Talk to Me
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charline Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own. This Story is rated M.
When Eric returned, breakfast was a chatty affair. Gran told about her evening travels and O.I. was much applauded for being such an excellent tour guide.
“When we get this settled,” Eric was sipping the honey liquor that Gran kept on hand, “we shall all go to Paris. And where ever else we like.”
“Well, it did not take S-A long to send those Weres. You think she will be on the move tonight?”
“Who is to say?” Eric shrugged. “The Were we cut loose should scare her into keeping her ass at home. Now, she may send Hadley and Jason this way. Just to do a preliminary look see. After all, Old Snick would not attack them, they are family. So perhaps, be prepared to see your grandchildren either late tonight, she will fly them in, or perhaps tomorrow, if she has them drive.
I am sure they will both be wearing a wire and probably some type of little camera. We shall spend the day setting up a few jamming devices. I need to make a few more phone calls and get those on their way to us. And around lunch time, I am making a few calls to the continent. Might as well bring the boys on over for a visit and call Samuel. Time to get all the paper work switched over so that Sookie inherits.”
“Eric,” she said placing a hand on his arm.
“You are my wife. This is how things are done,” was all he said. “If something happens to me, you will be provided for. And if that shifter Merlotte comes calling here, wondering when you are coming back to work, I am kicking his ass to the moon.”
“Shifter?” she echoed. “A Were?”
“No, just a shifter. He can shift to any animal. And there are rumors that they can skin walk. Impersonate other people.”
“What?” Sookie’s eyes grew round.
“Yes,” Eric nodded.
“So maybe I should call him and tell him I quit,” she said.
Eric refilled his glass. Setting the bottle down, he gave Sookie a very small, tight smile. “That would keep his ass from being on the moon. Because I would be more than happy to kick it there.”
“I’ll go do that right now,” she replied, all business, getting up from the table. “Do I tell him I am married?”
“You are my wife,” Eric’s voice was very serious. “We hide that from no one.”
For a moment she just stood and smiled at him. “You know, you make me very happy.”
Raising her hand to his lips, and keeping his eyes on hers, he kissed it again. “That is all I want,” he placed another small kiss there. “To make you happy.”
“I’ll be right back,” she leaned down for a deep kiss. When she stood up, Eric excused the two of them and followed her into the house.
Gran watched them walk off, his arm around her. Opening the door for her, they disappeared, inside.
“He is custom made for her,” she said, wiping at the tears. “All I have ever wanted for her was to know happiness. I mean down in her soul. Even if it was only for one minute.”
“I would say, Miss Adele, she is gonna have a lifetime.”
“Yes,” she smiled at O.I./Tor. “Yes,” she nodded. “For the rest of her days, blessed beyond belief.”
“And how about you?” O.I. asked. “You feelin’ up to bein’ blessed?”
“You charmer,” she stroked his face. “What kissing you along the Seine under that moon did not do it for you?”
“Oh, it did it for me Miss Adele. And then some,” he smiled and winked at her.
“You are just bad,” she grinned, “but very good. You feel like taking a walk and showing me where those Weres dug around on our land?”
“Yes ma’am,” he bowed his head and standing, helped her from her chair. “Indeed I do.”
Gran and O.I. stood looking at the hole. “That thing is huge,” she said walking around it. “What were they going to do, make a home down there?”
“Yes,” O.I. nodded. “S-A would come with staff, etc. So if she had vampires in attendance, they would need shelter during the day.”
Gran took out her phone. “Well then, let us go on record. I am calling the Sheriff. Show him so he knows one no- good was up to something. And I just might point the finger at Compton.”
When Andy drove up, Adele introduced him to Tor Torlesson. “He’s a distant cousin from Ohio,” she said in way of an explanation. “Not by blood, only by marriage,” she added.
Andy hid his grin. So maybe Miss Adele was shopping around for a husband and had decided to import one in and that was trusted and true! Good for her!
“This way,” Grad said once they got past the how do’s.
Walking through the woods, Gran told about how William T. Compton had come calling at midnight and how she had taken silver spray to him.
And… “He was wanting to rent a room from me,” she sputtered. “I don’t own a boarding house, especially one for vampires.”
“That is quite some dirt mound,” Andy replied, “Miss Adele, I can see it from here.”
“Wait until you see the hole,” she harrumphed. “I never would have known anything about it if Tor had not been scouting out a deer stand.”
“Vampire, huh,” Andy snorted as he was taking photos. “Must be the one who dug it, also. I don’t see any foot prints.
It is quiet out here. A vamp could do a lot worse. Set up shop here in the middle of nowhere and make yourself at home. If you accidently drained the body, you could bury it without any fuss.”
“Kinda what we thought,” Adele was scowling. “Look at this mess! Sheriff, this hole is going to need to be filled up. You got anyone looking to make a little extra money?”
“My cousin Ramey does ditch work. Owns a small back hoe. How much you willing to pay?’
“I’ll give him fifty if he does not tear up my ground,” Gran replied.
“I know he is working a job today and tomorrow. Saw him this morning buying coffee. I’ll talk to him and send him out,” he replied.
“Thanks,” she nodded. “You need anything else? If not, the wind has a bit of a chill and we are going to head on back.”
“You go right ahead,” Andy replied. “I am going to take a couple more photos and head on back, myself.”
“Let’s call Gran,” Hadley kept giggling. “I mean I am going to be royalty! Let’s call Gran,” she laughed and clapped her hands.
“Jason, you roll a really nice joint,” she smiled as she watched her cousin work with the weed and paper.
“Thank you,” he smiled. “I do know a little somethin’ about the workin’s of rollin’ your own.”
“Well, I guess you do,” she nodded as he passed it to her. “Damn, this is good stuff,” she nestled back into the chair and took another hit. “You think Gran will be happy to hear from me?” she asked as she exhaled and relaxed even more.
“I think so,” he replied as he finished rolling his and lit it. “I mean, we are her grandchildren. Our successes are her successes. When we do well, it reflects upon her.
Besides, you have not been gone for that long?”
“Really?” Hadley perked up. “You think so? I…I have been gone for six years, Jason,” she sighed.
“Well, is that all?” he took a deep hit, held it, then blew it out. “Why, you are just the Prodigal Granddaughter comin’ home. Gran will kill the fatted calf and there will be a feast in your honor!”
“Really?” she smiled. “I would like that. Maybe have an open bar and dancin’ at Merlotte’s. Let Bon Temps know how well I am doin’. That would be real nice.”
“I have decreed it so,” Jason winked at her. “As the oldest Stackhouse male, my wish is my command. Everyone will be happy to see you! I know I was!”
“Can we call Gran? I mean, really, let’s call her! You talk to her and tell her how fine I am and how well I am doin’.”
“I like it,” Jason grinned taking out his phone. “Let’s make this happen!”
When Gran picked up, she was greeted with, “Hey Gran. This is Jason! Guess where I am?”
“At work,” she responded. “Out of town on a road crew somewhere.”
“Naw…not today. I am in New Orleans making some big money. And guess who I ran into!”
“Well, from the excitement in your voice, Hank Williams, Jr.? I know he is your favorite country singer.”
“No-o-o-o, Gran,” he laughed. “Besides that was a million years ago when I would sing along with Hank. My new favorite is Keith…”
“Jason,” Hadley whispered in the back ground. “Tell her about me. You know, how well I am doin’ and how lovely my home is and I only shop at the finest places. Tell her!”
Gran rolled her eyes. Let the drug induced bullshitting begin…!
“No, Gran,” Jason was giggling, “not even close. But it was someone we all know and love! And miss! We have missed her so much! Do you know now?”
“Patsy Cline?” Gran asked as O.I. snickered.
“Who? No-o-o-o,” he laughed, “I am here with Hadley. And she has a sweet deal goin’ on. She is workin’ hard and savin’ her money….”
“Tell her about how pretty I am and lady like!”
“And she is gorgeous! I mean, really cute, Gran. Just as cute as a button and doin’ well. Did I say that?”
“Yes, Jason, I believe you did.”
“So, Gran, I know how much you love us and as the oldest Stackhouse male, I have invited Hadley to come home with me and visit for a while. You know, until she has to get back to her job…that she is very good at and she is you know…just really good at it.”
“So, you are taking her to your house, is that correct?” Gran replied.
“Well no, I said I was the oldest Stackhouse male and I think she needs to come to the Stackhouse homestead.”
“That would be your home, correct?” Gran countered.
“No Gran,” he took another hit and twirled his index finger around his ear and mouthing to Hadley in a quiet whisper, “She’s crazy!” and he giggled.
Gran rolled her eyes. “Jason, I can hear you,” her voice held frustration.
“Oh. Well, yeah. Okay,” he giggled and took another hit. “No, we would like to see you and maybe have a meal with you. You know, you can cook and we’ll eat and we’ll just chat while you are cookin’. I really like your cream gravy and biscuits.”
“And when would this be?”
“Oh, you know, sometime in the next couple of days. Not for real sure when, but we are lookin’ forward to one of your home cooked meals, cause you know, she is the Prodigal Granddaughter comin’ home for a visit.”
“Hey, tell her about the open bar and the dancin”,” Hadley whispered back.
Gran stood staring at the phone.
“And, because she is the prodigal, maybe we could invite the town and have an open bar and some dancin’, you know, at Merlotte’s” Jason added. “Just to show the town how well she is doin’.”
“Good,” Hadley laughed, “You got in the dancin’! I love to dance! And I love an open bar!”
“So we’ll be there,” Jason’s voice was filled with joy! “And lookin’ forward to the party! Thanks Gran, we love you. I gotta go now, Hadley needs me to roll her another joint. And do you know why she does drugs? She started usin’ so she could understand Sookie.”
“Damn straight,” Hadley said. “That poor miserable soul. I am just tryin’ to understand her horrible miserable life. She was just so sad and pitiful and my life was so full. I was just tryin’ to get down to her level.”
“Okay Gran, we’ll see you,” Jason said, hanging up.
Gran sat in the chair with her mouth open. “Both of them,” she sat there, shaking her head, disbelief in her voice, “higher than a kite.”
“What do you want to do, blessed lady,” O.I. came over and sat down beside her and took her hand.
“Take a nap,” she replied, stroking his hand. “Could you use a nap?” she asked.
“I could use a nap,” Tor smiled at her.
“Good,” she said standing. “Everyone feels better after a nap.”
The day passed in a delightful blur. Eric and Sookie roamed the woods, keeping to the shadows so that Sookie would not worry about Eric.
Eric was playing peek-a-boo with her as he hid behind trees and jumped out to scare her and sometimes seduce her.
Any time Eric might start to feel a bit feverish…Sookie would offer him a sip of blood and unfasten his pants while he helped her to undress!
For someone who had not seduced a woman in the late autumn afternoon shadows in a millennia, Eric had no problems remembering to use flowers, feathers and other small charms he found to stroke her skin with as he placed kisses all over her body.
When they returned to the house, Gran and O.I./Tor were in the kitchen, preparing vegetables for the pot of stew that was going to be their supper. Gran put the cornbread in and O.I. cleaned the chopping board and got out the cheese.
“Looks like a feast,” Sookie remarked. “And cornbread! Yum!”
“Indeed,” Gran smiled. “Thought maybe Eric could do stew. Just meat and vegetables. His body should remember stew.”
“Oh, okay,” Sookie nodded. “That sounds like a plan. After all, he does not have a problem with the honey liqueur.”
“That is what I was thinking,” Gran smiled at her. And then frowned. “Guess who we heard from today?”
“Your other two grandchildren,” she replied as she snitched a piece of potato that was ready to go in the pot. Sprinkling it with salt, she popped it in her mouth.
“You mean my two x-grandchildren. Jason called. He is in New Orleans and he ran into Hadley while he was there. He wanted to know if they could be here tonight for supper. A late supper, mind you. Maybe midnight. And if not then, maybe an early breakfast. Or lunch. Or any meal within the next two days. But I would know when they showed up! Like I was going to sit up and wait! Oh, and also since the Prodigal Granddaughter was returning, maybe we could have a party at Merlotte’s. With dancing and an open bar. To show Bon Temps just how well she is doing. And by the way, she became a drug addict so that she could relate to your poor, miserable life.”
“What?” Sookie countered.
“Exactly,” Gran snarked.
“There was not even a kiss my ass or by your leave from that boy!” Gran grumped. “Both of them higher than a kite. I could hear Hadley there giggling and telling Jason what to say.”
“So what do you want to do?” Sookie asked.
“Fill them with rock salt,” Gran replied. “I cleaned and oiled Old Betsy, today,” she said with delight in her voice.
“All right,” Gran sighed. “I got that out of my system. O.I. says we can set Old Snick on them. Show them the fires of hell and the pit of demons!”
“Well, I am liking this!” Sookie air pumped.
“I see that hole the Weres dug is inspiring us one and all,” Eric grinned.
“Indeed,” O.I. wiggled his eyebrows.
“I like it,” Sookie smiled. “So until they show up?”
“Let’s play a game of some sort,” Gran said. “After a round or two, we’ll make a pie and it they are not here by bedtime, then we are turning out the lights and going to bed.”
Eric looked over at O.I. who only wiggled his eyebrows, again.
“Should I call Pam?” he asked.
“Could,” O.I. grinned. “She could be the wind rider while I belch out hell fire.”
“Oh, I like this,” Eric smiled taking out his phone. “Pamela will declare you a hero,” Eric continued on with his text message. “So this is what, both of you; you blowing out flames while she screams in torment?”
“Something a whole lot like that,” O.I. replied sharpening the knife on a claw. “Those two will think twice about dis-respectin’ their Gran and before a comin’ this way, again. Mo’ fo’n, just wait up for us and fix us whatever we want.If I would have talked to my granny like that, I would not be here, today! I would be toastin’ coals in hell!”
When Sophie-Ann rose she was met by her day walker, Lauren. “The Were, Wills, is in a bad way. He has not stopped crying and shaking and shitting himself since he returned.”
“Did you shoot him up with a calm the fuck down drug?” she asked.
“Yes, I used the cocktail that we have reserved for the humans when you remove their flesh and feed it to the sharks. He just sits and moans and shakes.”
“Where is he?” she asked.
“The basement. That is the only place we have that has been sound proofed so far. And the new packmaster, Big T is here. She called, wanting to know why the ones we hired had not returned. I called her back and explained they would not be returning. I saw no reason to delay this. Get all the questions answered at once.”
“Big T,” Sophie-Anne nodded. “That is Packmaster’s Stennis’ sister?”
“Yes. And she is just as big and nasty as her brother.”
“Excellent, the basement it is,” she sighed.
Listening to Willis the Were crying and shaking about what he had encountered at the old farmhouse gave her pause. As it did everyone else in the room.
“Old Snick,” he kept bawling, “he ate the other nine! In front of me. Dangled them by their hair and started with their feet and he ate them while they screamed in torment! Chewed through their leathers and…and their boots and I begged and pleaded and he laughed at me! Told me I was too old to have any testosterone left in me. Told me to take myself on home and to spread the word that he was hungry and he liked rough and ready meat! My gawd, he ate the packmaster! And my boy, Reynolds! And Glenda,” he sobbed. “He ate my Glenda,” the grief racked his body. “She had just tatted my name on her tits. And now she is gone…” he howled in misery.
Big T was nobody’s fool. As the new packmaster, she had been notified that out of the ten that had contracted to work for S-A, only nine had returned. You had to be some kinda strong and mean to destroy nine Weres!
“There now, Willis,” Big T said as she walked up to him and put her arms around him, her voice soft and caring.
“You are the new packmaster now,” he sobbed. “Jimmy Joe is gone. He was a good brother…a good packmaster. Now…now, he is livin’ in the gullet of some horrible, hell dwellin’ beast,” he whimpered.
“Come on in here,” she sighed, “just rest your head right here against my bosom.”
“I can’t stop shakin’,” he wept as he snuggled his head between her breasts. “Have not been able to. I keep shittin’ myself I am so scared!”
“I know,” she was stroking his back. “I know. Now you listen to Big T. Everythin’ is gonna be just fine,” she said lifting his head and stroking his face. With a hand on each cheek, with a swift jerk, she broke his neck.
Staring at Sophie-Anne, the six-foot five woman in the biker boots and leathers was watching the vampire queen. “That’s ten of mine, down. That’s a million apiece. I want it now.”
“Of course,” she nodded. “Do you want to take retribution on the one that did this?” she asked.
Big T laughed out loud and slapped her thigh. “Good one,” she growled. “This thing ate nine of our Weres like a smoked pork rib covered in Sweet Baby Ray’s. Just ate until there was nothing left. I am contacting every pack in the US and giving them the grid coordinates and telling them if they value their pelts, they will stay away from this cursed land that devours those who do not belong there.
Now, our money. And no paper shit. I want it in gold.”
“Yes, of course,” S-A rose and started up the steps. “Were shit,” she breathed out. “Why me?” she moaned to herself. “Why me?”
Upstairs, the gold bricks were being loaded off a cart and into wooden boxes.
“Wait one,” Big T said stepping forward. “That piece of shiny bright is not the correct shade of shiny bright.”
“What?” Sophie-Anne replied, a sharpness in the word.
“You listen to me vamp,” Big T snarled. “I know fool’s gold when I see it. That bar there, it is not genuine. I can smell the lead from here.”
“Goget,” she nodded to the vamp in charge of her treasury. “Break that bar in half.”
Snapping it in two, it was most assuredly a lead bar, coated in gold.
“Whose area gave that as tribute?” she hissed.
“Gift out of Vegas,” he replied. “From De Castro when he was in power.”
“Fuck…me…!” she yelled. “Get a new bar, out of Area Fives’ tribute.
I apologize Packmaster,” she said with a bow of her head. “This will be set to rights in a few minutes.”
“Area Five,” Big T smiled. “Northman still got his hold on that land?”
“Yes,” she replied through closed teeth.
“Well say, isn’t that where you sent my pack, into his area unannounced?”
“Yes,” she replied, again. “And before you say another word, Packmaster, I would advise you to keep any and all thoughts of blackmailing me for more money to yourself.”
“Oh now,” she smiled at Sophie-Anne, “I was not going to do that. I was just going to ask you if you think he would fuck a Were. He is one good looking, tall, undead piece of meat.”
The Queen of Louisiana started to laugh. “Big T, I am of the impression Eric would fuck anything. Seriously, probably even a dinosaur if they still walked the earth.”
“Do you think he would see me if I went callin’ on him? I have been told I clean up real nice.”
S-A broke into hysterical laughter. “I have no way of knowing, of course, nor can I think of a reason why he would not. Ah look, here is your solid gold bar. I am so sorry for your loss…and congratulations on your new job. Now, Fleet will see you out. I have a phone call that is waiting on me.”
The Were left and S-A was standing there, trying to gain some type of control over herself. “Goget, how many bars of gold did we purchase from Vegas?”
“My Queen, bars, hard to say but it was about one ton. We paid sixty-three million.”
“Do…do we have any more of those gold bars left?” she asked.
“No, the extras, those went in a shipment to Catherine. You wanted pounds sterling to purchase that island off the British Coast.”
“Goget, give me your best yes or no. Do you think Catherine unloaded them on her child, De Castro, for cash?”
“Catherine loves gold, your majesty. Of course, if she was releasing bogus gold, sure why not, sell it to your child. I mean, what are they going to do if they find out?”
“Good point. And who did we send the rest of that bogus gold, too?”
“We paid your taxes to the National Committee. We shipped that out to the East Coast two days, ago.”
“So it has arrived safely there…?”
“Count on that my queen. I have the received the stamped paid-in-gold manifest.”
“Well Were shit…we are moving out to the Stackhouse place. Find out where Jason is. And round up Hadley. If anyone in Boston checks that gold shipment, we are in deep Were shit. They will be sending everyone after us!
Tell Crankshaft he is to be here to open the door. I am going to grab a few things, but I can shop on line anywhere. Get the breathers and let us go.”
“Not a problem, my queen,” Lauren replied. “They are both still in the party room. They have been smoking and eating all day. Jason called their gran. Told them they would be by sometime to visit with her.”
“Excellent,” she nodded. “So them showing up at the door will not be a total surprise. Lauren, I am going to need you there with me to monitor the humans by day.”
“Not a problem my Queen,” she said with a bow. “You know I am happy to be of service to you.”
“Grab some cash, a weapon, and let us leave by car. A helicopter leaving out of here would draw attention to itself. We’ll drive to Baton Rouge and take another look at our options.”
Pamela got the phone call from Crankshaft. “I owe you, my friend,” she said to him. “Once they are gone, you get to the Blood on the Quarter.Ask for Samuel. If anyone gives you any Were shit, you call me and hand them the phone.”
Hanging up, Pam called Eric. “I am inbound. Prepare for Were shit.”
Hanging up, Eric looked out at the group. “The Child is on her way. She has news of the to war, type. I can tell by the glee in her voice.”
With Pamela’s arrival they all settled in to listen to the story. When she had finished, Sookie sat back. “So they are actively on their way here.”
“Yes,” Pam nodded. “They will drive to Baton Rouge and probably take a helicopter to Shreveport. Or they could over-night in BR and then just drive on in the next evening.”
“They will be here before sunrise,” Eric said, tapping his fingers, together. “She is running scared. She has sent lead to pay her taxes and those in Boston, when they find out, will not be amused by that.”
“Boston? National HQ is located there?” Sookie asked.
“Yes,” Eric nodded. “This changes things a bit. Sadly, perhaps Pamela will not get to go dragon riding at this time.”
“What do we need to do?” Gran asked.
“Not one thing,” Eric responded. “We will take care of the vampires. What do you want done with Hadley and Jason?”
For a moment Adele looked lost. “Send Jason back to his job and his house. Hadley…she is going to be trouble no matter where she ends up.”
“Well, she apparently has a life in NO,” Sookie responded. “How about if we just send her back there?”
“Can do,” Eric said with a nod of his head.
“Will the queen still want her when we won’t grant them sanctuary?” Gran asked.
“Miss Adele, if S-A shows up here, there will be nothing left of her and hers to return to NO.
O.I., Pamela and I, we will let Hadley and Jason pass. But not the others. If S-A has an ounce of brains in her head, she will see the death and destruction and run. Perhaps we will scare her so badly that Boston will not look nearly as terrifying.
Or, she could meet the true death. Just depends on how all of this rolls out.”
“What happens if she does meet the true death?” Sookie asked.
“I am crowning Pamela queen,” Eric replied.
“What?” Miss Pam looked up from her phone.
“You shall rule out of Fangtasia and we shall go about our lives.”
“But, but, but…” she stammered.
“Child, there is nothing to it. Literally. You are not one to embrace drama, so there shall be no drama. We do not need tax money, or fealty money or insurance money. So no accountants, no lawyers, no hanger-on-ers. No no and no.
There is no longer a HQ in NO. So that part would be easy. Nor do we care about what is no longer standing in NO. Very easy.
The Louisiana vamps will check in from time to time with you at the club. You will either bless them and send them on their way or curse them and bring them the true death.
Any other royalty shows up, you can bless them or send them on their way or curse them and bring them the true death.
If Boston throws a fit and wants taxes, we shall turn them over to the IRS. We just might do that anyway.”
“So it will be my undead life as usual at the club, but perhaps with a little more killin’,” she mused on that thought. “And we won’t be collectin’ money so we just might have an influx of vamps,” she nodded.
“Indeed,” Eric nodded in agreement.
“They going to call me Queen?” she asked.
“If that is what you want,” Eric replied.
“We leave the Sheriffs in place?”
“That would be the smart thing to do,” Eric grinned at her.
“You still gonna’ be the Sheriff of Area Five?”
“I am yours, your majesty,” he smiled.
“Well just damn,” she mused.
“Until the baby comes along. Then I will be required at home.”
“What?” she was like a rubber band, snapped back to this reality.
“The Northmans shall be expecting, one day. When that happens, my time will be limited.”
“This have somethin’ to do with Momma Sookie’s magic knife?”
“Everything to do with it,” Eric responded.
“Well just damn,” she said again. “So what are we doin’ until NO shows up?”
“Let’s play Spoons,” Sookie looked around at the group. “We have five, enough to make it interestin’. We can still play until we get tired or the baddies show up. I can smell Gran’s apple pie bakin’. We can have some of that in a bit.”
“Spoons?” Pam looked thoughtful.
“Card game,” Gran replied. “Let me get the cards and the spoons and we will get started.”
“Can you bet on this?” Pam asked.
“If you could not before, you can now,” Eric chuckled.
“Show me what we are doin’. I will figure out the spread, call my bookie in Vegas and we can make some serious money.”
“Is she serious?” Gran asked.
“When it comes to money,” Eric was nodding his head, “always.”
Pam was explained the rules. “Let’s play a quick hand,” she said, “and I will think on this.”
The little missy was entranced. “So it is all about speed…and always losing a player. H-m-m-m, we could hit this as a race as well. Give me a minute.”
“It is actually very scary to watch her mind at work,” Eric smiled as Pam sat there with her phone in her hands as she continued to fire off text messages.
“Good thing I have Vegas wired,” she said at one point, not looking up. “Most good. And look,” she grinned, “we are taking odds already! Looks like Blue Sword and Older Excellence are the go-to at the moment. Beautiful Fall and Long Legs and sadly Cutie Pie is coming in last. But still, we could make a couple of mil off this. Let’s play.”
“Is she serious?” Sookie asked.
“Yes,” Pam smiled. “Only thing that could make this any better would be if there was some killin’ goin’ on tonight.”
The cards were shuffled and passed out. Gran began the round.
”Oh, and talk among yourselves. Fangtasiais going to be open All Hallow’s Eve. I even have some free tickets if my family would like to attend.”
Eric looked over at Pam, doubt on his face. He finally choked out, “Free, Child, seriously. Are you feeling well?”
“Yes I am fine. No headache, no dizziness, no pre-menstrual cramps. Seriously, really, free,” she stressed as she threw down a card. “It is Roaring Twenties night. Come dressed in sequins and beads. Why, there will be all manner of folk there. Someone with a Russian credit card keeps purchasing tickets. About one hundred so far.”
Eric put his cards down and looked over at her.
Pam was looking very pleased with herself. “Tracked them from server to server but the purchases all originate out of Russia.
Also, chatted up British Isle, Eire and of course, Brother Samuel. I am also gifting them with free tickets. They cannot wait to meet the family,” she smiled as she batted her eyelashes, “and of course, do a little killing.”
“I had invited the threesome to come and meet the family,” Eric responded.
“Well, that was before I found out about Russia. And you know how those three are,” Pam pouted. “They would blame it all on me if they did not get to be here for the All Hallow’s Eve to do.
“Granted,” Eric replied, holding up a spoon. When Pam looked down, they were all gone.
“Well,” Pam looked around and saw smiles, everywhere. “Looks like Cutie Pie is out of the game,” she said arching an eyebrow. “Let me call this in. The odds on me being first out were not the best. Hm-m-m-m, looks like only fifty thousand on that round. Let’s see if we can do a little better.”
The little better turned up about an hour and a half later.
There was a knock at the door and when Eric went to answer it, there stood his comrades-in-arms! Gran was called over and they were invited in.
After hearty congratulations and well wishes, along with hugs and kisses that were passed around, the game continued.
The night was loud and boisterous. Fun was had and some were clearly better at sneaking then others.
Miss Sookie and Gran were lavishly complimented and more than one looked longingly at Sookie’s blade.
“Viking,” they would mutter from time-to-time.
Ian finally could not contain himself. “Clearly Miss Sookie,” he began as he dealt the hand. “Eric has picked the perfect bride. I recognize that belt and knife handle. His gift to you appears to have been made especially for you.”
“Yes,” she replied. “Would you like to see it?”
Pam started laughing as she threw down a card.
Ian pulled back into his chair. “The Child is honestly amused. No snark there what-so-ever. So what does she find to be so genuinely funny that would cause her to laugh out loud?”
“Long story, short,” Eric grinned. “My grandmother’s magic has manifested. Sookie’s family magic has manifested as well. With the blood exchanges, we have made a whole new type of magic.”
“She comes with magic?” Cedric looked intrigued.
“Indeed,” Eric nodded.
“And now there is something new?” Ian drew back.
“Yes,” the piano said and began to play.
“We have more now, Gran,” one of the spoons chimed up. “Get some more of us and another deck of cards and let’s play!”
“Like at Fangtasia,” Samuel laughed.
“Yes,” Eric smiled at him. “My wife, show Brother Samuel your sword.”
When Sookie drew it, blue fire danced around it.
“I have not seen that since the war,” Samuel whispered.
“What war?” Ian asked.
“The weapon, I is covered in fae fire,” Samuel whispered and then looked at Eric and then Sookie.
“The Unholy Wars,” Ian nodded. “Just a bit before our time but Eric has certainly told us the stories.”
Eric was regarding the three. “Do you remember the prince I told you about, Brigant?”
“Yes,” the boys nodded.
“Sookie is his great-granddaughter. He died at her hand, she inherited his magic.”
Cedric let out a low whistle. “Beautiful and deadly.”
“He was gonna kill Gran,” Sookie replied matter-of-fact. “So I shot him first.”
“And she is also strategically sound,” Ian nodded. “Eric, you have surpassed yourself. None of us are of course, surprised.”
Cedric looked over at Tor. “Oh honored one,” he said with a bow of his head. “Me granny told me that one day I would meet you. And I have lived to see her promise come true.”
“How so?” Ian asked.
“Do you not see how his aura shifts and scatters on the candle flame. How his shadow changes from that of human to that of the fiercest creature to ever walk or fly.”
Samuel chuckled. “You just have to love it when the Irish has his magic up and running.”
O.I. looked over at Cedric and grinned. “You come from a long line of wind riders, my Irish lad. I thought they were all gone from this place and time.”
“Tis a pleasure, sir,” the Irish lad said, bowing at the waist.
“Indeed it is,” O.I. returned the bow.
“Dragon,” Cedric said looking at Ian and pointing with his head.
“Oh…oh-h-h-h-h,” his eyes grew round. “Makes perfectly good sense. Eric needs help and the Cavalry comes calling.
His brother, his two friends, his child, his lady with her fae magic and a dragon…good to know Eric your luck has not changed.” Ian stood there shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “Now, looks like you are playing a card game. So explain to us the rules and let Pamela call her bookie while we get the rest of the story.”
After the humans went to bed, the vampires gathered out on the roof of the house watching the road and the night shadows.
“S-A won’t be able to help herself,” Pam was snickering. “She will be here.”
“Yes, she believes she really is the end-all. And tonight I am thinking will be her end-all,” Eric replied as he hefted his sword. “I like O.I.’s dragon flame and Pamela, you screaming and scaring the un-death out of them. But I am beginning to feel I want to be face-to-face with her. Her sending those two Were shit grandchildren here has just pushed me over the edge.”
Ian laughed. “I remember the last time you got pushed over the edge. I believe that outburst of rage was sponsored by Tully.” Samuel and Cedric both laughed. “That tower in Pisa still leans to this day.
It really is all about the tactical advantage,” Ian said as they watched the car turn off the highway and onto Hummingbird Lane.
“Does that look like a limo that is pulling off beside the road about a quarter of a mile from here?” Cedric asked.
“I do believe so,” Pam replied. “If you listen closely, you will hear a car door opening and you can sniff two humans on the wind…a cannabis saturated male and female…along with some Johnny Walker and they are still giggling away. And there are five vampires remaining inside the auto. Oh my, just whatever could they want? And at this hour?”
“Gran says only trouble shows up at this time of night,” Eric said in his most sincere voice.
“Well then,” the Irish lad smiled, “we would not want to disappoint Gran, so trouble it is.”
“My exact thoughts,” Eric grinned and together they floated down to the ground.
“Now let us wake Gran and Sookie and explain to O.I. about how this is going to happen. I am of the opinion, if I let my bride sleep through this, I would never get laid, again. Besides, Sookie can change the locks. That should provide some value-added entertainment. As high as those two are, I would be surprised that they can find the front porch.”
“Change the locks?” Samuel read the look of pride on his brother’s face. “She can do this in a short amount of time?”
“Oh,” Eric grinned, “just wait until you see what she can do.”
“Yes,” Pam was dead-pan. “Just don’t shit yourself when she does.”
Sookie, Gran and O.I. were up and dressed and getting a quick briefing.
“High on weed and drunk on whiskey,” Gran was disgusted. “Here to be invited in so the vampires have an advantage. I am done with those two and I am calling the law. Let me get my phone.”
Sookie was not very happy about the situation, herself. The house had gone quiet. Listening for her slightest wish. “Listen up, doors. The keys that these two, Hadley and Jason are going to use does not work. Windows, pull the drapes, close the shutters and everyone else, go on alert. We have evil waiting for us out and about in the yard. I have no idea what they will try and do, but they are not gonna’ push their evil ways off on us.”
“Hear hear!” those things in the house shouted and blue glitter danced on the air in the shape of Sookie and Eric as the house went about the task of preparing for a siege and chatting among themselves!
“Good work,” Eric grinned. “Now, let the fun, begin.”
Jason and Hadley had their arms around each other and staggered their way to the front door.
“Damn, that was some good Johnnie Walker Miss Sophie-Anne had and was mighty generous with it. I have not felt this good since I scored that winning touch down my Senior year. Damn, I got all kinds of laid that night. Girls I thought I would only do once, I did twice.”
“It was a good night for the family,” she hiccupped. “I mean, I got three different proposals of marriage that night. Everyone was ridin’ your high. If you were related to Jason Stackhouse, you could do no wrong.”
“That’s a fact,” he giggled. “Aw-w-w, Hadley, we are standin’ at the foot of the porch steps. How are we supposed to get up those steps? I can’t seem to keep my feet where they are supposed to be. You know,” he said turning to look at her, “Supposed is a good word. I don’t use it very often. But when I do, I feel like I am the smartest person in the room.”
“I know,” she replied as she started counting the steps, pointing to each one with her finger. “I feel the same way about their, thereand they’re. I know they’re has an apostrophe in it so it is two words, which means they are.So I know I am gonna get one of the three, right. I am never for sure about the other two.”
“Way to go cuz,” they tried to high-five and missed. “You are so smart. I will have to remember that. Now, how are we gonna get up these steps?”
“Well, I keep countin’ them and gettin’ a different number,” Hadley had her finger working, doing some serious air pointing as she was twirling it about. “That time I counted seven. But I think that originally there were four…maybe five? You lived here. Does four sound right?”
“Maybe,” he replied nodding his head and then sat down on the ground. “Starting to feel a might bit pukish. Give me a minute.”
“So, how we gettin’ up the steps?” she asked, sitting down next to him.
“How about if we butt walk? You know, just sit on a step and push our butt up to the next step.”
“That could work,” she looked relieved. “Cause I think the rain is gonna move back in.”
“Cuz,” Jason looked up, “all I see is stars.”
“That’s cause you are not female. We females, we know things like that. We are born with it. That way we know to carry an umbrella or some such so that we are always lookin’ good. Perfect hair, perfect makeup. Just perfect.”
“Oh-h-h-h-h!” Jason was granted a great revelation. “Well yes, the women I date, they always look good. To include great tits and ass. Some of those I saw in a wet t-shirt, but it was beer and not rain they got caught in. Hey…I just felt a couple of brain cells kick in. Damn, I am feeling very phil…philo…no wait, I have this…fill-o-sock-able,” he smiled as he got out the word, “about this. Life has taken on a whole new structure. And I am thinkin’ thoughts new and you know, not from this country. You know, not anti-American, just someone not from here.”
“You mean foreign?” Hadley burped and then giggled.
Yes, that’s it. Foreign. Another good word. Now where was I…oh…but Sookie, she has been caught in more than one rain storm.”
“See,” her voice was very sorrowful, “that is why I do drugs. She was born without the most essential of womanly things. Loser plus. Which is why I feel so sorry for her and I do drugs hoping we have some kinda link so she can feel better about herself.”
“So very kind of you,” Jason’s voice was a whisper as he reached out and stroked her face. “You know, for my cousin, you have some great tits and ass.”
The inside crowd was standing at the window and watching. All of them at one time had rolled their eyes and whispered rocks are smartermore than once.
“Oh gawwwwd,” Sookie choked back. “Do not, you man whore, kiss her!”
Hadley was batting her eyelashes at him and giving him her best fuck me smile. “Well thank you Jason. I will always treasure that, coming from the biggest stud in the county. But I have to pee. So let’s butt walk up the steps, use your key and go potty. Then tell Gran about the party I want. After all I am the Prodigal Granddaughter.”
“Prodigal Granddaughter,” Gran hissed. “Where is Andy? He needs to get here before I fill them both with rock salt!”
“Wait for the entertainment, Gran,” Sookie chuckled. “Look at them butt walkin’ up the stairs. Both of them countin’ out loud! Wait one, did Jason just count five and Hadley six? Wow…dumber than rocks is correct. Okay, now they are stand—ing…or maybe not. Oops, another try. Oh how sweet is that, they are now hanging onto the wall and one, two, three, ups-a-daisy, here comes Jason and Hadley is pulling herself up by hanging onto his legs. Making progress, now she has his belt. And up she goes…no wait, back down, hanging onto Jason’s belt and she finally lets go.”
“Doin’ great Cuz’!” Jason smiled down at her. “You just wait there. I’ll get inside and call for help and Gran and Sookie can get you onto the toilet.
Now, take the key out of the pocket,” he smiled as he accomplished that task. “And insert into the…the…hey, where is the key hole?
Oh, there it is…no wait, it is gone again.”
Jason leaned down until he was eye level with the key hole that had just reappeared and it spit something that smell a whole lot like pee at him.
“What the fuck!” he yelled. “Either Gran or Sookie just pissed on me through the keyhole!” he yelled wiping his eyes.
“You fuckers!” he shouted as he leaned back down and began yelling obscenities through the hole.
The house did not at all, like being on the receiving end of his foul mouth. Out of the keyhole came a deluge of pee! Knocking him off his feet and down the steps and into the yard.
“Damn,” Sookie chuckled. “And do I see Bon Temps finest pulling into our yard?”
Andy and Kendra got out of the vehicle and started walking toward the front of the house.
Jason sat in on the ground cursing and trying to stand up.
“What the hell Jason?” Andy said as they approached. “I can smell the weed and alcohol from here? And did you piss yourself?”
“I did not piss myself!” he said indignantly. “Andy, if you would be so kind to help me up and help me get up the steps, I am gonna kick that door’s ass. Then I am goin’ kick Gran and Sookie’s ass. They pissed all over me!”
“That’s right,” Hadley giggled. “I saw the whole thing. And I need to get inside so I can pee and explain to Gran how I am the Prodigal Granddaughter and I want dancin’ and an open bar at Merlotte’s. I want the whole town to be there to welcome me home, beeeeee-cause,” she twirled her hands around, stopped for a moment to admire them and then focused back on Andy, “I have returned home and am worthy of such a lovely to-do. Yes I am,” she said lying down. “I am rich and successful and have made for myself a life in New Orleans and anyone would be proud to say they know me.”
Andy stepped over her and knocked at the door.
When Adele opened it he gave her a pitying look. “We have this. Kendra and I will take them and put them in the drunk tank.”
“Thank you Andy. Sorry to disturb you but I have no way to handle these two.”
“I understand that,” he nodded. “When they detox, what do you want me to do?”
“Send Jason back to his home and Hadley, apparently she is doing very well in New Orleans. You put her on a bus and I will pay for the ticket.”
“Can do,” he nodded. “Do you know how they got here?” he asked. “I didn’t see a car.”
“No idea,” she replied.
“We will get them up and out of your yard.”
“Thanks Sheriff,” she wiped at the tears in her eyes.
“Yes ma’am,” he said patting her on the shoulder.
When Gran closed the door, Andy and Kendra went to work.
“Just what the fuck happened to these two?” Kendra asked.
“Who knows,” Andy answered. “Good thing Gran has Sookie to look after her. I cannot imagine having to depend on these two for anything.”
“I really have to pee,” Hadley kept saying as they loaded her into the back of the cruiser. “I mean, that is why we stopped by, so I could pee and tell the town I have come home.”
“Just pee in your pants,” Kendra said buckling her in.
“I’ll wait,” she smiled. “I am the Prodigal Granddaughter, I can do no wrong.”
“Well that went to Were shit,” Sophie-Anne huffed as they watched the police car roll out. “What do we do now?”
“Well, the house is up,” Bill replied, standing uneasily on the edge of the road.
“The house is up,” she smirked. “Well, you started this, you go to the door and tell the blood bags we are out here and want to work a deal.”
“What deal is that?” Bill asked.
“That we won’t stand out here and firebomb their house if they will let us in.”
Bill hesitated. “What about Old Snick? He will be offended by such a threat!”
“If you want to be my second-in-command, you had better act like it.”
“But Old Snick…”
“If he does not end you, I will,” she hissed.
“Yes, my Queen,” he said, squaring his shoulders and starting towards the house.
“As I live and no longer breathe,” Eric grinned. “Here comes Billy Boy. What oh what should we do?”
“We can dragon up!” O.I. chuckled. “Miss Pam, you feel like screamin’?”
“I could possibly have a little angst comin’ on.”
“Most excellent,” Eric grinned. “Well then, out the back door with you and hit him front on. Toss him back to Sophie-Anne.”
“Would that cause S-A to run away?” Gran asked.
“Well, yes, probably,” Eric nodded. “And we need to draw her in. So Bill gets to live for a few more moments. So we will let Bill come to the door. Maybe be nice to Bill, Sookie, and perhaps pretend like he can glamour you. While Bill is speaking, we shall pay a visit to the soon to be dead queen of Louisiana.”
“This is so much fun. And to think, Momma Sookie,” Pam blew her air kisses, “you are making all this possible.”
“Well, I do what I can,” she smiled. “Now, here he comes. I have this. Up the steps and oh…there is the knock. Please, allow me,” Sookie gave Gran a kiss. “I’ll be right back.”
Vampires went out the back door while Sookie opened the front door. “Huh,” she looked Bill up and down. “My dumber than a rock brother and cousin were here and now you show up once the Sheriff is gone. Is there a method to this madness or am I imaginin’ things?”
“Why Miss Stackhouse,” he took a step closer to the screen door. “There is nothing here to imagine. It is all truth as you look into my eyes.
See,” he said looking over his shoulder, “she can be glamoured. The world is now our oyster…my queen?” his voice trailed off. “My queen, where are you?”
Giant flames raced across the sky! Followed by a hideous, hair raising scream that spoke of vomit and death!
You could hear a bit of panic in Bill’s voice. Not much but there was certainly a pitch that his momma would have recognized when she told him he was gonna get a spanking.
“Old Snick,” he whispered. “He’s here!” he gasped. “Run,” he screamed. “Run for you lives.”
Sophie-Anne and her now entourage of three goo spots were having a bit of a problem.
Three were finally dead and she was laid out in the woods in silver. Burning…and she would have been screeching except for the gag that was in her mouth.
Eric was smirking as he pulled his gloves off. “Would you look at that…the queen comes calling but cannot seem to make it to the front door.”
Pam dismounted from O.I. and was licking her fangs. “What do you think, Eric? A stake or the sword to cut her head off with? My personal favorite is ripping her heart out with my hand.”
“Those are quick and painless, Child,” he answered. “I think she needs something a bit more.”
“You just going to leave her, here,” Ian asked. “And let the sun take her?”
“She is not worth much effort and that is very effective,” Eric answered. “You know sunrise is coming and you can feel the heat as it begins to cook you. And then it starts to crest and those life giving rays bring on your death. First you scorch, then your blood boils and then you feel you skin melting off before you implode.
And her court thinks she is living here. We will just see to it that they continue to think that.”
“Film at eleven?” Pam asked.
“Absolutely,” he replied.
“I am so on that!” she replied with glee. “Oh Sophie-Anne,” Pam kneeled down and patted her on the cheek. “Guess who Eric wants to be Queen? Why little ole’ me,” Pam smirked batting her eyelashes. “How fortunate that your residence was blown all to hell, by us, and you are homeless. We will be done in New Orleans and I shall rule out of Fangtasia. Well,” she sighed, “if you can call it ruling. No vampire taxes to be paid in the great state of Louisiana. No drama to feed or to deal with.
And how, I can see the laughter in your eyes, you are thinking, are we going to make that happen?
Well, Daddy Eric has a brand new bag of tricks and they are spectacular. So you don’t have to worry for him. Things in Louisiana will be just fine.
And so you know, treachery abounds. All Hallow’s Eve is coming on and Catherine just might show up. Seems a hundred or so out of Russia will be in attendance. And I bet she did not clear that with you.
But don’t you worry, we have a nasty surprise waiting for her as well.” With an extra special smirk, Pam turned away. “What about Bill?” she asked.
“O.I., can you find him?” Eric asked.
“Indeed I can. Master Cedric o’ last of the wind riders,” O.I. sparked as he spoke. “If you would like to join me?”
“I would be honored,” he replied as he climbed on and they took to the air. “Back soonest,” he grinned and then they were gone.
William T. Compton had hauled ass off the Stackhouse property, through the cemetery, past his old homestead and when he found the main highway, he headed toward Shreveport.
“I can hear the boo-hooing all the way up here,” Cedric said rolling his eyes as he watched the vampire below him, who had finally sat down and was blubbering and wailing about Old Snick!
“Pickin’ him up and takin’ him back,” O.I. chuckled.
There was not even a shift of the breeze when O.I.’s claws went around Bill, shook him around, bouncing him off the ground and then took flight.
The screaming from Bill was non-stop and once they were back at the farm, O.I. revved up for the pitch and Bill crashed through the trees and onto the ground.
“Bulls-eye,” Gran smiled and waved at O.I. as he fluttered to the ground. “You hit S-A dead-square in the face with his ass. Looks like his upper body landed on a stick and he exploded right in her mouth.”
“That is the closest Compton has ever come to you know, cumming in a woman’s mouth,” Pam chuckled.
“Let the bad, tasteless jokes, begin,” Ian hooted.
“Let me get the cameras,” Pam was back to being all business. “We will record S-A’s death for any and all who we need to torture. Just play this over and over and bore them to death.”
Sophie-Anne saw the dragon approaching. “Old Snick, Old Snick,” she kept whimpering, her eyes rolling into the back of her head! With a moan she bit off some of the silver and swallowed it in her fear! It passed through her heart and just like that, she was goo.
“Huh,” Ian looked down at the mess. “Not very elegant but effective.”
“The Queen is dead!” The cheer was taken up as Cedric tossed Pamela up into the air, “Long live the Queen!”