Gentle Readers,

Your life is a gift. At times you overflow with joy and other times you weep and you think the grief is going to consume you.

At times, life is just Embrace the Suck and frankly, from my point of view, nothing about this walk upon this Earth is fair.  Evil has its way and leaves the innocent trampled in its aftermath.

How do you let those moments define you?

My life is defined by my faith. Jesus did not promise me an easy ride through my time here on Earth. I am to play the hand I am dealt and walk by faith. My reward comes when my brother welcomes me Home and introduces me to my Father.

Sermon over. If you want to know what inspired these remarks, read on. For everyone else, be blessed and be the blessing.


Written: 6 February, 2020

Greetings one and all from beautiful Denver. We have a lovely view from outside the fourth-floor window at St. Anthony’s Hospital. I have an even lovelier view sitting across from me. That would be Bill, my husband, God’s very own gift from Him to me…and a gift to the rest of the world that knows this fabulous man.

On 2/2/20 we left Dulles and landed in Denver for our vacation.  We took a shuttle to Breckenridge and arrived at The Grand Colorado Resort. Since our room was not finished, we had lunch and they let Bill into the room and he changed and went skiing.

Around two-ish I checked into the room. The luggage was there waiting for us.

I am looking around. We did good! We traded our not this gorgeous time share for here. Tis indeed lovely, I am thinking and admiring the view. Snow abounds! The mountains are gorgeous!

There was a knock at the door. Opening it, there stood a guy with a small box that contained a bottle of wine, cheese/crackers, crackers/dipping sauce and some chocolate. Handing me the box, he left.

And I was thinking, well okay. We told them no, we did not wish to take the tour to buy into the time-share here. Perhaps this is just a small bribe to  get us to do the walk-about with one of their agents. Although, I am also thinking  I have never had this happen before!

Upon closer inspection, there is a card attached to the front. It says *Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! And I am looking at this and thinking What the fuck? I opened the card and inside was written Happy Birthday Ave Maria…and I thought to myself…how odd, that some would name their daughter after one of my favorite Christmas Carols…(a rough English translation is you are blessed among women and you are dealing with death. You can google this if you want specifics.)

Oops! Mistake! I said to myself. No Happy Birthday here! I opened the door to tell the man that this was not intended for us, but he had already left.

Then the room phone rang. Closing the door, I picked it up and it was a police officer telling me Bill was at the aid station downstairs and he had fallen. Well shit, I am thinking, he has blown out one of his knees.

My beloved had done 4 runs and made his way back to the bottom floor of the Grand Colorado where the ski lockers are located.

On 2/20 at 2:20 Bill died. (Google The Widow Maker, heart attack.)

Just as God has a plan for everything, there was an EMT and a doc just, you know, lounging around in the ski locker area.  (Oh ha ha….) Then about 30 seconds later, a ski patrol came in checking out for the day. (All of this was caught on their security feed.) When Bill hit the floor, he was dead. The EMT started compressions and they shocked him with the d-fib. He was down  for five minutes before he started breathing.

Ambulance left with him to the hospital in Frisco and as a nurse from the Aid Station at the Grand Colorado walked me out to the police car she had her arm around me and was holding my hand, her tone of voice saying it all…”Just so you know, this does not look good.”

And I am thinking, if an RN is upset…….. and so I started praying.

In Frisco, the docs had done everything they could but they are not a Trauma One hospital and he was having another heart attack as they loaded him onto a helicopter Life Flight and I watched him take-off to Denver.

I was praying the whole time as my beloved was in the air and on his way over the mountains…and I heard God say, “Baby Girl, I have this,” and I was flooded with a sense of peace.  My Father had this…I knew that. That the Creator of all had said no to death. In my spirit I was all woohoos! and eventually I was going to find a bottle of Scotch and offer my Father a toast. But for the time being, I had to keep the human together…no tears, no  falling apart…just belief and strength and faith. I knew my spirit would see me through, this human that I wear though, at times, I could just kick its ass.

The ground crew came over and gave me a hug. “Buy a lottery ticket,” he said.

I went back into the ER and collected Bill’s clothes. The doc who had worked on him said, “Buy a lottery ticket.”

The nice police officer that took me back to Breckenridge said, “You need to buy a lottery ticket.”

All I was thinking was, “Are you kidding? I just won the biggest lottery of all.  I cannot put a price tag on Bill, but apparently God can. Hello Life, my Father says Death can just go fuck off.

I cannot say enough good things about The Grand Colorado in Breckenridge. One of their employees volunteered to take me to Denver. Security had already loaded our suitcases onto a luggage cart and was waiting for me up in the room. They got me downstairs and into this Miss L’s car where she had a bottle of water and some Chex mix waiting for me.

Off we went to Denver, in record time, I might add. For those of you who know this route, there is a tunnel that goes under the mountain.

By the time we made the tunnel, I called and talked with a nurse in ICU who told me that the stint had been placed and Bill was right there with her and I would I like to talk to him?

Well Hell Yeah!  And so I did.

It is now 2/6/ 2020 @ 1128 hrs. The doc just said he could be discharged. Saturday, we will be on our way home after spending Friday with our friends, Bob and Susie who I cannot say enough good things about!  They were here that first night, took all our luggage home with them to Colorado Springs, and have been back to check in. They will pick us up today and get us to the airport on Saturday. Our ground support…God supplied us with His finest.

In that regard, you know who your family, is…


Mr. Bill hates hashtags…lolololololol….so here goes

#Washedintheblood #Godalwayshasthefinalsay #Bill1Death0 #Fuckdeath #walkinfaith #deathcanjustkissmyass

Today is Monday, February 10, 2020. Bill is good. No brain damage, no damage to his heart except the Pericardium, the sac that surrounds his heart. It is functioning about 70 percent and will continue to heal and get stronger.

Closing remarks: I know some of you are wondering did Bill see lights, were angels there to welcome him, etc? At least I had those thoughts….so when I got to the hospital and into his room in ICU eventually, I asked him. “What did you and Jesus talk about?”

There was a puzzled look on his face and he was concentrating. On his face, he was clearly attempting to recall something. “I don’t remember,” he finally answered me.

I will end with this:



*Please Note: People who have died and come back often take that time of death and date as their “new” birthday.

I am still laughing my ass off about the box that was delivered to the wrong door. Oh hah ha! That box was a little foreshadowing. I am indeed blessed among women. And Death…ha! God is my Father, Jesus is my brother, and Death can suck it and kiss my ass.

As always, thanks for reading!

Be blessed and be the blessing,

Your old Auntie Carroll