The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own. This Story is rated M.
The Curse of the Eclipsing Blood Moon
“And get that fucking Bill Compton on the phone. He was supposed to meet us here, tonight, with Sophie-Anne in tow, telling us the access codes to her bank accounts and where she hides her gold,” Cacius hissed and kicked at a rock. He hit it dead on with his toes and screamed in pain.
“The Vampire Queen is not going to go anywhere with Compton,” Leroy shook his head and unlocked the car. “Compton just told you that so he could get in on the ruling game. That sorry ass is not going to work for anything. I have been doing some dealing with him and he will stab you in the back the first chance he gets while being all self-righteous and up in your face about how much this and that cost and now he needs to double his money because…well…just because. He is one self-entitled shit for brains.”
“You told me to hire him,” Cacius pouted as he got in the car.
“No I did not,” Leroy fired back as he started the car. “I said I knew him and that he worked in S-A’s residence. I said nothing about hiring him. That is all on you.”
“I am a god,” Cacius smirked. “I do not make mistakes.”
“Fasten your seat belt,” Leroy put the car in drive.
“No,” he laughed. “I will not.”
“Look, we can get stopped…”
“Do not care, I am not driving,” Cacius laughed.
“Very good then,” Leroy replied as he hit the gas and went from 0 to 60 and then slammed on the brakes.
Cacius’ head hit the windshield and there was a scream of pain.
“Fasten your seatbelt, you moron. I do not want us getting pulled over. And that body is human and can easily be killed, in case you did not know that. Fragile stuff, human.”
“Fucking fuck fuck,” Cacius wept, rubbing his head. “You did that on purpose.”
“Damn straight I did. Now fasten that seat belt or you are walking to Shreveport.”
“Very disrespectful,” he was still weeping. “When I get all this figured out, you are going to be the first one I eat. You will be my sacrifice on the altar!”
“Keep dreaming,” Leroy laughed. “Without me, you would be walking to Shreveport. Your ancient ways and that body that has not one idea about anything beyond pouting and getting someone else to drive him around will not play well for you. That old man had no magic which is why you are having such a difficult time with this. Admit it. You went for the weak willed so you could take over. Well congratulations on that. You are so far behind the learning curve for this society that a two-year old has more savvy.”
“What makes you think,” he snarled, “that I will not just trash this body and take yours?”
“For one, I have no-o-o-o-o magic and I have a will of my own. And for another, I am beginning to believe that it does not work that way. You picked that body. You. And to you it now belongs. When it dies, you do not get to jump to another. Your soul and his get to face judgement. That would be something I know a little bit about.”
Cacius sat glaring at him and spitting curses in a language no one remembered.
“You just vent while I put it all out there. I know what a dumb fuck you are. Seriously, you thought you could overthrow The Creator of All. Even I know that cannot be done. So that puts me ahead of you on the genius scale.
Now,” he glanced over at his passenger who looked like he was going to stroke out. “Your face is a charming shade of purple. I do not think that is all bruise this fast. And you have to have a certain amount of regard for that human construct. You look like you are about to blow a blood vessel in your brain. That body can kill itself just as easily as a bullet. Like I said, fragile stuff so just get a grip and bring your blood pressure under control.
All I want is to rule. I have no magic so that will be your department and you can set yourself up to be worshiped 24/7 by the masses. Or hell, since you will be a god, put more hours in the day. Bottom line is that I need you and you need me. Plus, we have thousands of years of knowing each other.
Like any other long-term relationship, we have our ups and downs. But it has been mostly good,” he smiled at Cacius. “Come on, admit it.”
“I liked you better on your knees, coming as a supplicant, begging for favors,” he pouted.
“Well you just keep that thought. With that body, there is a whole new reason to have someone on their knees in front of you,” he chuckled. “Human can suck at times, but it also has some delightful charms.”
“You mean the rutting,” Cacius gagged.
“Spoken like someone who has never indulged. We are going to change that. I happen to have a couple of ladies on my calendar who will be more than happy to meet me in my chambers. You be nice to me and they will break your cherry. And if women are not your thing, well, we have other options.”
“I am looking through his memories. I see nothing of this type. He kept himself celibate. For…for fueling his magic…”
“It does take all kinds,” the judge laughed and shook his head. “Well then, you are in for a real treat. A double breaking cherry ceremony moment. This calls for multiples of everything. Let us get the party started. But not in my chambers. This is going to require someplace with a bit more space.”
“As much as I hate to break up the party,” Sookie smiled at the group, “but maybe we should be there to greet them when they show up.
Could you guys fly us back?”
“Good idea,” Eric nodded. “Let us divide and conquer. Or not,” he grinned. “I do not remember ever riding on the back of a dragon. O.I. are you up for maybe stretching a bit in size and taking us home?”
“Always glad to be of service,” the dragon winked. “Buts gonna needs a bit more space than this. How abouts if I move to the terrace. Do we needs the size of a 747 or somethin’ smaller? If we is gonna make the YouTubes goodness for a dragon sightin’ I want it to be memorable!”
Pam checked her messages. Boss Man was alive and well.
“I am at Fangtasia. Where are you?”
“Wrap it up and haul ass. Going to war.”
“The fun just never stops,” she grinned. “Going super-sonic is five, four, three, two, one…!” she typed into her phone. The she was gone.
Lafayette was behind the bar, fixing everyone’s favorite drink. Ian and Cedric were drinking Eric’s mead. Samuel was sipping on a sweet red wine out of Israel. Eric was still giving Gran and Sookie the royal tour, along with all the magic that wanted to chat them up. And there was a lot!
Pam was sitting at the bar, inspecting her coin and occasionally watching the magics as they tasted everything that Lafayette made and opened a few bottles of their own. Anything with chocolate in it was up for grabs. Literally! You did not want to come between a 3,000 pound gargoyle and his hot chocolate with Bailey’sin it!
It was 0900 hours and she was sitting in a sunbeam that filtered through a 16thcentury stained glass window that cast burgundy shadows over the crystal glasses on the bar back.
She was not for real sure what to make of Eric. Before he had turned her, she knew that he really was all that. He had killed her perverted father in a duel and burned her mother alive on the upper floor of their home that he had won at Parlay. Well, and he had won her mother as well. So, it was actually his home and his woman that burned to the ground.
Her mother, a worse pervert than her father, was screaming. Not in pain, but the fact that her daughter, Pamela, should be the one roasting in hell and not her.
Yes, momma sweetest still haunted the area on the nights of a full moon. You could find her in Lafayette Square, wailing and moaning and pissing about missing her daughter and did anyone know where she had taken herself too.
“Poetry in motion,” she thought, as she watched Eric strategize with the magics. “And my maker has real estate in Heaven,” she rolled her eyes. Everyone was crowing about that! “Well why the fuck not,” she sighed, “he owns property everywhere else. I wonder if he has a place on the Lake of Fire in Hell? And if he does, I am sure he is going to make those poor fuckers who reside there pay rent.”
Then there was Momma Sookie. Literally. When Eric told her she was going to have a brother she almost peed herself!
Sookie and Gran were presently in the Library sleeping. Apparently Momma Sookie now came with her own arsenal of weapons. It was damned impressive to watch her magic up an effervescent bubble that reflected all the colors as the sun came up and hit it. A bubble that once the bad guys passed through it, they were trapped inside it.
”We are going to keep the baddies, contained,” Sookie had pronounced with a voice that she did not recognize! That had scared her a bit. Momma Sookie had flashed with the same type of effervescence! It had haloed around her and for a moment, Pam thought maybe, just maybe, she was bearing witness to Eric’s mate’s aura. Or hell, maybe spirit. At this point, she had not one fucking clue! And was in no mood to pursue that line of thinking.
“See what happens when you spend time from the family,” Ian had said to her more than once with a grin. “Oh, the things you miss out on,” he had added smugly.
“Well yes, I can only blame myself. I get a coin to carry around, those fuckers got to swallow theirs,” she sighed and gave Cedric the evil eye.
The Irish lad saddled up next to her. “Havin’ second thoughts are we now,” he grinned, “about how you have treated me in the past,” he winked at her. “Tis indeed a lovely coin you have, one that you can be admirin’ and this’n and that. Sadly, I had to swallow my portion so I cannot be a’takin’ it out and watchin’ it sparkle in the sun’s glorious light.”
“You reek of Were shit,” she smiled at him and clinched her nose shut with her thumb and finger.
“I know,” he winked at her. “But I was wonderin’ if I could be admirin’ your sparkly shoes in the sunlight.”
“These old things,” she made a face at him but was none-the-less pleased. “I have some strappy little black Jimmy Choo’s that perhaps have one or two diamonds on them.”
“Well now,” his smile got bigger, “just perhaps we could be admirin’ those as well.”
“They are in my office,” she replied standing.
“Would you be invitin’ me to be your escort?” he asked nonchalantly.
“I could do worse,” she glared at him, “but not much worse.”
“Aye lass, but you will do none better,” he smiled at her. “Cause I know your faults and foibles, and I have perhaps, on one or two occasions, known other parts of you as well.”
Pam glared at him as she slipped her hand onto the arm that he offered her.
“In my slumber, I still dream about those moments,” he whispered to her.
“As well you should,” she snarked back but quickened her pace a bit.
Opening the door to the offices with her card Eric looked over to where the two had disappeared and smiled.
“Good,” he nodded to Ian. “That should keep her occupied for a while. She has over a hundred pair of shoes in her office. She will strut her stuff for Cedric to admire, doing wonderful things to both of their libidos.”
“Mo’ fo’n,” O.I. said as he watched the two of them disappear behind the door. “I woulds not have believed if I hads not seen. Don’t knows that I gots big enoughs balls to take her on.”
“It’s an Irish thing,” Ian replied. “The accent, their luck and all that.”
“I would not date her,” Eric chuckled. “And I just hope the Irish lad’s luck does not run out when he is with her.
Now, where were we?” he was once more all business as the chess game in his head came to life there on the top of bar. Picking up a pawn he moved it on the board. “Madden,” Eric made a face, “is going to make a very bad choice. He thinks S-A is now vulnerable with a residence that has been damaged. I am beginning to believe that it was S-A that Compton was waiting for in the cloisters. Madden was noticeably missing from the camera feeds once the fires started.”
Samuel nodded in agreement.
“So Madden and Compton think they can rule Louisiana,” Ian added. “Where would they find the shock troops to make that happen?”
“Out of state Weres,” Eric replied. “Just find S-A and end her. With her residence gone, you just set up your new seat of power wherever.”
“So we are fighting a two front war,” Samuel regarded the board and moved a bishop. “Weres, along with a fallen angel and his lacky.”
Eric smiled. “Appears to be so. Let them come. We are ready.”
It was a night of debauchery! It was a night of fun and frolic! It was a night that should be repeated and live on forever and ever!
Cacius stood nude on the balcony looking out over-looking the ocean. The sun was up and you could smell the salt water as the breeze lifted the grey hairs on his head.
Leroy was still in their pounding in someone! Maybe on someone. He was not sure and did not care. He was so bleary-eyed and content in his soul it was hard to imagine living without this. And whatever drugs he had ingested during last night’s bacchanal, well…they went down excitedly and with enthusiasm with all the alcohol!
The human that had owned this body had done a fine job of maintaining it. He was going to see to it personally that it got a few miles put on it before it burned itself up.
“Damn,” he regarded the sun high up in the sky. “I could use something to eat. Leroy said something about a grill and a fire pit in the back yard.”
Going back inside he considered the bodies that were sleeping. Oops…one appeared to not be breathing and the body was canted in a most awkward position. He was sure that the head was on backwards. “Reeks of death,” he smiled. “Saves me the trouble of killing it. Now, somewhere there is another bag of that fine white powder. Let’s get the fire going, baste it in blow, and have brunch.”
Eric opened the library doors and watched as Sookie stirred about on the couch. Gran had gotten up an hour ago and it was now one. Time for his sleeping beauty to get up. Not that he wanted to disturb her…or maybe he did…he missed her when she was not about. But Gran had said pregnant mommies-to-be need to eat about six small meals a day.
Walking over to her he kneeled down beside her head and placed kisses all over her face.
His soul warmed his body when she smiled and her hand reached for him.
“Sookie,” he whispered in her ear.
“Yes,” she sighed and whispered back.
He placed a kiss on her lips, gentle and filled with longing for this…this moment…that he had never experienced for the past thousand years.
Breaking off the kiss, he nuzzled her ear. “I love you,” he placed a light kiss on her lips.
Opening her eyes, there was wonder and hope and joy…yes, he could see that joy that he had made her feel…
“I love you,” her hands stroked his face and outlined his lips.
“Will you marry me?” he asked.
Sitting up on the couch, she drew her legs up under her. “You don’t have to do this,” she said softly.
“This is,” he took both of her hands in his, his eyes never leaving hers, “what a man does when he is in love.”
“I am not much…” she began.
“You are the woman that I love. That makes you everything,” he countered.
From around his neck he pulled a leather thong from under his shirt. “My grandmother told me that one day I would find my heart’s desire. For centuries, I did not know what that was. Now I know that my heart’s desire is my family. My wife, my son, perhaps more children to follow.
Would you please grant me my heart’s desire?” he asked her softly, his eyes pleading, love in his voice, his hands soft and gentle upon her hands as he slipped the ring from the leather. Raising her left hand to his, he kissed it.
“Yes,” she managed to say as her voice choked, her smile lighting the room, her eyes a reflection of the love that flowed in his.
Kissing her lightly on the lips, he slipped his mother’s wedding band onto her finger.
The ring was a massive gold piece done in the shape of a dragon. The gold strands so tightly woven together the piece looked to be solid. The dragon’s head sat at the front, facing her, with a crown of rubies set into it. The rest of its body wrapped around Sookie’s finger. In the dragon’s mouth was a ruby the size of a child’s marble. There were blue sapphires for the eyes and paved around the dragon’s body were clear stones.
“Ruby, sapphires and diamonds,” Eric said watching the sunlight reflect off the ring. “My father was a clan chieftain and was not without raiding skills. He brought back the gold and jewels from a successful raid and had Usha, the village artist, make this for her. Where ever Mother went all were to know who she was and to whom she was married. If anyone thought to disrespect her, well, she could deal with them at sword point just as well as my father could. She was fierce and yet so gentle.
I kept it in a jug of mead under my office floor,” he said raising Sookie’s hand to his lips and kissing the ring. “To my queen,” his voice trembled, “I do so swear fealty.”
Sookie began to cry softly as Eric rose and took her in his arms. “You need to eat, Lover, Gran said so. She said six small meals a day. You have missed several already. Let us get you fed and on your way to making me a father of a handsome son.”
“That looks just like his father,” Sookie chuckled as Eric wiped her eyes.
“Well of course,” he leaned over and kissed her nose. “Your husband is a very handsome, charming and dangerous rogue. The same will be said about Erikr.”
“What is he turns out like his mother?” she smiled at him.
“Pity the world,” Eric said, his voice serous. “A more beautiful and fierce druid has never walked the earth.”
“What if he turns out to be like his Uncle Samuel,” Sookie chuckled.
“That is not possible,” Eric replied as he swept her up into his arms. “Father God would not be so cruel. There is not room for twice that amount of vengeance.”
“What?” Sookie laughed. “Samuel?”
“You have not one clue, Lover, what Samuel is capable of. He will not only eradicate all your money, he will remove your history as well. It will be as if you never existed.”
“Like the ancient Egyptians,” she nodded.
“No,” Eric shook his head. “Samuel says he perfected that system while the Egyptians were still living in mud huts and were crocodile snacks. The pharaohs thought they knew how to eliminate your name. They had not one fucking clue. There were a couple of pharaohs that pissed Samuel off and several complete dynasty’s disappeared from the world’s history. Along with all their wealth.”
“Seriously,” Sookie arched an eyebrow at him.
“I kid you not,” Eric replied with an arched eyebrow of his own. “Do not let my sweet, kind brother fool you. He is by far worse than I could ever dream of being. And believe me. I can be bad.”
Setting her down, he waltzed with her into the bar area, the magics singing and Piano playing as they called their hellos and well wishes!
“The happy couple,” was shouted in greeting as they made the bar.
“And would you just look at what is sittin’ on that girl’s marriage finger,” Lafayette hooted! “It is blindin’ me from here. Lordy, we needs us some eye protection!”
“Congratulations!” was shouted by everyone. Eric lifted Sookie high into the air and then set her feet on the floor, and very gracefully, bent her back in a soul searing kiss!
There was thundering applause from vampires, humans and magics as well wishes were called and everyone lined up to kiss on the bride and groom.
“A toast!” Ian shouted.
Pam poured up glasses of the honey mead for the vamps as Lafayette poured porto for the humans and magics. A hushed silence fell over the club as Bell chimed down the hour.
“Let the hour of three in the afternoon become a sacred time for our family,” Samuel said raising his glass in a toast. “Here is to my brother, his wife and his son. May the name of Northman live on through family yet to come. And may the name of Northman gain in strength and majesty and love.”
“Hear, hear!” was shouted as glasses were drained dashed into the fireplace.
“We is havin’ us some nourishments of the finest kinds,” Lafayette motioned with both hands to the food that was stationed on the bar. “Baby momma needs to eat. I cans personally guarantees the fineness of the pumpkin soup and the turkey with cornbread stuffin, is just abouts as good as I makes.”
“Gravy and stuffin’,” O.I rolled his eyes up into the back of his head. “Done and gones on to the other side and am back for a second helpin’. Amens and hallelujahs. And that porto, mighty good sippin’.”
“Looks like I am behind,” Sookie took a sniff and realized she was hungry!
“By several platefuls,” Gran sighed as she patted her tummy. “I think am going to finish up the savory with another bowl of that soup with a piece of brown bead with lots of butter on it. And that fresh blackberry jam, lord have mercy! Just begging to be put on that bread. Then I will think about dessert.”
“Awww Gran,” Sookie eyed her. “That is bad for your heart and the arteries leading up to your heart and…”
Gran blew her a kiss. “I thank you Grand-daughter for your concern. But O.I. was going on so about the brown bread with the Irish butter and he cut me a slice and offered it to me and I told him that just like bacon, I was not supposed to have butter, either.
He said, ‘Well mo’ fon’ Gran, I gots just whats will cure all your ills.’ Well, he pricked his finger and offered me a drop of his blood. I feel like I am eighteen, ready to take on the world!” she grinned.
“Coulds not be believen our goods and righteous Grans could not be havin’ any of the Irish goodness,” O.I. sighed. “That is just wrongs, wrongers and…and…” he sputtered, “shamefullies wrongiest!”
“I plan on living to see my great-grandbabies grow up and spoiling them rotten,” she grinned. “Now, how about a fresh pot of coffee. I know the caterers left another carafe or two.”
The rest of the afternoon passed in a pleasant way. Eventually dessert was discussed and brought out and cut. It was Monday night so the bar was closed and they continued on in their fine company until dark descended and there was a rap at the back door.
“Now just who do you think that is?” Pamela rolled her eyes. “And seriously,” she said looking at the monitor behind the bar, “Madden at the back door. Compton and his crew of Were shits hiding out in that copse of trees. Damn, I love having this place wired.
This is just pathetic. Eric, how do you want to play this?”
“I will get the back and let Madden close the door. I have seen Victor try to be sneaky. It should provide all of you watching a good laugh.”
The owner stepped out.
Eric had left the bar door into the back open so that they could hear. The door opened and in stepped Madden. He was bloody and reeked of death and war and was yelling about sub-light particle weapons and swords that cut with a laser! And he was in a fight for the freedom of all vampires in Louisiana, maybe the world!
Eric was throwing bullshit flags all over the back hall and yet maintained a straight face. This was, he thought, one of his finest moments! Damn, it took all his vampire strength to not laugh out loud!
“DeCastro is in the area, Eric! I came to warn you!” he was still talking as fast as he could, trying to get all the facts out as Eric escorted him into the bar.
“I came to warn you as you are the last bastion of her reign. You are all that stands between sanity and anarchy and that little tyrant from Nevada!”
Eric wished he could roll his eyes! But sadly, Victor just might read that as he did not give a fuck. Well, no need for him to. Pamela was not only rolling her eyes but sticking her finger down her throat. If this was not just pathetic, it would be laughable. Clearly, Compton had beat on him. Victor had done his best to keep the outside door from being closed and Eric had let him play that game. “What do you want me to do?” Eric looked at him. “We are having a family celebration.”
“What?” Victor stammered. “Did you not hear me? DeCastro is in the area! He has declared war! You will be the dust beneath his feet if you do not join with me and defeat him! We must to war!” he shouted as he looked around the bar. Sure enough, there was food out for the humans, but he did not see any blood bags…unless the humans were the blood bags…but they were certainly not the type of blood bags he would celebrate with! Bill had assured him that Eric had tasty and lovely things on Monday nights to entertain him. Well, just fine then, he would make do with the little blonde.
“We will need to feed before we defend the perimeter,” he nodded to Eric as his glance took in all of Sookie. His gaze stopped on her third finger, left hand.
“That…that looks like a Viking ring. A very old school Viking ring…” his voice trailed off. There stood Eric, looking like death! And this little bit of fluff, also looking like death!
“Yes,” Sookie smiled. “It belonged to Eric’s mother. His father, the king, had it made for her so that wherever she went, all would know who she was and act accordingly. If they were disrespectful, she would pull her sword and end their life. Now, this greatly disappointed Eric’s father, because he wanted to end the cocksucker himself.”
“Yes Lover,” Eric nodded, “very true. Far would wail and piss and moan about Mor coming home a bloody mess but she would let him bathe her before they would go and sit in the sauna.
The women in our family,” Eric smiled at her, “are as tough as they come. And their love lives through the ages. Such was the woman of my Mor and such is the woman of my children.
Lover,” Eric said and tossed her a sword.
Maybe she was just not fluff after all! The human caught it in mid-flight! Obviously, this was not the first time she had handled a sword! And Eric had called her lover! So obviously it was not the first time she had handled a vampire!
Which was a scary-odd but strangely appealing thought! “What children! Was Eric going to include her in the child making process? That was impossible? Unless she was some kind of a Supe? She didn’t smell like a Supe, he calmed himself as he took a whiff.
“Did you just sniff me?” Sookie asked, taking a step forward.
“Yes, I mean no…” Victor shrugged and gave her his most charming smile and maybe put a little glamour into his voice. Which, he realized after he did it was one of the biggest cocksucking mistakes he had made in his entire life…and was possibly his last one…. “Yes,” he said when he felt the sword at his neck and she was standing toe-to-toe with him. “It is just I am a bit nervous, beat up and looking for a place of refuge.
You know Eric,” he shifted his attention and felt the blade go deeper into his skin. “I came to give the alarm. You know, one if by land, two if my sea. Hell, since this is by plane and car, I thought maybe I should just come in person. I can now see that in my eagerness to spread the news, I running on all circuits, vampire. All my defenses are up and running. Maybe I should have just called this in.”
“Maybe you should have,” Eric nodded in agreement.
“Look Eric, I am sorry about the gross offense. I know it is wrong to sniff another vamp’s meat, but…”
Eric had his hand around Victor’s heart, with Victor’s feet dangling in the air.
“You were saying,” Eric shook him around and then brought him down so they were eye-to-eye.
“I do so apologize,” he managed to get out.
There was chiming sounding throughout the room.
“Sounds like an alarm has been activated,” Pam grinned. “But we all know Victor came alone,” she batted her eyelashes at the stupid vampire that had not one fucking clue.
“Oh look,” Eric turned Victor so that he could see the monitor. “Someone is coming in the backdoor. Why Victor, would that be your friends?”
“You are so fucked Eric,” he managed to get out. “I am draining the little blonde so that I can heal and then I will join in on the fight. Hope we do not damage the club. I am going to make it my new HQ.”
“Are you now? Who is up for a brawl?” Eric called out.
Before Victor’s eyes a nightmare came to life! A gypsy had told him that a pewter tankard would kill him! Would you look at that! Those tankards came flying off the shelf and were now hovering around him.
“You told me once, Victor that you were invincible,” Eric grinned. “That the only way you were going to die would be by tankard. So I began collecting them. And not just any tankard. But those who had a mind of their own. These particular fine fellows drown several SS officers in their own beer one night. That caused quite the ruckus in the higher ups. The Schutzstaffelbanned all alcohol for their men from that point on. So, as much as I would like to end you, I would not dare deny you your destiny.”
They all watched as Eric dropped Madden to the floor and the tankards moved in for the kill.
“What is that they are pouring into his nose, mouth and sucking chest wound?” Sookie asked.
“Smells like the ouzo,” Pam fanned her nose. “From time to time I get hungry for that stuff. Spent a little time in Greece,” Pam said watching the scene intently. “But it is deadly. It is made from anise. Vampires can have a hard time with that is you do not build up a tolerance, first. I would sway Victor has not. He started dying whenever it hit his open wounds. And those tankards…seriously, they rock. Two of them using their handles to hold his mouth open will the others just hover and pour the alcohol in. Get ready, you see how Victor is now flailing around all over the floor, those are his final death spasms as he searchs for freedom. ”
They all nodded.
“In all his bad thrashin’ ‘bouts and jockin’ for the front door and livin’, gettins’ to-o-o-o-o close to the fire place.” Lafayette took a step back. “I has sets a glass of ouzoon fire more than once. I likes it with the coffee bean on top all toasted. Thinks we is gonna have us a flambéed vamp. You can see the smokes startin’ to rise…oops….and there he goes. Burned up just like you sees the magic man do on stage when alls there is is a puff of smokes and the paper is gone.”
“Nicely done,” they all applauded.
The tankards all gave a clanking high five and scurried back to the bar.
“Where the hell is Compton and the Weres?” Sookie asked. “Thought they would come charging through that door by now.”
“They are waiting outside the kitchen door,” Pam smiled and adjusted her lip stick. “Can’t you smell it? That is prime rib in the ovens. And a lot of noise coming from there.
So they are being cautious because no one said anything about anyone being in the kitchen working. They might be Weres and they might be fast but kitchen folks come with sharp knives. So they are sneaking around. Probably trying to get a better look. And a Were is always hungry. They are looking for a free meal, maybe with a side of fries if they wait long enough. Let me see, let us switch to the cameras in the kitchen. And you know Compton is not coming in until the all clear is given, fucking lower than Were shit coward,” Pam hissed.
“Land of Goshen,” Gran whistled, “nice kitchen! And would you look at that! That whisk is whisking all by itself…and speaking of sharp knives…looks like a salad is being chopped.”
“That’s a mistake,” Pam snickered. “Weres do not eat anything green.”
“Who is the gargoyle?” Ian asked. “Does not look like one of mine that ended up here.”
“That,” Eric smiled, “is Juliet.”
“Indeed it is,” Cedric put on his best face. “She came off my castle. Wanted, no pleaded to go home with Eric. So there she is.”
“Mm-m-m,” Sookie made yummy noises. “Looks like she is putting something chocolate into the oven.”
“She makes a mean chocolate souffle, or so I have been told,” Samuel sighed. “Light and fluffy.”
“Well, those clouds of Heaven takes about twenty five minutes. Let us get this done, His La La Fineness, says. I want mines hot out of the ovens, just as God intended!
And lordy and hallelujah! Is that an orange sauce she is makin’ to go on tops. I wants mine drowin’ in that righteous goodness. What do we needs to do to make this happen?”
“Since they did break in and are lookin’ to kill us,” Sookie was watching the monitor as the Weres tried doors in the hall and scratched their balls with the silencer on their pistols, “I think we need to have the advantage.”
“Agreed,” everyone said.
“Then grab the weapon of your choice and open the door to the back, Eric. Just like any good ninja, we are slicing the bullets into pieces with our swords.”
“Seriously?” Ian asked. “Swords, I did not bring mine.”
“Do not be question’n the lady,” Cedric hooted. “Look at that glow around her. And the sparks sizzling on those swords that just appeared on the table!”
“Souffles are in the oven,” Eric grinned, “let’s get this party started,” as he walked over to the door, unlocked it and yelled, “Olly, olly, oxen free.”
That is when the ruckus started. There was swearing in French and some German. Lots of banging of pans, big pans, sounding like they made contact with something even bigger as things hit the floor with a thud and often screaming.
“Swords at the ready,” Eric said as he started toward the kitchen door. Opening it, he was relieved to see not much blood spatter but plenty of dead Weres.
“Death-by-whisk, on this one,” Gran remarked. “Looks like it was showed down his throat and into…well,” she made a sour face, “just into.”
“Some blood spatter over here,” Pam said toeing the body with her boot. “Looks like death by rolling pin.”
“Yes,” Sookie nodded. “Would you just look at how flat his face is. That is some nice rollin’. I mean, that is pie crust thin.”
“Just damn impressive,” Gran nodded.
“Yes,” Lafayette looked it over. “That is what you gets when rollin’ is done by a professional. Just damn impressive. Not even on La’s La’s best rollin’ days have I seen somethin’ so round and perfects.”
“That is a fact,” Gran agreed.
As they were all admiring the carnage done by top-notch kitchen equipment, there was a chiming sound.
“Who the fuck is that,” Pam growled, “coming through the back door?” she was shaking her head as she checked the monitor. “What the fuck! It’s DeCastro.”
“Busy night,” Eric grinned as he walked towards toward the back to do the meet and greet. “The King of Nevada,” was called out in enthusiasm as Eric walked DeCastro into the kitchen. “Sire, what brings you to Louisiana and into my club?” Eric asked, his sword at DeCastro’s throat.
“Sheriff,” he smiled uneasily. “Victor Madden told me to meet him here,” he said looking around and grimacing.
“He said to come to Louisiana and rescue my bride to be, Sophie-Anne, from the clutches of evil.”
“Well, my queen in in N.O. supervising repair work on her manor home and I am here and Madden has met the true death. Does that answer all your questions?”
“But…I just talked to Victor…” his voice trailed off as Eric’s blade dug a little deeper into his throat.
“Yes, and Victor just died, about oh, what, maybe three minutes ago?” Eric looked out into the crowd for their approval.
“About that,” Eire, nodded in agreement.
“Yes,” Ian checked his watch. “I would say that…”
And then DeCastro did not care any longer. His head was gone and he went to goo.
“How come he did not change to dust?” Sookie asked. “What a mess!”
“The vamp that made him was young,” Eric replied. “If your maker is old, you are dust, if young, well,” he pointed to the mess on the floor with his sword, “you are goo.”
“What the fuck!” Pamela groused as they heard the knock at the front door. “Is our OPEN sign on? Are we trending somewhere on social media? Do people not have lives that they must come here looking for entertainment?”
“Child,” Eric grinned at her as he looked over at the monitor. “I will do the honors and send them away, or remove their heads. I could go either way.”
“Is that Mississippi and Talbot?” Ian asked, shock in his voice.
“Appears to be,” Eric sighed as he left the kitchen, everyone in his wake, not wanting to miss out on the next round of excitement.
Swinging open the front doors, Eric bowed and said, “Your majesty, what may I do for you with what remains of the old dark?”
“Talbot,” Eric bowed his head in a way of greeting.
“Sheriff,” Russell began and then delicately sniffed the air. “Is this a bad time?”
“It is if you are Victor Madden or DeCastro. What may I do for you?”
“Well, ah-h-h-h,” Russell was trying to digest this new information and was having a hard time wrapping his head around it.
“We want to know who you got to set the stones in your henge?” Talbot stepped up. “We are looking to import one and…and…” he looked past Eric and saw Ian and Cedric grinning.
“Your majesties,” Talbot offered a grand and sweeping bow. “I have been in contact with your people, please, if I might have a moment of your time? I am looking for a small but exceptional henge. I am not interested in what the Euro trash is putting up and passing off as ancient and sanctified.”
“Please,” Eric stepped aside. “Come in. The Irish Lad and British Isle will probably be most happy to answer your questions.”
Looking into a tankard off to the side, Eric could see them grimace and then step up.
“Just watch your step as you kick up the dust,” Eric cautioned them. “That would be Madden wanting to attach to your shoes. You might want to hover past that area by the fireplace. The worst of it seems to be there.”
“Sheriff,” Russell smiled. “That smell…that distinct smell of dead vampire, would that be DeCastro?”
“Yes,” Eric grinned. “The King of Nevada in the kitchen with a sword.”
“What?” Russell took a step back.
“It is a board game called Clue,”Sookie said. “Solve the mystery murder…who, with what and where.”
“Oh,” Russell nodded in understanding. “We did play that one night, only we were…” his voice trailed off as he watched the older woman raise her sword and fire ran down its blade and dripped off onto the floor. The dust that had been Victor now sparked and looked like fireworks going off.
“Please be seated at a table, gentlemen,” Eric pulled out a chair, being the congenial host. “We are going to continue on with our meal. I believe I heard the timer. Perfect timing. The chocolate souffles are about to be served.”
What was left of the old dark passed quietly. Talbot was so full of joy while he talked to the Islands and was oblivious to what was going on around him.
All of Russell’s senses were on high alert. There was an occasional flutter of wings, he thought, about the building and he knew he was being watched. He did not know by what but there were eyes on him from every direction.
He was finally dead, he knew, if he appeared to be a threat. So he made damn sure that he was pleasant and amenable. And that was actually easy. Talbot was in his element! His mate had studied and read and watched endless PBSdocumentaries about the old ones that built the henges and he was able to discuss intelligently with the two Islands what he wanted, needed, and he especially wanted the pedigree on the original builders.
“I don’t want any dark sacrifices on that altar stone,” he had stressed more than once. “This is to be a party circle, not a henge of death! I mean, maybe a waterfall spilling into a small pool in the center with the altar in the center with stepping stones ascending up to it.
What do you think?” he asked hopefully.
“Charming,” Ian nodded.
“Yes, very,” Cedric pulled out his phone. “I know of such a place. It is not very big but the waterfall actually splashes onto the altar stone. Here, one moment and I will show you.”
So the old dark passed. Humans ate, vampires discussed henges and who had done what where, and when they stood to leave, with Russell’s back turned to the crowd, he crossed himself and was thankful that they were walking out alive.
“Get some sleep,” Eric smiled at the humans. “Somewhere out there is Cacius and the judge. They strike me as the type to come calling during the day. We will be here, and we will be ready.”
Talk of the raid that night on Fangtasiastarted making the rounds in Louisiana Were circles as it was happening. The locals all knew what the out of towners were there for and kept their distance from Stupid.
Before sunrise, it was known as Weres Who Could Not Buy One Fucking Clue. Alcide just laughed his ass off when packmasters came looking for their own.
They all started the conversation with…
“Well, some of my pack had a high paying job here in Shreveport. Something about…”
…that’s when Alcide would start hooting and hollering at the top of his lungs. “So, you know the dumb fuckers who thought they could take on Northman. Tell their families they won’t be comin’ back, Cher. They are now howling in hell.”
The Scoobey Gang just called it Dying for Chocolateas they made their way to bed in different parts of the building.
The vampires all sat at the bar and watched as sunlight once more streamed in upon them.
“They are close by,” Eric picked up his sword and hefted it.
“Yes,” Ian nodded, “I can feel them. Two of them. I have two distinct vibrations rumbling through my chest.”
“Yes,” Cedric placed both hands on his heart. “Tis so. Two…”
“They won’t be this way until after they get some rest and something to eat. After twelve,” Pam eyed her reflection in the mirror’s morning light. “They don’t want to be caught in here when vampires rise. Eric is old, they want to hedge their bets that he will be fast asleep when they move in for the kill.”
“You can feel it also?” Eric asked.
Pam held out her hand. The coin was standing on its edge and drawing the number two on her palm.
“That would be an affirmative,” she smiled, fangs down.
“I hope these two fuckers have magicked up,” Eric grinned, fangs down as well. “It would just be too easy,” he made a fist and then with a quick movement, threw open his fist and a ball of lightning went screaming across the room, up the chimney and disappeared.
“Where do you think that went?” he asked.
They all shrugged.
“We can ask Sookie when she wakes up. Maybe she knows,” he smiled and said, “I am having a glass of mead. Who wants one?”
“Set out the glasses and pass the bottle!” Cedric shouted. “Hear! Hear!” was echoed around the room as magics, big and small, bellied up to the bar.
In the deepest and darkest depths of Hell, the screams of pain and agony from the torture stopped as everyone yelled, “Incoming! It is the Light!” as those folks began diving into The Pit and scratching their way to the very bottom.
It was better to be feasted on and left as a husk than to be burned by the Light! From which there was no recovery! Only agony and misery and hunger. All kept away from you and you could not approach anyone. That is what The Light did. It consumed you and denied you and all you could do was scream!
Woohoo! Still giving the tours in Crazy. Ask for me by name!
Mistakes abound…I would work on this at the oddest hours…woohoo and pass the tequila!
As always, thanks for reading!
Be blessed and be the blessing,