not yet been by and I don’t want to miss them.”
“Oh my Queen of the Nile,” Hugh brought her hand to his heart. “This shall not happen. We shall both be in attendance when the grandbabies come by. I have the camera at the ready.”
“I know what has to be done,” she sighed. “The unseemly. Hugh, do not try and stop me. I know that you think that I am beautiful, but believe me, to these twenty-somethin’s, I am not.”
“My bride,” he began in protest.
“I know that you love me and that is all that counts. And if my fat ass ends up on YouTube for the rest of days, then so be it. But I treasure our privacy on our little balcony so I am gonna go take care of this. You just sit here, I’ll be back in two shakes of Lamb’s tale of woe.”
“There is movement inside the house. And it has heat, it is registering with my camera,” Jill’s voice held a nervous but happy edge.
“It’s big, whatever it is,” Lamb responded, “and it is coming this way.”
“There is no place in the alley to hide, unless we get behind the garage, but then we won’t be able to see,” Jack said, tracking his instruments.
They all head the door open and then a white specter stepped down out onto the small porch and started down the steps carrying the trash.
“Evenin’,” Maxine called out and waved at them as she opened the lid on the garbage can, in went the trash and the lid went back on. “Happy Halloween,” she called as she went back inside.
“Oh fuck,” Jack put his bino’s down. “She was nude.”
“Awww shit,” Lamb gagged, “ohhh man, old and nude. I think the retinas in my eyes have been etched forever with that…that…”
Jill eyed the two men. “She’s naked. It’s her yard. It’s dark back here and we are running infrared and thermals. I just Googled The Friend Cox House. It is owned by a lawyer. Any spooks in there and he is charging them by the hour. If the lawyer thinks we are taking girly shots of his wife on their property with spy stuff, we could be in some deep shit. Let’s haul ass before she calls the cops and then delete, delete, delete. I have not yet even begun to pay off my college loans. I’d hate to be working to pay him for the rest of my life.”
Maxine put her Queen of the Nile dress back on and went to sit back out front with Hugh.
“Please don’t be angry,” she smiled at him.
“My bride,” he bit back on his pride. “They gazed on your lovely self and then got the perfect view of your magnificent ass as it went up the steps,” he pouted.
“Later tonight,” she winked at him, “I’ll do it for you,” she smiled, “if you want to watch from the alley.”
Hugh had a great big burning and yearning deep down inside of him as he snuggled in closer to his Mrs. and started counting down to later. He put his arm around her as the next batch of Trick or Treaters headed their way. “Never was a man so blessed,” he kissed her cheek as they both called out “Happy Halloween” to a troop of flying monkeys that was coming in for a landing.
In the town square sat the merry-go-round. Or perhaps the correct wording would be the Resplendent Carousel! It was a new feature and Smilwoth was the official proud owner and operator of one of the most whimsical and noteworthy menageries of all time. The Fae Realm was represented by wooden carvings and then painted life-like-true-to-form colors on the replicas.
Dragons flew and belched fire and smoke and mermaids swam and spewed fountains of water from their mouths. Unicorns were majestic and could be rode bare-back with only a nudge of your thighs to direct them, while the Sookie Hawk soared up and down on the pole.
This place of wonder and a dime ride, was where the great and good honorable Grandmas were headed.
After unloading from the bus, the Grandmas had stopped to call “Trick or Drink” at certain establishments as they made their way to the town square. Fortified against the cold and any haunts that thought to be out tonight, they happily made their way to the merry-go-round, each one depositing a dime into Smilwoth’s hand. With a flourishing bow and a hand kiss, he helped each lady to mount their stead and then the music started…Liszt’s 2nd Hugarian Rhapsody.
Bill was so scared he was shaking, visibly. Not ever was that a safe thing to do when you were a resident of Hell. They loved fear…ate it, licked it off of you and then ate you, accordingly. Like the bottom dwellers they were and imitated, they started with the soft, fleshy parts.
“Concentrate,” he kept repeating to himself as lecherous faces gloated and eyed him gleefully. With a tremor in his voice, Bill began his newest spell. **“Eric Northman is a butt monkey supreme, from Eric Northman, Sookie, from him I shall glean, And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men shall ride Eric Northman again and again.”
Gently the light began to pull on him. With relief he felt himself begin to drift upward. This time, he believed that this time, he would walk away from all this and once more rule the night.
Liszt, someone was playing Liszt. How refreshing to hear sweet, pure music instead of the constant screeching and screaming that was constantly assaulting his ears and pounding inside his head. That awful noise that vibrated through every part of his body, causing his cells to sizzle and in turn, to shriek at him for his body being used so foully.
There were several other notable and noticeable agreeable changes. The air became cleaner, the heat less, and the oppressive feeling of damnation gave way to something a little more serviceable and charitable…like maybe hope was a fuel that he could use to get himself re-instated back to the topside since Sookie would so gladly sacrifice herself for him.
The music continued to lull him to blissfulness. To cheer his aching heart and sooth his pierced soul. Liszt would from this moment on would be his savior, his mantra, the song in his heart. When he ruled the night, and then the world, this song would be held and cherished and played every evening upon his rising to greet the new dark.
Looking upward, it was like seeing through a smoked piece of glass. He could see, why, he could see the outline of a carousel! He had ridden one of the first ones to be installed on Coney Island. That had been a magical night. The movement of the horses, the up and down motion reminding him of the fierce orgy of fucking they had done upon rising and the feeding frenzy with Lorena that had followed. Feeling the gentle tugging on him turn into something a little more insistent, he knew he had to be close.
You just had to love opening a Fairy Portal, why, you could wind up in the smack-dab middle of a bunch of fairies.
“You smell that?” Grandma Esther said.
“Shhh-ewww!” Grandma Sara curled her nose and looked around. “Where is that smell comin’ from?”
Esther was working her nose. “Smilwoth,” she motioned for him to come over, “that smell coming from the Carousel? The gears, or somethin’? That sure does smell like rotten eggs and somethin’ dead all rolled into one.”
“No, most honored Grandmother,” he shook his head. “This is not of my doing. This…”
The air on the carousel begin to shimmer.
“Fae portal opening,” they all said together.
Smilwoth raised his hand and the magnificent beasts stopped as all the grandmas hopped off and were staring intently at where the air now appeared to be the sheerest and there stood the form of a man.
OI’s ear’s twitched at that moment but he knew he was too late!
“Compton!” all the grandmas yelled, and then “Sic’m!” as the fledglings on their arms rose up and spit dragon fire that cut through the last of the portal before Bill had a chance to step out. Then the little ones were airborne, screeching in on Mach 5 air currents and blasting the cursed cocksucker, calling on the strength of all the dragons in the realm to fuel their fires!
The dragons linked minds and as one, they channeled all that they were to the small ones who held fast and true! Then, a riot ignited in The Bond! The fledglings were trumpeting their victory before the first of the fae could pop in!
Liam was shaking his head and wondering about the wrongness of it all. “Fuck…a…duck…” he said to Clayton. “Fledglings. And just not anyone’s children, but OI’s. We shall never hear the end of this. Because of his child, ZZ, OI has guardianship of Oberon. His son Wallace is married to Princess Pamela and carries his heirs. OI is making sure that his reign continues. Do not think for one moment that Mer’lyn’s and Princess Tin’s daughter will not be wedded to one of his. And now this. The Cursed Cocksucker has been sent back into the darkness of his own foulness by OI’s youngest of the young. Fuck a duck…I do so understand what the oldest child means by that.”
Clayton was chuckling as his friend finally caught his breath. Breaking his Kit-Kat bar in two, he offered Liam a piece. “Feel better?” he chuckled.
“Sadly, yes,” Liam sighed and then laughed. “Not even Old Smilwoth was able to get in on the kill. And he was standing right there.”
“You bet on Smilwoth?” Clayton asked with a huge grin.
“Yesssss,” he sighed. “But only with the Princess Pamela. I am going to be standing in for Wallace in my down time for the next bit and a bit. This is something I can actually work off. As opposed to owing OI who just carries your fucking marker, forever.”
Miss Dorothy and her Toto were strolling along and collecting Tricks or Treats and Tricks or Drinks, accordingly. Lafayette was sharing whatever was put in his bag or in his glass with his bonded. “My little mans,” Lafayette kissed the little dog on the nose that was draped across his shoulders. “Yous babies are just likes you. A powerful forces of natures to be reckoned, withs.”
“My big mans,” he smiled at his bonded, “they did a finenesses job of representin’s The Realm and the Wind Riders this fine and blessed Halloween Evenin’s.”
“Yes, that is some righteous prides you gots in your family. But yous is mighty pleased ‘bouts somethin’ or another’s.”
Hearing his name called out followed by “Happy Halloween”, Lafayette looked across the street. “Happy Halloween Princess Tin and her fine husband!” he called back.
Lafayette made contact with the purple eyes that were watching the couple across the street. “Oh, I sees, says his Ruby Reds La La-ness. You gots a boy child in minds for that sweet baby Sofia that Princess Tin is nuturin’ insides her body? Mmmhmmm, don’t yous be tryin’s to fools me none.”
OI cleared his throat. “Sweet Sofia’s daddy is a true forces of natures, my big mans. This is gonna takes some times and some finenesses and some sweet, sweet, talkin. Mer’lyn’s been so long humans, he can magics pure and true as human or dragon. Makes him potent and strong and potent. The Wind Riders has never seens such as him.
As human, his magics is more than mine. More than any dragon’s in The Realm. Dragon wants to challenge him, Mer’lyn could decides the challenge to be as human to human as would be his right and he would smoke your fine ass and all your parts.
M-m-m-m-hm-m-m, this baby girl’s daddy…his word is law when it comes to his baby girl. You thinks to challenge him for the privilege of marryin’ his baby, you will be his trophy and from you’s skin he will make his wife and child a dragon’s cape.
And I knows there will be one or twoish who will not heed my fair and fine warnings. They will challenge, Mer’lyn will pick the weapon which will be human. And thens they is just fucked…on a stick…like at the fine and goods street fair as a tasty treat. ‘Cause you will nots defeats him as human. So yous best have another plan.”
“You gots the son for her already in minds,” Lafayette chuckled.
The little dog laughed, heartily. “Woulds not be OI, King of the Dragons if’n I dids not.”
“Good times,” Lafayette smiled as he watched his Tin Man chatting away with Doc Brenda as they trick and treated their way through town. Good times!
*The Wizard of Oz. 1939, MGM.
** Humpty Dumpty, 1684.